- R
-
‘hey are you ok’, Rachel’s voice broke my daze staring into the air
- X
-
‘yeah, I’m alright’
- R
-
’they waiting for you le’ pointing towards the door
- Leader
-
“It’s holiday week so everyone should be able to find the time to come.
- Leader
-
“Jeremy, on that day your xyz xyz xyz xyz….”
- Leader
-
“Rach, xyz yxz yxz yzx…..”
- Leader
-
“X you’re gonna be so blessed during the meeting! oh yeah Adelyn will be there too leh” a swift pat on my back & promptly left
Don’t post too often, but amid reminiscing the past, realized i have this story i can tell, which can only be told here really haha! Somehow got inspired to want write it down. I’ve never told or written any story before (besides a few FRs if that’s considered storytelling
) It’s the only story i have, most likely the first & last time i’ll write any story.
will just leave this short ’trailer’ here for to gauge if there’s any interest for this!
Innocent Blessed Sinner
An attempt at recounting the tale of the struggles, bond, growing pains & lives of two churchmates from a modern megachurch.
Though it’s first person, whether main character is actually me, or helping a friend retell his story will not be revealed.
Which church? Also really doesn’t matter la. There are at least a few huge modern churches here, could be any of them, just pick any one.
Based on true story. If you must know, main character was later involved with 2¾ more girls on separate occasions.
Including those, all characters involved are now no longer members of any church (to the best of knowledge). There’s no plans to tell about the others, if at all.
Incase is any potentially touchy subject (not expecting staunch sensitive christians to be on here anyway
, but just to cover backside)
Not to stir offense or controversy. Religion is NOT the focus point
Unfortunately, have to tell the story in it’s original context & setting.
It’s about private lives of two consenting peers of legal age, with church as part of their lives growing up. NOT about the church.
This isn’t a scandal story, but a life story.
There will be detailing of church life in relation to character (eg stress, pressure, culture, beliefs) which didn’t exactly have positive outcomes.
Really not much difference with stories about people going through school, army, work. Just so happens church was where we met - It was part of our lives at that time.
People have negative experience everywhere. Unlawful army tekan, school bullying, workplace politics.
No detail in this story in any way deliberately suggests that church is bad, nor good.
There are members from the same group still attending church who are successful & happy. There are also members who left that are also successful & happy.
These details are but a real & factual part of the story, through the eyes of the main character.
It is part of the memories & chronology of how it all happened. Would be difficult to have the story make any sense without it.
No hankypanky took place in church premises (weren’t THAT daring)
A word of fairness, God made all people horny. This sort of thing probably happens everywhere, across all religions, nationalities, political systems etc
It’s just biological nature.
Also, incase for some weird reason mods would find the story uncomfortable or inappropriate? Let me know, and will be discontinued immediately.
But if all is well, shall begin properly writing
Quote:
Priest continue…
Pun intended?
many thanks for the interest & support, have already begun working on it
Didn’t expect such overwhelming response.
honesty never told a story before - don’t have a clue what a good story should be like
All i’m doing is writing down things as i recollect on what happened in the past.
so bros
please don’t too high expectations
!
Sadly, main character didn’t get to bonk every girl he came across - there isn’t going to be action left right center all the time.
Due to time, most practical way is for me to leave it raw - writing & posting each chapter as i recall it
Fingers crossed that it’d turn out enjoyable and not have terrible pacing
This way it ensures i’d actually be able to finish the story as well
I’ll try to post frequently, but there will be days that it’s not possible to
Thanks for your patience
X
I’m X. A guai kia since young. Always agreeable, always respecting & giving in to others.
As a child, my view is that adults, authority & leaders are always right, wants the best for you.
The rules are there to protect you & help you.
“Just do what you’re told,”
Which was what i did - whatever expected of a child. Do homework on time, study well, don’t go out create trouble.
Obtained pretty good grades, sometimes topping class for some subjects, no discipline problems.
“and everything will turn out right”
Which was what happened - Didn’t get shouted at, got rewarded with games i wanted & all the things a child would like.
The system was working perfectly…or so it seemed.
Being guai kia had it’s drawbacks. Always favored & never scolded by teachers eventually drew hate from a huge portion of the class
By PSLE year, most already learning swear words, doing the whole “who you like ah”, starting to flirt. Some more advanced already discussing about condoms.
Since i wasn’t particularly welcome, i never got to part of that group, nor to pick up ‘people skills’ & ‘girl skills’ that was being developed there.
It didn’t feel like a drawback at that time. Was happily lost in my system of ‘just obey & get rewards’.
I had my new comp with latest specs. All the games i wanted. All freedom of time to play. Everything i ever wanted.
I didn’t think much about girls much either. Late bloomer maybe.
Only knew whenever holidays came around very shiok to stay in room play game, to the point of picking up game modding at a young age.
If it was nowadays, i would most probably have become a pro gamer i think.
So, didn’t develop a habit of going out, and wasn’t exposed to what bigger scale social life was like.
With all of that as my foundations, joining church at onset of puberty was the final finishing touch of ‘perfection’. Ascending to sainthood.
It virtually eliminated the rebellious teenage phase before it could even start, while rendering all undesirable hormones powerless at the same time.
Or did it?
Welcome
Megachurches organize their members into smaller groups, diff ones call it by diff names. I’ll just use ‘youth group’ here as a general name.
Joining in lower sec, i was introduced to a youth group. Integrated very well - being easy to work with, i was well liked.
Or some could say…‘well used’. That depends on how you see it.
This further reinforced my ideology of ‘obeying convention’ & ‘doing the right thing’
Now i have good grades, my games, the acceptance of a big group, & the approval of God!
The first few months, everyone, especially the leaders, took care of me incredibly well. Felt like was almost treated like a king in some ways.
Always 1000% welcomed - a huge contrast to what i had in pri sch.
It was also here i started witness mass & bigger scale socializing. Something i realized i didn’t have. Didn’t even know such a world existed really..
Lack of social skill, awareness & experience turned out to be my biggest weakness, the source of much pain & misery, and eventual
Downfall
Well, not exactly. I did ‘fall’, but what i fell into was…absolutely unexpected.
So begins my turbulent journey of social life, slow & painful fall from grace,
and at the low point of my teenagehood, "
Angelic encounters
"
Orientation
It took abit to get a hang of who’s who in the group
There were the leaders (Main leader, 2 assistant leaders, & 2-3 more senior members), uni students & poly grads
Then there were the regular/core members, newbies that just joined, & occasionally ‘first timers’ who haven’t decided if they wanted to join. This was mostly made up of sec/JC/Poly
It was portrayed to be a very united group, devoted to god, with the common goal of being a good christian.
That gave me the impression that everyone is very nice, selfless, helpful & holy. That we were all part of a loving family.
Those who stay on long term have a level of reverance for the culture & beliefs, and will generally adhere to it.
Some of which are more outright - having to attend a set amount of church activities per week or month, strongly encouraged to give offerings ($$) if you can, read bible & pray regularly.
Some of were not - The '
unwritten rules
‘. Many of which you have to discover for yourself.
Disorientation
As i settled in, started to observe things which didn’t quite make sense to my naive mind
I saw that certain people weren’t as truly warm towards each other.
Just turning on “unity mode” whenever it was required. There were actually factions among them.
That was confusing as i thought everyone loved each other equally ‘with the love of god’.
When the welcome wayang faded, i too felt the effects of this. Some people kinda stopped talking to me, or at least, became way less warm.
The leaders turned from a friendly peer, to a more distant authority figure.
I also saw there were those who were fearful,
and those who and those who
knew how to play the game to get away with things
.
“Huh, can like that one meh?”
You see, in my head, everything the leadership says, or hasn’t said yet (ie blank cheque) are commandments from god.
“Follow some rules, some others don’t follow, considered sinner or not? Half sinner? 25% sinner? If do liao leader don’t see, god will still see right? Then god will tell the leader*..”
*yes, there is belief that some super high level holy leaders, god will tell them your secrets, especially if you are hiding wrongdoings.
Whatever the case, i wasn’t taking any chances. I decided to follow 100%, lest i ‘fall into sin’
With my ’natural talent for obedience’, i faced little to no difficulties with that, and no problems with the culture & leaders.
That young innocent mind of mine had lots of bitter lessons ahead to learn…
Four Plus One, Plus One
“Yo X, where do you stay?” Sarah approached me smiling, with two guys tagging along
“I stay Yishun”
“Ohh same same, next time after service we all go back together k?”
“Yeah sure”
That was how I found my own little ‘subgroup’ - X(Me,sec2), Shawn(JC1), Jeremy(Poly1) & Sarah(O level)
I talked most to Shawn, then later on gravitated more to Sarah.
2 to 3 weeks after I joined, Sarah brought in her sister, Adelyn(sec3)
I also noticed another that hung around us alot.
Rachel(O level), who I later learn was Sarah’s classmate, & also Shawn’s GF.
There looked to be already some tension in their relationship.
I attributed it to the unwritten rule that youths should avoid dating, concentrate on study & devote life to god.
But if not wrong they either came in as a couple, or already together since very long, so close one eye
Rachel’s House
It could also be because Rachel’s house was frequently used as one of the HQ for the group.
Be it the main group meeting, smaller bible studies, or activity planning & preparation
I never had to greet ‘Uncle Auntie’ when going there - Both her parents work overseas.
At random times there would be a maid that later stopped appearing altogether.
She was caretaker for Rachel’s younger sister, who eventually went to join her parents overseas.
Rachel already had experience living alone since lower sec - her parents didn’t want to touch her O level year.
Besides, there was no concrete plans to migrate so they kept options open.
This house. Ah. It held quite the memories.
It was the epicenter for many things that transpired along the way.
Growing Demands
By a little under a year, I was somehow already considered a ‘core member’
Like I said, being guai kia has it’s drawbacks!
Was told not just stick to Shawn & Sarah - “mix around more, talk to other members”
So that in time, I could help out with the first timers and ‘spread the love of god’ (ie get them to join our group)
With my childhood, I’m naturally bad with people. But being a ‘core’, that responsibility was expected of me regardless.
My achilles heel has been found
Adelyn
By a little under a year, I also noticed something different about myself.
Couldn’t quite figure it out, just kept feeling restless. Before i knew it, I developed a serious crush on Adelyn.
Adelyn was a chiobu with GND personality. Slight sporty tan, bubbly lively but not bitchy.
On the netball team I think, but still very feminine (not the sporty-rough types). Quite a lethal mix.
It was my first time really liking someone. Whenever she smiled or laugh, I would smile too, I just couldn’t help it.
It felt so good whenever she’s around, like I’m extra alive. Excuse the gaming analogy, but she’s basically a endless source of ‘mana recharge’ for me.
I never felt like this before.
I’m sure most can relate how traumatizing your first serious crush as a teenager can be.
All I knew was that I wanted to be around her all the time, hear her talk, get to know her.
Didn’t know what to do or how to approach it. I was terrified of this newfound feeling.
Everytime I tried to initiate conversation, words failed to come out. The best I could do was to watch her from my own silent corner.
Coupled with the extra complication of grey areas, landmine of unwritten rules regarding dating & relationship
and then also growing church responsbilities…
The ball may not have hit the net, but certainly crossed the line.
This is it. My clean sheet was about to be broken.
The gates of hell have been unlocked.
Once again, thanks all bros old & new for the interest.
There will be more & bigger updates coming up very soon.
The entire draft has almost been completed.
Upon review, looks like it turned out to be somewhat more of a life story than just a full on sex story.
Just a heads up for bros who like it fast with constant action - This one has a pretty slow start.
To make up for any potential lack of bonking, and also just bonus content in appreciation of the support
Am already considering to reveal the sequel tales of subsequent happening after this main one is completely uploaded
“Crushing” Decisions
Didn’t feel safe turning to anyone for advice, or even just to talk.
Is it a sin to like someone? I didn’t dare ask. What if they bao toh to leader?
After much thought, I decided to suppress it & ‘pursue holiness’ instead.
My strategy was to avoid interacting with Lyn whenever possible, hoping it would go away.
About a week after I realized my crush on Adelyn, while doing my usual nightly gaming,
I was startled by notification sound
Sarah, Covert Ops Advisor
Sarah’s an interesting one. Hard to know what’s she’s thinking half the time.
Not overly loud personality but confident. Not exactly a daredevil, but always bolder than the average member.
It’s like she has the map to where the landmines are, and always avoid them accurately
She knows when to to be daring, when to give in & follow, when it’s possible to get away with things.
I became nervous
shit, I’ve been caught
didn’t reply for a while.
We chatted till 1am that night.
Learned a little more history behind our little subgroup.
Sarah & Jeremy were together for a while. Think he still likes her, so hangs around. Their breakup was amicable
And many other eye opening treasures.
According to unwritten rules, dating is discouraged.
Veteran members who start to date or the ‘spilt milk’ cases, officially supposed to report their love life to the leaders.
Especially on wherebout & cannot go out too late alone.
Also found out her cousin was the former group leader (‘graduated’ on to adult groups) 4 years ago when she first joined
No wonder…laojiao already. Having seen many things, she knows the tricks & loopholes.
I was still skeptical, but felt could trust her somewhat.
Besides she already knows my secret. What to do, just play along.
This marked the start of a series of late night convos I referred to as “prayer meeting with Sarah”
From here, I learned the ins & outs of how to ‘survive’ in this harshly unpredictable environment
Beginning of the End
After weeks of struggle, I concluded it unsuccesful to uproot the Adelyn problem.
Couldn’t stop thinking about her. Having to see her at least twice weekly didn’t help.
Tried to be mindful not letting it show, but will occasionally make blunders.
Once before group meeting, I accidentally asked Sarah, ‘where Lyn today? oh ok, will she be there for Tuesday night meeting?’
Suay suay leader walked past & 100% overheard this, though pretended didn’t hear.
Immediately during the group meeting, brought up the topic about how when you attend meetings & events, you must ‘do it with a pure heart for god, no other motives’.
She made it seem like a general statement & didn’t eye contact me the whole time.
But the underlying arrows shot straight at my direction. I felt guilty.
After meeting, leader still acted as if didn’t overhear, but did ask “X you coming tuesday meeting?”
I nodded my head with heart pounding.
“Ok Good, see you all on tuesday”. Heng, didn’t get pulled aside.
EVeryone has left already left. Sarah & Shawn were waiting for me to go home together.
That night, back at home
I wasn’t ready to open up to another person. Even Shawn didn’t know. I’m keeping it strictly to Sarah.
First Sin
Come Tuesday, realized a huge chunk of mock papers I forgot to complete.
Ugh this Adelyn thing is really messing with me. Never slipped up with schoolwork before.
No choice have to skip Tuesday meeting.
Surely enough, got a text demanding reason of absence.
X
(Text Msg): “Forgot do homework”
Leader
“Ok. You should have at least let me know in advance. Next time, try to be more organized.
Remember God looks even at the little things, like turning up when you say you would.
A good christian upholds the words he said & all promises he makes, no matter how big or small”
X
(Text Msg): “Yes Sis Ellen, sorry”
The replies stopped there. Later on in the night, I was bombed with a bible verse, together with the following message:
Leader
“True disciples put nothing before God, not themselves, their belongings possessions, their wealth
(blahhhhhh)
(blahhhhhh)
(blahhhhhh)
including other brothers & sisters in Christ
Only God is always the first. Amen”
Means what? I thought sua liao? Do you know What’s worse than being kan straight to your face?
These sort of got tail no head indirect bullet that go one round and shoot you in the back.
I considered this my first sin. First black mark.
Should I have prioritize the meeting before my homework?
No, wait, it’s coz of Adelyn that made me forget homework, resulted in not attending.
So my crush on Adelyn is the source of sin?
My mind spiralled into a deep well. Didn’t sleep well that night.
For hours I rolled on the bed, tormented with alternation between the heartache of not
being able to be close to Adelyn, and then feeling guilty for liking her.
I was so afraid of making more mistakes. I knelt down to pray with tears in my eyes
"
Dear god please forgive me. I don’t want to like her anymore. I’m sorry for falling in love. Please take this all away
"
“When you attend meetings, do it for God and no one else”
Everytime there was an important event or meeting coming up, you confirm will know.
The vibe will become more urgent nearing the date. Leadership will start to prep talk & hype.
It’s gonna be great, the pastors have prepared a powerful day for you guys.
I’m sure God is going to speak to many of you during…..blahhhhhhblaahhhhhh
blahhhhhh blaahhhhhh….”
After which, leader will go around every individual to give a last casual “booster jab” with a personal touch, to ensure you turn up.
Leader passed by me just as she was about leave the place
“er ok?? what??” I thought to myself.
“When you attend meetings, do it for God and no one else”
(being the person I am back then, didn’t even think to question the motives behind that casual remark)
I turned my head and saw Rachel who was observing. She gave me a look I didn’t fully understand, like something was up.
We didn’t say anything.
Headed back home.
I kinda got the hint from the look just now. just didn’t want to start this particular convo. did she also know about Adelyn too? better siam
Adelyn, Adelyn, Adelyn.
All in all, I considered Sarah a friend I trusted. Didn’t feel she would ever tell on me or do wrong to me.
The more I interact with her, the more I knew she wasn’t a spy for leader. Just that she seem to enjoy drama & gossip
One day after bible study, our little subgroup stayed back to watch worldcup or euro (can’t remember which)
We had to report strength to leader at kickoff, half time, full time. Strictly all 6 of us had to be together, as a mixed group.
No 1 on 1, no all girls 1 guy or any suspicious combi. If we decided to go home early, Shawn had to go with us, cannot stay with Rach alone
[and nope, sorry guys, I know this scenario sounds great for a gangbang orgy
but even if it was a fiction tale that wouldn’t make sense at this point]
Things were more free & easy going in the subgroup - we didn’t have to watch what we say too closely.
Half time chatter, Sarah managed to steer the convesation to this:
S
:“eh Lyn would you date ABC? How about DEF?”
She then skilfully narrowed the selection to people in room.
S
:“If Shawn was single leh?” (Strangely, Rach didn’t even flinch when the question was asked)
A
:“Maybe”
S
:“Jeremy”
A
:“Eh wah lao so awkward can”
S
:“We all friends ma, why so uptight. have abit of fun la”
A
:“Dunno leh”
S
:‘What kinda ans is that’
S
:“X leh?”
No immediate answer
S
:“X leh”, Sarah was persistent. “he can be quite cute what”
After some deliberation, “err maybe not?” slipped out of Lyn’s mouth.
In that split second, she realized what she just said, quickly added
“err maybe! I mean, MAYBE! err maybe…
“….aiya dunno la”
“beeeeeeee” referee’s whistle provided her safe exit from the awkward situation
A
:“match start liao la, dun wu liao already”
That’s one thing about Sarah. She enjoys to stir water to see people reacting.
I din’t think she purposely wanted to provoke or hurt me.
During 2nd half, it was Sarah’s turn to slip of mouth. They were fangirling over the soccer stars
S
:“Eeeh Lyn see so shuai hor”
A
:“Ya lor ya lor, him I confirm date”
S
:“Haha got as shuai as Matt or not”
In typical Sarah fashion, she very skillfully covered the slip up & continued fangirling
It was still obvious enough for my radar to pick up something amiss.
At full time, I wasn’t even bothered the team I supported lost the match. There’s something going on.
Feeling left out on a secret, furthermore something involving Adelyn, one thought led to another.
My mind ran wild.
We parted ways at Yishun interchange. Instead of the usual bus, I took a slow reflective walk that rainy night.
My mind slowly wearing down with all the accumulating burden.
Just before I reach my block, I looked up to the dark night sky with rain falling on my face
“Why lord why? Why are these sinful feelings still there? Why am I angry? Why am I jealous?
Why have you not cleansed my heart from all these distractions?”
In return for that ’lovely soccer session’ Sarah did pei me to chat till 3am that night
Once again Sarah being Sarah, finding loopholes to jump through.
She also quickly shifted the convo attention back onto me.
Said she thinks I’m a really nice guy with innocent & clean motives, upright values.
This Adelyn thing has grown absolutely out of proportion
WW1
Most of the time, I didn’t even have sufficient emotional attention to feel my ‘Adelyn wounds’.
I put all my energy into ‘putting god first’, and to not let all of it show.
Once church things were settled for the week, I could relax abit. Whenever I relaxed, the Adelyn heartache would return.
Just couldn’t catch a breath. This wore me down tremendously. I was losing grip, fast.
News of “WW1” couldn’t come at a more perfect timing.
Dec 25. the biggest possible events of the year. Weeks to months prior, leadership will ramp up & gear us up for it.
Phone rang - leader. She usually texts, never call.
I thought die liao. This time CONFIRM kena
To my surprise, heard a very soothing, tender voice on the other side.
Soft approach. Nice move Ellen. Nice move.
Across the preparation, I begged to be put on technical planning or ‘backstage crew’ roles.
But they can’t stop the idea that just coz I’m nice & a pushover means I’m the best ‘frontdesk’ option
(they later learned their lesson, & found huge success with their star player, Adelyn)
I knew I’m terrible at social setting. Was never great with people. Worse - New people. WORST - LOTS of new people.
BUT NO.
“You are the most caring person that has the grace & love of god upon your life. I forsee you will lead many into the kingdom of God this festive season”
So, I was put in charge of the “HR (First Timer Relations)”
True enough, a month after the whole thing, out of the many first timers, only 1 was still attending.
Still, at least one right? One that’s touched by my bro-ship & ’love of god that lives in me’?
Yeah right….It’s coz he also likes Adelyn. What a beautiful outcome isn’t it?
Leader was not happy. Announced next group meeting, pastor is gonna pay a visit
is like you tio catch, normal police say dunno what to do with you, hand your case over to FBI. Hong kan already la
Stakes always get higher & higher. The multiple levels of doom you discover that’s possible always keeps you on the edge.
Like they have a neverending supply of curve balls.
Judgement Day. Not Judgement Day. Oh Ok, Judgement Day.
Instead of judgement day, we actually got a very loving meeting with pastor & felt encouraged.
Pastor gave every member a hug & blessing before leaving the house.
Phew. The worst is over. On top big pastor come encourage us. Nice la.
Did I mention never-ending curve balls?
After pastor left..
Leader:
“X, I need to brief you on something”
I was pulled into Rachel’s room, which Sarah sometimes refer to as “interrogation room”
I’ve only heard tales of what it’s like to be ‘briefed on something’. Now I got to feel the full power of the assault myself.
The older members know once got signs of ‘briefing’ quickly siam, even Sarah left me behind that day.
Bam. Door locked.
Leader
Door unlocked, leader left.
Silent Friend in the Shadows
I stayed in the room for a good ten minutes after the nuclear bomb exploded.
I was crushed. I didn’t cry. Just sat there & stare.
There was gentle knock on the ajar door.
“I know you don’t like to talk & share your heart. It’s ok, take your time. I’ll wait outside”
Rachel left a glass of water on the table.
It was first time I felt Rachel’s concern on a personal level.
I mean, Sarah does too, that’s why I didn’t pay much notice. It was different the way both showed their care.
Brought the finished glass of water to the kitchen
“Thanks..” I muttered quietly
Rach stepped forward a little, most probably wanted to give me a hug
However, I just clumsily turned away & left the house
Beginning of End Pt2
After the whole christmas mess, there was some re-structuring & new strategies
pastor mentioned during the special visit there will be some reshuffle to way things are.
Will our group be split apart? What’s gonna happen?
In the following meeting, leader announced:
That week I prayed to god every wakeup+breakfast+lunch+dinner+snackbreak+before&af terbathing+before&aftergaming+beforesleep to give me Adelyn.
If we’re forced together by buddy system, I no longer need to purposely avoid her.
Who knows, something might happen. A chance is still a chance.
With the new system, you can expect to work closely, attend meeting & events with him or her, instead of just a random people who show up.
Whoever I get paired with, I’m gonna spend ALOT Of time with.
Please God Adelyn. please please please.
Results
The results came on indivdual slips the leaders handed out personally, didn’t announce it publicly.
“You will be working closely with your spiritual buddy for this next season. Of course please still love all brothers and sisters here with the Love of God regardless
but we hope this way will bring more depth to your growth as a christian”
“The leadership team will contact each pairing in the course of next week to give you more details”
Back home, I opened my slip.