Quote:
Originally Posted by
georgemagnum
Oh mine, TS ….. Have u ever considered writing a book based on this experience of yours ? Potential list topper
Pls share more …… Hehehe
gm
Never thought of it. Just thought of sharing my experience here. But thanks for the compliment & support =)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Hooters666
Sis
Solid awesome pure narration from your heart!
Keep up the writing!
Best
Thank you for the support =)
Two months after A’s departure, life went on as per normal for me. I still thought of him very often & we still talked on whatsapp, but the distance between us just kept growing. I carried on partying because I found solace in partying.
One day, at a club, I saw A’s colleague & best friend, K. We hadn’t seen each other ever since A left Singapore. We drank & partied together & started to grow close. But all this while I only saw him as A’s best friend, nothing more than that, & treated him the way I would have treated any of A’s friends. A knew that I had been partying regularly with K & had no issue with that. He did tease me a bit about my relationship with K, but I just laughed it off. After all, I wasn’t interested in K at all.
One night, K was exceptionally nice to me at the club. He took really good care of me & spent every moment in the club with me. I was alone & didn’t know the rest of the people in the group other than K, so I was obviously more reserved than usual. Other girls asked K to join them to dance, but he politely rejected them & chose to accompany me instead. It was really sweet of him. I got wasted that night, & K was pretty tipsy himself. Due to family problems, I didn’t wanna go home for the night so I decided to check in to a hotel alone.
I reached the hotel but couldn’t sleep. For some reason, I was wide awake despite being so drunk. In my drunken state, I dialled K’s number.
Me: “Where are you?”
K replied that he was somewhere near the location of my hotel.
Me: “Can you come up to my hotel? I have a room here. Room number is XXX.”
I think K was pretty taken aback but he was here in no time. I opened the door for him & headed back to dive under the covers because I was freezing cold. K removed his shoes & immediately pounced on me. Well, that was what I expected, anyway. K was a much bigger fan of kissing than A was, which turned me on. Somehow I felt a strange emotional connection with him, something I didn’t feel with the rest of the guys, though it was still uncomparable to the feeling that A gave me. Maybe it was the kiss. I liked the way he kissed me with such passion, wihch made me feel like he really wanted me.
He removed his jeans & boxers & I promptly headed for his cock. The first thing he asked me was: “Small cock, right? Smaller than A?”
………. I didn’t know how to answer him so I kept quiet & went on to give him a blowjob. The fact was, his cock was about the same length & girth as A’s, but I felt that it was not necessary to tell him that. I can’t recall much of what happened during the foreplay, because everything was a blur to me in my drunken state. The next thing I knew, K’s capped cock was inside me & he was pumping furiously.
He stopped halfway, exhausted & panting, & I knew he couldn’t cum. I felt bad. Was it because he couldn’t feel anything? Was it because he was too drunk? My mind was full of questions & I gave him a reassuring look to tell him that it was okay, don’t worry about it. He started asking me questions like: “How many guys have you slept with?” “When you had sex with A, did you use a condom?” “Have you slept with many guys?”
I answered his questions to the best of my ability. But this wasn’t exactly a conversation I wanted to have in the middle of sex, & while I was drunk. K pondered over my answers, then removed the condom from his cock & continued pumping me. The moment he entered me without the condom, he let out a long moan. Hmm…… So it was because of the condom. But by then, I had no mood already & hence didn’t feel anything. I was also a little concerned about K shooting inside me, so I made it a point to remind him a couple of times not to shoot inside me. He nodded & told me he understands, & that he will withdraw before he cums.
It was much easier for him to cum after removing the condom. Within five minutes, his cock was out of me. He went to wash up, then we lay in bed together & chatted for a bit before we fell asleep.
I had to wake up four hours later for work. I got up & showered while K was still in bed, & when I was ready, I woke him up. We went our separate ways after he gave me a goodbye kiss. I thought to myself:
“What the fuck did I just do? I just slept with A’s best friend. Oh fuck. & guys, being guys, will brag to each other about who they’ve slept with, right? K is gonna tell A that we had sex. A is gonna think so badly of me after this episode. Oh fuck……… I hate this………”
I couldn’t focus at work at all. Then a sudden, random thought struck my mind:
“Did K withdraw & shoot outside of me last night? Why is it that I don’t recall feeling anything on my tummy? I didn’t even head to the toilet to wash up. If he did cum on my body/tummy, I should have felt sticky & should have gone to wash up, right? But I don’t remember washing up. So that means he came inside of me?”
I texted K, but he didn’t reply me throughout the whole afternoon. So I decided to visit the doctor after work to get the morning after pill just in case.
Thankfully, K had kept that night’s events to himself. I didn’t ask him, but A’s attitude towards me hadn’t changed at all so I supposed he didn’t know what had happened. Knowing A’s character, he would have been angry & disappointed with me if he had known that I’d slept with his best friend. So I took it that he was in the dark about it since there was no change in his behaviour towards me.
A few days later, K & I met at the club again. K wanted a second round with me, but I wasn’t keen. After all, I couldn’t get over the guilt of sleeping with A’s best friend. I managed to wriggle myself out of that situation that night by telling K that I had work the next day & I had to go straight home after the party ended. He was reluctant, but let me go anyway. That was the last I saw of K.
--
So the party sessions continued, but for some strange reason, I felt like my alcohol tolerance level was getting weaker. Not possible, I thought, since I had always been able to hold my liquor well. But I found myself getting drunk & throwing up more easily than ever. I thought this meant that the nights spent partying were taking a toll on my body & it was time to put a stop to all of this. Still, partying was an addiction I couldn’t rid myself of, hard as I tried.
My menses was due to come sometime around the second week of the next month. My menses was always regular, so when the PMS symptoms came on the second week, I thought nothing of it. By the third week, my menses still wasn’t here. Hmmm……….. Strange, since I was having all the PMS symptoms like cramps, heavy & swollen breasts, etc. I waited anyway, positive that my menses will come. After all, the last time I had sex was with K, & I did take the morning after pill so I knew I was safe. My life went on as per normal.
When my menses still didn’t come by the end of the third week, my mind started to fill itself up with crazy thoughts. Even though I knew the chances of me being pregnant were low, well, let’s just say that when faced with such a situation, everything seemed possible to me. I spoke to a close girlfriend & randomly mentioned that my menses was supposed to be here the week before but it still wasn’t here yet. “Could I be pregnant?” I asked her. I was also starting to feel a little bit of nausea in the mornings – but that was also a common symptom of PMS. “Just go do a pregnancy test, that would solve everything”, my friend advised. “You have nothing to worry about lah, since you said you took the morning after pill, you should be safe…… But just do the test to put your mind at ease.”
That night, I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake the whole night through. I tried to tell myself not to think too much & stress myself out unnecessarily because that could be one of the reasons why my menses was late. I also tried to tell myself that the morning after pill would cause side effects like delayed menses, so perhaps this was just a side effect of the pill. Still, I was kept awake till it was time to wake up for work. I woke up slightly earlier so I had time to go buy the pregnancy test kit & do the test before heading to work.
My heart was beating nervously. Even though I knew the chances were low, this was the first time I had encountered a situation like this. I quickly paid for a pregnancy test kit & headed to the nearby coffeeshop toilet. At that point, I didn’t care that the toilet was dirty & smelly. I just wanted to quickly get this over & done with. I definitely couldn’t wait till I reached office, that’s for sure. I skimmed through the instructions. Took out the thermometer-like test kit. Accurately placed it below my vagina. A few drops of urine landed on the test area, a few drops landed on my finger. My hands were shaking. There was a reaction on the results area of the test kit. I lifted it up to have a closer look.
The first line appeared. Ok……. Now waiting to see if the second line would appear. There was only one sentence repeating in my mind, “Please don’t let the second line appear.” I watched………. As the second line appeared. As my heart dropped to the floor suddenly. As my world came crashing down on me.
I was pregnant. I was 21, & pregnant, & the father of my baby was nowhere to be found.
I walked out of the toilet in a daze. All of a sudden I felt giddy. I didn’t know what to do. I stood at one corner, my heart still pumping furiously, my hands still trembling. I called my close girlfriend (I’ll call her H from here on). My voice was trembling as well. H asked me how was it, & the first word that came out of my mouth was “fuck”. She immediately knew what had happened.
H: “Huh? So zhun ah? But I thought you took the pill? What happened? Why like that?”
I didn’t know how to answer her, to be honest. I was searching for the answers myself; how could I possibly answer her…..? I felt as if I could break down & cry anytime, but I kept it in. I hung up the phone with her & phoned my sister, asking her if she could meet me immediately. I just needed to see someone, someone I could talk to to help solve this problem. My sister was sleeping. I told her I wanted to meet her immediately & she knew something was wrong. She kept pressing me to tell her what had happened but I couldn’t say the words. Finally, after much hesitation, I said it.
“I’m pregnant”, I whispered into the phone. I hadn’t wanted to face up to reality, but the moment those two words came out from my mouth, I knew I couldn’t run anymore. I had to face this. I had to solve this problem. I created this mess, & I had to clear it. There was no way I could run away from it. My sister was shocked. She, too, tried to seek answers through me. I couldn’t provide her with any answers. None of them could help me, I realized. They were too shocked by what had happened. All they wanted were answers, which I couldn’t give.
I hung up the phone & tried to rationally think through what was the next course of action to take. I started to make my way home first. I didn’t turn up for work & I just sent an SMS saying that I was unwell. I looked up the Internet on what was the safest, quickest & cheapest way to get an abortion in Singapore. I wasn’t gonna keep the baby, that’s for sure. I wasn’t ready for one. I was surviving on a $800/month pay with no CPF & no medisave. There was no way I could feed two mouths. & there was absolutely no way my parents would agree to me being a single mother. If they should know about this, I was quite sure that they’d disown me.
I found that the cheapest way was to head to a polyclinic & get a referral to a government hospital. The fees at a government hospital would be subsidised, & that seemed like the only way out for me.
I made my way to the polyclinic myself. Many thoughts ran through my mind. H suggested I let K in on the pregnancy, though we both believed it wouldn’t make a difference, whether he knew about it or not. Well, I thought I’d just text him, anyway.
Me: “Are you busy? I have something to tell you.”
K: “What’s up?”
Me: “I’m pregnant.”
K: “Huh????? I thought you went to see the doctor for the pill???? Why didn’t you?????”
Me: “I did, but the pill didn’t work.”
K sent a sad emoticon.
I was filled with anger. All he could manage was just a sad emoticon?!
Me: “It’s okay, I understand. Guys are privileged in that they can just fuck & go; I’ll be left to deal with all of this alone – both financially & emotionally. It’s okay, I understand.”
K: “Are you angry with me?”
Me: “What do you think?”
K: “So you think it’s my fault? If so, I’m sorry.”
Me: “What are you sorry about? If you don’t think it’s your fault, don’t apologise to me. It’s pointless that way.”
K: “I’m sorry……. I really didn’t intend for this to happen. I thought I came outside of you, but I guess I couldn’t control.”
Me: “Yeah, it’s okay, don’t worry about it…… I expect to be alone through all of this anyway, & I don’t expect for you to bear the financial cost with me as well.”
K: “I don’t have money to help you………….. *sad emoticon*”
I stopped replying. I was too overwhelmed with the anger. A $50 as a form of an apology wasn’t too much to ask for, I believed. Even if he wasn’t willing to help me through this emotionally, the least he could do is lessen my financial burden. But his replies showed me that he didn’t want to have anything to do with this pregnancy or abortion. I told myself to lose hope in this bastard & focus on solving this alone instead. I was afraid, because I knew it was gonna be a long journey ahead, but I braved myself up. I believed I was strong enough to go through this alone.
I was wrong about myself.
Thanks to all for the kind words of encouragement. I appreciate it very much. As much as I wish for this story to be fictional, it is as true as it can be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Summerhillt
A sad smiley face and than can siam all problems? But the baby confirm belongs to K right? Sis hope your allright man.. abortion really makes the girl feel damn weak after that.
Yes, the baby belonged to K. I don’t know if I wished it belonged to someone else though, because maybe then it wouldn’t have been so tough on me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
LPPlol
TS, is there anything or any advice you need from the forum thus far? Im sure it’s not easy for you now… i mean, i’ve had a lady done an abortion before and that felt very very terrible. We were very much in love but she was married then… to make things worse, she is of a different race from me…
Sorry to hear about your story, & it’s nice to know that you were responsible enough to want to help her through it.
As for advice……. I don’t think so. I just hope that I am able to, through my story, remind all samsters to think of the consequences before doing anything. Things that seem right to do in a moment of passion might lead to dire consequences that are hard to handle. & this applies both to the guys & ladies.
In a way, I brought this upon myself so perhaps it is only right to say I deserved it. K wasn’t the only one at fault, to be honest, because I did call him up to my hotel room. It was the first time I’d done something like that in my drunken state. I definitely didn’t expect the consequences to be as such.
The doctor at the polyclinic did a urine test for me to confirm if I was really pregnant. Before the results were out, I kept hoping that the pregnancy test kit was inaccurate & that it was all just a nightmare. But it wasn’t. The doctor confirmed that I was pregnant & gave me a referral to one of the government hospitals. An appointment was made for the next day, because I wasn’t planning to keep the baby so a diagnosis had to be made asap so that the abortion can be carried out before it was too late.
I went home after seeing the doctor. I acted as normally as I could. My dad was home by then & chided me for not going to work.
Dad: “Why are you always so lazy? Feel like going to work then go, don’t feel like going don’t go. No wonder you never get anywhere in life. Continue like this & you’re just gonna screw your whole life up, & to be honest, you deserve it!”
I was in the toilet at that time. Upon hearing all of that, I broke down. The tears just flowed. No warning, nothing. My heart ached so much. I don’t know what hurt more – to know that I was pregnant & was about to commit the greatest sin of all, or to know that I couldn’t confide in anybody for fear that they would judge me, or to know that I was all alone in this. All I knew was that there was a dull ache in my heart that just wouldn’t go away.
I wiped my tears dry, took a deep breath, & told myself to stay strong.
--
The next day, I went for my appointment at the hospital. I saw many pregnant ladies accompanied by their partners. I felt even more alone, at that point. I was sent for an ultrasound scan & for counseling. The ultrasound scan showed the gestation sac, but no foetus. The radiologist then attached a piece of paper to my report, stating that there was a possibility that my pregnancy was an ectopic one. For those who don’t know what is an ectopic pregnancy, it means that the foetus is not inside my womb but inside my fallopian tubes instead. An ectopic pregnancy cannot be kept because the baby cannot grow inside the tube. The tube will burst when the foetus grows & this could be dangerous for the mother.
The counsellor spoke to me & asked me about the father of the baby. I lied to her that the father of the baby was aware of the pregnancy, but he wasn’t in Singapore so he wasn’t able to accompany me. I also told her that we had both mutually agreed on the abortion. I think she didn’t believe, but I guess it wasn’t in her job scope to ask more.
When the doctor reviewed my ultrasound scan, he told me that I was probably only about four weeks’ pregnant & hence he couldn’t see the foetus. An appointment was made for three weeks later, because only then would it be possible to see the foetus.
I spoke to another close girlfriend about what had happened (I’ll name her E from here on). E told me her experience when she was previously pregnant. She revealed to me that hers was an ectopic pregnancy. Menses-like cramps were normal, but her cramps were at the side. She didn’t think much of it, not until one day the pain got so terrible & she had to be rushed to the hospital for an operation. She had to remove one of her fallopian tubes because of this, & it would be difficult for her to get pregnant in future. She told me to be careful – if I felt pain at my side, I should go back to the hospital immediately.
It was my first time pregnant, & I really didn’t know what to expect. I broke down again upon reaching home. I didn’t want to kill my own flesh & blood. I was so reluctant to do so. If I could, I would’ve kept it, but I knew it was not possible. Even though I was only four weeks pregnant, I had already developed a connection with that little thing growing inside me. My heart hurt so badly……….
Quote:
Originally Posted by
chatlovers
Well TS, I dont know what will be the ending of your story but you sud consider yourself lucky if the price of your lifestyle was loss of baby and ability to conceive again in the future. It could easily have been worst.
As much as i donot personally justify K’s action but calling him bastard is not right. Didn’t u call him to your hotel to impregnate you? You suffered coz of your ownself and not K.
But take positive out of every negative. Learn from ur mistake and become a better person. Love youself first before loving booze and guys.
Its my opinion and its not meant to hurt or offend u. If truth is painful then i am sorry.
Peace.
I did admit that it wasn’t entirely K’s fault. After all I was the one who asked him up to my hotel room, though it is not right to say I called him to my room to impregnate me…… In a way, I wanted company. I didn’t even enjoy the sex.
But I understand where you are coming from. K is not obliged to take responsibility; perhaps I was just angry that he didn’t respond in the way I hoped he did. He was hardly empathetic about my situation & that hurt me.
Thank you for your comments, anyway……
Thanks also to those who have left positive comments either in this thread or via PM. I have read all of them & I appreciate that there are people who can understand the pain I had to go through. =)
The next three weeks were a torture. Even though E & H tried to be there for me as much as they could, ultimately I still had to deal with everything myself. It was my first time pregnant & I honestly didn’t expect it to be this bad.
The morning sickness really nearly killed me. As some of you might know, some pregnant women tend to have morning sickness symptoms 24/7. & that’s how it was for me. I couldn’t lead my life normally. I couldn’t enjoy my favourite food. I chose to hibernate at home most of the time because going out required energy & I was always lethargic. I was also in low spirits most of the time.
Concerned friends tried to find out what happened. As much as I wanted to talk to them, I couldn’t. I had to vomit as quietly as possible because I didn’t want my parents to suspect anything. They asked me why I’d been staying home so often. They found it weird. They asked my sister, who pretended not to know a thing. I tried to behave as normally as I could but it was so difficult. I felt like I wasn’t myself anymore. I had become someone anti-social, emotional all the time for no reasons at all.
Sometimes when I lay in bed, I would put my hand to my tummy. I would talk to that little thing growing inside me. This makes me sound insane, but it’s true. I would say, “sorry, baby….. Mummy loves you, but this is not the right time to have you. You came at the wrong time, & even though it is not your fault at all, I hope you can understand the reasons why Mummy has to do this. This is not what I want either….. Mummy feels awful everyday. The morning sickness really makes me feel so terrible. But Mummy knows this is my punishment. I think you know the decision that Mummy has made, & that’s why you are making Mummy feel this way. But Mummy accepts it. I will bear with it because I deserve it.”
It hurt so much. I told myself that I had to suffer the physical pain (i.e the pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness, etc) & emotional pain because this was what I deserved for knowingly killing my own flesh & blood.
Finally, three weeks passed. It was the date of my appointment again. I was nervous & anxious. Soon I would be able to lead a normal life again. I needed the abortion to be done soon because I was putting on weight & my mother had been commenting on how I had grown horizontally over the past few months. I kept reciting in my head that all these would soon be over. But as fate would have it, there just had to be more obstacles along the way.
I spent four hours at the hospital on the day of my appointment. First I was sent to do the ultrasound scan. The radiologist pointed out my foetus to me. The foetus had already been formed, & I saw it for the first time. I don’t know how to describe it. It looked so small, so fragile; I could’ve sworn it was begging me not to kill it. I don’t know if the radiologist was being cruel intentionally or if this was part of his job scope, but tears welled up in my eyes when he pointed out my baby’s heartbeat to me. That was the breaking point for me. Up till now, I cannot get that image out of my mind.
My baby already had a heartbeat of its own. So full of life……. & I was about to take all that away from my own flesh & blood. My heart was so heavy at that point in time. There was a huge lump in my throat that just wouldn’t go away.
The radiologist asked if I wanted a picture of my baby. I don’t know why I said yes even though I know looking at the picture would hurt me even more.
I sent the picture to K. He didn’t reply, even though he had already seen the picture. Shortly after, he blocked me from whatsapp. I don’t understand how he could be so heartless but that didn’t bother me much. What bothered me most was the image of my baby’s heartbeat. I couldn’t seem to get it out of my mind at all.
The doctor told me that I was nearly eight weeks pregnant. He verified that everything was okay & I was safe to carry out the abortion. He made me sign on many forms, mostly consent/agreement forms explaining the risks of an abortion. I was excited because I thought the surgery could be done on that day itself.
The doctor called up the day surgery department, & after he hung up the phone, he informed me that the next available date for my day surgery would be three weeks from then. I nearly fainted. I couldn’t live with this for another three weeks. I just couldn’t. I was already having a hard time coping & trying to act normal. I almost begged the doctor for an earlier appointment, but he only replied me nonchalantly, “sorry, this is the earliest available appointment I can give you, full already.”
I left the hospital after going through financial counselling & collecting some medicines for my morning sickness which I requested from the doctor. I thought with the medicine, I would be able to better cope with the morning sickness, & would at least be able to hold out until three weeks later.
But the medicine was useless. I was really, truly tired. I couldn’t cope with all of this anymore. I contemplated suicide. After all, I couldn’t find anything to live for anymore. At that point in time, suicide seemed to be the only best solution to my problems.