First of all, this is not a fictional story. This is a true story from a girl in her (very) early 20s who has experienced what most girls might not have experienced & would not wish to experience in their entire lifetime. Though sex makes up much of this story, it is not the crux of the story so please forgive me if I cannot vividly describe the details of my sexual encounters. I just want to relate my experience to the men who’ve never lived a day in my life & to the ladies whom I hope will never go through what I went through as well. Certain parts of the story might not be explained in such great detail to protect my identity, but I will share as much as I can.
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Why I Did It
I’d just gotten out of a physically & emotionally abusive relationship. It was a painful break up because this was a man I loved with all my heart…
(To be continued, no space to type more)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
luvuass
Another lady writer, I luv true stories..
me too, female story writer for the win!
I gave him my all & made him my world. But somewhere along the course of the relationship, the love between us faded. The differences made us quarrel more frequently than ever & gradually our flaws started to make us hate each other. It was amazing how we could love & hate each other at the same time, hence the only solution was to go our separate ways. It was a painful break up. I was a fucking mess, to say the least. I lost all hope & faith in love. I decided that I didn’t wanna get into a committed relationship ever again because I could not stand the pain of breaking up. So I started this crazy lifestyle. This crazy, self-destructive lifestyle.
What I did
I became a crazy party animal. Sounds quite harmless, right? That was what I thought too. I couldn’t see what was wrong in seeking consolation in booze & liquor. I loved the feeling of getting high. It numbed me from the pain.
At times when I got drunk, I would break down in the clubs because I couldn’t control my emotions, but for the most part, I liked how the alcohol numbed my emotions together with my senses. Partying became an addiction, but at that moment it seemed harmless.
I loved the attention I was getting from the men even though I wasn’t the most attractive lady in the clubs. I met all kinds of men – good looking ones, average ones, & some filthy rich ones. But guys being guys, they were obviously only after one thing: sex. & for some strange reason, I felt flattered that they wanted to sleep with me. It meant that I was attractive enough to them, & that made me feel good.
I partied really hard, & got drunk every other day. Dealing with unbearable hangovers was the least of my concerns, all I wanted to do was party my life (& youth) away. Sex came into the picture, inevitably. I started to become the female version of a “womanizer”. & why not? After all I had all the freedom in the world.
The guys I slept with were mostly decent looking at least, but my interest in them didn’t last. I would meet a guy whom I found attractive & flirt with him for a bit, exchange numbers & get to know him a little better, & by the second or third meet up I would end up in bed with him.
The sex wasn’t great all the time. Most of the time, I would be too drunk to enjoy, in spite of the physical attraction. Perhaps I was lonely & needed the company of a man, which was why I craved the attention from them so much. Perhaps it was lust on my part as well, because they were all either good looking or charismatic in their own ways. In any case, I saw nothing wrong in what I was doing since it seemed like mutual gratification to me – while they provided me with the company I needed to fill the emotional void in me (albeit only temporarily), I fulfilled them physically. They were like fuck buddies to me, except that each one only lasted for a month or two before I would “change target”.
Most of the time, there was no protection used. I now understand the stupidity in that (& thankfully, it’s not too late) but back then the thought of having to go through the trouble of buying condoms in our drunken state before checking in to the hotels put us off greatly. Don’t ask me why the men didn’t seem to mind not using protection though, because I have no idea either.
Because protection was hardly used, getting pregnant was my number one fear, apart from catching any sex disease (& like I previously mentioned, thankfully I am still clear of all diseases up till today). So I misused the emergency contraception pill, otherwise known as the morning after pill. I took it once every two months which definitely wasn’t healthy for my hormone levels. But I didn’t care. I just couldn’t get myself pregnant. The consequences would have been dire.
The Men I Slept With
None of them are particularly worth mentioning, except for one, whom I shall call A.
A was sexy. He didn’t have a hot body – in fact he was a bit too skinny for my liking – but he had really nice features. I loved his eyes most. Everytime we made eye contact, my heart skipped a beat. Most of all, he was 35 but he surely didn’t look his age. His mannerisms, behaviour, the way he spoke….. He was mature yet playful at the same time. Needless to say, I was very attracted to him.
A was different from the rest. I wasn’t too sexually attracted to him initially. I just liked being around him. I never thought of sleeping with him & I was positive he didn’t feel that way about me too. He was always around hot girls, & I definitely wasn’t as hot & sexy as the girls around him. We just enjoyed partying together.
But as time passed & as we spent more time together, I realized that I was starting to develop feelings on a deeper level for him. Both emotionally & physically. I started to want him. & it felt like a dangerous feeling. I didn’t feel comfortable about it at all.
At that point when I knew that the feelings were growing exponentially, I tried to distract myself by getting involved with another guy, a married man. I liked this married man, but not enough to distance myself from A. & before I knew it, I’d fallen too deep.
We met almost everyday, but most of the time we met at the club. Gradually our relationship progressed & we started going for regular suppers after clubbing. It took awhile for him to open up to me but he finally did. He revealed to me that he had a girlfriend but he didn’t tell me much about her, except that their relationship was not a stable one. To say I was disappointed would be a lie, but I knew I’d fallen too deep by then. We started to grow much closer over the next one month, & after awhile I stopped resisting & caved in to my feelings.
Over the next one month, we were exactly like a couple. We were like new lovebirds, except without the status. I knew I was in love, & I knew I was in trouble. Big, big trouble. But things weren’t that bad yet, because we weren’t physically involved with each other yet.
But finally…… The unavoidable day came.
The day where we had sex together, for the first time.
It was 7am on a Saturday morning. It had been a really long day, from waking up early in the morning for work, to heading out to party with A & friends. The group of us drank so much & I was feeling giddy from all that alcohol. A & I had just finished supper, which had become the usual practice for us by now. We walked out to the bus stop by the main road, where we would usually go home on two separate cabs since we didn’t live near each other. That day was different, though.
We sat somewhere near the bus stop just chatting about our lives. I can’t remember how or why, but the next thing I knew, we were standing up & hugging each other, still talking. I was a little tired, so I rested my head on his shoulder. He smelt good. I will never forget the smell of his cologne. How could he still smell so good after a whole night of partying? I didn’t feel too comfortable though, standing in my 4 inch heels, feeling quite sticky after a long night out. But I enjoyed being around him so much & such quiet times we had with each other were considered a rarity, so I was torn between going home to my nice, comfy bed & standing there continuing the conversation with him. I chose the latter, of course.
Half an hour later, the fatigue really started to get to me, & it seemed to me that A was starting to feel the same too. The sky was bright by then, & the early morning crowd was starting to gather around the bus stop. People were giving us strange looks – there I was, in my thick make up & 4 inch heels, hugging A in public, not giving two hoots about what was going on around me. Perhaps that was why A was starting to feel a little uneasy, I thought.
Sensing that, I was afraid he’d feel embarrassed being subject to so much unwanted attention, so I told him I’d make my way home. I stepped away from him & stuck my hand out to flag a cab, but to my surprise he pulled me back. For some reason, there were an exceptional number of cabs on the road & one stopped immediately the moment I raised my hand. I looked at A, confused as to why he had pulled me back. We stood there awkwardly for awhile. The cab driver looked at me, looked at A, then looked back at me before he drove off.
Me: “Why?”
A kept quiet & looked down. I couldn’t figure what was wrong. Was he upset with me? But why would he be? We were having such a great time earlier on. Did he have something to say to me? What was it? Question after question ran through my mind, & still A was quiet, all this while avoiding eye contact with me. I started to become impatient & a little grouchy because my legs were aching & I was really tired. I looked at him, confused, waiting for him to say something.
A couple of minutes later…
Me: “A, what is it? If you have something to say to me, say it! I don’t know what you want when you’re just keeping quiet & not telling me anything, yet not letting me go home.” I said in a slightly irritated tone.
Still, A remained silent! I was starting to get pissed & made another attempt to walk off. Again, he pulled me back, but still didn’t say a word. I stood there, confused & grouchy, & continued to shoot him confused looks.
Finally, he said: “Shall we sleep together?”, still looking down at his feet.
I swear, it was the cutest way someone proposed sex to me. I didn’t expect him to be this shy when it came to this. I was obviously taken aback, so I didn’t reply. I wasn’t gonna turn him down, that’s for sure……. I just didn’t know how to respond. After an awkward moment of silence, I mumbled: “where…..?”
Taking that to be a positive answer, he held my hand & led me to the hotel just opposite where we were standing. My heart pounded furiously. This was a guy I was actually really, really fond of, & we were heading to a hotel together. Somehow this felt different from the rest of the guys I had sex with, because I was madly in love with A by then. I felt like a little girl who was about to open her Christmas present – eager, not knowing what was gonna be inside, filled with excitement yet anxious at the same time, afraid that it was gonna be a present I didn’t like.
Thank you to all for reading thus far.
I will not be replying to PMs asking me out to party because I have already paid a heavy price for this crazy lifestyle (which will be revealed in the later part of the story) & obviously will not be so silly as to repeat the same mistakes again.
I apologize if this story is not as well-written or interesting as the rest, I’ve tried to be as detailed as I can but I just wish to present the bare facts as they are to those who are reading this.
Again, thanks for all the support.