I am mid 40s now, and have had chronic insomnia for 30+ years.
The brain is like an organic CPU, it needs to rest, and my insomnia means mine has less rest than most.
And it had taken a toll on me.
I can’t find the words as fast as I used to, my mind is noticeable slower than in the past.
But you can’t tell I am slower, just cause I have also grown more pensive with time.
The saddest thing is, my memories are becoming less precise, and I can only stand and do nothing as it threatens to becomes vague shadows.
And so with the anonymity of the web, I am going to write down the ones that I miss, the ones I have loved and lost.
The ones that I still remember.
The ones I do not want to forget.
This is non story and I encourage everyone who do not want to forget to share here as well.
Because, young ones, time shall creep up on you too.
If you are like me, used to wonder why older folks like listening to songs from a long time ago, when there are much better music since; its because they are listening and reminiscing in their minds the memories during the time of the song, for sound is a powerful invocator of memories.
I shall begin in the next post.
And to all who do not want to forget, let’s begin too.
我有过的一切你给的最美
I shall call her LL here.
After being together for maybe 3-6 months, I realised she and I were emotionally bonding stronger than I have had in previous relationships.
I took time to think about it and 1 small but significant event was the clue.
It was our first date, and I ordered KFC.
As we prepared to eat, she knocked over her drink.
I just stopped what I was doing, cleaned it up, shifted seats and gave her my drink and prepared to continue.
I noticed from my peripheral vision that she did not move. I looked up at her and she just sat there like a helpless little girl.
We spoke mandarin.
你不骂我吗
？(Aren’t you going to scold me?) It was in a very small soft girl’s timid tone.
你是故意的吗 ？（Was it intentional ?)
She shook her head.
那我骂你干嘛 ？（Then why should I scold you?)
It was just a very minor thing for me, because I have knocked and spilt countless drinks myself, but it seemed so major to her then. I did not think much, but it was what she said after than imprinted the whole incident on me.
你对我真好
。 （You are so good/nice to me)
I think I was unwrapping my chicken burger or something, do not remember what I ordered, my focus was preparing sauce or something and such my head was slightly downwards. What she said surprised me, and I did not know how to reply or process it, and it just turned into nonchalance on my part as I continued.
Over time, I realised that both her parents and mine had one trait similar in parenting.
Scold first, scold again, does not matter what really happened.
When you are really young 4-12 years, such parenting are magnified several times.
It made me rebellious under this type of upbringing, it was not as though I wanted to make mistakes, shit happens. And I started to distrust my mother’s judgements and reasoning.
And her parents made her timid, yearning for approval.
This seemingly small thing, was a massive soul embrace for the both of us.
And LL had my non-judgemental understanding, I knew shit happens, and was meh, and she realised that even if she made a mistake with or around me, I was just meh. It relaxed her, lifted a massive weight off her psyche, and she could be carefree with me. Something I don’t think she had before.
And the lovemaking, as time progress, it became better and better, more and more intimate emotionally.The longer we were together, the more I had it, the better it was.
I came in her mouth, I came in her canal, I came in her anus, each time an uncontrollable explosion of utter comfort and satisfaction, of content and warmth, of lust and love.
I taught her to talk dirty, to let herself go, and I want to think, I taught her to love.
During lovemaking, this was almost always standard, with more variations added in as time passed on.
说我要听的话。 (Say what I want to hear)
我有很乖， 很听话。有乖乖做你的小女人， 让老公安心
. ( I have been obedient, and listened to you. I have done nothing to be worried about (context lost in translation)).
还有呢 ？（And?)
我只把腿开给老公，给老公用， 让老公舒服，让老公为所欲为，无孔不入，要怎么样都可以
我做老公的骚货，做老公的妓女，一辈子只会是老公的女人，给老公用
.
(I will only split my legs for you, for you to use, to let you be happy. You can do whatever you want, put it in any hole, anything you want. I will be your slut, your whore. I will be your woman for the rest of my life, for you to use.)
I would put my thumb to her lips as I thrust in her, and she would suck on it, lick it, grab hold of my hand, pull it deeper and go at it.
I would take out my cock in the midst of making love and put it in her mouth and start to mouth fuck her and she would wrapped her lips and cheeks to tighten and increase the feel for me.
I would tell her to guide it in as I was face to face on top of her, and she would feel for my erected penic and guide it to her anus, which was my favourite for several reasons.
The incredibly tight feel, it constricts the penis. You
FEEL everything.
It was painful to her, and she did not enjoy it. But she wanted to make me happy and she always, always, gave it to me. And it made me love her more, and the love became more intense, and I wanted her more and more.
The best thing was that I got to cum in her, not having to do withdrawal, which I have always done with all other gfs.
And withdrawal is seriously anti climatic.
For once, I did not need to worry about pregnancy.
And so she was the one who gave me the best orgasms, as we strived to let the other enjoy.
LL would let me cum whichever hole I wanted. Cos all it mattered to her was what I wanted, for she knew, I would love her more, and our love for each other was a drug we could not quit.
Going down on her, my lips and tongue, working at her moist canal, my eyes lifted towards to see her expressions.
My hands roaming on her full C breasts that had never understood gravity.
And oh how she suck and loved on my penis, gorging on it, trying to force it deeper and deeper into her mouth.
Challenging herself to make me feel better than the last time.
And how gentle she was with it, slowly and surely sucking on it, sucking on the sides, licking the whole shaft.
I remember telling if she was tired or sore, just use her hands to fondle for a while. She would do as I say for maybe 30s to 1 min, and then continue with her mouth.
She
NEVER
stopped and came up to me to imply she was done.
She waited for me to stop her.
It was a wonderful period in my life.
And there’s so much more, I know there is so much more.
But I cannot recall them…..
I do not wish to think I have early onset dementia.
On my good days, where I get plenty of sleep from pills, my memory is almost clear.
But pills have drawbacks and I take it sparingly.
There are somethings that are seared deeply that some do not forget no matter what, even if it is dementia. Could be something as common as wanting a favourite food, or reliving a past at previous times.
No one knows what happens when things are subconsciously dredged out from the recesses of one’s memories.
If I do have dementia, I hope what I will be forget what I wrote, for I would probably repeat it and break the heart of she who is with me now.
At some stage, it is better for one to forget, if reliving it hurts the one closest to you.
Previous sentence is kind of bs isn’t it. Feels that way as I look at it
There’s a reason why some people don’t stay who they are.
Sometimes, love just ain’t enough.
我曾难自拔于世界之大
也沉溺于其中梦话
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Turnip
I do miss my 2nd gf.
I was her first guy. A timid by nature girl, but curious and very submissive and willing on sex.
Once when I did doggy on her, I rubbed her anus and wondered aloud if it could be entered(I was still very young then, not sexually knowledgeable) She responded as Yes, I can do her there if that is what I want.(did not happen tho, being still sexually green)
There were other stuff. Yeah, but I do miss her and think of her, as well as my previous gf.
LL was the previous gf in the above quote.
KK was my second gf, and this shall be about her.
LL and KK had some things in common.
They have deference for their other half, they don’t mind having decisions made for them, as long as they got to be with the other half.
I started work and tasted financial independence.
I was young, exuberant, energetic, spirited.
She was my colleague, an average looking quiet girl who nonetheless always had a smile when you approached her.
And as quoted above, I was her first bf.
My first gf and sexual experience happened when I was still young, unable to book hotels or chalets, and definitely too young to bring a gf home overnight.
So all sexual occasions were rather time constrained, and being green, just the normal thrusting, though was still epic for me then.
With KK, I got her to spend overnight at my place.
And I got drunk with enjoyment with her body.
It was not the first time I had someone give me a blowjob(the first time sucked, it was paid), but KK was actually mentally prepared and got better and better.
Apparently she was one of those timid but curious girls that read erotic stuff and wondered how it really felt.
KK was a tall, slim and fair girl, nice B breasts, shapely long legs.
Whenever I went to her nips, I taught her to squeeze her breasts for me.
When I went down on her, I taught her to grab my hand and put it on her breasts.
As I took her, she would always try to kegel, to make it feel tighter for me.
And she would ask me
喜欢吗
？ Do you like it ?
I always replied Yes and kissed her deeply.
It felt so warm and sincere.
Once, when I got horny, and asked her can we do it, I got the best reply ever since and never again.
我都是你的人了，你要对我怎么样都可以。
I am already yours, you can do whatever you want to me.
It is something you only hear from cliche movies, but she felt that was how it should be be, how she wanted to be, someone who made her man happy.
And I was the lucky Man-Boy.
I fucked her. I fucked her intense, I fucked her gently, I fucked her till each touch was electric and we got lost in each others desires and lust and love.
I remember the deep slow thrusts I did, each plunge determined to go deeper into her, to see her gasp. It was an expression I particularly enjoyed seeing for it boosted my ego very much.
And I like making her enjoy, for I really did felt something very close to love for her, it was the best I could do, being the rash youth I was then.
Later, I switched jobs, and the pressure was high. There were frustrations, setbacks, problems.
KK would still come over my place every weekend and we would make love.
But 1 weekend, I was too frustrated and we did not do it. I did not want to vent my frustration on her and take away the enjoyment from lovemaking.
The following week, as I was in her and feeling her wetness, I stopped and said I was sorry I did not touch her last week as I was frustrated and did not want to use her as a vent.
She looked at me for a bit, said nothing and then put her arms around me and pulled me in and held me tightly.
And I continued to enjoy her body, comforted by her embrace.
After the love, in my arms, she said to me.
以后你就用我来发泄
In the future, you can use me as a vent.
She said something else after, but I cannot fucking recall, cannot remember…..
That sincere tone of willingness and submissiveness both pierced into me and embosomed me with warmth and love.
To have someone love you so much, you cannot help but be touched.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
I took her again, held her tightly in my arms as she held me in hers.
It was not lust this time, it was a contentment of - She is mine, Fuck the world for there is nothing else better.
I whispered to her to say it again.
以后你就用我来发泄
I pushed deeply into her. I told her to say it again, and again and again.
Each time I tried to be deeper into her. And she was so so wet that time. I think we both felt the difference. It was an intrinsic mutual desire to be one.
The bliss.
….
She was also the first girl to take my pulsing penis into her mouth to welcome my essence. Her lips furiously working the shaft of my throbbing cock to not lose the momentum.
And the release felt so explosive as I held her head in my hands and mouth fucked her, erupting all my seeds into her.
And she took it all, continuing to suck on my cock even after I had stopped thrusting. I did not notice if she swallowed, did not matter to me then.
But that was the best orgasm I had with her.
For I did not like the feel of condoms and always used the withdrawal method, as I have always been careful to not have pregnancy occur, even with my very first gf.
And as I have said before, withdrawal is just so anticlimactic.
I never did do anal with her, nor act out her fantasy.
For I may have been a man while ravaging her.
I was still an impulsive thoughtless selfish boy exploring the world.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
funfox
Nice share bro turnip.
I’m enjoying your posts and they do trigger some memories of early rendezvous of mine. Keep going bro. Upz u
Thanks Bro, but I only have LL, KK and my current girl that I do not want to forget, but will not be writing about my current girl.
I do have more than a few I do not want to remember
My next one will just be the haze period of my life, after LL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Blackenrose
I never knew why he chose me……
but the kind of safe and warm feeling he gave me, really can’t forget.
Hello Sis, thanks for sharing.
It is always good to have a view from the other side.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
rotaryshooter
my first visit to a China sauna joint.
Until today, i still think of her and ‘what if she never see me at the lift lobby’.
And this is my story of the gal and sex i never want to forget.
**i too lazy to write all the sex parts. it was really good.
Ahhs, they come and they go, but in the mind they will stay with us.
Thanks for sharing
因为路过你的路
因为苦过你的苦
所以快乐着你的快乐
追逐着你的追逐
Wrote quite a bit.
Deleted them all.
Everyone need different things, everyone wants different things.
One size does not fit all.
But when you know you are happy and content, cherish it.
Everyone fucks up. Everyone.
Its who remains with you throughout that matters.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Touch
During secondary school, after class
But it is a very sweet memory for me
Quote:
Originally Posted by
monger02
Happening in 2010. I was part of the company that organised a conference in SG.
This is one of the sweetest memories but a huge regret. Why regret? I should just push it in! Haha. My dick head was already rubbing her wet oussy lips. Oh well, that makes life more interesting.
Thanks for sharing brothers.
The sweetness and warmth of times we have once lived through.
Perhaps our reminiscing is our best way of knowing that they left a cherished imprint on us.
And for me, not too sure what and how to write anymore.
No more particular girl that left a mark on me that did not fade quickly when out of sight.
What I do have is a period of haze after, where I went whoring so hard…so reckless.
So many girls, so furious the sex.
If not for some pics I took then, the memories may just be a speck that even time forgot.
I did upload the pics onto the forum, under a different nick.
Don’t remember the nick though and can’t find it, and I was so glad I found the pics again in my digital storage last year.
Thought it was lost for good.
Took sleeping aid last night, still feeling after effects, when my mind is clearer, will see if I can recall anything worthy enough to remember.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
beargyz
Happened almost 10 years ago, got together with a butch buddy from secondary school days.
Till this day, i still regret i didnt hold her back when she decided to leave SG,
Thanks for sharing.
Got reminded of a slim and tall tomboy I once knew, very pretty, and cause she was really tomboy, got along very well with her.
Very strange why I never targeted her, later got gf and became distracted, and then lost contact. Have not thought of her until your post.
Wonder how she is now.
As for your regrets, no way to know if she was the right girl for you, but most probably was the wrong time for both of you.
Boys mature slower than girls, even more so in this age of distractions and temptations.
The most important thing you need to ask yourself is, did you grow/learn from this relationship after.
I did not from mine, until it was too late.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
xiaozhi
My most regret is I lost the photo I take together with her and I also do not know why suddenly get cut off and stupide don’t even have her Facebook and only Line account which I think she block me.
Just want to forever remember this as I’m not handsome nor rich but this kind of thing happen is like strike toto first prize
Quote:
Originally Posted by
radax
Just wanted to join the gang here to say there was a girl i had 1year+ fun times with.
I wish her the best with her boyfriend (the reason for us stopping the partnership) and hopefully she is stepping into marriage at this time!
Thanks for sharing bros, it was good while it lasted, however short it maybe.
Hopefully for some other bros, something similar can come again.
Sometimes not being alone does not mean you are not lonely.
The heart yearns……
Sometimes, a chanced meeting between 2 lonely hearts.
For Bros seeking closure, wanting to know what happened, maybe this can help a little.