Thanks all brothers for your encourgament… my bros who know me for years
also did tried their ways to help me though it is nt very effective ways.. i
remember 8 months after my gf moved on.. they actually jio me to Ktv
lounge at Peace centre and i oblgied them… That nite.. they arranged a
Malaysian girl to sit with me while they fool around with their girls… Cant
really remember her name…i think is Cheryl if i dun remember wrongly..
Anyway that nite i am really tipsy after down quite a couple of glasses of
Martell and beer.. but physically i still honour her as a lady.. Towards the
end of the drinking sessions.. she pulled me away from the rest.. and bring
me to a quiet corner…
Me: y did u bring me here?..
she: if i dun bring u here… later u will be surrounded by girls who will ask u
for tips…
Me: Oh thanks… i then take out a 50 dollars bill and pay her for the tips..
She: i dun want… anyway u did not touch me..
Me: pls keep it.. as u have spent yr time sitting with me and nt forgetting
u have to earn a living here…
In the end, she keep the tips and bring me back to my brothers…
Once back to my brothers.. one of them suggested bringing the girls to 81 for bonking…
Gunner: guys these girls are k.. i suggest we bring them to the nearest 81 for
banging… steady or nt?..
Scouts: On lah.. mai tu liao… what abt rangers?.. cheryl u accompany my
bro.. he is dead drunk le…
Me: i dun want… my head is spinning …. i want to rest on bed…
what happened next.. i dun really remember le… anyway they are driving to the nearby 81 at lavender and i actually end up in the room with cheryl..
we are looking in each other eyes and we nearly frenched at that moment…
Gf: dear.. u will be outstationed to shanghai tomorrow.. but promise me u
will nt go to ktv clubs at nite and be unfaithful to me.
Me: no lah i will nt go there..
Gf: sure or nt.. u guys once outstationed will do things funny especially
when those ktv girls are so sexy and hot…
Me: i will nt do anything funny.. once i am done with the work for the day..
i will stay in the hotel room and msn u k…
Gf: promise?..
Me: yup and i will even use my spare time to shop for yr hello kitty..
At that sharp moment… my mind is filled with the memories of my gf and i stopped in time… and instantly i am more sober…
Cheryl: r u k?..
Me: yup.. we cant do that… stove $200 to her.. thanks for accompanying
me tonite.. u r a nice girl… i cant do that…
Cheryl am i nt attractive enough?..
Me: that is nt the issue…
Cheryl: then dun give me the money.. we did nt even do anything at all..
Me: just keep it… u have spent enough time with me le…
Note: Names havebeen changed to protect my friends…
but the intense emotion felt would be remembered throughout our lives.
What a precise statement to describe my feelings for her.. anyway back to the story….
Me: it is late now.. do u want to go hm for a rest?..
Cheryl: no lah.. can i stay here instead as i am very tired now..
Me: k then… i then rest on the dressing chair…
Cheryl: come and sleep beside me.. i wun eat u hehehe..
Me: no lah.. i prefer to rest here…
Cheryl: Erm.. r u married?.. she point to my wedding band..
Me: Yes and no.. shortly after i put on the wedding band on her ringer.. she
passed away..
Cheryl: what… and we paused for a long while..
Me: but i regard her as my wife…
Cheryl: your first time to ktv… her chatty mood is slowly back again..
Me: nope… at times have to entertain clients with my boss.. but i would
choose to reject girls for company…
Cheryl: Nt many men is willing to wear wedding rings… guess that she must
be the only love in yr life…
That nite we have a gd chat.. one of the longest chat in the past 1 year plus ba… perhaps the influence of liqour have help me to opened up myself…
Cheryl: dun u feel lonely?..
Me: Yup.. at times.. but i would numb myself with work.. lan gaming with
brothers.. no gf but many brothers who would stick to me for years.. if
not i would look at her photo and that will give me the strength to go
on….
Cheryl: hmm..
Me: sleep now… u must be tired le..
Slowly she dozed off… and i fall aleep soon on the dressing chair.. resting my head on the dressing table..
After that nite.. i confessed to my brothers that nothing have been done..
Gunners: what u spent $200 just to chat with her… whalan u damn winner
liao..
Me: but at least i dun feel guilty or anything..
Gunners: bring u to niteclub to enjoy bonking… that will perhaps help u to
not to think too much about her…
Me: bro.. i appreciate yr kind intention.. but it wont help…
Gunners: r u always so rational when it comes to relationships..
Me: bro if i am rational.. perhaps i would have get over her by now and
happily married le.. nope me nt rational but irrational…
Gunners: u need to move on with life… plenty of girls outside…
Back to the story, the next few days have nt been easy for me.. Unwilling to
have any develpments with her.. my gf sister, i choose to avoid her calls
and sms.. Finally i decided to have a gd tok with her to end this issue. After
organising my thoughts well of what to tell her.. i text her..
MeI: I dun expect things to develop to this stage.. but i only treat you as
my sister…
After texting her.. i resume with my work and wait for her reply..
Gf sister: Kor.. do u think we can meet up at the pub again as i need to tok
to u?..
Me: Nope at the pub.. it is better to remain sober if we need to tok..( After
the lesson with Cheryl.. i have learnt my lesson nt to drink as one thing
leads to another.)
Gf sister: K then.. meet you at Jack place at causeway pt.
Me: C u then.
After deciding on the appt.. i am rather anxious… cos i really dun know how
to reject her without hurting her so much… While i am debating with myself
of what to do.. my mobile rang… Cheryl called me and ask me to meet her
for dinner.. i declinled as i told her that i have something on le.. We have
been going out for a few times for dinner together as friends.. nothing
develops between us. By this time, she has know me well nt to ask me
about too much of my past with my gf as it will only trigger the sad memories of her…. Finally the time for me to meet my gf sister has arrived..
All along.. i dun feel gd abt meeting her… as usual she was already there
waiting for me at causeway pt.. i received a shock when i c her.. she was
dressed up in the same way as my gf.. exactly the same dressing that she
put on..
Me: Y r u wearing jie clothes?.. finally i found my tounge…
Gf sister: to give u a surprise mah… u once commented that jie look great
in this outfit.
Me: But u r nt her… Mei.. she is the only girl that i love in my entire life..
even if there is someone else in this world who look exactly like her..
i wun fall for her… even if she is my gf.. she wun be happy with me as
i am treating her as a subsiitue…
After this long statement we paused for a long while…
Gf sis: but kor i do have feelings for u… i am really touched when u took so
much time and effort to take care of jie without any grumbles..
Me: i am just doing what i ought to do. Nothing special abt it. listen to me:
mei u r young and pretty.. u deserve a better bf…. someone who will
really love you.
Gf sis: Up to now.. i knew that i am asking for the impossible…
Me: I dun want to treat anyone as a subsitiue.. especially u… Hope that u
will understand and honour my love for yr sis…
With this ending statment.. she was tearing… but i sat there.. nt daring to do anything to comfort her… the beef steak was left untouched on the table.. we have no mood to eat anything le…
Gf sis: i really envy sis..
We left the place after this statment… This time we were both quiet…
Me: i go this way… bye take care..
I went home.. feeling emotionally drained… i rang up my buddy for a drink at
a pub.. sensing my distressed voice.. he agreed to it..
Once at the ktv pub.. it is those clean pubs..
Me: bro i am tired..
Fatty; i know…
Me: dunno what i am doing…
Fatty: just realese yrself from the past.. it is torturing u…
Me: i tried but i cant… too much emotional entanglements going on… and i
am tired.. really need a rest le…
and i carried on with some of the sad songs.. songs that break my break…
Fatty; dun wallow yrself in sorrow anymore.. heard that Henson is going to intro some girls to u…
Me: i told him that i am nt keen le..
Fatty; give yrself a chance lah..
Me: no… nt insterested lah…
I am getting moody le… i know… everytime this topic is touched.. i get moody…
Me; Bro actually i have feelings for somone…
Fatty: i know must be Shirleen..
Me: wrong nt her.. anyway i always tell her to get herself a bf and she finally did..
Fatty: Then who… she must be very special then…
Me: Yes special enough to touch my heart again…
Fatty: Tell me more abt her..
Me: she have been though alot to believe in men again and true love
anymore..
Fatty: Sounds sad…
Me: she will need a lot of love and assurance to touch her again…
Fatty; sounds that u r disturbed by this issue..
Me: Greatly… cos i dunno what i shd do to assure her that i am serious abt
her..
Fatty: did u meet her before?..
Me: nope nt ready yet..
Fatty: Y…
Me: dun ask anymore… i also dunno… but once i am sure of my feelings for her.. i will go all out to go after her…
Fatty; i know u will cos u r a irrational guy.. but what if she is very ugly and fat…
Me: No regrets.
Fatty is one of my few brothers whom i really feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with him. Cos this brother really know me well. we have been friends since sec 1.. know him for 22 years le..
Me: Cheers to our friendship!
Fatty; Cheers to my bro who fall in love again!! hahaha!
Bros.. i will slowly go into the story with this girl.. let name her: snowy.. but i wun go into full details of her cos i need to protect her name… hope that u guys understand.. i am actually in the office now trying to rush through some documents…
Last thursday is my first phone converseration with her.. she is a gd listener..
a girl whom i really feel comfortable to tok to.. i dun need any liqour to open my heart to her… and i know.. something is nt rite… yup.. i do feel for her..
The first question which comes into my mind:
Is it too fast?..
Is she ready for it?..
but inside my heart is spinning.. my mind dun seem to work well… and i leaked out in msn that i care for her..
Stupid mistake i make… cos it scared her off… she is nt ready for it..
Of course she is nt ready cos it is too sudden and fast for a girl to accept..
but i know myself… if i dun tell her now.. i never will as i am a conversative guy… my past relationships with my 3 ex gf… is nt those of hasty encounters but through a period of time b4 relationsips are built.. but it is all lasting relationships that last for at leat more than a year…
So i leak out as my heart tell me so… but it is a wrong move…