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emotionally still empty.
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sometimes FL kanna bait and switch. knn..waste time and money.
Edited to fill in a bit more detail on the 2 gf!
Hi everyone. This kind of thing no one to discuss with. So hope the bros and sis here can just comment your two bits worth.
Here is some info on myself. Keeping somethings general to remain anonymous.
Profile: Married for more than a decade with children
Looks: Tall, but Dad Bod. I have been told I am good looking, and that I look in my 30s. When I dress up formally (at work) I know I do stun some of the ladies at work.
Financially: Stable. Good salary. Good side gigs
Situation at home: I am sure many bros here are the same. Wife is no longer interested in intimacy.
Situation outside: I have had two gfs over the past 5 yrs. They do not know about each other. Individually, each of them connected very well to me and me to them. Both needed me in some way, and I am always there for them. That was how feelings developed and turned intimate and how intimacy turned into a very deep emotional and physical connection with both. Both are married with kids.
The sex is awesome. I like to give a lot in a sexual relationship. Could give oral and tease the lady till they are bursting with desire before fucking them till heaven come. We often take leave to have staycations and fuck each other brains out. Or sneak out for dangerous public quickie sex in the car in secluded or even crowded car parks!
We also had a lot of toys to spice up every thing. Cock rings with vibrating bullets. and their favourite toys too.
Both came to an end at the same time. Since I am married and wont leave my family, they felt it wasn’t going anywhere.
I feel very emotionally lonely. Going to FLs solves the sexual urge but my relationship with both of them are more than just about the sex. Its a connection I have never felt with anyone else my whole life.
I am not sure what to do now. It has been a few months but thoughts of either of them keep crossing my mind. I dont know if I should
(a) try to find someone else (but im not sure where to find. I even tried Sugarbook but got conned a lot)
(b) keep trying with them (very depressing to keep getting rejected)
(c) forget all these, focus on family and making money and be rich enough to go FL 2 - 3 times a week and just don’t care so much about the emotions and connections.
I would like to hear your thoughts. If possible, do let me know if you are a guy or lady in your comments.
Thanks.
Someone who really needs someone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Fornikate
Go C bro.
I’m a guy.
Thank you brother… the saddest part of this is
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MisterBig
Why not go (a) and (b) at the same time?
For (a), You just need to get yourself out there in various social settings.
For (b), really don’t know about them. Some leave and will never come back. For these, you just have to let them go. But I do have 2 who kept saying they want to end, but never really did… just need to keep engaging them. Take a step back if you have to. Just don’t be too needy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tritonyeah666
continue with (b), as it seems your emotions with them are deeper than just a simple FB rship.
Thanks thanks. (a) not easy also. Later get recognised by mutual friends or what. As a working parent, our schedule really packed. Hard to have settings to meet new pple.
(b) I like what both of you said about B. Yes. It is a lot more. Most of the time, being there to help them with their stuff is satisfying for me already. Intimacy is just how i connect with pple im really into.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Fornikate
Or go D.
Throw caution to the wind. Seek happiness. Even if you fail, at least you tried. It’s a mid life crisis bro. One chance is all you’ll get….
It’s either that or suck it up and accept that A to C are all lousy choices that will make nobody happy.
My two cents.
I assume this means to leave my current marriage and try to find a new one?
With children not easy to make this decision. but thanks for your opinion. I see my friends with Viet or PRC gfs and wives, sometimes a bit envy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Durategra
I’d go with C and also maybe pick up a hobby or sport to fill in empty pockets of time. In the process you just may find another side flick. But priority would be still home.
Yeah. thanks for understanding home priority thingy.
One of the gf, i get to meet everyday, so connection was very strong. now no more.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Masquerader93
I’d go with (a) if I were you - but with maybe a better screening process. At least the girls there know what they’re getting into and relationships can be formed with time. Might be tedious to find the right one but same as any relationship right?
(b) sounds like a terrible idea. If you guys had a relationship then this would essentially be a breakup - not just for you but for them too. Doubt they’ll be having an easy time getting over a 5year relationship as well. And honestly, it comes off as pretty selfish seeing as the reason they left was because you can’t give them what they want. Nothing would change even if you did get them back? Not unless your relationship with them was enough for you to get a divorce? Plus, when you break up a second time it will be on bad terms and there’s I nothing off limits for a spiteful person
(c) works too, but not sure what you mean by focus on family? From how you’ve phrased it, sounds like you would consider that a pretty sad life? If so, makes me wonder why are you actually staying married… Anyway I do also think that when you feel “empty” inside, visiting FLs just makes it worse
Or you know, treat it as you would any break up and find activities to take your mind off it. You can’t really “replace” relationships and this shitty feeling of loss is just something you’ll just have to suck up and wait for time to heal
Dunno how to screen them… some just keep wanting a lot of money then block you. some even catfish… say young 30, meet that time is like almost 50 liao. .can be my sugar mummy liao. knn.
Totally agree with your take on point B. got big trouble nearly happened.
For (c) means to treat the past 5 years as a fairy tale chapter in my life and get back on with my normal story again.
Yeah. visit FL only gets the Edge off… emotionally feels worst. true. haiz
Quote:
Originally Posted by
crood
A) only want $$ , however not easy to meet on each other’s expectations, u could be only 1 of their choices or they lack of chemistry , unable to click etc
B) let them go bah … if a woman decide to leave, means they really want to leave.
If they are not getting good deal out of a relationship other than sex , there’s no reason for them to stay. Honestly no woman will like to be a side chick.
Moral issues aside, which woman will like fo “share”, who won’t want to be the main attention?
C) since you can’t leave the kids , just focus on them. Quite tiring to maintain so many relationships too.
Given a choice , I will choose to focus on my family and strengthen the love only with my spouse. The days of fun were over.
Thank you bro. I believe this is the right choice too. But I just feel so cheated of this marriage.
I can’t share more details otherwise pple might be able to guess who I am.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
surecatch
Post here (in this forum I mean) and look for a sugar baby…
Sure can find.
If not just go C while scrolling dating apps and find FWB…
Is it? I only have one friend who is successful in finding a realistic one, and have been “together” for more than a year.
Those that I met on Sugarbook only wanted a lot of money. OR maybe they wanted a range I couldn’t afford. Maybe like another bro said, have to screen more and try harder.
One I met, wanted $8K a month.
Another was very sweet and gentle and charming… she said she needed help and we met up twice. Showed me emails about some incident. I passed her money, she was so happy and everything and we made next arrangements. Next thing ghosted me and blocked me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
junior_cannibal
Let me assume your wife is Singaporean. Most Singapore women are similar, especially those who are married, have kids and have their own career. They will not feel they need to satisfy their husbands’ sexual needs, unless they also have strong urge themselves. They will tell you they are already so tired from their work, family and kids.
However, if they ever find out the husbands are having affairs, be it pure sex or one that has emotional attachment, they will likely flare up, thinking you have cheated on them. Not many will forgive and feel they are partly responsible.
As for the ladies outside, the single or divorced ones may want more than just sex, money and some emotion. If they like their men do much, will wish they can have them to themselves. When eventually knowing that won’t happen, they may leave.
It’s not easy to the men too, need to have two ‘faces’. A goody husband and an interesting bf.
Being human, when the gf decides to quit, its hard to let go if there were strong emotional attachment. In most cases, the man could be always have argument with wife at home while always blissful with the gf. However, be mindful, living with someone is never the same as seeing someone. If the roles switch, quarrel be also be common with the gf who’s now the wife.
With the above, I just want to say,
1 seeking another gf is not something you can do deliberately. If there’s such a person, when she comes along, very likely it will happen again. Just be mindful, similar ending might cause some heartache again
2 try speaking to your wife about your needs. Or try to create some romance to see if that will make any difference
3 finding FL for someone that needs to have some emotion can be dangerous. If you fall for one FL who’s a gold digger. Good luck. I have a friend who practises not seeing the same FL twice. Even that might not work, if you chance upon one that’s super GFE. Since you can get conned in Sugarbook.
Thank you bro for the wise words. Will add your opinions into my reflection moments.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Durategra
Hmm with all outside of home activities, time is taken away from home. Time management is extremely crucial. Even though it’s fizzled out with your wife, your kids are still in the picture. 10-20 years down the road, you don’t wanna end up regretting whatever decisions you make now.
The easiest fix is going for paid transactions.
I know exactly how you feel about the kind of emotions and overall feeling you experience when you have a gf or 2 outside. It’s more than words can say, the whole physical coupled with emotional experience is something that can never be replaced with a commercial transaction.
A regular FL may be a “solution”. Someone you can establish decent chemistry with yet, it’ll remain still transactional. You don’t feel these feeling hanging over your head like you are now. Just my 2 cents worth..
Wow, i never saw it that way before. Like a regular FL. Usually i find FL from OKT. How to find one regular one? Exchange numbers if i see someone I like ah?