Quote:
Originally Posted by
HCISB
the best is to seek e professional consultant on marriage… is on new paper when some abuse case is reported =x well if u love ur kids there sure to be some love ur wife too ….. sometime we are jus blinded ….like ghost cover eyes.. den we do the wrong move when one can’t overcome the uncomfortable times… is not easy to walk so far… I believe ur wife is also facing the same music as u…. Communication is on the RED …. talk to ur wife…. bring her out for romantic dinner ….
thanks bro. i know your advice means well. However, its really too late for my case. I have no love for her at all at this stage and honestly I cannot stand the sight of her.
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Originally Posted by
Loving_Dickhead
Bro, I wish you well too. Everyday onwards from today as my message goes.
I am not too old but have went through quite a lot in life. Some good bro told me, “A Wife’s best friend is the Husband’s worse enemy” - it can never be a stronger statement than as it is. Should the wife’s best friend is one with lose values, the situation categorically can be much worse.
.
Thanks bro. your statement above hit on the spot. It all started to take a turn for the worse when her so called “best friend” who was in the midst of a separation with her own husband started to go out frequently with her for “drinks”. Thats how she ended up clubbing frequently. We dont club a lot during our courting days so maybe its her way of enjoying things she missed before. Sigh!
Its been almost 3 years since i first posted. Thought maybe its time i update my status and share whats happened since. Well….. divorce negotiation has lasted for coming to 2 years since i initiated divorce proceedings. we are still negotiating the ancilliary matters and have even gone to 2 mediation session with a judge but still unable to come to an agreement. I have also changed to a second lawyer as my first lawyer was too “soft” and was not suitable in case i end up going to trial.
Sigh. Life goes on and I am even more attached to my kids then before. I suppose the long delay could be my subconscious effort to delay the inevitable. Though my career is going well, I am lonely and miserable without a partner to share with.
Gut feel tells me that there is high probability i will end up going to trial and the negotiation will eventually break down. even though my second lawyer tells me that the Singapore court favors the mother, I think I owe it to myself to do my best for the kids as I truly believe i am the better father. I am still home early and helps the kids with their homework every nite while she came home at 11pm+ for the last 2 nites and some nites way past midnite.
Sigh…….
When will all these end.
Sorry to all bros here for my whining and venting. Need to let it out or else i will go mad.
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Originally Posted by
thomas88
I’ve only read the initial part of your posting and this page and realised that you’re still in this misery.
I’ve gone through almost similar case like yours for ten over years with my wife since the birth of my first daughter. During these period, we quarrel at the slightest matter and she’d not talk to me for months to the longest stretch of a year and a half.
The difference between your wife and mine is mine don’t stay out with friends at all but a very devoted mother. We’ve comtemplated divorce twice also but made up after thinking of the damage it could do to our kids. Now we don’t quarrel like before.
I really hope you’ll work out everything well and be free from this misery which I’ve been through for over a decade..
If my wife was a devoted mother, I would gladly let her have care and control of the children. unfortunately, she comes and goes as she pleases without sparing a thought for others and the kids. She never asks about the kids homework as she knows i am on top of it. She never cares about the kids day to day activities as she knows either me or my parents will take care of it. I know she loves the kids but only in a way where other people will do the dirty work while she only do those things that she likes to do. as i write this note, she is still not home and its my son’s birthday. sigh.
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Originally Posted by
ekemono
I would not encourage TS to start a divorce without some evidence that the marriage has broken down due to her. Bear in mind bros, the Women’s Charter is extremely biased towards the women. Any wrong move and TS may end up paying alot for the mistake.
I came to understand that TS’s wife enjoy the night life.
I also believe that as humans, we instantly are attracted to people who share the same “lifestyle” with us. And with an opposite sex, the attraction may develop further.
So I urge TS to investigate into her night activities. With suspicion of adultery one can seek a PI services as at later period these evidence can be extremely helpful for TS.
In a generic term, if both TS and the wife doesn’t have a wide age gap, then salvaging the marriage are another positive avenue to take.
However, in some instances, a young mind tends not be to so stable and grew to realised her needs are different from her current situation. Thus, her defiant brings unhappiness to the family and marriage.
No matter the situation, without evidence favourable to TS, do not initiate a divorce. That’s how it sucks in SPG
With my limited England, hope it make sense to TS
Thanks bro. Yes, u r right. the Womens Charter is firmly protecting the mother regardless of whether they are good or bad. both my lawyers have advised me that my chances are slim based on my circumstances. However i am not giving up without a fight. I am trying to be as amicable as possible and have given in a lot including care and control. All i am asking for is more access time. However her recent actions are giving me cause to suspect that she may just want to cut me out of my kids life.
BTW, our age are very close.
I wonder why is it we cannot remain amicable for the sake of the children. Anyone watches Cougar Town where the lead character still remain in good terms with her ex husband despite the divorce? Why cant my wife be like that? HAHAHAHHAA. i know i am being silly to compare my case to a TV show. I really do wish it was like that. Divorce doesnt mean we cannot be friends despite the divorce. Sigh. I miss the companionship so much (not just sex). I miss having to come home and share my day with my love one. I miss the care and love showered on me by my companion (other then my kids
) I guess i am just lonely and miss the feeling of being loved and of giving love. I look forward to the day when all this is behind me and I can find someone who will love me and for me to love her.
To all the bros who posted comments. THANK YOU. It helps to hear your support.
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Originally Posted by
Softcore
Having seen my parents divorce, I can tell you from first hand experience that staying together for the sake of your kids will serve as a more traumatic experience. It is very unhealthy for your kids if they see you ignoring, quarrelling, bickering, scolding or laying blame on your wife everyday.
Do your kids a favour and have a quick divorce, then explain to them why you and your wife had to divorce.
Thanks bro. I totally agree thats why i only found the courage to initiate divorce 2 years ago. Its not normal for parents to treat each other as strangers in the same household. sigh. As much as i want a quick divorce, i am worried about the kids if i do lose access to them.
Just watched a music video from Bon Jovi on MTV and the lyric goes “What do you got if you ain’t got love…..”. Makes me think…….
Thanks again to all bros who posted their advices and encouragement. Cheers.
Its been almost 5 years since I started this thread. In a way its like self therapy and a way to allow me to vent my frustration. In case you are all wondering whats the outcome since. I finally had my divorce finalised early 2011 (legally I am single now). However, all is not done as the ancilliary matters have yet to be resolved till today. Every time, when we had an agreement in front of her lawyers or the mediator, she would back tracked and change her mind. It left me no choice but to eventually pulled out of further negotiation when her demands became unreasonable and fight her in court. I am now in the midst of filing my second affidavit and its frustrating when she blatantly lies in her first affidavit. I am no sitting duck and have also secretly prepared my own arsenal to defend my case. As much as I had hoped to be amicable for the sake of the children, this is now no longer possible. I only hope I can receive a fair judgement eventually and hope for the best for the children. Its gonna be another long road ahead and i foresee no closure to this for at least another 6-12 months to finalise the anciliary matters. Hope to have a happier 2013.
Bro Kockadood, honestly, there is no magic formula. people change after some time. Today’s modern women have high expectations and are no longer similar to the older generations. sigh! Good luck though.