Brother
Sorry to tell you the hard truth. Your wife loves to club and stays out late at night. With you ignoring her, she is probably already having many affairs outside. Question is do you want to close a blind eye and pretend nothing has happened?
All guys go clubbing with a single intention. Get ONS. If you wife is a hot babe. Your marriage is as good as gone.
Advise to all brothers out there. Hot babes that love clubbing are for lovers. Want a good wife, pick one that stays at home and see you as the center of her universe
Maybe Bros here would like to indicate their age band i.e 40~45 or 30~35 when they pour out their woes here. I think a sexless marriage for 30+ male and that for a 40+ male may be quite different.
Since you are not fucking your wife … bet she is already being fucked by others. Go consult a divorce lawyer…you may not have to lose your kids to her (she may not even be interested to keep them as it would cramp her life-style). If PI can dig up evidence of her loose lifestyle…the judge may not think her as a suitable parent compared to you.
You are young enough to be lucky the second time round…only this time choose your partner more carefully!
You have only one life…a loveless marriage is a waste of your life…trust me I know…I have been in it long enough.
Brfore you do anyting stupid, my advice is for you to really take a good look at yourself before putting your unhappiness solely on the shoulders of your wife. It always take 2 hands to clap.
As for SDMM please do not be so fast to make a judgement that women who cheong or party are just out for flings like men. Have you ever thot why the wife of the threadstarter is partying so much? None of us here know the true answer so I think we should reserve judgement and give advice to him on how to save his marriage. I dun think most people here want to see our threadstarter children here end up in a broken home.
After reading your story, I empathize with you and the predicament you are in.
If you are still want to salvage your marriage, maybe you should see a marriage counseller. Lack of proper communication for a period of time will make both parties drift further apart. Looks like both of you have different interests and also different outlook in life. In short, sorry to say….not compatiable. Frankly speaking,
if no immediate damage control is taken, the outcome will be heading towards a big rock. So if you still value this relationship, work something out. Be more proactive or else prepare for the worst. Hope you can work out something quick.Pardon me, I am no expert just my approach in your case.
many thanks to all the bros who have replied. Yes. I should shoulder part of the blame and I have never fully blamed her. God knows i have tried many times to salvage the love and marriage before. She never liked clubbing before until a friend of hers went thru her divorce and started to spend more time with her. I pleaded with her to come home and spend more time with the kids and to stop frequenting the clubs or the very least lower the frequency. Things have changed since we got married and had kids. Her career is going well and i think she started to enjoy things which she never did in the past. I know she loves the kids in her own ways and at her own convenience. I say this because she will prioritise her own lifestyle activities above the family or the kids whereas i am the other way around.
i am always open and affectionate before and the “i love u” words will flow frequently when i was with her eventhough she does not reciprocate.
She has changed a lot since our marriage. I have even approached my relatives for help and they also acknowledged that she is stubborn person. I really dunno why she changed so much. Though she says i am the cause but i think deep down inside she just needed someone to blame for her behaviour. It is always someone elses fault but never hers. in all my years with her, she has never ever admitted anything is her fault or said a word of sorry to me.
Yes i have no one to blame but myself for marrying her.
In case, bros here are wondering, i am in my late 30s and would consider myself a presentable guy and not some fat ugly slob so looks isnt the reason why my wife is behaving this way. hahahah! i think. :P
sad to hear that there are other bros here with similar problems. sigh!
I am very inclined to hire a PI, does any bros here have any good referrals at reasonable rates. Dont ask me to go to those in Peninsula Plaza. I have my reasons for not doing so.
Maybe we should form a support group for married men with such issues.
thanks again to all bros who have given their advices.
Time flies and it has been 2 years since my 1st posting. a bro dropped me a PM to wish me well and reminded me of this thread when i had totally forgotten about it.
Did bring back a lot of memories and thought maybe i should post an update on my situation. Well, divorce proceedings are finally underway and we are in the midst of negotiating the settlement terms. its been almost 1 year since i initiated the divorce. sigh! yes its taking much longer than i expected.
My kids have grown up abit and i am still very close to them and love them dearly. Their mother is still unreasonable and still comes back late frequently and do whatever she likes without a care for the children.
we have agreed on joint custody and i am willing to give her care and control to avoid a bitter custody battle. I know its tough for a father to win in most divorce cases.
Anyway, still wide awake at 2am as i just drafted a reply to my lawyer in response to my wife’s propsoed settlement terms. We dont even talk to each other though we still stay in the same house albeit diff rooms.
Hopefully this will end soon and i can start my life anew.
Happy chinese new year to all the bros here in advance.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cheonging101
Bro TS, sounds like a great start already.
Also, if you can prove to the court with witnesses on your (soon-to-be-ex) wife’s daily schedules, you can actually win full custody and deny her most of her settlement terms (which I think should be hefty) on the grounds of her ineptitude as a wife & mother.
With full custody, the battle is half-won.
unfortunately its not as simple Bro. no witness except my maid as my parents wont qualify to be reliable and impartial witness though they used to stay with us back then. She can also claim to be working late.
My lawyer and based on my research tells me men will always be at the losing end as the court prefers to grant care and control to the mother. All i want is fair amount of access time including overnites and children maintenance money going to the care of kids and NONE for her. So far, she claims to not want alimony but then her asking for children maintenance is enough to feed her besides the kids.
Since my first posting back in 2007, my love for her has died and there is no turning back. I hate her for causing this family to break up. Why can’t she recognise that she has a responsibility to the kids.
To be fair, she loves the kids but she just does not want to be responsible for taking care of them daily. as i write this, its pass 10pm and she is still not home. Whereas, I rushed back from a business function so that i can help my daughter in her spelling test for the next day.
Sigh. Its mentally tiring to have to deal with her nonsense and irrational settlement terms.
Thank you all bros for your kind words of encouragement and support. I wish you all well in the new year.
thanks bros. yes, i have some evidence at hand. however i am trying my best to settle this amicably as i feel thats best for the kids. not healthy to see 2 parents fighting. if i “show hand” now, i think it will be a very long drawn battle. i wish to avoid that unless i am forced to one corner.