In a relationship with someone with NPD. Advice needed

She is one of the weirdest person I have been with. Always tantruming. Always angry. Always jealous. In one such episodes, I stopped my car by the road. Walked over to the passenger side. Asked her what i did wrong again. Pleaded with her to tell me.

“I like you to be anxious over me”, she replied with a sudden giggle

It was then that I realized the person I am with has some mental issues. No sane person likes to derive satisfaction by tormenting a partner.

************

************

I searched. There is a condition called NPD, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is a personality disorder characterized by the personality traits of persistent grandiosity, an excessive need for admiration, and a personal disdain and lack of empathy for other people.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5, 2013) indicates that a person with NPD possesses at least five of the following nine criterias.

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.

2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people.

4. Requires excessive admiration.

5. Has a sense of entitlement.

6. Is interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends).

7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

*************

*************

I checked off the list. She scores 8 out of the 9 attributes. Every outing with her has a 75% chance of her exploding on me. What I did wrong. What I said wrong. What I did to offend her. Why I didn’t care about her feelings etc

I get blamed so often that I feel there is something intrinsically wrong with me. She enjoys venting on me, so that I can “understand her feelings”. She enjoys making me apologize all the time, so that I will cower to her needs.

She wins every argument till I give up arguing with her.

I feel very manipulated. I feel emotionally drained and tired. The relationship is toxic.

Has anyone been in a relationship with someone like this before? Any advice on what I should do?

Read every comment. Thanks everyone. Somehow I feel better after hearing your stories. At least I am not suffering alone. The nipple one is hilarious. Thanks bro.

Mine is just as entitled. Same same. Shouts at me in crowded malls when I forget to offer to carry her shopping bag. Decides which chat groups I can join. I talk to a mutual friend (girl) with her around, she gets jealous. The reverse is not true. I am not allowed to query her which guys she talks to. Which I cant be bothered to anyway. Then she accuse me of not being anxious over her. Sigh. Damn unreasonable. Do, kenna. Dont do, also kenna.

Another mutual friend poke fun at her she is ok. When I repeat the same joke in private, she hammer me jia lat. Different treatment. Like I owe her something bec I am in a relationship with her. Dont text her for 2 days, she angry. Text her everyday, she will scrutinize all my words and find a reason to be angry. Damn stress. Worse than typing work report.

During CB, hint to me no one buy BBT for her. I deliver BBT to her one night. End up get scolding because she said I havent been paying attention. She dont eat sugary stuffs at night. Guilt trip me for a week. Like this also wrong.

Basically, cannot cross a week without her throwing some sort of tantrum at me. All the bizarre reasons will come out. Don’t even bother arguing. It is always my fault. She is never wrong. Will twist the logic to make sure she is always right and then shout/scream at me to enforce her reasons.

Btw she is a divorcee, not young. Like a bro said. Pretty so what. Got sex so what. I am damned emotionally drained.

If there is a bro who successfully managed such a relationship, please do share. Am still holding out for some hope. But I think it is a lost cause. Sigh…

Quote:

Originally Posted by

hakone

It seems like she is your FWB, who can have emotion, just not a romantic relationship.

Did you try to tell her about how you feel?

Best is to stay as platonic friends for now if you want to continue the friendship with her. Otherwise leave her.

Can talk no need come here ask for advice le. Anyway NPD pple no empathy. True to form, she doesnt care / is unable to understand how I feel. Talk more will quarrel. So I didnt bother. Will give your advice serious thoughts thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by

ludwig19

Yes bro you are right, you deserve to tio flame haha.

Anyway your life, your choice la. Sooner or later the shit will override the friendship. You can tahan, good for you. Cannot tahan, then common sense will dictate your next move. Good luck 😀

Knew it. Haha. I deserve it anyway. Nvm. Just have to move along. Thanks

Can ask what is everyone’s opinion on this?

So I went out with her on Sat. She emo whole night from dinner. Blackface. Angry with me over something but refused to tell me. Then I brought her to ECP beach. Set up table and chairs myself. Tried to placate her. We drank a bottle of wine. Finished wine 1.30am. I packed up tables and chairs. Pushed everything myself back to the car. It was quite a distance away. She did not help. Before leaving the car park, I muttered “Cant believe you did not lift a finger to help me”.

“Stop the car, let me out!”, she demanded. “I will grab home”.

I scared offend her further. Did as instructed. Stopped the car. She got out of the car. I drove home.

Didnt contact her. Three days past. I texted her. She now accuses me that “my anger is more important than her safety”.

I asked her what is my anger? What safety are you talking about?

She accuses me of being angry bec she didnt help and therefore I made a mean remark. Hello I was exasperated, the walk is 20 mins each way, i had to push trolley 2 chairs, table, wine, bluetooth speaker, drinks, ice etc so I muttered I cant believe you didnt lift a finger to help. It was a passing comment, made out of exasperation not anger. And the truth is she cant be bothered to help me carry even a single plastic bag.

She claims her safety was compromised bec I left her at the carpark at 2am. She has to find her way home herself.

I told her Hello, you asked me to stop the car so that you can get out and grab home yourself. I did as you instructed. Now you blame me??

She said she got out bec I made that mean remark so it is all my fault. Everything is I wrong. I am supposed to be her slave. Do all the work. Not expect help and not “complain”?!

Now she is tantrumming. With all the accusations that I dont care about her safety.

I find the whole saga shocking. I did as instructed to let her out of my car and now I am to be blamed for compromising her safety. What safety concerns?! Girls cannot take grab at 2am? Sg very dangerous meh?

To me, this is so unreasonable it is psychotic. I did as instructed. Now I am to be blamed. But just to make sure I am not losing my mind, can anyone pls comment and advise pls if I did wrong? What will you do if you were me?