Xiao Zhao and I start thinking about where to seek help. I thought about looking for my beggar bros, but the elders are too strong for them and I don’t want them to sacrifice needlessly. If only my shifu Zhou Botong was here, he’d make light work of the two old kidnappers. Xiao Zhao snuck out of Persia so apart from the loser gang who had abandoned her, she has no more connections.
As we made our way through a forest to the city, we heard animal sounds coming from left and right. I’m too weak to fend them off and we quickened our footsteps, hoping to escape quickly. The sounds of wolves howling got louder and louder, and we were soon surrounded by a dozen pairs of menacing eyes. Shit, I was gonna die fucking a chiobu, I didn’t escape only to die kena eaten by wolves! I’d rather we went back to the cell!
Suddenly, we heard a lion’s roar that scared off all the wolves. Lagi worse, now kena eaten by lion! Xiao Zhao screamed in horror. To our surprise, we hear a human voice respond.
“Xiao Zhao…is that you?” said the voice.
“That voice…oh my god! It’s Uncle Xie!”
Who would have expected we would meet Ming Sect’s famous Golden Haired Lion King in the middle of a forest. He emerges from the woods with his famed golden mane, but his eye pupils are white as he’s blind.
“What are you doing here uncle?” asked Xiao Zhao.
“Looking for you of course! Your mom thought you would learn your lesson and come back after running away from home, but I was worried and tracked you down to this area.”
“Hello uncle.” I said, as I want to make my presence known before things get awkward or he accused me of being disrespectful. He turned to me and sniffed his nose a little.
“You guys fucked?” he asks. We were both shocked.
“Uncle! Don’t say this kind of thing…” said a embarassed Xiao Zhao.
“I can smell his siao all over you, and your juices all over him. Never marry already cannot tahan, you young people!” he lectured. “And of all people, you pick this guy, voice so soft like guniang liddat. I think his IQ also at most 80 points!”
Ninabeh cheebye! I never disturb him he insult me until liddat!? I pointed my middle finger in his face which he grabbed firmly, hurting me.
“You think I cannot see? I can still hear you pua peh yau siu kia!”
“Ow ow ow! You cheebye!” I yelled.
“Uncle, stop hurting my future husband! We have more important things to tend to!”
Lion King let go, and Xiao Zhao is able to explain to him the helpless girls being imprisoned, and we must rescue them asap. But I was hesitant. The two elders are no match against my Dragon Palms when I’m at full strength, but Lion King isn’t exactly a top tier hero. He is at best as strong as either of the elders, if they gang up on him it’s gg.
“I suggest we go back out first, let me recuperate before we take them on again.” I said.
“Ha! By the time you’re ready those women already kena sold halfway across China! We must go now. I know what you’re thinking, you see me no up. But you haven’t seen my trump card!”
He brings out his weapon from behind his back, and Xiao Zhao and I were both stunned. Holy shit, it’s the Dragon Sabre, 屠龙刀!
“Where the hell did you find that, Uncle!?” asked Xiao Zhao.
“I ran into an auction and stole it! With this, don’t say two elders, twenty elders I’m also not scared!”
Twenty? This big cannon fairy. Although it’s true that with the legendary sabre, he should be able to take out both elders, it easily increased his power level by 10,000 at least. I agree to act now.
“Ok, we will go now. First, we need a plan.”
Xiao Zhao and I returned to the mansion with Lion King as we decide to split up. Lion King will attract the elders with his roar, so as to lure the elders away and prevent them from using the women as hostages again. We hear his legendary roar, and see the tall elder, along with short elder who’s still nursing his wounds, leaving to check it out. We enter the prison and quickly grabbed the keys on a table to free the women, as the sounds of Lion King doing battle with the elders could be heard from the rooftops.
They fought ferociously and the elders soon found themselves outmatched by the buffed Lion King.
“Bloody Lion King, play cheat! Without the Dragon Sabre, we would have already killed you, you blind fuck!” yelled the tall elder who has taken a few blows from being knocked by the blade. Lion King retorts.
“Ha! Fight where got rules one? Prepare to die you stupid fucks!”
Short elder realizes they will surely perish if they continue battling him, and makes his escape. Tall elder follows suit.
“Pussies!” mocked a disgruntled Lion King, who had been eager to slay them with his weapon.
I could not help staring at their naked bodies as we freed the captive women, only to see Xiao Zhao staring at me angrily. Shit, how am I gonna tell her I already have one wife and two fiancee? Aiya worry about that later.
“Thank you, sir and miss. Those two perverted old men molested us everyday. At least they’re impotent so we still preserved our virginity.” said one of them. Another followed up.
“We are considered lucky. There’s a number of girls who have already been sold, I heard they got transported to Mount Wudang.”
“What? Mount Wudang, aren’t they all Taoists? Can’t believe they’re also a bunch of lechers!” Xiao Zhao exclaimed.
“We should investigate this further. Tell your blind fuck uncle we are going to Wudang!”
continued thanks to bros for support
-—————————————————
Lion King agrees to the rescue mission, but he forbade Xiao Zhao from going, insisting she return to Persia and answer to her mom for running off. He contacted his Ming Sect members to watch over her and ensure she gets back. Xiao Zhao and I kissed goodbye while I promised I will go to Persia and ask for her hand in marriage once I’m done.
So my plans to visit Peach Blossom Island take a back seat and I am off to Wudang with Lion King Xie Xun. Since he’s blind and I still haven’t mastered horse riding, we had to get a carriage. The journey was to take five days.
Dealing with him for five days is not easy. The blind fuck is a fucking cheapo, even more cheapo than me the beggar king. He keeps eating and using my stuff while claiming he couldn’t see, this lao cheebye. In retaliation, I stole the emerald pendant he usually hung around his neck while he slept, replacing it with a rock. This kumgong never realize still touch until so shiok.
After five days of travelling, we finally arrive at the entrance of Wudang Sect.
We entered and are greeted by one of their ginnas.
“Hi, may I know what’s the matter?” he asked.
I wanted to speak, but Lion King cut in, thinking he’s the leader. That blind fuck!
“We need to speak with your in-charge. We believe there are women being held against their will in here.” he said.
“What? How can that be? Please don’t sprout nonsense, this is a taoist institution!”
“No need to argue, just let us in and we’ll search for ourselves!”
Without warning, Lion King shoved the ginna hard enough to smash against the wall, passing out.
“Eh why you so rash! Do you think they will take kindly to us after we attacked one of them?” I yelled at Lion.
“These so called ‘good’ sects are all hypocrites. They are raping women inside and you still want to stand on ceremony with them?” he replied, and just barged in. I got no choice but to follow.
We enter the main hall and are quickly surrounded by Wudang disciples. The highest ranked master present is
Yu Lianzhou
, the number two of the famous Wudang Seven Knights 武当七侠, but the strongest of them. The remaining six probably throw mc never come.
“Halt! How dare you instigate violence in the hall of Wudang! I’ll give you one last chance to leave before I arrest you!” he roared.
I wanted to reply, but Lion King cut in again! Cheebye!
“I’m not sure we are the ones getting arrested…you bunch of rapists!” yelled the blind Lion, as he charged towards Yu. The other disciples intercept him and close in on us, as both of us fought a horde of about 80 Wudang disciples. Yu just eye power all the way.
The bloody Lion King, due to being blind, is disoriented by all the noises caused by so many people, and anyhow whack only, even hitting me!
“You blind fuck! You kena me three times liao!” I cried out to Lion.
“I must end this fast! Dragon Sabre time!” he replies as he takes out the legendary weapon from his back.
Walau! I kena his fists three times is already bad enough, he take out Dragon Sabre hack me once already gg! The Wudang students draw their swords accordingly. I stun.
“Eh, I got no weapon! Wait wait!”
They huanlo and continue attacking. I could only dodge with my Wave Striding Steps while Lion King continues to anyhow whack. I had wanted to conserve my chi for battle with Yu, but bobian, now is emergency!
“Dragon Regrets!”
I use my Dragon Palm to take out 20 Wudang disciples. Yu now realizes that I am no joke, and decides to join the fight. He flies in and came at me straight.
“Eh, you attack him for what!? I am the stronger one!” complained Lion.
Yu is fast and aggressive, using his Wudang Long Fist to maintain pressure on me, as I countered with my Kongming Fists. He boxed me in so well that I could not escape with my Wave Striding Steps, he’s probably the first person I’ve failed to escape from! We had exchanged about forty moves before breaking up. I had to pretend I wasn’t exhausted, but he didn’t even look one bit tired!
“You have good technique, young man. Who taught you that?”
“None of your lanjiao business!” I yelled, as I prepared for one more Dragon Palm, knowing I will lose if we keep up with this sparring. Since my chi is almost spent, I decide to revisit my most famous move.
“Dragon Masturbates!”
I managed to take him by surprise, but he still managed to dodge most of it! Shit! He incurred about 30% of the full wrath of my palm and nearly lost his footing.
“Not bad, young man! My turn!”
Jialet jialet!!! I see him powering up.
“Your Dragon is not bad, now taste my Tiger Claw!!!”
At this exact moment, everyone felt a shockwave on the ground and dropped their weapons. I think there was some sort of earthquake or seismic activity, only to see all the Wudang disciples kneel down and pay respects.
“Grandmaster!!!” the Wudang people, Yu included, said in unison. I looked up, and there he is.
Zhang Sanfeng
, the man himself, founder of Wudang Sect, standing on the rooftop.
“What is all this commotion? Lucky I came back early!” he said.
Lion King was undeterred and wanted to continue whacking the Wudang guys. Seeing this, Zhang flies down and knocks him out with a single tap! He subsequently confiscated the Dragon Sabre.
“Eh I dunno this uncle, I come here deliver Grabfood one!” I quickly shouted, fearing the wrath of Zhang Sanfeng. Zhang slowly makes his way towards me.
“Young man, come in and have a tea break.”
I explained the whole thing to Zhang and he is appalled, determined to uncover the truth. He ordered a search party of his trusted members to do a full search of the premises to find these women, but after a whole day of looking, they found nothing.
“Are you really sure your info is correct, young man?” Zhang asked me.
“Confirm! Those women wouldn’t lie to me. I think?”
“Hmm, the sky is getting dark. Your friend is still unconscious anyway, how about you spend the night here and we’ll discuss again tomorrow.”
“Wah that’s very kind of you! Ok steady!”
They prepared for me a very comfortable guest room to stay, while violent blind uncle Lion is tied up and kept in the basement. Serves him right. Deep in the middle of the night, I dunno if it’s the lingering effects of the copulation dust or my inherent horniness, but I couldn’t sleep, and started masturbating while thinking about Rong’er, Long’er, Mochou, Ruozhi and Xiao Zhao with me in a sixsome. Wow what a fantasy to have.
Then, I heard a noise outside…
Thanks bros haha, glad you enjoy the humor
-———————————————————
I stopped playing with myself and peeked out to see a Wudang student sneaking around. I bet he’s one of them sex maniacs off to fuck the women! I slowly tail him, and see him go to a door, knocked twice, then three times. The room is then opened by two men who seem to be watch dogs.
“This must be the damn place! But how do I get in and find the secret area?” I thought.
I quickly sourced for Wudang student outfits and covered my face with a rag so they wouldn’t know I’m the busy body who came to find the kidnapped women. I make my way to the same door and did the same, knocking twice, then three times. The men opened up.
“Hey what’s up with the rag?” one asked.
“I got sibei bad breath bro, I accidentally ate some rotten garlic just now. Here you smell…”
I was going to lift up my rag/mask but they stopped me, not wanting to endure my proclaimed bad breath. Well that was easy. They lead me to a wall and opened it up via a switch near the candles. We walked down further and further and further, I can’t believe how deep this thing goes! Finally we arrive at the bottom, and I can start to hear moans of sex.
“So, how much did you bring today?” one of them asked. Shit, I didn’t realise you had to pay! Both of them stared at me intensely waiting for me to reply. Heng I remembered Lion King’s pendant still hung around my neck.
“This thing bro, I won it in a lucky draw. Surely it’s enough?”
They inspected it, and slowly became in awe of it.
“Holy shit bro this is real emerald! I dunno which girl is worth this much!” said the one on the right. His colleague promptly replied.
“I know! You can have the princess! Finally got someone can afford her! Virgin some more!”
They both nodded in agreement, as I am showed into their biggest room and told to wait. I didn’t think too far ahead and started wondering what I should do next. My Dragon Palm is in cooldown mode and I’m still tired from fighting Yu Lianzhou earlier, I definitely wouldn’t be able to beat the two fucks and barge out now. If I just left they would get suspicious, and there’s no way they will let me refund and change my mind.
Soon, a gorgeous lady is carried in…this must be the virgin princess they spoke of! She is immobilized and unable to speak due to her pressure points being blocked, but is fully conscious. They also brought in an assortment of sex performance pills and BDSM toys to play with, after all I paid for premium services. The men left but not before briefing me.
“Bro, this is the Ruyang princess,
Zhao Min
. Your package is overnight, unlimited shots. Enjoy!”
Both the girl and I widened our eyes at those words, but for different reasons. I was shocked by the name “Zhao Min”, meaning she’s the main girl in Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre. She’s shocked by the words “unlimited shots”, wondering how many times I’m gonna cum inside her!
I slowly approach her, and she gave me a death stare.
“Look, miss, I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to save you ok? I just need to figure out what to do next!”
It’s clear I need to unblock her pressure points first, but I had no clue how to do it! I started poking around her body and she started crying, thinking this is some kind of sick molesting act.
“Eh, you cry for what!? I’m trying to find your pressure points to release you!”
She stopped crying, and I figured out a plan.
“Look, I’ll use a stick to poke your body. Blink faster if I get close, slower if I get further.”
She seemed to acknowledge. I grabbed the stick supposed to be for spanking her, and roamed around her body, but I tried not to be lewd. I had to point at her cheebye just to be sure, only to be given another intense death stare.
“I had to be sure what!?” I defended myself. The stick finally got to her feet, and she blinked as fast as she could.
“Ok ok, I get it!”
I remove her shoes casually, but she is embarrassed as hell as ancient women are very conservative about showing feet. I stick out two fingers and jammed it on her foot, as she moaned in pain. It worked!
“Steady lah bro, punish the bitch gaogao!” said the men who could hear her painful cries.
The moment she is freed, she kept attacking me non stop. I won’t hit a girl so just tahan.
“Can you please keep calm! I just set you free you bitch!”
“You kumgong asshole, pressure point also dunno how to unblock, anyhow poke here poke there!”
She hit me a few more times before getting tired.
“Now what!?” she asked.
“Now what? Just sit your ass down and let me think.”
She takes another swing at me for saying that, and I managed to dodge.
“What kind of idiot are you, rescue also can plan halfway nia!” she scolded me. Never in my life met such a short tempered woman!
“You so smart, you think la!” I respond.
We both kept quiet while thinking what our next step should be. But we were too quiet, the fellas outside started to get suspicious.
“Eh bro, what’s going on? Why no sound?” they asked.
Jialet…they’re onto us!
“Hey, we need to make sex sounds to convince them I’m fucking you.” I said. POW! She punches me right in the eye, and I let out a yell.
“ARRRRGHHH!!!”
I buay lun this bitch already and punched her in her left breast, forgetting she’s a girl. She also yelled in pain, but her yelling is like JAV style moaning! We started wrestling each other and our bodies bua all over, as we rolled around in bed. My hands not only accidentally bua her breasts but her ass as well, and she does the same to me! The guards even took a peek and saw us rumble and tumble, now fully convinced we’re love making. But we were getting too loud…
“Eh bro, you damn noisy man! Enjoy yourself, we go take a break!” they said, as they left us two alone. Zhao Min and I finally stopped and caught our breaths.
“You asshole! Fight just fight, anyhow molest me! Once I’m out I’ll kill you!” she raged.
“Diam diam! This is our chance, just follow me out!” I commanded. She had no choice but to follow.
I went back to where I got in from but the place is a maze! Zhao Min continued to call me stupid for forgetting how I got in and the pressure is getting to me. But alas, I finally find the staircase up. Only to hear a voice calling out to us.
“Hey, you two! Where you going! Whores here don’t provide outcall!”
We quickly got up the stairs. She nearly slipped while climbing, so I grabbed her hand and ran as fast as we could…wah her palm damn smooth sia, machiam snow liddat. We got back to the surface, but close to ten men were running after us at this point, and they eventually caught up! Having been so tired from the wrestling and hitting each other, we were no match for them. They covered our mouths to stop us from screaming and were about to drag us back down to the basement, when help arrived in the most unlikely form.
A huge roar caused the doors to open up and we were all disoriented from the soundwave. Lion King has come to our rescue!
“Lion King! Steady lah! How did you know we were here?” I asked, as Zhao Min and I stumbled behind him.
“I tracked your smell to here once I escaped! You Wudang fuckers, think your measly ropes and run down prison can hold me? Now you kena my Seven Wound Fist 七伤拳!”
Lion King did a major ass whooping and beat the crap out of all of them. This is the most useful he’s ever been. They were all down for the count, then I realize Lion is throwing up blood.
“Eh wtf? Oh yeah, it’s the gundu skill Seven Wound Fist, use already ownself also kena! You ok bo?” I asked, genuinely concerned.
“Ha! Actually, no…I think I need two days mc…”
I turned to look at Zhao Min…and she’s gone! That ungrateful biatch! I quickly help Lion King out of the room and rang a bell to wake the whole Wudang up.
The Wudang top brass quickly gathered and arrested everyone involved in the underground sex slave ring, freeing all the women. Zhang Sanfeng is very remorseful that he had been blind to this travesty occuring inside his own sect, and apologised to both Lion King and I for his oversight. As the six knights of Wudang were outstationed, Yu Lianzhou will have to escort them to the authorities.
The ladies all cried upon seeing me, the hero who saved them all. I keep telling them I already have enough women to handle, but they all started charging at me! Aiya bobian, what to do? I prepare to tahan the onslaught only to see them run past me…and straight into the arms of the Lion King!
“Eh wtf! I did most of the work to save all of you!” I start complaining.
Lion King smiled. “Hehe, si ginna, don’t blame them. Uncle is just more handsome than you.”
Lion King, with close to twenty women around him, made his way into my bedroom suite! The Wudang students and I complained to Zhang, but he replied that Lion King had been a true hero and helped put an end to this horrific event from his own oversight. He allowed the blind fuck to have fun for the night, at least it’s consensual. I was told that there were no more rooms, and I have to sleep in the area they used to hold Lion King. That old cheebye Lion! The rest of the night, no one on Wudang mountain could sleep as the sounds of a lion’s roar and women moaning echoed throughout.
Even with my insane love luck, Lion King had more sex than I ever did in one night!
I turn up for breakfast the next morning having barely slept, and saw Lion King already feasting. He notices me.
“Eh, ginna…”
“FUCK OFF.” was my reply. This cheebye hogged all my glory, slept all the women and even took my bedroom! He chuckled and continued eating…I is really buay song this blind fuck. Zhang soon came to join us, and thanked us again.
“The two of you were heroic last night, and I am truly ashamed. I would be honored if I can bestow Wudang’s honorary membership to the both of you as gratitude. It means you will be free to lodge here for as long as you want, whenever you want, and allowed to learn our kung fu.”
Lion King spat out his food.
“Bah! What is Wudang compared to the great Ming Sect? Pass!”
This old cheebye sibei rude and put Zhang in a spot. But I am grateful for the offer.
“Master Zhang, I am thankful for your offer and would like to accept, gladly. Fuck this old fool.”
Just then, Wudang students rushed in to announce an emergency.
“Grandmaster Zhang, bad news! A self proclaimed Princess Zhao Min has brought an army and barged in!”
The bitch came back! And looking for trouble!
We all rushed out to see the commotion, and indeed saw Zhao Min with her army. Even more surprising were the people alongside her…the fucking Xuanming Elders!
“Wudang Sect, I am here to run you to the ground today! You’re nothing but a cover for a sex dungeon!” screamed Zhao Min, intent to payback the sect for her prior predicament.
“You idiot bitch! The folks beside you, the Xuanming Elders, they are the ones who sold you into slavery!” I yelled.
The Xuanming Elders put on a good act, pretending to be innocent.
“You cheebye kia, anyhow cannon! We are the princess’ most loyal servants!”
They must have drugged Zhao Min or blindfolded her, that’s why she’s none the wiser on who really abducted her. But Zhao Min was so enraged at being called an idiot bitch that didn’t stop to think and roared back at me.
“How dare you insult a princess! Zhang Sanfeng! You old pervert…kneel down and kowtow to me, then I’ll bring you to court!”
The Wudang students protested at this level of disrespect shown to their grandmaster. I know I need to diffuse the situation by beating a confession out of the two elders.
“Ok, ok, look bitch…I mean, princess. I stepped out of line. Before you escalate things, as a Wudang honorary member, just allow me to go toe to toe with these two anuses and I promise you, the truth will be out. Sounds fair?” I proposed.
“Ha! If it was Zhang Sanfeng I’d be scared, but you? Just a bipedal cockroach for them to stomp on. I know you saved me, but if you want to court death I also cannot stop you!”
But the two of the started sweating, remembering how I dominated them in our last fight. Only for Princess Zhao to add a condition.
“Remember, you are representing Wudang, so you can only use Wudang kung fu.”
“Huh? How can liddat? I joined less than five minutes nia!”
The elders laughed. Unable to use any of my kung fu, I’m gonna die!
“Si ginna, this time uncles will hoot you gaolat gaolat!”
I frantically turned to Zhang Sanfeng for help.
“Fuck la! Master Zhang! Teach me some basics can?”
“Against these two, teach you basic they also hantam you until you fly to Batam!”
“SIAO LIAO!”
“Ok ok, don’t worry. I have a prototype kung fu never shown before, but today I will teach you. Aiyo, careful!”
Zhang dodged as he sees the elders charging towards us, leaving me to fend them off alone.
“Eh you old fuck!” I exclaimed at Zhang, and begin doing battle with the elders with totally random moves. In twenty seconds, I was rolling on the ground with blood on my lips. And I see Zhang Sanfeng moving in slow motion!
“Eh you liddat, limpeh already die before you finish your intro!” I screamed out to Zhang.
“Si ginna, watch closely. This is my proud invention, the accumulation of 100 years of martial arts knowledge and Taoist principles. This is Tai Chi.”
Quote:
Originally Posted by
chenzong
I laughed from the first post to this! It is so funny! Upped you for the great story!
Always damn happy to hear that the humor is good, tks bro
-—————————————————————————-
I copied Zhang’s movements to learn the Tai Chi Fist as he explained, while I continued to dodge the two elders’ attacks.
“动静之机，阴阳之母。阴不离阳，阳不离阴。
阴阳相济，阶及神明。心静身正，意气运行。
开合虚实，内外和一。运柔成刚，刚柔并用。
太极阴阳，有柔有刚。刚柔并济，劲发自如!”
I couldn’t understand ONE VERSE.
“Uncle, I english educated, can translate for me?”
“Look, when you do something wrong and kena scolding, what do you do to avoid punishment? You PUSH the blame to someone else! You PUSH here and you PUSH there, you do all the lanjiao TAIJI also get none of the blame. That’s why this is called TAIJI!”
I begin recalling what I’ve seen from news coverage of the Singapore parliament back in my time, and finally figured out how to re-direct attacks.
“Master, I think I understand liao!”
I imagined myself as a MP and the two elders as complainants. As tall elder’s fist arrived, I PUSHED his arm to redirect the blow to short elder. He really kena!
“Eh bro why you hit me!?” yelled short elder.
“Aiya, this kid disturb!” tall elder replied.
Short elder attacked me frantically, and again I redirected his blow to tall elder. It works!
“I tell you, MRT breakdown is not my fault! Go find the CEO!” I yelled.
“What’s he talking about? Aiya, use Xuanming Palms!” they yelled in unison. As the palms arrived, I redirected then as they palmed each other.
“AAAAAGHHHGGGGGHHH!!!”
The two elders bore the full brunt of each other’s power and suffered devastating internal damage. By the time they broke apart, they were no longer able to stand.
“You…bastard!” said tall elder as blood came out of his mouth.
I stepped forth and prepared to give him a good old fashioned whacking, but he begged for mercy.
“Ok ok! Me and my bro buay song the princess, so we drugged her food and sold her to be a sex slave! We figured if she was harmed in Wudang, we could incite war between the two factions!”
Zhao Min is shocked, incensed, and most importantly embarassed that she had been blind to the two elders’ betrayal.
“YOU TWO OLD FUCKS! Men, arrest them, I will put them in prison to be sex slaves for other men!” she yelled in fury. The elders begged for mercy but were knocked out and carried away. I shudder to think who would wanna fuck these old bastards.
After dealing with them, Zhao makes her way towards me. Shit I think she wanna whack me! I prepare to block only to hear her say…
“You bloody gundu. Saved my life and exposed these two traitors. You better marry me!”
Everyone, including Zhang Sanfeng, peng san.
“Wha…what’s wrong with you, woman!” I yelled.
“You think I want meh? As though you very handsome! Don’t pretend you don’t want…little pervert…still get what overnight package want unlimited shots me some more!”
She seemed completely unashamed at saying those words, and indeed, the sentiment of the crowd seem to be scrutinizing me as a chiongster! I decide to salvage some pride.
“NO. I won’t marry you…knn do you know I already have four, five women to take care of? I have no time for another, especially a psycho like you!”
Zhao Min is stunned.
“How dare you…no one has ever said no to me my whole life! Princess offer herself to you still dare complain! That’s it…I’m staying here until you marry me!”
“Siao kia, I’m afraid this is one move that Tai Chi cannot deflect!”
Zhao Min stationed her army at the foot of the mountain and started harassing me nonstop around Wudang. She kept cooking me meals, showering me with hand made gifts and even sneaking onto my bed at night!
“Siao zharbo what you doing!?” I exclaimed when I see her half naked hiding under the blanket.
“Stupid! Husband and wife of course share same bed. Don’t waste time already, faster consummate!” she said excitedly as she continued to undress everything. I refused to look and darted out of the bedroom, choosing to bunk with Lion King instead. She’s driving me crazy and I need to fuck off from here!
The next day, while hiding from Zhao Min, I overheard Lion King quarreling with Zhang Sanfeng as the latter had refused to return the Dragon Sabre, for fear that the blind fuck isn’t savvy enough to guard it properly and it might fall into the wrong hands. Zhang knows the weapon will invite trouble and has no wish to hold onto it either, but doesn’t know where else to send it to. The whole of China had been looking for it, plus the Heavenly Sword, as they contained a secret that can conquer the world. And I, having seen the tv shows, am probably the only person who knows it. I showed myself and made a proposal.
“Master Zhang, the Dragon Sabre should be used to aid war efforts against the Mongolians, but to use it to it’s max potential, we need the Heavenly Sword as well!”
“Ah, Dehua. The way you speak…do you perhaps know something about the secret between these two weapons?” asked Zhang.
“I do, Master.”
Zhang is shocked but Lion King is unimpressed.
“Cannon fairy! Jiao wei many many! Even all of us at Ming Sect dunno, you know?” he shouted.
“Don’t believe then don’t believe. Master, do you happen to know the whereabouts of the Heavenly Sword?” I asked.
Master Zhang leaned in and whispered.
“I do…it is well protected in
Mount Hua 华山
. It’s only fitting that the best sword in all of China is being guarded by
Huashan Sect 华山派
, the birthplace of swordplay. They were clever to keep their lips sealed and not many people know about it. We must do the same!”
“YOU SAY WHAT I NEVER HEAR PROPERLY! YOU SAY KEEP QUIET ABOUT THE DRAGON SABRE?” yelled Lion King, loud enough to echo throughout the entire mountain.
“You kanina.” said Zhang.
And so, I started prepping to leave for Mount Hua, both to win the war for China and to escape from the clutches of Zhao Min. I quietly picked a horse and left on my own, brought only a bit of food thinking I can reach there in a day or two. But by day four, I was hungry and lost in the wilderness. The bloody horse had grass to eat everywhere and was fit as fuck. I begin having ideas of killing it for food, but the horse seemed to have sensed it and sprinted off while I was taking a leak!
Now on my foot, things were worse than before. Simi lanjiao save China, I’m gonna mission fail and die before I even get to Mount Hua! Just then, I find a young lady in green carrying a basket emitting the fragrance of delicacies. Oh man it smells like heaven!
I was so hungry that I decided to snatch the food without even asking, as I made my approach. The lady could sense my footsteps, turned and drew her dagger pointing at my adam’s apple!
“Hold it right there, bandit! How dare you try to commit crime in the light of day!”
“Miss, faster gimme, I buay tahan already!”
My words came out wrong in a dirty way, without even realizing it!
“You pervert rapist! Simi buay tahan? Let me teach you a lesson!” she screamed, as she started waving her weapon at me. In my weakened state I could barely dodge her dagger, but a hungry man is an angry man and I quickly used a de-powered Dragon Palm to knock the dagger off her hand, then tapped her back to knock her out. I quickly grabbed her bag and feasted on it’s contents…holy shit, imperial treasure roast duck! As I ate like an animal, someone else whack me from behind and knocked me out.
I wake up with my hands chained behind my back, kneeling in a gigantic hall even more luscious and extravagant than Wudang, machiam City Harvest! Before me is a bearded man sitting on a chair, with who I presume is his wife on his left, and that green lady I robbed from on his right.
“Bandit rapist! How dare you come to Mount Hua making trouble! And off all people, tackle my daughter!” yelled the man.
“This is Mount Hua! Oh thank god! Bro, I have very important things to speak with the boss!” I replied.
“I AM the boss you nitwit. I am
Yue Buqun 岳不群
, the young lady you tried to rape is my daughter
Yue Lingshan 岳灵珊
!!!”
I quickly defended myself.
“Wait wait, what rape? I was only hungry and going after her food! You saw me eating what, I where got touch her!?”
“Hmm, look at your face, one look can tell is rapist! I bet you were planning to eat full first before laying your hands on my daughter.” responded the elder Yue.
“Ok, look. Whatever you think is not important. But you must know that I am from Wudang, here to retrieve the Heavenly Sword to help win the war against the Mongolians up north!”
“What Heavenly Sword? I know not what you’re talking about. And even if I did have it, I’d never hand it over to a pervert rapist like you!”
“Just check my bag, there’s a letter from Zhang Sanfeng proving my claims!”
Yue Buqun deliberated for a while before ordering his men to deliver my bag. Indeed, there’s a letter from Zhang with his official Wudang coy seal. Yue is startled and has no wish to cause friction with the great Wudang Sect.
“Aiyo, why never tell me earlier? Men, release him!”
I am treated with great hospitality to the chagrin of Lingshan, who’s still mad that I knocked her out. Yue treats me to some fine tea. I quickly get back to topic.
“Thank you for the hospitality, Mr Yue. About the sword…”
“Yes, the sword, young master Lau. Unfortunately it has been stolen from out ground some three months ago and we have been unable to track it down so far.”
“That’s terrible! Think of the destruction it can cause if it falls into the wrong hands!”
“I am truly ashamed. Even more so that it was stolen from my own bedroom! Listen young hero, I have to attend a swordsmanship seminar in Hefei tonight. You are welcome to stay and investigate. My wife Zhongze will be head of all matters here, if you need anything just let her know.”
As he spoke, Mdm Yue and I made eye contact. She doesn’t like me very much for attacking her daughter and all, but she can’t defy her husband’s orders.
“Let me know if you need anything.” she said. Damn…anything? She’s quite the milf! Shit what am I thinking!
Yue Buqun soon left and I begin my investigation, right in their bedroom, with Zhongze showing me around.
“So, Mdm Yue. Where did you hide the sword?”
“Right underneath the bed.”
I approach the master bed, damn…this is where the two of them have sex! I bent down and could see that there’s hooks attached to the bottom of the bed where they used to hold the sword. I start looking around for clues. As it was dark under the bed, I slide my hand in and reached around, before feeling a piece of garment. I pull it out…yikes, it’s a pair of Mdm Yue’s red lacy panties!
“Hey, how did that get there! Give it back!”
She steals it back quickly, her face reddened. I can’t believe I got to touch her panties!
“I’m sorry Mdm Yue! I couldn’t see underneath! I mean, the bed, not underneath you! Oh shit! I shut up!”
Both of us are embarassed and aroused. I started going around looking for other clues. As she kept her panties, I reached into a drawer and found a cylinder shaped thing with rounded edges.
“Mdm Yue, this object looks suspicious. Does it belong to Huashan?”
She looked absolutely horrified and snatched it back. As she rushed, she accidentally tripped and fell towards me. I tried to push her up but only succeeded in groping her breasts as she landed on me flat on the ground. She quickly got back up.
“Are you fine Mdm Yue?” I asked.
“I’m ok! And that thing…it’s a…paperweight!”
Then it hit me…that thing is a DILDO! Mdm Yue has been lonely it seems. Both of us didn’t know what to say and the situation is awkward as can be.
“I think I’ll continue with my investigation tomorrow then, Mdm. Good night!”
“No wait! You…you should spend the night here…our guest room is a mess.”
Holy shit! What is she offering! What am I supposed to do!?
“Cannot lah Mdm Yue, your husband would kill me!”
“Hmm…that man hasn’t touched me in years, you think he would care? Just stay. I also wanna watch over you in case you go disturb my daughter.”
My heartbeat accelerates as I can’t believe what’s going to happen. I’m going to share a bed with Yue Buqun’s wife! Could it incite war between Huashan and Wudang if word got out? Mdm Yue walked behind a partition and I could see her changing into her sleepwear, revealing her nice figure. She emerges from it just wearing red undergarments and showing a ton of skin. Her back and thighs were all exposed…sibei hot!
“Aren’t you gonna undress as well? Don’t tell me you shy in front of auntie.”
I slowly disrobed until I was left with my inner most clothes. She insisted I sleep on the inside so I can’t leave without her knowing. Then, she blew out the candles and joined me in bed.
“Goodnight, young man.”
“Goodnight Mdm Yue.”
Mdm Yue turned away from me and slept away. Hmm…I guess I won’t be seeing any action tonight. It’s for the best anyway I guess. I turned the other way and was dozing off, when I suddenly felt a hand rub against my body. Oh shit it’s happening!
“Do you think I’m pretty, young master?” I hear her whisper into my ear.
“Of course you are Mdm Yue, Mr Yue is a lucky man.”
“Sweet talker! But he doesn’t know he’s lucky. He wouldn’t even let me give him a blowjob. I can’t even remember the last time we did something sexual…he keeps saying he wants to preserve his inner chi. Women my age are the horniest. To not have sex is the same as a death sentence!”
She starts reaching into my pants and grabbed my cock, exclaiming.
“Hey, you’re already hard! I guess you do want to take Mdm Yue tonight!”
“Cannot lah Mdm Yue, this is overboard-”
She turned me over and started kissing me passionately to stop me from talking.
“Oh God, I don’t even remember the last time I kissed! Maybe 10 years!?”
This Yue Buqun really too much! Got such a hot wife never take care properly? Mdm Yue quickly sat upright and removed all her clothes, baring her nude body to me. My god, she’s in her late 30s but her body can fight any 20 year old! She quickly ripped my clothes off and started roaming my body with her tongue while stroking my cock slowly.
“You cham already. Limbu will vent ten over years of sexual frustration on you!”
Oh no…I can feel she’s different from any other woman I’ve had. She’s so ferocious and hungry! If I don’t make some effort to satisfy her, I might be in for a rough night. I started roaming her body with my hands and toyed with her nipples.
“Haha, you’re going to have to do better than that to overpower me!” she roared, as she reached down and started sucking my cock. Her suction is unlike any other…it’s so strong I feel like my cock is being sucked up! Her relentless toying with my balls drove me into a quick climax, as I exploded cum inside her mouth. And she drank every last drop!
I’m embarrassed…I’ve never cum so quick before, but her skills are out of this world!
“Clearly you are not my match. You better buck up…or I’m gonna make you cum ten times tonight!” she taunted, and without warning, sat onto my cock and started riding me!
“Don’t think my riding skills will be bad because of my lack of sex…I practice with the dildo often! I even worked someone Huashan’s kung fu into intercourse. You ready?”
“Huh? Please Mdm, go easy on me!”
“Too late! Vaginal Constriction Skill 阴道合阳功!”
I felt her vagina tighten around my cock like a rope, sucking the life out of it! Walau pain man! I decided to fight back by attempting my Dragon Palm technique with my cock.
“You asked for it! Dragon Swings It’s Tail!”
My cock hardened like never before and started throbbing inside her vagina. Damn it worked! I could do a full Eighteen Dragon Palms with my cock…better call it Eighteen Dragon Cocks! Mdm Yue is stunned as our genitals engage in kung fu sexual battle.
“What powerful skills! I underestimated you young man! But you are still gonna cum for me! See how I tame your Dragon!”
She rode faster and faster, and I reciprocated by thrusting upwards. In the end we both orgasmed together, me cumming inside her and her squirting all over my hips. She rested her sweaty body on me.
“Haha, tired already? Thought you said wanna make me cum 10 times?” I challenged.
“Only taking a breather, after what I considered to be a warm up!”
She got back up, pulled my cock out, and sat down on it with her anus! We both yelled in pain.
“Aaaarrrggghhh!!!! So tight!” I groaned.
“You lucky man! You just claimed my anal virginity…not even that old fool got to taste it. FUCK! Didn’t expect it would be so painful!” she vented.
“Let’s just…move slowly…” I begged.
“Ha! Slow is for old women! I only know how to go fast!”
She totally huanlo me and rode with speed again. I got so angry that I used “Dragon Regrets” with my cock and trembled inside her anus, attacking her insides with waves upon waves of pleasure. But she doesn’t let up! I used all my remaining 18 Dragons, only to see them tamed one by one. Who would’ve thought I would be defeated in sex by the heroic Ning Zhongze of Mount Hua. By sunrise, I had indeed cum 10 times, on her, in her, all over. She’s exhausted as well as we hugged each other naked in sleep. We slept all the way until noon, and when I woke up, she was caressing my face.
“You were such a great performer, Dehua. I don’t care, we will rematch every night.” she demanded.
“HUH!? Cannot lah madam! I die cock stand!”
“You better do as I say or I’m gonna tell everyone.”
Thanks for support
-———————————-
“You guai guai be my boy toy for the meantime. Come, we do a quick one then you exit my room from the back.”
Walau again! Madam Yue put her fingers in her mouth to moisten them, then caressed my balls to awaken my soldiers. I’m frustrated that she’s toying with me, and decide I might as well enjoy it. We french passionately as I groped her tits and invaded her pussy with my cock once more. I quickly cum inside her after 10 minutes of thrusting, then grabbed my clothes and sprinted out of there…before she wants more!
I went to look for food as I’m totally famished from all the vigorous exercises. I could smell fragrance from the dining hall…just nice they were serving lunch. As I stepped in, someone tapped my shoulder.
“You! Where were you all morning? You weren’t in your room!”
It’s Lingshan. Fuck better be careful not to get her suspicious.
“Aiya…I had a long day, kena attacked by your dad summore, got headache so I sleep longer lor!”
“I got my eye on you Andy Lau! Don’t think you can anyhow when you’re on my turf! My dad may not be around, but my boyfriend will take care of you on his behalf if you anyhow!”
“Boyfriend? Who lai de?”
“The brightest student on Mount Hua, Lin Pingzhi, my Xiao Linzi!”
“Ohhh that guy. Just a B class fighter.”
Lingshan stomped on my foot in anger and I groaned in pain.
“You then B class! CDEFG class!”
How come like all the women in ancient times so barbaric one? Just then, Madam Yue approached.
“Mom! Why were you up so late?” asked Lingshan.
“Oh, I errr…got headache, so I slept longer.”
JIALET! Why she use same excuse as me? Lingshan seemed to start getting suspicious, but luckily she’s not bright enough to figure out. We sat at the dining table and Madam Yue subtly ensured I sat right beside her. As we ate, she kept molesting my groin underneath…I can’t believe her sexual hunger hadn’t subsided one bit. Just then, someone charged in with an emergency.
“MADAM! MISS YUE! BAD NEWS! Master Lin is gravely injured, dunno kena whacked by who!”
We all rushed out to see that pretty boy Lin Pingzhi like kena lorry langa, damn jialet. He has wounds all over. Must have lost badly in a fight…I knew he’s a B fighter. Lingshan quickly dashed forward.
“Xiao Linzi! Are you ok?” she asked frantically.
“I’m ok, don’t worry. You see my face like kena lorry langa…WHAT DO YOU THINK!?”
“Sorry sorry! You poor thing! Quick, let’s get inside and apply some medicine on you!”
“Ignore me! I don’t need your help! Just let me die!”
“Please don’t say this, Xiao Linzi…” Lingshan started sobbing. Madam Yue see liao also heart pain, but seeing how badly beaten Lin is, never fire back.
“You stupid girl. I only pretended to like you so I can learn advanced Huashan swordplay to seek revenge. In the end even after learning I still kena hoot 9696! What’s the use of you now!?” Lin yelled in agitation, then fainted. The men quickly dragged him in.
Waaa this guy really too much! Hmm, I remember he ends up badly in the book and becomes ah gua, just huanlo him and let heaven take charge. Lingshan ran into the house, packed a small bag and rushed out. Madam Yue is concerned.
“Where are you going daughter!?”
“I’m going to Remorseful Cliff and pick some herbs for Xiao Linzi!” she yelled, and ran off.
“Oh no, that place is dangerous! Quickly go after her!” Mdm Yue ordered me, but not forgetting to pinch my buttocks.
I quickly caught up with Lingshan but stayed several meters away, I know she must be emotionally unstable and wants some space. Remorseful Cliff is a thirty minute hike. Once there, she starts cutting some plants and putting them in her bag. I just eye power all the way. After an hour of harvesting, I buay tahan and finally had to say something.
“Little miss, that should be enough right? He treats you like crap you still so nice to him for what?”
“You bodoh! Dunno don’t anyhow talk! He was just talking out of spite…you don’t know how close we are.”
You also dunno how close I am with your mom! How I wish I could say that. Suddenly, she let out a yell.
“What’s wrong? Lingshan!”
I ran up to her and realized a snake had crawled up her leg and bit on her butt! I quickly grabbed a stick and knocked the snake off. She’s starting to sweat.
“Lingshan! Look at me! How are you feeling?”
She couldn’t answer and her lips had quickly gone white, her face pale like a sheet of paper. The venom kicked in scarily quick, I don’t have time to rush down and get help. I piggy backed her and ran into a cave around the cliff, then put her down.
Shit…the snake bit her on her ass, I have to treat the wound! Aiya, just whack, she’s gonna die anyway why would she care. I undo her pants and pulled it down, then another piece, and finally her panties to reveal her smooth butt cheeks. Thanks to the layers of clothing, the wound isn’t deep at all and did nothing to smudge her smooth, beautiful ass. But the venom still got in. Remembering what I saw on TV shows, I started sucking on her ass to extract the poison, then spat out. I continued doing it for about half an hour until I saw that her face was regaining it’s color. I grabbed the herbs she collected and just anyhow hantam on her buttcheek, before collapsing in exhaustion.
Haha okok
-————————-
In my dreams, I saw both Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre coming together, forming a tidal wave that washed away everything in it’s path. I looked closer and realized that the “wave” was in fact formed by thousands of Mongolian soldiers. On top of the tidal wave of soldiers stood a dark figure, a character with power so immense that he could summon dark clouds. Then I felt someone hitting me. My eyes opened…walau it’s that Lingshan who’s attacking me, kicking me while I’m down!
“Oi what you doing!?” I yelled.
“What I doing? What WERE you doing! How come I woke up with my naked ass sunny side up! You molester pervert rapist!”
“Crazy bitch, I saved your life! You kena bitten by snake on your ass, did you forget? I nearly kena poisoned myself from sucking out the venom!”
“What the…YOU SUCKED ON MY ASS CHEEK!?”
She grew even more livid and whacked me like crazy. I started running out of the cave and she gives chase. We made a huge ruckus and eventually heard a loud voice.
“Who is making so much noise! SO LOUD I CAN’T EVEN NAP!”
Lingshan and I froze. We had no idea this place was inhabited.
“Hello! Who is this!?” I asked.
Up the trees, we could see the leaves start to sway, clearly someone is hiding in them. It makes it’s approach toward us, and I started to shield Lingshan. Finally, the person showed himself…it’s an old man with a long white beard.
“It is I, legendary swordsman
Feng Qingyang 风清扬
!”
Damn, another top tier master! Lingshan is excited to meet him.
“Master Feng! The famous swordsman one generation before papa!”
I’m not too keen though.
“Okok uncle Feng, sorry to disturb you. We’ll be on our way!” I started to leave, before Lingshan grabbed my hand. Wah, suddenly 180 degree change?
“Wait! Look at what’s behind him?” she exclaimed.
“Behind him? What’s that, a fishing rod?”
“You stupid ass, it’s the Heavenly Sword!!!”
My gosh…so this is where it is. Fate really brought me to it. Lingshan continues to talk with enthusiasm.
“With it, my Xiao Lingzi can defeat anyone, he would have no trouble seeking revenge!”
“Hey hey, this weapon should be used for the war efforts!” I retorted.
“Aiya, let him take revenge then he’ll pass it to you.” she replies.
Feng cuts in.
“Ahem. You two lovebirds think I cannot hear you is it? Who said I’m gonna hand the sword over to you!?”
“What lovebirds? I hate this pervert!” Lingshan shouted.
“Then you hold his hand for what?”
Lingshan realizes she is still grabbing hold of my hand and quickly releases it in embarrassment. She then went down on her knees.
“Master Feng, I am Lingshan, daughter of Huashan’s leader Yue Buqun. I beg you to borrow us the sword so we can rid the world of evil. We promise to return it to you once the dust is settled.”
“Bah! I stole the sword from your arrogant father because I deemed him unworthy, what makes you think you are?”
“How can we be worthy then, Master Feng?” she asked.
“Beat me in a sword fight. Then I’ll know you’re good enough to protect it from falling into the wrong hands.”
We were both vexed. I have had zero training with a sword and she’s at best an intermediate. Not even Yue Buqun is his match, never mind the both of us.
“Forget it.” I said. “We train for ten years also cannot beat him one. Let’s just go back.”
She sighed in agreement, as we turned and started to leave.
“Wait wait wait! Young people so useless, quit so easily! Aiya, I sibei sian alone here, give you two a chance!”
He used a stick and carved drawings onto the ground. It’s a sword play sequence.
“I want you both to figure out a way to counter this sequence. Once you manage it, the sword is yours.”
“Really!?” Lingshan yelled in excitement. “Cannot bluff us ar uncle!”
“Don’t be so happy. This is way tougher than it looks!” he replied.
“Ok, give us some time! We won’t leave until we figure it out!”
“Hey what about your herbs?” I asked.
“These won’t help much actually. The sword, now that would really make my Xiao Lingzi happy!”
“Good luck! Now keep it down, I need to nap! Want to have sex also be quiet!” yelled Feng as he disappeared into the woods again.
We picked up branches and spent the next few hours trying to figure out the sequence first before countering it. We were so clumsy that we constantly bumped into each other. Soon it was night, and I grabbed some pigeons to bbq for dinner. We ate silently around the fire for a while, before Lingshan finally spoke up.
“Hey. I’m sorry I beat you earlier. I remember now, a snake did bit me. I would’ve died if not for you, so thank you.”
“Hmm, at least you have a heart. Never mind, you’re like the twentieth woman to hit me already.”
We were silent again for a while, before she started sobbing.
“Hey hey, vat happen now? I never even scold you!” I asked.
“It’s just that…I feel so useless…everytime Xiao Linzi go out always kena whack. I fear his next attempt would be his last.”
“Haiz, don’t worry. Once he cuts off his ball-I mean, once we get the sword, no one will bully him anymore.”
“You really think we will?”
“Not the slightest doubt.”
She finally let out a smile, and I’d be lying if it isn’t one of the cutest faces I’ve ever seen.
