I looked left and right, terrified of the environment I’m in. Am I in Chinese Garden? Chinese Garden where got so big!? And the people are all dressed like they are cosplaying as people in ancient China. I looked down and realized I’m dressed the same…wtf!? A minute ago, it was the end of 2019 and I was checking out an antique in Chinatown which had a sign that said “DO NOT TOUCH YOU CHEEBYE KIAS”, and I got provoked and touched it. I felt an electric shock, pass out, and woke up here. Don’t tell me that thing sent me here!
I dunno if this is the Song or Sing dynasty and tried not to look around or interact with any of these weirdos. But I walked around for hours and was starting to get hungry and thirsty. I’m gonna die if I don’t eat something soon. I see a beautifully colored building with the smell of great food emanating from it. Aiya don’t care just whack!
I entered and the waiter quickly showed me to a seat.
“Hello there Mister, what would you like?”
“Gimme McSpicy meal upsize, drinks-coke zero!”
“…er sorry Mister, we don’t serve those here.”
Alamak what am I talking, must be the hunger at work. I looked around and saw a table with a old uncle eating good food, and pointed at it.
“I’ll have what he’s having!”
I ate and drank like mad, there’s chicken, pork, even deer meat. And the liquor is damn strong! Took me a full hour to finish everything. The waiter returns.
“I hope you enjoyed your meal Sir! That will be two and a half taels of silver.”
Half drunk, I mumbled my reply.
“Haha, bro, here’s the thing. I got no money lah. But…I don’t have a job too and have no place to stay. So why don’t I sleep here tonight and start work for you tomorrow?”
“What!?” he replies with shock.
“Eh, so coincidence! I also got no money!” said a voice from nearby. Yup, it’s the old uncle who’s food I had copied from.
We were both dragged out of the restaurant and into an alley, where the waiter and his colleagues rained kicks and punches on us.
“Oi, people old already! Want punch, punch me can liao!” I yelled as I instinctively used my body to shield the old man. They huanlo and continued beating us for about 15 minutes, before finally leaving us alone. Uncle was relatively uninjured but I looked like a roast pig.
“Uncle, you ok? Ya, you look ok. Wah I don’t even think you kena anything sia.”
“Young man, I am impressed. I’ve been going around looking to reward people with compassion. I thought the waiter would be kind enough to let us off…too bad, his loss. Come, let me heal your injuries.”
He placed his palm on my chest and initiated an energy transfer. Holy shit I felt like Wolverine…the injuries almost instantly healed!
“WOW! Holy shit! Is that some kind of kung fu?” I remarked.
“I know a little bit lah. You want to learn?”
“HELL YA!”
“Ok, I will teach you an escape move-the legendary 凌波微步 Wave Striding Steps. With it, you can escape almost any enemy.”
He pointed his finger at my head and I felt a light electric shock. Suddenly I knew kung fu!
“Holy shit! I know kung fu!”
“Goodbye young man. Use it well.”
“Wait uncle wait wait! Escape move nia? What if…what if I got no place to escape? At least teach me some attacking move lah!”
“Hmm, you’ve got a point. What do you want to learn?”
I went through my thoughts and tried to remember the skill moves in Jinyong novels.
“Hurry up, limpeh busy man!” he said impatiently.
“You know…Eighteen Dragon Palms?” I asked with a grin.
“What!? Of course I know, but no way am I teaching you such a powerful move to wreak havoc!”
“Teach a bit lah!”
He contemplated for a while, before putting his finger on my forehead to do another kung fu transfer. The move just appeared in my head.
“WOW! Amazing move!” I yelled out as I mastered another form of kung fu.
“Don’t get too excited. I only taught you one of the eighteen palms, in case you go out anyhow whack people. Use it wisely, abuse it and it will backfire.”
“Thank you uncle! What’s it called? Dragon from the Sky? Dragon Swings it’s Tail?”
“It’s called The Dragon Masturbates. 神龙自慰.”
“Simi lanjiao? Uncle you don’t smoke me lah!”
“Uncle where got smoke you…don’t believe then don’t believe. See ya kid!”
And just like that, he was gone. Alamak why didn’t I ask him if he knew any kung fu about time travelling so I could have gone back to my time!
I could not wait to test out my new powers and put the worry of going back to modern times in the back of my head. I thought of going back into the restaurant to teach them a lesson, but I saw some shady characters in big hats tailing someone. One look can tell it’s a woman in men’s clothing, but I could not see her face.
“Time for some action!” I thought to myself in excitement, as I followed them along.
They walked all the way to the outskirts of the town where there are no more people, and the lady finally turned back. Wow, quite chio!
“Followed me enough? Finally there are no more innocent people here. Now I can finish you all off without worrying about others.” she said.
The leader of the gang duly responds.
“HA! Big mouth for a little woman. Everyone, up!”
The leader charged at her alone and received a kick to his face, tumbling back to where he was.
“Kanina how come only I up!” he complained to his colleagues.
“You say up we thought you mean look up? Or do you mean go?”
“Nin lao hia, up and go same thing la! UP! I mean…GO!!!”
They all charged forward and attacked her at the same time, five of them total. She was holding her own but really look sibei dangerous!
“These bloody fools, bully a woman. Let them witness the power of limpeh! The Dragon Masturbates!”
I charged forward and pushed my palms forward to execute the move. POW…I hear a loud thud. The men all managed to dodge my attack…alamak, I kena the girl!
“Shit! Holy fark!” I yelled out. She’s threw up blood and passed out.
“Hey bro! Well done man! Nice uniform…which branch are you from, never see you before leh!”
I wanted to do another Dragon palm to knock them out, but I realized that I was out of energy. The move had used up three quarters of my inner chi, it could be hours or days before I can do it again! Bobian…I need to smoke them.
“I…from Jurong West branch ah bro!”
“Jurong West? Never hear before sia. Never mind, we take her back and celebrate! Boss sure promote you to encik!”
They took turns to praise me as the tallest of them picked up the young lady and draped her over his shoulder. I followed them while trying to figure out how to fix my massive fuck up. We arrive at a crossroads, and I knew this was my chance.
“Bro, you tired or not? Let me carry her for you ba. After all it’s my prize leh.” I told the big guy.
“Ah, sure thing bro, if you don’t mind the weight. Don’t worry, we will all say how well you did knocking her out.”
He puts her on my shoulders to piggy back. Once they turn away from me, I used my Wave Striding Steps to siam my way out of there, and at the crossroads they had no idea which way I went!
The Wave Steps allowed me to travel quickly, and I estimate I can easily clear 2.4km in 5 minutes! We finally arrive at an old abandoned temple where I put her down to rest and recuperate.
It would take five hours before she finally woke up. But she was too weak to even stand. I quickly helped her to lie back down.
“Hey, relax! You just now vomit blood sia, better don’t anyhow move.”
“Thanks. Who are you by the way? I remember fighting those chumps thinking they were easy meat when one cheebye suddenly hit me with a chi move.”
Oh man, she dunno I whacked her. Lucky!
“Ya, I saw you fighting a bunch of men. They were celebrating your defeat and I managed to steal you away while they weren’t looking.”
“Thank you Mister. I wonder who’s the one who hit me with that powerful move. Curse that cheebye kia parents die early.”
“Woah woah, relax, now angry also no use. Rest well first.”
“No, usually I curse people very zhun one. I curse him kena rape by gorillas and his kukubird kena eaten by dogs. Curse him eat fishball also can kena fishbone stuck in throat. Curse him step on banana skin and fall…”
I gulped a huge ball of saliva, she really curse me no give chance sia.
“You rest first, I go and forage some food!”
As I was about to leave the temple, I stepped on a banana skin and fell on my ass. Kanina really zhun!
I made nearly 10 trips, picking up vegetables, potatoes, berries and fruits back to the temple, but according to her only 1% of them were edible! Kanina this time really laokui in front of girl liao! But instead of blaming me, she seemed bemused and touched by my efforts. She laughed so hard when I brought back 10 kgs of what I thought were durians only to be told they’re rocks.
She eventually recuperated well enough to stand and started raising a fire and preparing dinner with whatever I managed to forage. Damn, this woman can cook! She made a vegetable stew that was tastier than anything I had in that restaurant! In fact, maybe in my life!
“Wow miss, you’re amazing! Your cooking no horse run!”
“Horse? There’s a horse here?”
“Haha, it’s…never mind.”
“Hehe, you’re so weird. You’re not from around here are you?”
“Nope…I come from a place so far I’m not sure how to even get back!”
“Hmm…hey I haven’t gotten your name yet…”
Well, I’m in ancient China. I can call myself whatever I jolly want!
“I’m Andy. Andy Lau.”
“Andy Lau? That’s a weird name. I’m Huang Rong.”
I nearly spit out the soup in my mouth. THIS IS HUANG RONG!? Wait wait, confirm first…
“Huang Rong of Peach Blossom Island, daughter of Eastern Evil Huang Yaoshi!?”
“How come you know! I so famous ar haha!”
What have I done. Isn’t she supposed to meet Guo Jing, fall in love, make babies, defend Xiangyang etc etc? Her next question would stun me even more.
“So where do you want to hold our wedding?”
This time I jitao spit out the soup. She stun.
“WEDDING!?”
“Yeah! You saved my life, of course I have to marry you. I don’t know where you’re from but that’s how things work around here. Or do you find me not pretty enough? I can doll myself up for you…”
“No, no, it’s not that…”
She quickly let down her hair and showed off her womanly appearance. My god she’s cute.
“Are you really fine with marrying a man you just met? I don’t want to take advantage of you, Rong’er!”
She doesn’t say a word, and just leaped into my arms, hugging me tight.
“I will die rather than marry another person in this life!”
She smells so damn good even after all she’s been through. I’m finally realizing that coming here is kena first prize! As she rubbed her body against me, I feel my cock starting to get hard. She’s also starting to sweat. I dunno why I couldn’t control my hand, as it went over and grabbed at her chest. They weren’t the biggest, probably just a B cup, but were good to grab nonetheless.
“My dear An-er…you want to take me tonight?”
Shit, why am I so horny…wait…must be the berries! No wonder she arm chio when I brought them back, she probably thought I’m using it to facilitate our consummation! Suddenly, like a switch, we both began kissing passionately and undressing each other by the fire. These ancient folks really wear a lot of clothes sia and so hard to remove! But it also added to the excitement as piece by piece came off, each time revealing more of her curves and skin. I’m stunned when her top came off as her skin is practically perfect. I had prepared to do battle with a massive bush below as is common with these ancient folks, but surprise, there’s only one small patch of short pubic hair! Her face turned red as she exposed her below to a man for the first time.
“Stop staring at my hair below!” she playfully protested.
“What’s wrong? Cute what. I love your cute little bush.”
She removes my pants and sees my cock mari kita.
“Wow, a man’s penis…I never thought it’ll be this beautiful…”
I moved in to rub her pussy and sink my fingers into it lightly. Holy cow she’s really wet. She reciprocates by grabbing my cock and stroking it lightly too, as we frenched each other hard.
“Do you want to taste it?” I teased.
“Taste? I’ve never heard-”
I proceed to position us in a 69 with her on top. She didn’t know what to do with my cock but once I started licking her below, she understood. Her mouth is so tiny that I could feel it wrapped around my cock so tight. Up and down, she quickly became accustomed to it and was enjoying it as much as dinner, licking her lips with the precum I had secreted. Finally, it was time for the main event.
I laid her down, and positioned my cock at her pussy.
“This will hurt a bit, bear with it ok?” I warned.
“It’s ok…anything for you my love.”
I thrust my cock inside her slowly but relentlessly. Rather get it in with one shot than drag out her agony. She closed her eyes and bit her tongue, bearing with the pain. I could feel her hymen’s resistance, and quickly made a strong thrust to break it and make her my woman proper. She let out a loud moan.
“I’m so sorry baby. Did it hurt a lot?”
“It’s ok. I’m just so happy to be yours.”
I pulled out and thrusted back in, and she felt another wave of pain. Then again, and again…and her face started showing signs of ecstacy. We kissed again with lots of tongue as I picked up speed in fucking her. She’s enjoying it so much that after five minutes of fucking, she got up and pressed me down to ride me cowgirl style. Wow this girl is hiong! We switched multiple positions and tried doggy, reverse cowgirl, and I even carried her against a pillar to fuck.
“Arrrgh…Rong’er…I’m gonna cum!”
“Give me your seed love…make me your property…”
I ejaculate a massive load inside her womb and kept cumming and cumming. We were both exhausted, but the berries were too strong…we had no choice but to do it again. And again. We fucked the whole night and I came five times inside her. She also squirted a few times too. Until we both finally pass out from fatigue…
Thanks for support bros
-————————-
I wake up to find that Rong’er was already up and preparing breakfast. Again it smells so shockingly good in a place with so limited ingredients. I quickly put my clothes on to join my fiancee. She’s going to make an amazing wife.
“Why didn’t you sleep more Rong’er? Last night we were exercising so vigorously.” I said with a sheepish grin.
“Precisely, that’s why I had to prepare food for my dear future husband so you can regain your strength quickly!” she replied, as we kissed each other.
We had our breakfast of freshly prepared fruit and discussed our plans.
“So when do you want to mee my dad?” she asked. Alamak, that nasty Eastern Evil guy, would he kill me if he knew I fucked his daughter before asking for his permission?
“About that, Rong’er…do you think it’s better if we kept quiet about how far we’ve progressed?”
“You mean the sex? Don’t worry, my dad wouldn’t dare touch you if I say so.”
“I mean, I just don’t want him to see me as irresponsible you know.”
“Hmm…ok then, whatever you say!” she smiled, and fed me a slice of peach.
“I think I want to accomplish something first before I ask for your hand in marriage. Your dad is such an esteemed person, he shouldn’t have a nobody as a son-in-law.”
“But you saved my life! I don’t care if you’re a beggar.”
“But I care, babe. I want your father to be happy.”
“Aw you’re so sweet! I’m such a lucky girl!”
“I’m luckier! So, I gotta figure out how to make a name for myself.”
“You could follower what I’ve been doing! I’ve been breaking up the underground Mongolian spy network one by one to stop them from conquering China.”
“So that’s who those guys were! But I need to learn some skills first.”
I start recounting the events in the novel, following Guo Jing’s path. I know…we need to look for Northern Beggar King Hong Qigong and finish learning all Eighteen Dragon Palms. That way I also won’t have to hide the fact that I know The Dragon Masturbates and make Rong’er suspicious that I was the one who whacked her.
Rong’er and I held hands as we ventured the lands asking beggars on the whereabouts of their leader. But none of them knows as Hong is known for being elusive. As we toured the city, in a stroke of extreme bad luck, Rong’er nudged me, signaling to me that the very same Mongolians who attacked her were right in front of us!
“Time to get revenge!” she said.
“No, Rong’er! They hurt you so badly last time, revenge can wait!”
“I won’t lose this time. We’ll sneak up on them. Plus, I have you to assist me this time.”
Rong’er grabbed my hand and dragged me to confront them from behind. I quickly grabbed a rag I saw lying around and wrapped it around my face. Kanina it smelled like shit!
Rong’er managed to freeze two of them easily by hitting their acupuncture points, before jumping in front of the other three.
“So, we meet again! Only this time it will be you spitting out blood! Andy, get behind me and watch my back! We’ll beat them easily!”
It didn’t even take them half a second to recognize me.
“JURONG WEST GUY! Bloody hell where did you go after we knocked her out! Hurry up and arrest her with your powerful move!” the leader yelled.
“What!? What are you talking about?” asked Rong’er.
“You dunno? This is the guy who attacked you and knocked you out, rest of us never stood a chance. Come on bro, do it again!”
Rong’er turns to me, shocked. “Is that true?” she asked.
Before I could respond, the three of them charged forward and attacked us. I could only dodge with my Wave Striding Steps while Rong’er was doing well and holding the upper hand. But one of those fuckers took out a poisoned dart. Cheebye…I got no choice liao!
“DRAGON MASTURBATES!!!”
I don’t believe it…I HIT HER AGAIN! Rong’er flew a few metres off the ground and crashed into a tree. Kanina why do I always mis-aim!? The Mongolians give me a thumbs up. To our shock, she did not pass out this time but actually managed to attack them, knocking them all out. Then she turned her attention toward me.
“You…scumbag…I trusted you! So you work for the Mongols!”
“No, I was trying to help! I swear!”
She keeps approaching me and start to attack. Again my Dragon palm is in cooldown mode and I am forced to dodge her with my Wave Steps, but she’s so filled with rage that my Steps couldn’t dodge her effectively! I kena a few blows before deciding that I must leave, or she’s going to kill me.
“Rong’er, you have to trust me, I’m not a Mongolian spy! I’ll prove it to you someday!”
I stride away, escaping from her attacks, and ran as far away as I could.
I’m back to where I started. Just hours ago I had a rich and pretty girlfriend and was about to make a name for myself. Now I’m poor, hungry, alone, and god knows how many people she’s going to send to kill me.
I pick up some berries that I remember Rong’er said was edible to eat for dinner. They taste so good and I ate and ate while reminiscing our times together. Suddenly my vision became blurry. My legs start going soft. Shit…I think I picked the wrong berries…as I pass out in the woods.
I slowly wake up, not knowing how many hours had gone, to find myself in a cave. I quickly jump up from the “bed” after realizing it’s just a cold slab of rock. I look around and see many words and paintings drawn on the walls. Wait a second…I know this place. That bed has healing properties, and could only mean one thing. That’s right, I’m beneath Mt Zhongnan, and this is the goddamn Ancient Tomb, sanctuary of Xiao Long Nu! But she is nowhere to be seen.
I start walking around the place to explore, and it’s absolutely beautiful. It has it’s own garden that’s excellently tended to, and immaculately carved statues of the Tomb’s past master Lin Chaoying. I finally hear something…the sound of water splashing. I see light coming out from a hole in the wall, and indeed, it’s Xiao Long Nu bathing in the nude! Damn her body is good, the novel never said she had D cups! She quickly noticed she was being watched and used her hands to cover up her nipples.
“Who said you could look!?” she yelled.
“I’m sorry! It’s only a split second! I didn’t know you were bathing!” I said as I quickly turned away from the hole, embarassed. Am I a pervert? Accident mah!
I waited for her to get dressed as she comes out to meet me proper for the first time.
“Thank you for saving my life! You are Xiao Long Nu right?”
“No, I’m not you idiot. I’m her elder Li Mochou.”
Oh no it’s that crazy bitch! Wait, her heart hasn’t kena broken yet, so she’s still a good person I guess.
“Oh hi Miss Li. So did you save me? Or did Long Nu? Am I supposed to offer up my body in gratitude?”
“The one who saved you is the old caretaker who tends to the area outside. She’s eighty years old. You still want to offer yourself?”
“Eeeek…I think no need!”
She grabs my shirt and dragged me to the biggest statue of Lin Chaoying. Damn she’s fierce!
“Kneel down!” she ordered. I did as she said.
She starts with her statement. “Because you have already stepped into the Ancient Tomb and used our facilities, we would have to kill you as an intruding outsider.”
I freeze up.
She continues. “But, since this place is so deserted, we need an extra person to clean up the place. So bow three times and you are officially a member of the Tomb Sect.”
“Otherwise I have to die right?”
“Correct.”
I quickly bowed three times, and then a few times more to confirm my membership.
“I’m happy to join the club Miss Li. Where’s Long Nu by the way, I’m dying to meet her!”
“Don’t talk so much. Grab the broom and sweep.”
I spent five hours and haven’t even cleaned up half the area, this place is huge! And all Mochou does is read and read, lepak like one Tua Pekong liddat. I wonder if I’ll get to learn any kung fu in here.
Suddenly, the entrance opens up, and in comes a beautiful lady clad in white. That’s it! That’s her! Xiao Long Nu, The Little Dragon Girl!
Damn she’s chio! But as I waved at her, she doesn’t even acknowledge me…sibei dao! Great, now I’m stuck here cleaning shit with two beautiful women but one is borderline abusive and one ignores me.
After another hour or so, I finally get to meet the eighty year old caretaker who saved me, as she brought dinner she prepared. Apparently she’s responsible for cooking too.
“Auntie, you saved my life! I cannot thank you enough!”
“Can…come to my bedroom tonight la!”
I freeze up.
“Joking only! Silly boy. I cooked some soup that would help you with digestion, you ate some nasty berries and vomited so much!”
“Paiseh leh auntie, you’re too kind.”
“Nonsense, we are all one family here.”
All four of us gathered at the table and prepared to eat. Just as I was about to tuck in, Mochou slaps my hand hard.
“OWW! What was that for?”
“No one teach you to address your elders before eating?”
“*sigh*…Senior Elder Sister, eat. Junior Elder Sister, eat. Auntie eat.”
“One more time and no more food for you.” she warned. What a bitch.
They were all so quiet as we ate. I tried to start a conversation, but kena scolded by Miss Li again as she said no talking at the dining table. Killjoy. As we finished as I was about to go do the dishes, to my surprise, Long’er grabbed my hand and whispered to my ear.
“Come to my room later.”
I kept wondering what Xiao Long Nu wanted with me while doing the dishes. Hanky panky? Cannot be lah, she so cold. Maybe it’s all an act? Aiya later will find out.
I take a deep breath and enter her room.
“Sis…you called for me?”
She closed the door behind me and locked it.
“Strip.”
What the.. what’s her problem? So hiong? We’ve barely even talked!
“Um, may I know why, junior sis?”
“Practice.”
“Practice what?”
“Jade Maiden Sutra. (aka 玉女心经)”
She keeps whacking me with these short replies. Oh…its the internal skill that requires two people to be naked in order to practice.
“But why me? How about elder sis?”
“Bitch.”
Ok…but I’m still not comfortable stripping naked around her.
“Look, junior sis, how about we hold this off for a while, get to know each other first…”
Before I could finish my sentence, she removed her robe and instantly became naked! Wtf! Her body is freaking perfect. She did not seem to be embarassed at all baring her nude body to me.
“Now.” she replied. Bobian! I removed my clothing one by one while trying not to stare at her body, but it’s no use…my cock is already rock hard. She observes it and comments.
“Your cock is stiff. Good. More yang energy.”
We sit down across each other with our legs folded and put our palms together.
“Don’t think. Just breathe.” were her orders. Ok…seemed easy enough. While I closed my eyes like she did most of the time, I couldn’t resist but take a peek at her breasts and her little bushy pussy from time to time. Eventually kena caught by her.
“Stop staring at my breasts. Focus.”
“Sorry sorry!”
Easier said than done la! The thing is, I realized that her nipples are getting more erect over time. Sama sama la Dragon Girl, we are both turned on like mad! As precum leaked from my cock, her love juices were also seeping out of her vagina. But knowing that it’s dangerous to be so horny while meditating, I closed my eyes and tried to focus.
In my mind, the image of her naked body comes up dancing in front of me.
“Do you want to fuck me, Junior? Always staring at my breasts and pussy.” she says to me in my dream state while swaying her hips. I approach her with glee and we get closer, and closer…then kissed passionately with lots of tongue and saliva, while she wrapped her body around mine. I accordingly inserted my cock inside her vagina and started humping her hard.
Because the mind is not bound by physics, we were able to fly around as we fucked, and I doggy-styled her all the way to the moon! She moaned louder and louder as we moved past the moon, changed to missionary, and approached the sun, where I am about to climax but also feel our bodies getting warmer and warmer until I finally buay tahan.
“Cannot…must…cum liao!”
The dream suddenly ends and we are transported back into real life. Kanina I never get to shoot! Long’er withdraws her hands as we cooled down. I cannot help but ask.
“Erm…junior sis…did you have the same mental image I had?”
“Of course I did. You are a sick and perverted man.”
WALAU liddat also can blame me! You also never resist what! What to do, I am the lowest ranked here. I’ll just return to my room and masturbate.
Long’er gets up and put her robe back on, and suddenly uttered: “Do not touch yourself tonight.”
Simi lanjiao!
“Huh? But…why, junior sis? It’s not like I’m going to, I’m just curious.” I asked.
“At least hold it in for the night, if not all the benefits of our practice will be wasted. It will raise your inner chi.”
What nonsense man. Kanina, tell me not to masturbate when my signature move is Dragon Masturbates! Don’t care la, I go back and shoot she also dunno. Only to hear her say…
“I will check tomorrow, so don’t even try.”
FUCK! I better go take a cold shower.
I spend the night thinking about Rong’er, wondering if she’ll ever forgive me. Then I thought of Long’er naked, and then Mochou naked. By accident the image of Auntie naked also flew inside my head. What the fuck! That’s enough to make me soft for the night, as I dozed off.
Next morning, before I could even go wash up, Long’er really did as she promised and made me drop my pants to inspect my cock. She gave it a good hard look.
“Well done. Your chi has increased one fold. Keep improving and you can learn powerful skills.”
Wow, zhun bo? That means I can do my Dragon Palm two times in a row now instead of once, or once but twice as powerful! I leveled up! Thanks to naked auntie for turning me off last night.
I thought today would be another day of spring cleaning but Mochou gave me a lot of money and ordered me to go to town and buy some silk as some of their clothes are tearing, especially underwear. Steady man, get to go outside finally! But before I could celebrate, she poisoned me with a needle and told me to come back before nightfall or I won’t get the antidote…the sick bitch!
As I made my way off Mt Zhongshan, I pass a fat old guy with a beard who keeps wandering around the mountain’s main entrance. I continued walking, but noticed him following me. What is up with this guy? With my Wave Striding Steps, I sprinted off as fast as I could, only to see him in front of me! This guy despite being a fat fuck not only caught up but overtook me with my Wave Steps.
“Eh what’s your problem fat old man? Follow me for what!?”
“Eh brudder brudder, you going town right? Treat me find chicken leh…” he replied.
What a sick fuck! “No money just use left hand right hand! I won’t treat you one cent!”
“Don’t liddat lah bro! My so called brothers in Quanzhen sect won’t lend me any money! I very sad sia.”
I start to put the pieces together. Quanzhen sect, fat old fuck with such martial art abilities…
“Eh are you the act cute fat fuck Zhou Botong?”
“It is indeed I, act cute fat fuck Zhou Botong!”
“Wow, one of the most powerful characters in the world! Who cares. Get out of my way.” I said, as I’m only concerned with buying silk and not dying from my poison.
“Eh bro, I teach you kung fu lah! Let’s make a deal!”
“No need. I already know kung fu, and if you don’t leave me alone I’m going to be forced to use it!”
The old fuck is not deterred and grabbed my sleeve from behind. I know how powerful he is so I gotta make it count. I make a sharp turn with my Wave Steps, and fired my signature move…well, my only move.
“DRAGON MASTURBATES! AND AGAIN!”
He is too near to dodge as I executed my Dragon Palm twice, direct hits on his chest. That should do the trick.
To my horror, it’s not very effective, machiam pokemon electric move on rock!
“Eh…not bad sia! Who teach you one?”
“It can’t be! Two times Dragon Palms you also felt nothing!?”
“Otherwise I won’t be called Zhou Botong! By the way, you exert so much energy, your poison is accelerating it’s effects. I think by late afternoon you already die liao!”
I could feel my heart rate suddenly spike. The poison is blocking my arteries and forcing my heart to work double time.
“Oh shit! How did you know!? You gotta find a way to save me man!” I exclaim upon hearing his comment, quickly turning from aggressive to pleading after witnessing how imba he is.
“Chicken!” was his demand.
“Chicken, duck, ostrich, whatever you want la uncle!”
“Steady ar boy!”
He placed his palm on my back and I instantly threw up black substance. I feel a lot better already!
“I only purged 70%, the remainder will still kill you in the long run. If you want me to purge everything, become my disciple!”
I start weighing my options. If I become his student, I can be freed from Ancient Tomb. I won’t have to go back and use this money for whatever I want! But I’m gonna miss practicing naked with Long’er.
“Aiya, you slowly consider, we go eat chicken first!”
To my surprise, he did in fact mean chicken, as in the food, not an euphemism for whores. He ordered all kinds of chicken and ate them all…no wonder he’s such a fat fuck.
“Little boy, your Dragon palm is such an exhausting move. After using it, you feel like you just masturbated, no power, hence the name. If your opponent can dodge, you gg.”
“So that’s why it’s called Dragon Masturbates! Then how? What style of kung fu can use for the long run?”
“You become my disciple, I will teach you the 72 Kongming Fists. It can be your regular sparring skill so you can save your Dragon as a finishing move.”
“Your 72 fists strong or not?”
“Ha! I’ve never lost, what do you think?”
We were interrupted in our chat by a voice coming from behind.
“Grandpa! I was looking all over for you! Where the hell have you been!?”
It’s yet another beautiful woman entering my life!
“Hey little pea, come sit down eat chicken with us! Meet my new student! Eh kid, this is my granddaughter Zhou Ruozhi!” said the fat fuck.
“Wait what!? Since when did you have a granddaughter? Aiya, this world never made much sense anyway!” I replied, no longer surprised. Her name is also suspiciously like the crazy gf of Zhang Wuji who went completely psycho…but seeing how pretty she is, I didn’t think too much.
“Well, you like what you see? You can come live with us while I teach you both kung fu, you’ll spend a lot of time with her!” said fat Zhou.
“Deal!” I happily obliged, deciding not to return to the Tomb.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
cutecuteboy
Great story bro.
I like how you managed to integrate the different characters of JY novels together in the same story., plus the humour and the Singlish.
Keep it up, it has the potential to be a saga!
thanks bro for recognizing my efforts haha. thanks to everyone else as well for support
I followed Zhou Botong and Ruozhi back to their small hut on top of the hill, giving them the remaining money I had left as school fees and for lodging. The area is peaceful and I am able to temporarily forget about Rong’er and the Ancient Tomb, as Fat Zhou trained me in the ways of the Kongming Fist. While Fat Zhou is very welcoming towards me, Ruozhi is very guarded and stays wary of me. After all they have no idea where I’m from. Everytime I try to start a conversation with her, she either ignores me or gives me a tepid reply. Even when they share a hearty joke, she would stop laughing upon seeing me joining them. I decide to ask Fat Zhou for help.
“Eh fat fuck…I mean, shifu…your granddaughter always ignore me leh, liddat how? Not say I wanna tackle her or what, but we can’t even make friends, everyday see each other damn awkward leh!”
“Hmm ok ok let me think of something. I know…I will let her take over your training tomorrow. That will make you two interact more!”
“That sounds good!”
Fat Zhou left a note saying he had diarrhoea and went to see doctor, and told Ruozhi to take over training. I had mastered 40 of the 72 fists at this point, while she knows 60. I expected more of the same kind of training, but she was damn fierce! As I demonstrated what I had learnt, she berated me thoroughly.
“What rubbish are you doing? All 40 fists you showed got so many mistakes! Footing wrong! Turning wrong! Even your breathing also wrong!”
What the hell…never give chance sia! At least she’s talking to me?
“Are you sure or not? Fat fuck…I mean, Master Zhou said I’m doing well!”
“Fuck me. I mean- fight me!”
Ruozhi’s face turned red as she accidentally misspoke. Maybe a freudian slip? Hehe. I decide to tease her a little.
“Wait, did you say-”
She got so angry that she charged me with an advanced technique, really no give chance! I managed to dodge with my Wave Steps. As I tried to tap her arm, I accidentally brushed her left breast!
“You! Pervert!” she yelled.
“Accident, accident!” I tried to explain.
She charged forward again, and again I dodged. To avoid her chest, I decided to tap her back. But I misaimed and tapped her ass!
“Sex maniac! Rapist!”
“Eh, how would I know you would turn like that!?”
She lunged at me once more, determined to knock me out. I dodged again, and to my horror she’s about to tumble off the hill! I quickly reached out my hand to grab her and hugged her tightly as we rolled down. Wow she smells damn nice, as our bodies rubbed against each other. I could feel she has an amazing figure, but I was mainly concerned with not getting her hurt. We finally come to a stop but only when my head kena a rock!
Ruozhi slowly looked up and sees that I am half unconscious with a bleeding head.
“Hey rapist! Don’t sleep! Stay awake! Hey!”
She panicked as she sees blood gushing from my head, and I pass out.
I wake up alone back in the hut and I can hear them discussing my condition outside.
“Head injuries can be serious or trivial. He might die or he might survive.” said the doctor.
“You say might as well don’t say!” yelled Ruozhi.
“Ruozhi, please. Show some respect for the doc. Doc, what are we supposed to do now?” asked Fat Zhou.
“Well, he needs lots of rest. If he’s sleepy, let him sleep. If he’s hungry, let him eat.”
I can hear furniture being pushed around as Ruozhi wanted to whack the “doctor” for his useless advice. Hmm…I’m thinking of using this to my advantage. The two of them soon come into the room to see me.
“Rapist! I mean…junior! How do you feel? Ruozhi asked.
“Are you mummy and daddy?” I replied. They were both at a loss for words.
“Oh no! I only act ginna, I think he really become ginna!” exclaimed Fat Zhou, famous for being an immature fat fuck. Ruozhi starts to apologize.
“I’m so sorry, Junior! I can’t believe the injuries are so serious! You poor thing!”
I tried my best not to laugh, but inside I is armchio gao gao!
“Ruozhi, grandpa always tell you to take responsibility for your actions. You need to take care of him from now on.”
“I understand, grandpa. It’s the least I could do. If only I wasn’t so wilful.”
The nasty Ruozhi has now morphed into my personal caretaker almost instantly. She fed me my meals and her hands are so delicate and caring that I almost wanted to drop the act. Then, it’s time for cleaning.
She takes a deep breath as she undressed me piece by piece in the bathroom. It’s quite small so we’re both made to stand. I’m getting nervous myself but if I break character now she’s gonna kill me! I am soon fully nude, and her face turns red at the sight of my cock. As she started splashing water on me, it starts getting on her clothes. She decided that I was harmless and for convenience, removed her clothed to take a bath as well!
“Since I’m going to take care of you for the rest of your life, I’m like your wife anyways…what’s the big deal huh?” she murmured as she exposed her bare breasts. Goddamn they’re gorgeous! I had an instant hard on which she noticed immediately.
“You like zehzeh’s naked body?” she asked. I don’t even know what to respond as she grabbed my hand to grope her breasts. “You were always a pervert, I guess this sort of thing can bring you joy.” she said. WALAU liddat say me! But I’m grabbing song song, heck care so much! As she cleaned my body with her smooth, fair hands, she paid extra attention to my cock.
“Consider this as my compensation to you for saving me.” she said, as she started stroking my cock, while grabbing my other hand to finger her vagina. Really damn shiok, and she’s so wet underneath, pussy juice leaking like mad! We both moaned uncontrollably as we toyed with each other’s genitals. As I approached climax, she suddenly stopped.
“Aiya, let’s just do your favourite thing. It’s the least you deserve it.”
She turned around, grabbed my cock, and start sliding it inside her pussy! Man I did not expect that! It can’t be all about remorse though, considering how wet she is…I bet she wants it too!
The soap acted as a lubricant as I slide the whole thing in for her, breaking her hymen easily and claiming her virginity in the bathroom. She moaned in ecstasy as I fucked her faster and faster while grabbing her tits. There’s very limited room, so there weren’t many positions to change into. I decide to finish the job like this.
I pinched her nipples hard as I cum deep inside her cunt, and we moaned in unison. I continued fucking her as I came to force out as much semen as I could. She squirted simultaneously all over my thighs. Finally, my seed is inside her, and she is mine.
We were both exhausted. Suddenly, she lost her footing on the wet floor and nearly fell. I reach out to rescue her and smash my head on the door, knocking me out!
I wake up in the room again, hearing the useless doctor chat with them outside, again.
“The injury might be a good thing in disguise! Who knows, maybe his brain circuits shifted back in place from the trauma, and he’s normal again.” said the doc.
“Are you sure, or is this another of your nonsense?” Ruozhi questioned him again. They continued to quarrel as I smiled with glee. Haha, a solution gifted to me by heaven, and all it took was two bloodied heads to conquer the beautiful Ruozhi.
The doctor is chased away and Ruozhi and Fat Zhou comes in to see me.
“Guys, what’s going on?” I asked.
Ruozhi immediately hugged me tight and kissed me on the cheek. I pretend to be stunned.
“Hey how long was I out? I remember we were falling off the hill?”
“What? Don’t you remember anything?” she asked.
“I remember you were trying to kill me! Calling me all sorts of things…”
“That…was two days ago!” she exclaimed.
“Don’t you remember? You were acting like a kid, she took care of you!” asked Zhou.
“Really? I don’t remember anything!”
“You don’t remember what we…what we did?” Ruozhi asked as her face reddened.
“What, the sparring?” I act blur. I can see the disappointment on her face, it’s cute! But I know what she’s thinking…she’s trying to think of a way to marry me, as I’ve already made her my woman!"
Over the next few days, I quickly recuperate and resumed my training with her. She becomes extra nice to me, being very patient with her training and preparing all of my favourite dishes. She keeps asking me if I’m fine and whether my head still hurts. Now I turn the tables and give her the cold shoulder! I wonder if I’m being too much.
I overhear Ruozhi asking her grandpa for help, the same way I used to ask him haha.
“Damn it Grandpa, I’ve tried everything but he doesn’t seem to like me! What else am I supposed to do?”
“Well why don’t you give up, find another guy?”
“I can’t! It has to be him!!!”
“Why are you so crazy over him all of a sudden?”
Ruozhi squeezed Fat Zhou’s belly fat hard.
“OWOWOW!!!”
“It just needs to be him! No reason, ok? Ask him to marry me!”
She’s too embarassed to tell either Zhou or myself that I banged her in the bathroom.
“Ok ok! Let go! My stomach machiam pregnant you squeeze so hard!”
That night, Fat Zhou came into my room, and I could tell Ruozhi is eavesdropping outside.
“My dearest student! You’ve almost mastered all 72 forms of the Kongming Fists! Do you think it’s time to think of some other concerns?”
“Hmm, what do you mean, fat fuck-I mean, shifu.”
“Well, what about starting a family? There’s an excellent candidate for you right here!”
“What, you mean Ruozhi? I thought she hated me!”
“What? Can’t you take a hint? She’s been super nice to you these past few days. She’s crazy about you!”
“Hmm really?”
“So what do you think of her?”
“Well, she’s cute and somewhat caring. Look. if she really liked me she should be telling me herself.”
“Ok. I’m out! Sweet pea, this is your job now!”
He pulls Ruozhi and made her sit on my bed against her protests, as he takes his leave.
“Hey. Is what your grandpa said true?”
“Well…I like you, but I wouldn’t say I’m crazy about you.”
“Huh. Well, you should only marry a guy you’re crazy about-”
“Okokok! We banged in the bathroom, ok? You hit your head, and you were acting like a child, and I fed you and I bathed you, and I wanted to bring you a little joy by giving you a handjob in the bathroom and one thing led to another and your cock ended up in my pussy! Then you came inside me so I have now become your woman, and we really need to get married!”
“…wow, that’s…quite a story.”
“So will you marry me or not?”
“But I already have a fiancee, her name is Rong’er.”
“I’ll be your second wife then!”
“Haiz…well, what to do!”
And just like that, I got a second fiancee in Ruozhi.
