Do you believe in fate ?
I’ve been on the cheong scene for a long time, mostly roaming among the irc channels. I would say that my first irc session was at least a good 8-9 years back.
Back then, during the age of innocence, things were alot simplier and gals were alot easier to hook. It was during this time that I first met adeline. Without going into great details, she was easy going during the chat and pretty fun loving and best of all, only 16 yrs old. Being at that age, I was able to kinda boast about my experience and introduce her to many of the forbidden pleasures of sex. Being the naive sec sch gal with a whole lorry load of family problem, she just wanted a friend (mature perhaps to listen to her problems) and was also entice by the many stories that I told her.
I can’t exactly remember the exact circumstances (it was 8 years ago) but we met and we fucked. Being the horny bastard that I was then, I wasn’t interested in much about her except her pussy and tits. In short, I was just making use of her. And, again, being the horny bastard that I was during that time, I didn’t really care less. We screwed for a few sessions, she would complain about her school, the guys around her and her family problems. yada yada yada. I did my best to feign interest but was in truth waiting for my cock to re-charge. This was how it went for a couple of months.
The last time I saw adeline, she was in trouble, apparently gotten bang up by some guy and 2 months pregnant. It was pretty vague, but I remember bringing her to the ATM, and drawing $300 bucks for her (she wasn’t a FL but I reckon she needs the dough for abortion etc). And being the horny bastard that I was (3rd time saying), we actually proceed to a hotel and bang, this time, shooting straight in (reasoning that since she is already preg, what the heck). I know guys, it’s not safe etc but that was 8 years ago.
That was the last I saw of adeline, cos subsequently, I was spending a great deal of time overseas (due to work). She called me a couple of times but I was overseas and didn’t wanted to entertain this ‘problem kid’. Satisfied that I made off with several rounds of sex with a mere $300.
Geessh, thinking back, all these years, I realised what a jerk I was, to have treated someone whom, from what I can recall, treated me with sincerity and love (in a way) and how I wasn’t even bothered with her as a person and was just looking for a hole to fill my urge. Betrayal, destroying her faith in guys and adults (she was 16, I was 32). She must have really hated me.
Such are the emotions called regret. All these years, I never really have forgotten what I did. Each time I was feeling miserable (work, family etc), I would sit back in my room and turn on my fav stack of sad songs (mp3), the only way I know how to ride out my sorrow. And each time, I would remember adeline, how I met her, seduce her, misled her and how I made use of her. On our first meet up, she wore her fav skirt that her mom bought from australia, all I can think of was ripping it off the moment she got into the car and closed the door. Somehow, I would conclude that whatever ass luck that has happened to me, it was probably heaven’s way of punishing me. I probably deserved it, in another word.
Zoom back to the present, 2007. I would dare say that I’m still as horny as ever, but no longer a bastard. Sex is no longer a 1 sided enjoyment of my part but joined pleasure between me and the girl. I learnt to talk, and learn more about the person, to be sincere and to be honest (I quit telling gals that I was single, and opt to reveal my married status). Different people look for the comfort of sex for different reasons. I realised that girls could and would sometime accept my status and would offer their friendship in return. This was how things were, I would feel happy and proud on how I was handling this situation. Yet, from the distant past, the name adeline keeps surfacing and I know there’s a special spot in hell that the devil had save for me.
So that was the case, I was roaming in my fav channel once again, trying my luck on gals, and finally managed to strike up a rather interesting conversation with a new gal. We talked about stuff, fantasies and kinks and got ourselves worked up till a stage when I pop the magical (wanna chat on phone ?) Q. To my surprise, the answer was a swift Yes, and we chatted on the phone, a good hour or so. She’s just my type, intelligence, witty, holds a great job (she’s an engineering and doing night classes as well).
So there we were, exhausted and panting on the phone at 3 am in the morning, and I believed I hit the correct chord, she gave me her msn id and told me that she’s going to grab a bite and was going to pop into msn cos she needs to check on some email.
I quickly ran to my computer (praying that I wouldn’t forget her msn email addy) and behold, she was online, munching on her grass jelly.
we chatted more, and my liking of her was growing. I think she must have felt the same way…
“so is there a face behind the voice ?”
I knew what she wanted. Heck, I’m a pretty ordinary guy, plain, at best.. but somehow, I felt it was okie. So I clicked on my ‘change display picture’ and loaded up one of my ‘best effort’ photo.
She did the same, and a photo of a lady in a nice evening dress came up. Since it was full body photo, the face was really small but overall, it was a lovely photo.
hmmmm… MSN seems to be suffering from one of it’s notorious hang up session, or she must have gone to the toilet. For the screen paused for about a min or 2. I was thinking at the back of my mind. *FUCK* another failed attempt, gal probably realised that she was talking to a dirty old man.
In the dead of the night, seconds seem like minutes. And eventually, a single message flashes across my msn window.
“did you say your name is william ?”
-————————————————————————
btw, this is not a story. Everything is real, names have been changed however.
erm,
it’s not a story, and ending is unknown, I only bumped into adeline last Thursday night…..
anyway, for bros who is camping here for sex stories, sorry to disappoint… I just need to get this off my chest cos it has really been troubling me all these years….
whatever you do, (if you like my confession, up me), please do not up me because you think that this is a cool thing to do to a young girl….
and for those bros who asked me for contact….. yes, I’ll ask satan to add a sofa in my spot so that you can join me there one day…
btw, something did happened on Friday (as fate has it),
I shall write it down once I find time to word it properly.
Part II
-——–
erm… shit !! she’s my co-worker ? friends ? friend’s wife ? wife’s friend ? in-laws ? na bei, picture so small can still recognised me.
in all honestly, I was frighten that after so many years of cheonging, my cover was finally blown. It would be an disgrace, what if my wife gets to know it eventually…
“do you remember ever meeting a 16 young old girl, maybe 7-8 years ago ?, I used to stay in queenstown, and etc etc etc….”
for a moment, I was confused, hmmm.. what girl ? 8 years ago ?? OMG, *alarm bells were setting off*… there could only be 1 person ….
“hmmm.. I guessed you don’t remember….. I used to know a WILLIAM back then too, he looks like you”
should I jump out from hiding ? and shout “da da”. How was I expecting her to react ?
I said “erm… I’m not sure… (trying to delay the moment) … I think maybe we met before lor…. (and again) so small photo you can tell meh ?”
“OMG, you’re really WILLIAM… my goodness…. how ARE you !!! all these years…. MIA ah ? so I’m right *grin*”
geesshh, I was half expecting her to either block me… or go at me like a beast …. this is not the reaction I expected. After all, didn’t I ? yes yes, I was the bastard. Maybe this was a case of mistaken identity.
I asked “but just now you say your name not adeline mah….”
I’ve blown my cover. She no longer uses that name, a name that only I (or any other 8 years ago FBs) could have known.
This whole thing is throwing me off course, all those nights of self regret and imagination at how revenge would come. This was all wrong.
Further chatting that night revealed more abt what happened to her. After the pregnancy case, (she aborted it), she sunk even lower into all sort of mess. And somehow, she manages to go through poly, then her first job. Then to a part time degree course (which she just completed).
No wonder I couldn’t tell from her voice. The ah-lian from my past have transformed herself. While she used to use alot of chinese and singlish in the past, she uses English nowadays. And her background, gosh, was so different. No longer the problem kid from a broken family, she now has a career… and also… as I later found out, a fiancee.
We chatted on for a while, it was around coming to 4 in the morning…. “don’t you need to sleep or something ?”, oh no, there’s a test on Sat, she’s on study leave…. and she pops the question “free for lunch tomorrow ? I mean today..”
hmm.. ahh.. maybe she plans to lure me out and ambuse me, and then get her brother, uncle to dispose of my body.
Got test right ? so free ah ?? no need to studying ?? “still have to eat right ?”
so that was how it went. After we went offline, I still wasn’t able to sleep. I was staring at my ceiling and thinking. A thousand thoughts crossed my mind. Before long, I can hear the familiar rumble of the SBS buses… the first ray of light, yup… this is gonna be a interesting day….
-—————————————————————-
and so it was, that I met her for lunch…..
then for drinks….
the memory is still fresh in my mind… at this point, only 48 hours ago….
not very sleepy, maybe I can finish it…
certain information from this point is kinda confidential. As I mentioned, this is not a sex story (sorrie to all brothers…)
life holds many surprises, and this is one of them.
-————————————————————————
my dear adeline… I was thinking as I waited beneath her block waiting for her to appear.
Never in my dreams would I think that we will actually go have lunch together. It was never like this. During those times, I would just pick her up, go find a room, and bang bang bang away, then $15 for her to take a cab back home (can’t even be bothered to send her back).
The thoughts that were going thru my mind, like a whirlwind of confusion. At several point, I comtemplated driving off, escape always seem like a easier solution. What the hell am I here for ? What do I expect to gain out of this ?
25 mins late. Must be aeroplane, etc, I didn’t want to call her. Half hoping that I can get myself off the hook in this manner. Could it be that she doesn’t want to see me ? Makes no sense, otherwise, why would she even suggest lunch ?
*ring ring*… apologies, she just woke up… 10 mins…. I’m rushing down….
and minutes later…. I heard a voice from behind “WILLIAM !!” …
na bei… uncle usually quite tactically, sitting on the stone bench, facing the lift door… no surprised … I think this is standard cheong rule when meeting new faces, we want to see them coming… if baby elephant, scram, if ‘IT’, scram…. how the hell ?! *she must be staying 2nd or 3rd floor and walked down*
there before me, gosh….somewhat familiar, somewhat not…. gosh…. adeline… my adeline….. a harder stare at the grinning girl standing infront of me….. yes….. my adeline…..
we got on to the car, and went hunting for a lunch location.
She was happily chirpping away, like a bird that just escaped from her confinement. I was still trying to absorb the situation. Driving silently to our location.
We were sitting in a restaurant, she was still talking happily about stuff, things that happened after we lost contact, she didn’t understand why we lost contact, and it wasn’t easy to maintain a friendship, with the kind of mess that she was in. Family problems, debt problems, ah beng BF problems. I was sitting like a miserable duck, opposite her, barely touching my plate of pasta.
quick, blame me, blast me, curse me, attack me….. I need this… I want this… it’s the only way that I will feel better.
No, it wasn’t to be. She doesn’t blame anyone, or anything that happened to her. She says that it’s part of life, and growing up. She didn’t want to feel like the victim, and lead a life of blaming others and hatred. What is the point about feeling miserable ? It’s not going to solve anything. *huh*confused*.. in the end, she didn’t really blamed anyone, not her gambling father, wayward friends… etc.. “you can’t live life that way you know”
“WILLIAM, thanks for being my friend when I needed help.” *another confusion… she’s talking about the $300 ?* “now that we’re back in contact, I have another friend”
adeline adeline…. she showed me how much better a person she was, and just how crap I have been. She never blamed me. Oh my horrible deeds, I should burn in hell….. I still feebly wished that she would grab that knife (great, fish n chip, blunt, should hurt alot) and stab me with me. DAMN, I’ve been waiting all these years for this. KILL ME !!!
nO no, she changed her name, dump her crappy friends (i was thinking, dump me, I’m the worst) and started anew. Her fiancee was a honest and dependable guy (somewhat boring according to her, but heck, everyone needs someone like that in their life) but knows nothing of her past. Her colleagues etc, whom she’s never closed to, know her simply as one of the engineers. Her part time studying took it’s toll, she doesn’t have much friends, and her classmates, accordingly to her, immature, comfortable background, never to worry much of life. In effect, I was someone from the past, whom she can talk about things that she will never be able to tell anyone else.
After lunch, we walked back to my car, I was silent, and she didn’t know why. In the car, I suddenly turned, grabbed her hands,
“adeline, I am really really really sorry of what I did in the past, I…. I….”, I can clearly count the number of times I cried in my adult life. The last time was when I heard my son’s heartbeat for the first time, through the speaker of the ultra sound machine. And now was such a time. I need to say this. I’m really sorry, this is not the ME that I am now. Believe me, I…. I…."
In her eyes, I was never the bastard. How can that be even possible ?
I drove her to NUS and dropped her at the library, where she was supposed to study for her test.
On AYE, driving to meet my brother for coffee when my phone beeped.
“no mood to study, you wanna turn back ?”
-——————————————————————–
my life have been in a state of un-reality (is there such a word ?) for the past 3 days.
This sounds more like a script from a 9 PM channel 8 serial.
My God… I’m damn lost….. this is not cheong-ing…. I don’t even know what to do.
I didn’t turn back, but later that nite, we went holland v for drinks. I don’t think I will want to write anymore about it. That was 24 hours ago.
I’m married with 2 kids. She’s engaged. WTF.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
soberguy
Thank you for the story!
it’s a confession, not a story brother.
hoped brothers here can share their opinion. I don’t know what the future will bring. or what will happen.
My resolve is notoriously weak.
For my part, I’m just happy that closure has come, for this episode in my life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
janejane82
Good for u dat u’ve finally gotten it off ur chest *pats ur back
i’m actually v curious and have some qns for u (if u dun feel comfortable answering, its ok. cos like i mentioned, i’m jus curious)
hmm .. has it ever occured to u y after so many years, u still regret/ feel remorseful/miserable over wat u did to her? was it cos she’s ur 1st encounter or was it she’s the only one u’ve “made use of” or …. ??
hi,
I think my behavior at that time was really bastard. My regret is to let my lust take over what I should have done as a good person. I think I objectised her, without basic respect. etc, when she’s having period, I would find excuses not to meet her etc. *bastard reasons again*….
I once talked to another brother, he was telling me abt PRC FL, “no need to be gentle one, just enjoy, shiok, even pattern they dun want, just whack, PRC onli what, whole street full of them, 1 drop, 2 will take their place, they here to sell body mah !”. Needless to say, you can imagine how I felt. Feel damn hot, then her name pops in my mind again. I was once this sort of people. People cannot treat people.
yes, I hoped I can just be a friend to her from this point onwards. But this is now, calmly sitting in my room. On my part, I think I wouldn’t initiate anything.
How many brothers can resist ? if given the chance.
maybe just thinking too much.
hi bro,
yeah, right now, things are moving at their own pace. We have since chatted more on msn and looking for activities like supper etc, cos she have her night classes.
as for whether I will update the progress in this forum or like a blog, well, the intention is not this from the beginning.
as mentioned, this relationship may not be those wild and sexy stuff that will make a good story.
I’m glad I wrote about it, my short 3 posting episode of this part of my life. What I’m trying to convey is the miracle of life, how events and things can happen when you thought it’s all in the past.
Take heart to all brothers who gave comments, every one of them is valuable.
Dedicate this song to adeline,
愛情轉移 by eason chan
徘徊過多少櫥窗
住過多少旅館
才會覺得分離也并不冤枉
感情是用來瀏覽
還是用來珍藏
好讓日子天天都過得難忘
熬過了多久患難
濕了多長眼眶
才能知道傷感是愛的遺産
流浪幾張雙人床
換過幾次信仰
才讓戒指義無反顧的交換
＊把一個人的溫暖
轉移到另一個的胸膛
讓上次犯的錯反省出夢想
每個人都是這樣
享受過提心吊膽
才拒絕做愛情待罪的羔羊
回憶是抓不到的月光握緊就變黑暗
等虛假的背影消失於晴朗
陽光在身上流轉
等所有業障被原諒
愛情不停站
想開往地老天荒
需要多勇敢
燭光照亮了晚餐
照不出個答案
戀愛不是溫馨的請客吃飯
床單上鋪滿花瓣
擁抱讓它成長
太擁擠就開到了別的土壤
感情需要人接班
接近換來期望
期望帶來失望的惡性循環
短暫的總是浪漫
漫長總會不滿
燒完美好青春換一個老伴
Repeat ＊,＊
你不要失望
蕩氣迴腸是爲了
最美的平凡
Quote:
Originally Posted by
spider_j
Confession is good for the soul, despite the fact that it offers no absolution from past sins unless one is truly penitent.
Freman, are you truly penitent?
Call me a cynical bastard but I can’t wait for the confession that you have, once again, against your better judgment, ONZ’d her at some sleazy hotel.
hi bro,
we cheongster here are never saint in the first place. And my confession was not meant to repent from cheonging.
my regret is in the way I handled her in the past.
if it happens this time round, then let it be. I hoped she knows how to handle her own relationship well. I don’t hope that she will destroy it because of this. Believe it or not, I’ll probably advise her to think of her long term.
okie okie, I give up, I’ll choose a better hotel this time.