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She was not ready for Marriage.
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She was not ready to have Children
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I am not Romantic
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My attention is only for the kids, not her
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Always bring kids along for holidays, not just with her.
Hi All, I have created a new nick (paisay lah) to ask for advise, as I know some Bro here, gives really good advise.
I have been married for 12yrs & have 3 kids. Recently my wife confessed that she’s been seeing another man & is planning to leave us all. Reasons for the break down of marriage, given by her are:
I begged her to re-consider, as we have kids & I will change to be better for her. She agreed to stay as to give me another chance but things are not getting better. The house now is like a hotel to her, as usual I’m the one attending to the kids, she just come home, watch TV then fall asleep. By the time, I put the kids to bed, she’s already asleep so no time to talk to her. We were active in sex before, but since what happened, she just shut herself out from me. At home I have to appear happy (worry she might think otherwise), when I’m at work or alone, I’m depressed (people can actually tell, that I’m not my usual self).
I still love her and I don’t want to break the family up but I am not sure how long I can keep this up. I know she have no intention to bring any of the kids with her, when she leaves. She also keep mentioning to me not to waste too much time & effort on her, cos she give up leow.
If you guys are in my shoe, what will you do?
Please help!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sigh…
Hi All, I have created a new nick (paisay lah) to ask for advise, as I know some Bro here, gives really good advise.
Thread title Should be : "
ADVICE
needed"
Your opening para should be : “… I have created a new nick for ask for
ADVICE
as I know some bro here give really good
ADVICE
.”.
“Advise” is a verb.
My ADVICE is to leave her and find a new women. Your children deserve better.
bro sign, u created new nick, prompting tat u afraid tat u will be zap and tis story might not be true afterall.
if the story is true, she is not worth to be a wife nor she is worth to be a mother for the kidz. i noe itz really damn hard to let go but it get nowhere to drag tis meaningless marriage.
end it, start afresh, to remarry is not issue.
the main issue is u and ur kidz are happy.
bro, sorry to hear abt ur predicament. thou i cant give u sound advice, juz know that ther’s nothing wrong being not romantic, paying attention to ur kids n bringing them on holidays. sometimes pple juz like to turn the table n make it seems like its the other party’s fault. my bottomline is dun ever blame urself and include guilt into ur inventory of sorrows. coz u will feel even more miserable. take care n wish that things will turn out the way u want them to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sigh…
Hi All, I have created a new nick (paisay lah) to ask for advise, as I know some Bro here, gives really good advise.
I have been married for 12yrs & have 3 kids. Recently my wife confessed that she’s been seeing another man & is planning to leave us all. Reasons for the break down of marriage, given by her are:
Please help!
sorry for being blunt…..
Just let go even now tat she agreed to give another chance to the marriage but it doesn’t seem like she is putting effort in it. like wat u have say hse is just like hotel to her u think she still interested in tis marriage.
Bro Sigh…
Sometimes we try to do everything we can, but critically we are unable to satisfy even the ones closest to us, or the ones we trust most.
I would expect your wife to be young…and maybe she yearns for her own freedom and enjoying what she would term as “lost-time” for herself. (Since she was not read for marriage and kids)
My dad left for another woman, but i don’t think my mum did a bad job bringing me up…tough, but do-able. You can too. Don’t feel sorry for yourself, I think you’ve done what you can. There are some things that are beyond our own grasp - we, as humas, can anly do so much.
If she gives up…it’s really over. Really hate to say it…but “holding on” will not benefit your love, current marriage/scenario…or your kids.
Sometimes to love someone is to let her free…
Hope you do what is best for yourself. Take care
JWNY
oei mr sammy, u nv see him say he doesnt want to break up his family. i think more brother should step out n help his poor brother of ours.
to me having a good talk is a good way of knowing n understanding wat she really wants. or is she having any thoughts of bring this family back together again? if not….leave her
well…..in this kind of situation,i think you should move on and let her go since she doesnt appreciate you and the family at all…….no point clinging on this relationship since she doesnt even care or bother…i know is easy said than done but it is really up to you,watever your decision is,i wish u best of luck.
cheers
Quote:
Originally Posted by
sammyboyfor
Your opening para should be : “… I have created a new nick
for
ask for….”.
oh, no!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Sigh…
Hi All, I have created a new nick (paisay lah) to ask for advise, as I know some Bro here, gives really good advise.
……………….If you guys are in my shoe, what will you do?
Please help!
Hi Bro,
I seriously think you"re an admirable guy in my humblest opinion. A good husband to her & a responsible father to your kids. (Assumptions..) However, I"m quite sad about your wife’s dark episode but I beckons sometimes we’re bound to face dilemmas in life which can make or break our hearts.
First of all, I need to ask you whether do you fully agreed all the things that you wife proclaimed?? The reason I"m asking is because this sort of things doesnt build up over the night. It must have been through a prolonged time that she make such drastic decisions for herself & the concern family. More often than not, the tendency of woman giving up a marriage including their childrens is quite rare. The reason is because woman generally belongs to the emotional type of persona that by forsaking their own offsprings is the very last resort to do. Hence, probably..there’re more to meet an eyes and I believed there’s much more reason contributing behind her decision.
Well…few quick questions. Did you had an affairs that maybe she accidentally found out?? I mean, if you have been a good husband, I think she’s just feeling mundane through the years of marriage & thus she’s yearning for a new break through of epoch that probably some guys are giving & showering her the sort of attention that she has been neglecting in her marriage lifestyle with you. At this moment, I believed she’s just craving for the attentions & love that you"re not splurging on her whereby maybe some lurking men is able to do so on your behalf.
I would suggest that sit her down & have a word with her. Show her that you"re sincere & earnest with your profound love that it has not diminish even throughout all these years with you. Woman tends to love this sort of face to face interaction & generally it does help. Put the kids with your in-laws and bring her for a good romantic spa holiday solely indulging both of your personal time. Invite her for drinks in the clubs to rejuvenate the fire between both of you while dancing & sipping your cocktails away just like the good old days. With all these, you have shown her that she’s paramount in your life besides your kids. Let her feel the energy that she’s still very much in your heart irregardless what had happened. Lastly, if all these fails, my advice to you is to seek professional counselling. Let the trained marriage counsellors speak to both of you inorder to allow both of you to understand the real purpose of marriage.
Lastly, I"m about to ask whether you"re able to accept the fact that previously she’s seeing a man behind your back after her confession?? This is absolutely pertinent because sometimes men tends to forgive easily but very hard to forget what had happened involving our spouse who cheated on us.
I hope you dont get me wrong but I"m just casting speculations on this very grave matter of yours generally which I think you should look deep into this problem.
Hope my 2ct worth does help….
Cheers…