Sometimes i wish i have the gut to just end things. If i brave enough to just jump down, that would be good.
http://17sing.tw/share_song/index.html?sid=45204787
A-Lin - 我等到花儿也谢了
It been a long time i sang. So on my app and sang to my heart contented. Choose this song to post cos it somehow about how i feel. My vocal still not completely healed as i was not well due to cough previously. This app requires earphones to record but i don’t have it as mine already spoilt. That’s explained why some parts were kinda soft. Nevertheless, nothing to shout about, just sharing that’s all.
Perhaps people are puzzled why suddenly i suffer from depression. It not happened just overnight of course. It all the accumulation that made me into this. It not just my debts, work or finances. There are things which are hidden secrets that i rather choose not to say. I can only reveal my aftermath as I do not want another episode to happen again.
This happened a year plus ago. Cos of protecting someone whom had some special relationship with me, I was injured from head to toe. My head was stitched, face was injured as well as my body. I had grown back longer hair to cover the scar on my head. As for face, nobody will believe my face was partly disfigured if i don’t say. I really have to thank god it didn’t had much damages. My looks is nothing fantastic anyway so nothing to praise about. So before you wanna start criticise me, please think twice from now as i already went through a very bad ordeal. I choose not to be here if I have a choice.
I have changed my identity due to this incident, cos i didn’t wanna let those that did this to me to find me. I didn’t offend anyone. I also an innocent party cos i protected someone whom i thought was worth it but ended up he was not. Anyway it over but it a painful lesson. Til now, i will not know when i can have a peaceful life. So you see, don’t judge someone like me like you are paying super big fuck bucks. I’m a human afterall and so do you. If you wanna criticise me, make sure you are good enough if not, go and fuck some spiders. No offend, some guys are really meant to be fucked. I experienced 1 with no respect to girls. I nearly hit him but i held back. I’m not afraid of such issue but i didn’t want due to my agent back then will face problem if i used violence. Recently i bumped onto him as i didn’t know it him. But i rejected him hahaha. Who say FL can’t reject CS. Of course i didn’t ask for rejection fee as it not he rejected me. I bet he couldn’t recognised or recall who i was or, he offended too much gals til he blurred too hahaha. I’m not here to claim sympathy due to my encounter. Just hope guys out there show some basic respect to gals out there. If i wanna claim sympathy, i already did from the day i came back. Everyone of us has dark secrets or faced bad ordeals. Don’t judge things quickly just on surface cos you might be wrong on your judgement.
Dreams are weird. I had a dream earlier on. I was in a train but this train was not meant to travel around. There was a live band, for what i thought so. The music were not sang by original by the artists. More felt like it live music. I was with a friend but couldn’t figured out who was she. The train was quite crowded. Everyone was listening to the music. It seemed that they were doing a countdown of the music. Those songs were quite old, roughly from 70s moving to 80s to 90s. I was impressed by this little girl who looked about 6-7 years old. She seemed to know most of the songs. She was singing along.
Was sitting down listening to the music and watching the little girl. My friend was talking to someone beside her. This song was played. It was an English song. It sounded familiar but in the dream, i was humming along. As i hummed, tears started to fill my eyes. Tears rolled down from my right eye. I kinda turned away and looked down, opened my bag and searched for tissue. The song became a Chinese version on the 2nd part. As it went, tears kept rolling and rolling. I was not sure anyone saw me crying or i wouldn’t even cared. The music still went on and on til i slowly opened up my eyes. I was in reality, lying on bed. The music somehow still lingered on even i awoke. The feeling of sadness i had in dream was brought along even i awoke. I was not crying in reality but it a heavy feel inside my heart. This was kinda suck to start your day with heavy heart.
This was the song i talking about.
https://www.xiami.com/song/376383?_u…D9990B3D51A534
孙燕姿 - 终于
I’m wondering is there an English version of this song?
https://www.xiami.com/song/72459?_ux…D9990B3D51A534
Was listening to this song. That’s this part which was the last part that goes, 男人啊也会软弱只是不说. I guess it not only to guys, it should be 人啊也会软弱只是不说. No matter how strong or tough a person is, we still have our weakest moment. It just that we choose not to say. Choose not to say, doesn’t mean we are ok, it what’s the point of saying when end of the day, still have to solve the problem alone. So i rather don’t say.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
invertigo
seems like sis is a fan of sappy songs too
try 结局 also by 张克帆。。
Ya i know that song too.
On resting mode this week due to menses week. It still has not ‘break fast’. I’m like waiting for the baby to EDD like that lol. My body already started to bloat. I look like 1 fatty if i wear too tight. Can’t use the word fatty but more like African kid. Small body frame with protruding tummy. Only place that looks better, it my boobs. Look at the pic yourself.
Looks like those implant boobs from the pic haha.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
itchyDICK
how you are feeling better sister
Not ok also have to be ok. Life has to go on til I can’t continue then decide what to do.
It been a week I didn’t stepped out from my house. I tried to meet up my friends last Friday and it was a tough fight within. I was struggled to get out of the house. When I reached the place, I thought my friends were inside and so i went in to look for them. People started to look at me and some guys were gluing their eyes to my footsteps. I felt cold and my hands started to trembled. I quickly walked and called my friend and i heard my name called out. Phew, they were at the outdoor area. That was my last outing. I kinda phobia to go out honestly.
Even when i have to work, i have to forced myself to go out. I feel better when i was in enclose area. Even just a simple dinner with family outside, I felt weak. I was in daze, felt so uncomfortable. I know i already born ugly. The glances from strangers, are making things worse. They must be thinking, this girl is ugly enough, why still wanna disgrace herself by going out to show her face in the public.
I really don’t know how to face the world. The glances, the voices in my head, is making me sick. I have been staying in my room for a week. It is my most comfortable zone so far. I really hate myself. I shouldn’t even exist in this world. The society is cruel. U are born better appearance, people will worship u. If my case, will end up being condemned. Unless, u are rich. I neither look good nor rich. How realistic. Life is really meaningless. Nothing to look forward at all. Can an accident just happen to me and take me away please? My birthday is coming in another few months, why not just fufill this will do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
BTech
I’ve a quick question :
Why do u have such low self esteem ?
Why do u let the voices put you down ?
I will go in your working thread and make an appointment with you . I am positive that you are much much better than you thin of yourself savor those idiots who put you down !
Wait for me …
That because since when i was in sec sch, i have been mocked on my appearance. I was a nerd back then and an introvert. Nobody wanna be near to me cos will make them unpopular. My nick given was ‘Freak’. Due to that, I have been absenced from school. My family had been scolding me and even beat me up cos they didn’t understand why I always didn’t wanna attend school. But amazing part, my academics were good. Every year i was top 3 students. That’s why school didn’t expelled me. My ex even called me a jinx. Called me ugly slut.
So somehow all these mocking has been around me til now. I admit I’m a less fortunate one that not blessed with good looks. Only a mother fucker cb face. If I have the money, definitely i will go for plastic surgery. Since this world already so fake and most people prefer plastic than genuine ones. This line is really not easy. So girls out there, if u wanna be in this field, make sure u have the right criteria. If not, u will end up like me, being dissed and suffer unnecessary illness called depression.
God damn it, my head has been in pain for past few days. Everytime see my face through mirror, my face is like getting more and more cui. I look like walking dead, with half dead face and super cui appearance. I find myself getting fatter too even though i only eat 1 meal per day. What is wrong with me? I don’t even dare to look in the mirror unless i need to make up. Just feel that everything is not right, from outside to inside.