- Abuse in a relationship isn’t just limited to physical or sexual abuse. THere’s another type of abuse which is harder to trace and less talked about
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emotional abuse.
- My ex ALWAYS won our arguments, even when she is wrong. I know the old adage that we always joke about
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the men are always wrong. I can sorta understand that on a joking manner, but my ex took it to another level. Evey single issue was my fault. After arguments she’d give me cold shoulder for days. THere was once when she mis-remembered my sms, and said I lied to her. I showed her the sms I sent her, it was her fault for misunderstanding, over a small matter too, i said i slept badly last night in the text, and she thought i slept well, so when i complained of being tired in the evening she said i lied to her. So she admitted she was wrong….AND gave me cold shoulder the next day. lol wtf? And during arguments, sometimes I’ll try the soft approach. I told her that maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m not. COuld be there’s miscommuniation. WHy can’t you just listen to my explanation instead of yelling at me straight off? We can talk things out without arguing if you’d just listen to my side of things once or twice. Her response: Your opinions aren’t worth a damn why should i listen to them? I’ve been called stupid, fucker, idiot, worthless, useless, and all were meant in serious tones, not the joking thing we sometimes do around friends.
My results were released the following day: I’d gotten the grades I needed to continue into Honours. Bon went to her uni for a short while, so I took the train to the city to get some stuff for a celebratory dinner. I managed to snag an affordable bottle of Rose wine from Woolworth’s (a supermarket in Australia, aka Safeway in Melbourne. Don’t ask me why the same company have different names lol). I also grabbed a roast chicken and some pre-packed coleslaw. The chicken would be cold by dinner time but it oughta be fine.
I got home before Bon, and set things up for us and took the dog out for his walk. When the missus got home, she got the good news and we shared a long hug, basking in the shared happiness. This meant I would still be in Melbourne next year and it would make our dating a lot easier than if I were to ship back home to Malaysia. We had a nice quiet dinner, and some relaxation on the couch after to help digest. A shower happened somewhere in between, but that’s not important. Haha.
“Hon, let’s go to bed, I want to give you your present,” she said, pulling me by the hand. I followed willingly, already at half mast, in anticipation of some fun.
In the room, she pushed me onto the bed and told me to lie still. She took her top off, revealing her bra-clad breasts to my eyes. Then, her pyjama bottoms went down. Ooh la la. Perhaps I was going to get lucky? She looked at me hesitantly, and I held out my arms to her as she joined me in bed. I hurriedly threw my shirt off and was working with my pants when she stopped me.
“Undress me please, Lost. I want to feel you on me,” she breathed.
I unhooked her bra and slide them off, once again cupping her boobs in my palms. Remembering how sensitive she could be, I gently flicked at her nipples with just my tongue, bringing soft sighs of pleasure from her. After awhile, I moved southwards, kissing her stomach and down to the hem of her panties. I eyed her and she made no move to stop me, so I slid her panties down and off. She tried to cover herself shyly but I was having none of that. I kissed her fingers, and pushed her hands away.
Her bush was untrimmed, but that didn’t deter me. I gently pushed her thighs further apart so I can look at her flower. Bon never said a word all this time, and I didn’t want to break the silence either, so I did the next logical thing, I dived in and bombed her carpet. At the first swipe of my tongue, she shuddered. At the next, she opened her legs on her own accord. After a few warm up licks, I started drumming her clit slowly. Bon’s clit was really small, and hard to find, if not for the sensitivity of the tongue. I doubt I would’ve been able to find it with my fingers alone. What it lacked in size though, it made up in sensitivity. Barely had I swirled my tongue around it for a dozen times when she started cumming. I had to pull my face away before I lose my front teeth, she was bucking that hard.
I grinned in satisfaction and moved upward to try to kiss her, but she turned her face away. Huh?
“Eww, Lost, that’s dirty!” she squealed.
I don’t see you complaining when I was going down on you? Sheesh!
“What, you mean this?” I asked wickedly as I slid my finger on her slit and started rubbing her quickly. I couldn’t find her clit, but I knew the general area so I just rubbed the pads of my fingers there and soon had her convulsing hard again. When Bon came, she had the tendency to raise and drop her hips a lot, as though there was a spring attached to her ass. Hehehe.
I took my soaked fingers and waited until she looked at me, and pointedly suck her juices off it. “Yum!”
Bon gave me another ew, but didn’t make a huge fuss. She still refused to kiss me though. She started working on my shorts instead.
“I’ve never seen a real penis before, Lost. May I play with yours?” she asked shyly. I’d just remind my readers that she was a medical student, which explained her odd sounding request. I was more than willing to let her play with my penis as much as she wanted.
She got my pants and undies off, and stared at my erection for some time. I broke her from her trance by gently guiding her hand to my pole. She grasped my penis and started turning It this way and that. I could feel the eroticism of the moment start to slip away.
“Like this, baby,” I instructed, gripping my dick and stroking it. She got the idea and her hand replaced mine, stroking me loosely.
“Like this?” she asked.
“A little harder, baby. Too loose now,” I said, a little impatiently.
She tightened her grip and it became imminently more pleasurable as her hand moved up and down my shaft. I moaned my appreciation. Her face was very close to it, and I half-hoped she’d take it in her mouth. Alas! It was not meant to be. Her handjob technique was pretty bad, and I wasn’t able to cum. Bon got tired of stroking too.
“Let’s take things slow, honey. Trust me, please?” I said. She nodded. I spread her legs and got between them in the missionary position. I was hoping to “trick” her into willing sex at this point, I’ll admit. I positioned my dick so that her nether lips kissed the length. I started humping her without penetration like that. Her copious pussy juice made gliding over her slit remarkably pleasurable, and we were both moaning our delight. My plan failed though, because after I slipped a bit she stopped us, in case I accidentally went into her.
“Is there any other way I can get you to orgasm, honey?” she asked.
I had an idea, but wasn’t sure how she’d take it. Of all the girls I’ve been with, I reckon she was the only one who could pull this off.
“Do you think I can use your boobs to get me off?” I asked tentatively, fearing her objection.
“Oh, er, okay. What do I do?” she said, surprising me.
I had her lay on her back and straddled her waist. Her huge knockers were soft as pillows as I sandwiched my pole between them, like a sausage in a bun.
“Hold your boobies together, dear, so I won’t hurt you when I thrust,” I instructed.
She complied and the feeling was so great. The lubrication from her pussy was still on my dick, and I thrusted between her warm pillows. It was my first titty fuck. The feeling was very different from a pussy, but very highly pleasurable all the same. The pressure from the boobs that were pressed together made it a comfortable enveloping feeling without any tightness. My balls were already desperate to cum and I didn’t warn her as I shot off between her breasts. I still had some presence of mind not to shoot right into her face though, as most of my cum dribbled onto her collarbone and between her breasts.
Bon was staring at me and herself. I could tell the mood had shifted. I got off her hurriedly and grabbed some wet wipes to clean her up. She hadn’t spoken after my orgasm, keeping quiet and helping me clean her up. She put on her pj’s and me my sleepwear as well and we cuddled in bed.
“Honey, can we never do that again?” she said quietly, into the darkness.
“Why? What’s wrong?” I asked.
“It made me feel cheap, like I was a prostitute,” replied Bon.
Wow, really?
“I’m sorry you felt that way, baby. It wasn’t meant to. We should be enjoying the pleasures of our body together,” I said carefully.
“I know, and I enjoyed myself a lot. I just don’t think I’m comfortable with you using me like that, as a sexual object, in the end,” she struggled to get her point across to me. I struggled to understand.
What the hell was her problem?
We didn’t speak again for awhile, just laid there on my back with her head in the crook of my neck.
“Uhm, hey…do you think I’ll need to get the morning after pill? Your penis was…there,” she asked suddenly.
I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “Hahaha, no worries, honey. There was no penetration at all, just relax and enjoy yourself. I promised you no sex, remember?”
~ ~ ~
The next day, we woke up snuggled against each other, and I decided to be naughty. I slipped my hand into her pj’s and started stroking her through her panties. She was a heavy sleeper, it seems. I got her body aroused that her pussy was getting all we and juicy, and she was still mumbling in her sleep. Finally, I eased a finger past her lips and started stroking inside her.
“Oh my god, what are you doing, Lost?” she came awake. I ignored her and stroked her clit repeatedly as she came on my fingers.
“Mmmmm, better than coffee,” I teased, licking my fingers clean. She shot me a half-amused look and playfully ran away from me.
“I can’t be safe around you, it seems!” she said.
She got her results that day, and we had another good dinner. The next day it was time to say goodbye as I had to return to Melbourne. This time, the goodbye was clinging and all that a goodbye between a couple should be. We made plans for me to return to Sydney next Valentine’s day, as it was going to be my graduation in the next 2 weeks and I’d have to take my mum around Melbourne before returning to Malaysia for holidays til 2007.
Thank you, readers, for following my exploits. It is now near time to say goodbye. The next post will be a summary of what happened to everyone, and what happened between me and Bon. As I had warned, my visit to Bon was pretty boring. The next post will also be totally boring, but just to wrap up my story, so those who are curious to know what’s happened will be able to see. Thank you again for being my audience and allowing me to share my wonderful year of stories!
I dated Bon long distance for the whole of 2007. I moved out from college and rented a studio on my own as the rent was cheaper and I could cook on my own. With the money I saved, I visited Bon once a month, except for April when she visited me for my birthday. We weren’t totally compatible, we argued a lot, and she is very sexually frigid, as no doubt you can already see from the previous post.
She found some porno dvd’s of mine when she visited in April (damnit) and we had a huge fight and nearly broke up from it. One of the weird things she did was that she made me feel that something fishy was going on. I could understand the need to hide from her parents, so we had to be very “tou tou momo” (sneak around in order not to be found out). One of the more bizarre and severe episodes was when we were walking in Sydney city, holding hands, and she thought she saw someone she knew. She immediately pushed me into a McD that we passed by and told me to find a seat while she “went to say hi”. I waited like an idiot in McD for 30 mins before she returned, telling me she saw a friend and had to talk. I asked why didn’t she introduced me, and she said she didn’t want anybody to find out about her dating. Kinda rubbed me the wrong way. Another time was when she had a last minute party when I was visiting, so she ditched me for the night. I was worried about her drinking, so I said that I’ll hang around near the place. She wasn’t pleased at that at all. When the party ended, she passed by me and just waved at me while talking to her friends.
Things came to head when her proposed week-long visit to Malaysia for Xmas and New Year at the end of that year. She tried to amend it to just a weekend so she could hang out with her Singaporean friends for 5 days. I blew my top, we fought, and she finally reverted to the original plan of being with me for a week. We went to Genting and Langkawi. At some point she finally offered sex, but I did the “noble” (and stupid) thing by saying no, cos she’d regret it in the morning. We never did have sex, but I am proud to say that I never cheated on her when we were finally officially together. She didn’t even let me keep photos which had her in it during the trip. Weird, huh?
After she left, 2 weeks later she broke up with me. I was depressed for a year, feeling I got played, convinced that she probably had a “proper” bf in Sydney when we weren’t together. I don’t know if that’s true, I never found out and I don’t want to know.
Rain is on my FB now, but we don’t talk. She is apparently still living in Melbourne (I might’ve been mistaken in my earlier update of her status in response to prettymannequin?), but dating a South African white man. They look happy and have a pet shih tzu together, so obviously she got around her parental ban on guys or her supposed arranged marriage nonsense.
Jenn is married. Still beautiful as ever, but we aren’t in touch, and the only reason I know she’s married is cos she is Rain’s friend (mutual friend on fb) and her profile pic is her in a wedding dress.
Fen is working in Singapore living the high life. I see plenty of good food and clubbing activities. No contact with Shan.
I remained in touch with Pree until 2009, when I met my next gf, who insisted I deleted all female friends from my FB. After 3 years of an emotionally abusive relationship, I finally got the guts to dump my ex, and Pree is now back on my FB. She’s accepted my friend request, but hasn’t answered my messages. She’s working as a Vet now in Melbourne.
Li is a doctor now back in Singapore. She graduated (finally) later on back at Uni of Melbourne, in the same batch as her brother. She is dating some guy, and I haven’t spoken to her much. I am glad she is happy though. Her dad passed away a year after she left Melb, or close to that. A little confused on the time line.
Absolutely no contact with SKan. Lawrence is back in Sg, working as a consultant or something at a pharma firm.
And of course, there’s me. Still recovering from the emotionally abusive relationship. Currently lonely, single, and cheongster. I find it hard to trust girls in terms of relationships nowadays, we’ll see what the future brings.
This story started off with me just wanting to share the sexy bits of my time overseas, but took a life of its own as I opened up about my own feelings and reanalysed my past. Thanks for staying with me and giving me the opportunity to air my history.
Adios, bros! I’ll update forums if anything extra-interesting happens that’s worth writing “home” (to sbf) about. Hehehe.
THE END
Thanks for the upz, bro spud_boy
Just caught me before going to zzz
I’ll pm you tomorrow ba (if i forget please remind me), regarding your request. It’s not sbf relevant (on my 3 year abusive relationship, lol). Super boring reading.
I changed my mind about keeping this to pm, as I feel this info could be useful for the readers on sbf, be it male or female.
This is where one partner dominates and undermines the other emotionally, to get his/her way.
One of the ways emotional abuse may manifest itself is by “Isolation”
My ex (the one after Bon), started off all nice and sweet, but eventually she tried to cut me off from all my friends and family. THis is called isolation, they want to take away your safety net so you have no one to count on but your partner, thereby making you stuck with him/her. She was very good at this, I didn’t see it until after we broke up and I tried to pick up the pieces of my life. First it started with her “accidentally” reading my email to some of my good poly friends. You know la, guys always talk cock, like drinking, or “that girl is hot” all that nonsense, she started saying they’re not a good influence for me, how I was getting older and should be more matured. Eventually she managed to finagle me into cutting contacts with my friends. Then, she started going on about having female friends, how guys and girls can’t be friends and she, as my gf, would never tolerate me going out with other girls (even if colleague for lunch), if there were no other guys present. This graduated into deleting all female friends on my fb. Next, she started on my family. I’m from JB, that’s why I went to Sg for poly. But currently I’m in KL, so of course as a filial son I visit home at least once a month. She started by picking fights over random shit, ALWAYS when I go home. So when I’m home, my heart is with her and our argument and trying to appease her. This is psychological warfare….soon I came to dread going back home cos we always end up fighting. My life literally revolved around her and her family. She’ll always praise her family and how much they do for me, etc. To cut long story short, at the end (this is the event that made me break up with her), she insisted that her parents live with us after we marry, and that I ditch my mum to go live on her own.
2nd method: Verbal abuse, putting you down.
Blaming others for her fault
if shit happens, it’s never her fault. She’ll blame the kopitiam uncle, me, whatever. And sh’s very judgmental. See gay: flame. See lesbian: flame. See girls flirting with guys: flame. See prostitutes: flame. See “soft” guys: flame. I asked her before, what d they do to her (okay la i didn’t refer to the prostitutes), and i tio flame. lol
instilling fear in you with punishments
Everytime my phone rang/sms came in, she want to know who, and why that person tryign to contact me. Colleague (esp if girl) sms me to ask question, she will blast me: why can’t your colleague ask other people? so flirty ar? THen fight. It got to a point that when my phone rings, I will jump in nervousness. Also if I somehow accidentally offend her, or trigger an argument, i don’t even dare to speak in case my voice makes her yell at me again. Same thing, i didn’t even dare to go visit home anymore cos she made me “pay” for it every time. She’ll withhold affection when she thinks I’ve crossed her arbitrary line, punishing me for any perceived faults without any discussion.
Treats you like a servant
I wrote her thesis for her, I drove her to work before going to work myself, I arrange my days around her schedule. THings that, technically, isn’t a huge deal for me if i loved a girl. However, during arguments one of her favourite phrases was “you’re so useless, what have yo uever done for me?” At some point i buay tahan and list down the things i did. her response? “THose are things that every bf should do for their gf ma! what’s the big deal?” cibai…go find another guy to write your fucking thesis and lab reports, bitch.
extreme jealousy
like i said, no female friends. I talk to the auntie selling rice at economy rice stall to ask for dishes also get scolding
manipulative
EMotional abusers will make you feel guilty for everything. Like i already said, “everything” was my fault. Even after we make up from an argument, when she’s being all “sweet and loving”, she can still find ways to rub it in. I told her that please don’t call me names like stupid, it makes me feel wretched. her response: “I also don’t want to call you stupid, but if you do things like that to show you’re stupid, what else do you expect me to call you. If you can stop being stupid then i can stop calling you stupid.” nice logic, right? Basically it’s “it’s your fault i have to insult you, if you’re not so dumb then i won’t have to insult you”. And of course, she would give me sweetness and candy in between episodes, so i wouldn’t feel like a total loser. Dangling a carrot in front of me, so to speak.
I realize this post seems a bit like a rant, but i feel that the readers should know what constitutes emotional abuse.
The isolation step goes a long way to prevent you from breaking up with them, cos you feel like your whole world revolves around them and you will not survive without them. That is why it took me nearly 3 years to break things off, and only cos she threaten to make me cut ties with my family, which I am unwilling to do. If not, I might still be her slave til this day. The emotional and psychological scarring are tremendous, so if you find yourself in these shoes, please seek help and therapy.
G’day.
Thanks solarflare, i’m healing, but takes time. TOo many dramatic relationships, made me scared already.
slide2despair, thank you for your support bro
lol onlyhuman, your post is damn funny, asking if she’s human then signing off as onlyhuman ^^
but yeah, sadly she really was human, but a very bad specimen. It’s sad that I fell in love with her after 3 months and then after that in her web for ~3 years.
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xiaocheng, thank you. Hope you enjoyed the story too
8387, cheers for your praise, mate. You’re going to make me blush. I’m glad you enjoyed my story.
I hope too, that I’ll have more happy tales to share in the near future.
prettymannequin, that’s an amazingly depressing site, lol. How did you find it? THe first story is really…just wow. Thank you for your continuous support though. I did seem to meet crazy girls, though I did have the compensation of having met Li at the very least. Other than that, the slew of weird ex-gf’s (Rain, Bon and the unnamed crazy ex from hell) just kinda killed things for me. I am interested in girls still, I mean, relationship wise (obviously sexually lol), but just really really gun shy. Though I look forward to moving on and retiring my cheonging days.
AH, I hope your shitty times are over. THank you for all your support all this time.
That site was certainly an eye opener, and made me realize that i’m not the only one who had to suffer crap. It does help, I don’t know why, but it does.
CiBlover and tallsyn: cheers mateys! Yeah, life will only get better, so I should probably start improving myself as well lol. Hopefully will have happier stories to share in the future.
LQQKN4SUM: FIrstly, what does your nick mean? haha. Secondly, please don’t get into trouble at work reading my story lol (loved the bit about priorities)! Hilarity aside, thanks for your comment. I am truly glad you enjoyed the story, and I believe that writing it had proved a lot more therapeutic than I had imagined. I totally agree with what you said about self-preservation. THere’s self-preservation, and there’s going overboard crazy. Yeah, it was a bitter learning experience, and I hope that I am now wiser, or if not, then more wary, of such people. Trouble is, they are very good at acting normal at the start, and it takes a lot to make me fall out of love once i’m IN love. Thanks again!
Someone anonymous upped me with some touching comments. Thanks for the points, but more importantly, thanks for your words and your sharing of your experience. Whoever you are, let’s try to sweep our bad memories away and just learn ba. I feel the worst is always over once we’ve gotten rid of the abuser. The only way to go from there is up. It might take awhile, but we’ll get there eventually. Take care!
Thanks cacl2 for the pts.
JimmyNeutron, just your support means a lot to me. Thank you.
jackfarley, who am i to know what goes on in her mind. Obviously, I’d be biased in my own favor, of course. Hehehe. THough in the spirit of fairness, if nothing else, she gave up 3 years of her life.
Thanks Happyman89 and whatdoido, for your kind words
cuties, haha I wish I had more to share, but there’s nothing left lol. I’m glad you enjoyed it
big321big, thanks, and dang, you read fast!