Incredible event....

This is something that happened to me a few years ago… The contents may sound rather far-fetched, but I’m typing them down to the best of my re-collections. If any of you bros feel that this storey is a figment of my imagination, I don’t care… I just need an outlet to share what happened to me as this secret has been kept inside me for many many years…..

This is a very very long story... First of all, some background to the story:

The main characters are 2 of my female JC classmates and me...

1st gal:

I'd call her "N" here... She's about 160-165cm... skinny, small breasts (dunno size since I never knew what the measurements meant), tanned skin, wore glasses... Overall, typical average nerdy JC gal looks.

2nd gal:

I'd call her "T" here... She's about 155-160cm, not skinny not too plump, can say got a bit of 'baby fats', those type of meat which you'd not be put off by type, large eyes, round face, fair skin, medium to big boobs (for her size), and got a cfm (as you guys say here) kind of face. Overall, can describe her as act lian, but not lian girl.. I'd give her above-average ratings for her looks.

Me:

I'd call myself "S" here... As for myself, to my school-mates, I'm those guai guai studious type of guy... I was the only son brought up in a traditional strict family, taught to behave in a traditional Chinese way, that's to obey the Nan2 Nv4 Shou4 Shou4 Bu4 Qin1 (loosely translated to: boy and gal must have some distance) principal.

Relationship between the 3 of us at the beginning:

Well, the 3 of us belonged to a bigger group of so called 'buddies' or 'Jie3 Mei4' (sisters) in our 2 years in JC. We kinda mixed together from the start cos we weren't from any Sec sch affiliated to my JC, as most people from affiliated schools already had their own 'clicks' the 1st day they stepped into the school. Our group usually hanged out together +++ing cok or doing work in the school library, and nothing else progressed from that. Just pure school mates. Anyway, the 2 of them were never my type of girls as I preferred those chio but demure type. "N" had a boyfriend for a few months who was in another class in the same JC, and "T" had a bf since Sec 3 who was studying in another JC, while I had just started a relationship with a girl who was a year younger and studying in another JC.

Time Period:

This event took place in a November quite a few years ago, just before our 'A' Levels examinations.

Place:

Hmm... this will take some explaining... so bear with me... The three of us were attending a group tuition session in a condo style estate terrace house opposite Clementi Woods with about 20 over other students from all different JCs in S'pore. The subject in question was Accounting... The 3 of us did very badly for our prelims in that subject... We tried to do the 10-year series, but somehow we'd never be able to come up with the same figures as in the model answers... so We decided to get help, and somehow we heard from some friend's friend that a famous NUS lecturer was giving Accounts intensive group tuition at a home in Clementi area. This is not your typical 2 hour each session type of tuition, rather, it's a packaged tuition costing $500 and it's for a big group class, similar to lectures, where I counted about 20+ students each class. It ran for a week for 3 hours in the afternoon every other day during the weekdays, and finishing with a full on 9-5 lesson on both Saturday and Sunday. The weekday lessons were nothing out of the ordinary, but as the weekend approached, this is where it gets interesting as I'd narrate on...

It was Friday, the third lesson of the week, and we were really getting irritated by the mention of anything to do with Accounting, and during one of the breaks, "T" was complaining about how sian she was about having to commute from her home in Ang Mo Kio to Clementi. She said it took her about 1 and half hours just to travel to this tuition, and she was thinking of not attending the weekend lessons as it'd mean she's have to get up at 7am the next 2 days to catch a bus here before a 9-5 session of work and traveling for another hr plus to get home. On hearing this, "N" and I were quite objectionable to her ideas and we were trying to persuade her not to miss the lessons and told her that it's impt to attend as it's so near the 'A' Levels liao and some more we paid quite a lot of money for the tuition. At this point, I think the lecturer heard our conversation and came over to ask us wat's wrong... we told him about the problem for "T" to travel to the tuition , and surprise surprise, he offered to let "T" stay overnight in the house on Saturday.... (I know wat you guys are thinking now.... there's something wrong with this man to ask a young girl to stay overnight at his house. But in truth, he has nothing to do with this story except to give Accounts tuition and provide the place. In fact, he doesn't even stay at the house. He lives with his family somewhere else and only uses one of the larger rooms in the house to give tuition). Anyway, back to the story.... Upon hearing the offer, "T" was like 'Huh?! Stay alone in the house ah!', but "N" immediately said 'I'll stay overnight with you' as a form of encouragement to make "T" continue the tuition. "N" gave me a 'Come on, persuade her' kind of look, and being part of the original conversation, I also lan lan agree to stay over, though at that time my head was so full of Accounts that I was thinking of my comfy bed just 10 mins bus ride away. The lecturer then said: 'Ok, you', pointing to me, 'can take the smaller bedroom with a single bed, and the girls can take the room with 2 beds.' So, it was agreed that we'd bring our stuff the next day and stay over on Saturday night. During class later, the lecturer announced that 3 students from XXJC were camping at his place on Sat and he's offering another 1 bedroom to whoever wants to stay over on Sat.

So, come Saturday, and we sat thru the tormentus 8 hr lecture, nearly passing out a couple of times before the clock finally reached 5pm. The lecturer finally said 'Ok. That's all for today. We'd continue tomorrow! By the way, anyone else staying over besides the 3 from XXJC?' Nobody replied him, as it seems that no one else was taking up his offer. It's no surprise actually considering that the only room left had only a single mattress, and whoever who chose to stay would have to share a house with people from another JC as we were the only XXJC students who'd be staying. And so, the lecturer left us with the keys and went off with everybody else. Being tired and hungry, I suggested going out to grab dinner before coming back to rest, but "N" said she didn't want to eat as she felt like puking from the overdose of Accounts and she needed to go shower to clear her head. I was super hungry at that time, but didn't say it. So while waiting for "N" to shower, I decided to switch on the TV to see if there's anything on, but to my horror, although the TV cable is connected to the port, the TV can't seem to receive any channels. Normally a calm person in front of my schoolmates, I swore without realising that "T" was behind me... 'Fucks! Cannot watch TV!' Suddenly I heard "T" say from behind me 'Orh! Guai guai "S" scold bad word ah! 1st time hear... Hahaha!' I was quite paiseh as I don't usually lose my cool in front of a girl. So I said I'm going out for a walk around the premises. I walked around the estate and found the swimming pool (The estate was a amenities provided compound similar to condos, just that instead of apartments, they have terrace houses). I'm not sure if it was the mad tuition lesson, or the teasing by "T" that I just took off my T-shirt and jumped into the pool in my shorts and undies. After doing a few laps, I collected my T-shirt, put it on and went back to the house. I gave the gals a bit of a shock when I returned all wet, but I explained to them that I went for a swim to clear my head. "N" then told me to quick go shower cos if not get sick and also both of them have showered already. So off I went to the bathroom, and when I was done, I came out to find "N" and "T" carrying a large mattress from the bedroom to the room where we just had our tuition. They had also moved all the chairs and tables to one side of the room and placed the mattress on the floor. "T" explained that the classroom was the only room with air-con so they've decided that they'll sleep in that room that night. I was about to go put down my toiletries in my assigned room when "T" said 'Aiyah! "S", you better move a mattress to the classroom to sleep too. Outside so hot! Don't worry lah! Me and "N" know you so guai, won't do anything to you one lah!' I was procrastinating when "T" went into my room and starting lifting the mattress off the bed-frame, so I again lan lan move help her move the matress.

Inside the classroom, we switched on the air-con to full blast. As we had no other entertainment, we just sat on the mattress and +++ cok. Our topics ranged from the boring tuition lesson to gossiping about our school mates. Then our discussion took us to which girl had the best figure in school. We decided on a classmate who was also a part-time model (simple-choice there), then "T" started to ask "N" which guy had the best body at school. They said they have been noticing some guys during school PE swimming lesson and were naming names like no-one's business (I didn't know at that time that girls were actually ogling at guys during swimming lessons as well), then "N" suddenly said, 'Eh, "S" like never go for swimming lesson b4 hor! Why ah?" I started explaining that all school atheletes could skip PE lesson if we had training after school on PE days, and lucky me, my trainings were all on PE days! At this point, "T" leaned over and whispered something into "N's" ear, and both of them started giggling those girly secret laugh. I asked them what's so funny and "T" said, 'I just told "N" that you would be ranked top few for best body in school.' I was stunned and asked, 'How you know I have a good body, I've never even gone for swimming in school before!' "T" answered, 'Well, you just went for swimming what!' My strict upbringing was kicking in at this point and I was feeling quite embarassed, and I told them that I'm going to call my girlfriend. "T" started teasing me again, '"S" going to report to Mrs "S" that we bully him ah!" I ignored her and walked out to the phone in the living room, thinking how the hell she saw my body, then I realized that after swimming just now, because my hair and body was still wet from the swim, my t-shirt became wet and clung tightly to my body, so can see the V-shape that resulted from hrs in the gym training for the school team. I called my girlfriend and hung up after whispering some sweet-nothings thru the phone and without correcting her when she said 'behave yourself while you're with the other 'boys.'

~~~~To be continued~~~~~

I walked back to the room and found the girls giggling that laugh again when I opened the door. I looked at "T" and said, 'Not teasing me again, are you?' To which "T" replied, 'No lah, we were just talking about XX and YY who were caught making out in the Band room on a Saturday evening after band practice!' 'Oh, who caught them?' I asked. "T" answered, 'Me lah! I was actually going to the band room with my boy-boy, when I caught XX with his dick in YY's mouth in the Band changing room! Haha! If  me and my boy-boy were there 10 mins earlier, we may have been the one getting caught!' "N" then asked innocently, 'Why your boy-boy come to our school? And why scared your boy-boy will get caught? People from other schools can come to our school mah, cannot meh?' Upon hearing this from "N", "T" gave a sarcastic laugh, seemingly mocking "N's" ignorance and said, 'Aiyah, He come and pick me up after practise mah, and he wanted to come play in the band room cos I told him about it before.' At this point, I was thinking to myself, 'Oh no, where is this conversation going...' Immediately, "N" shot another question at "T", 'Band room so fun meh, what's there to play?' "T" gave another shrill laugh and said, 'Of course the most fun thing to play in the band room is me lah, you think my boy-boy wanna play with the musical instruments meh? I would be the one blowing his instrument...his cock... hahahaha!' Upon hearing this, "N" started to blush and had a very embarrassed look on her face. Both "T" and I saw it, but without changing topic and returning to a mellow atmosphere, "T" charged full steam ahead and said, 'Aiyah, why you so shy one? Me and "S" also dun mind talking like that.' "T" looked at me for my approval, even though I hadn't said a word for a long time. She continued, 'It's so common now, why are you still afraid of talking about it? Even my mother knows I have sex with my boy-boy. I think his mom knows too! Come on lah, share your experiences leh.' "T" looked at me again and asked, '"S", we know you've been with your girlfriend for quite a few months liao, 1st gf right? So what's the most exciting thing you've done with her?' Being stunned by this line of questioning and also as a complete novice at BGR relationships, I answered, 'Erm... well, we pet each other at the backseat on the top deck of the Super Bus.' To which "T" exclaimed, 'Huh, that's the most exciting thing you've done? Are you and your gf still virgins?' She continued, 'I once gave my boy-boy a hand-job while sitting in the back seat of the car driven by his dad and his mom in the front passenger seat. That's at night of course... hahaha... Another time...' (I can't remember her exact story, but it's something like fucking her bf with his parents on the other bed, while sharing the same hotel room as his parents when they went on a holiday together). I was about to protest that I had done more exciting stuff (male ego), and to think that I was about to tell her that the other 'exciting thing' is that me and my gf would take HDB lifts in old housing blocks and pet each other as the lift went up and down. Come to think of it, I was glad I kept my mouth shut as I was not prepared for what followed...

By this time, "N" no longer had the embarassed look on her face. It had turned from a shy look to a look of sheer curiousity... one of an inquisitive nature. "N" asked "T", 'Sex so shuang4 (aka Shiok) meh? My boyfriend pushed his cock into my down there before and it was so painful. I think my hymen tore and as I got scared at the bleeding and it was so painful, I had to ask him to stop.' When I heard that, my mind was going 'Oh shit! I'm the loser here... even nerdy "N" has lost her virginity... "N" continued to direct questions at "T", 'How you give your boy-boy blow job? My boy-boy asked me to put his cock into my mouth to suck, but took it out and complained that it was painful!' "T" thought for a while before replying, 'Was his cock very dry when you put in your mouth to suck?' "N" responded, 'I think so... That day I was at his house when he suddenly took out his cock and asked me to suck....' Wow!!! I was high liao! Being an all-boys school-boy all along, I've never heard girls talk so dirty in my life. Even in porn movies, the girls would only say 'Fuck me, oh yes! etc.' Not this type of talking dirty where each sexual act was narrated in layman terms! I had developed a full erection and my undies were bursting at my crouch region. I wasn't even listening to the girls anymore. I was trying to keep my erection covered with my hands, and I was actually feeling guilty that I had betrayed my gf's trust as she did not know I was spending the night with girls and actually having a bodily reaction in such close proximity with my 2 female friends. Next thing I heard was "T" saying, 'You have to lick the rim of the head. Make sure you make it very wet with your saliva first or else your boy-boy will feel pain from the dryness. When you get it wet, you can start licking the most exciting parts and see your boy-boy lose control and be totally at your mercy. Hahahaha!' "N" then asked what are the exciting parts to lick, and "T" said, 'Well, that depends on your boy-boy, but there are a few spots. Like I said, the rim of the head, especially the part at the base of the head...You know? How to describe ah?' Suddenly she shot a question at me, '"S", you know what I'm talking about? Can describe to "N"?' OMFG!!! I was asked to described my penis to 2 girls... I was almost shocked speechless before I regained my composure and said, 'Erm, isit this part of the erm...' I was so embarassed even to mention 'head'. I was trying to use fingers to describe the area and pointed to the topmost inside joint of my right index finger... But "T" interjected, 'Aiyah, how she know what are you trying to describe? Unless...'

~~~~To be continued...~~~~

'Unless you show her what part it is!' She pointed at my crouch. I immediately shot her a bewilded look and said, 'You sieow ah! How to show her!' "N" also protested, 'Don't want lah! Don't hai4 (sabo) "S" lah.' "T" continued, 'Aiyah, "S" so guai and so gentlemanly, sure agree one lah. We won't tell anyone one lah! Unless he don't dare to show us his dick!' Oh shit, I thought. This has become a dare! Drop pants at her command also lose face, don't drop also lose face! 'Don't guniang (sissy) lah!' She said before moving towards me with both her arms out-stretch like she's gonna strip off my shorts for me. 'Stop!' I told her, 'I'd do it myself.' And I gingerly took of my shorts. "T" shook her head, 'How you expect "N" to see what she wants to see if you still have your undies on? Remove them lah' Ok, I said, and obeyed her command like a loyal dog. After I removed all form of clothing for the lower body, I was still trying to cover my dick with hands. "N" was trying hard not look in my direction, but "T" dragged her by her arm towards me and pulled her down as both of them knelt on the matress in front of me. "T" commented at the sight of my erected dick, 'Ah! Like that much easier to see that spot.' "T" then said to "N", 'You see here and all around here.' as she pointed at my dick, 'These are all good parts.' The next thing she did took me completely be surprise. '"N", you see when I do this,' She took my penis in her hands and gave it 2 quick jerks, 'You see when I do this, a bit of wet stuff will come out of here', pointing at the pre-cum that has emerged with her other hand. 'All you have to do is spread that all over and he won't feel pain. Come, try!' 'No lah! Dun want lah' "N" said, but "T" had already retorted, '"S" clean one lah, he just showered only.' as she pulled my dick which was still in her hand towards "N's" face. "N" continued to procrastinate even with my dick in her face and "T" was saying something like no one will know... I'm teaching you how to make your boy-boy happy... I wasn't listening to what she was saying, I was just concentrating on the sensation in my crouch area. I have never been a situation like that before. My dick was in the faces of 2 girls. Even my gf had never gone down on me before. I felt a swelling ache developing inside my balls. It wasn't a painful sensation. Although it was aching, it was tremondously pleasurable. I was floating in that pleasurable sensation when suddenly I felt a sharp pain on my dick head. I immediately jerked my dick away from their faces and was about to shout wtf is wrong with you people, when "T" took my dick back in her hand and said, 'Sorry ah "S"! No, "N" not like that. I just said you can't put it in your mouth when it is dry!' Pulling my dick towards her face and giving it another 2 quick jerks to squeeze out some pre-cum, she said to "N", 'Do this, I show you!' "T" stuck her tongue out and used the tip of her tongue to spread the pre-cum slowly down towards the rim of the head of my dick. "T" looked at "N" and said, 'If not enough, use some of your own saliva.' And she really started to lube up my dick with her saliva and then she retracted her tongue closed her wet lips and started to slowly insert my cock head into her mouth sliding along her soft lips. Oh my god! That was the most heavenly experience I've ever had! Especially when she stopped inserting right when her lips had just covered the rim of my dick's head and she gave her soft tongue a few quick wacks around the rim of my cock in her mouth. I was about to explode when I felt a painful sensation on my cock head again. But this time it wasn't so painful. "T" took my cock out of her mouth and said to me, 'Sorry ah! "S",' and turning to look at "N", "T" said, 'Ok, I've sucked it dry again. now you try yourself. Come, hold "S's" cock in your hand.' "T" released my cock and "N" reached out to take over. Wow! a cold chill came thru my spine the minute "N's" hand came into contact with my cock. I realized that "N" had very cold hands and because she's still nervous, she did not have a very assertive firm grip on my cock like "T" had. "N's" hand had just barely the slightest of contact with my cock, and I felt another rush of swelling ache in my balls. I liked her softer touch more! Her faint touch was causing a spine tingling tickle on the shaft of my cock. But before I could soak in that bliss, She tightened her grip and gave my cock 2 quick jerks. I felt a larger amount of pre-cum flow out this time and looked down to see that "N" had already started to spread the flow all over my cock's head. She did as "T" did and inserted the head into her mouth, though not as skillfully as "T". I felt a rush in my balls and I thought that I couldn't hold it any longer. I was gonna cum! I started to shiver and at this point, "T" said, 'Try to move your tongue around the rim!' And that's what "N" did! OK! That was the ultimate liao! I couldn't hold it any longer, and before I could pull my dick out of her mouth, I had shot a load off, and in the motion of retracting my dick, I shot another load on her face and one more in her hair. I couldn't believe the sensation. I had fully unloaded but my body was still in convulsion, and with each muscular contraction, I experienced the ejaculation sensation even though I wasn't shooting cum any more. Although I didn't know it at that time, that would be the best sensation in the world I would ever feel, as no girl has made me cum like that ever again.

Seeing my bodily reactions, "T" said to "N", 'See what you can do! Isn't it great?' But "N" did not reply. Instead, she jumped up from her kneeling position and ran out of the door and into the bathroom. "T" looked at me in a 'Oh no!' kind of manner and said, 'You stay here, I go and see "N".' Being ever so obediant, I stayed rooted, feeling a kind of anti-climax rush thru my body. My dick had shrunk! As I pulled up my shorts, I heard the bathroom door open quickly and shut again, this time I heard the lock click on the bathroom door and the sound of running tap water. Shit thoughts were going through my mind! I was thinking, 'Oh shit, what trouble I'd be in if "N" was to be distraught by what had just happened. I walked out of the classroom and stood outside the bathroom trying to hear what's happening inside. I thought maybe "N" was puking cos she was disgusted by my shot of cum in her mouth. But as I listened carefully, I could hear "N" and "T" talking. I couldn't make out all the words as the sound of the running tap covered most of what was said. I remember vividly hearing the words 'Wet, period, pressure, feeling, never, before' in "N's" voice and "T" saying 'Normal, good, relax, deep breaths' over the sound of running water. I tried to form sentences with those words in my mind, and I quickly came to the conclusion that what was said was most likely to be, "N":'I'm all wet down there. I thought my period had come. I felt a big pressure at the ... region. I've never had a feeling like this before.' and "T" replying:'Yar, it's normal lah. It feels good right? Relax. Take deep breaths!'

maybe tomorrow, maybe some other time~~~

Anyway, as an afterthought, I assumed that "N" got so horny just blowing me off that she got all wet at her pussy she thought her period had come. She had rushed to the bathroom, not to puke, but to check her panties. Apparently, I was the 1st guy to make her all wet like that. Even her lousy bf didn't make her react this way. Guess I'd to be proud of that accolade, but for the fact that I wasn't even in control of the situation...... Also, technically I was involved in a threesome as both of them had blown me, though I doubt it’ll qualify as one.

Bro..could you kindly break your story in paragraph…easier for the rest to read amh….

Maybe add in name for those character instead of “N”, “T” etc… will be more imaginative!

Quote:

Originally Posted by

BeachM

Another contender for Story of the year.. good job bro..

exactly what i thought too hehe nice one there bro up for you too… damn not enough power to up all the great writers

Bro,

NO HORSE RUN!!!!

Did you score A for your language?????????

Awaiting the next chapter.

Cheer

GM1

I was getting great sense of accomplishment from doing what I had just found out I could do, that as I was drawing another of that letter on "N's" pussy, my eyes shifted onto "T". As our eyes locked, I gave her a "I've done it!" look with an upward shift of my eyebrows. But "T" did not seem too impressed as she reached her left hand and placed her index and third finger to the spot right above "N's" clit. She pressed her fingers down and started to pull "N's" clit hood upwards, revealing the exposed clit! Wah at the sight of that, I went to work by drawing the letter with my tongue again. This time on the exposed clit. "N's" reaction was astounding as she jerked her whole body backwards and let out a really loud 'Ohh!' and slammed her legs close, wedging my head between her legs. She only a little relaxed when I finished up writing the letter. Hmm... seems like I've not learnt everything yet. After another few rounds of spelling "N's" favorite letter, "T" said to me, 'Now suck on it,' as she tapped her index finger on "N's" exposed clit, with her 3rd finger still holding on to "N's" hood. The reaction I saw from "N" when "T" tapped her bare clit brought a smile to my face, as her body convulsed and she literally screamed! I thought to myself... 'Wah. The clit is really a secret button' as I lowered my mouth to suck "N's" small exposed clit. At the point of contact between my lips and her clit, "N" had an earth-trembling shake in her chair. And as I sucked, She let out a 'Bu4 Xing2 arrr....(aka Cannot already!)' I continued to suck her clit like I had sucked her nipples as she once again grabbed my hair and pressed my head against her pussy. A second later, she screamed and pulled my head away from her pussy as she shook very violently.

At that point, I didn't know that she has orgased! As I was a bit shocked by the big reaction. I leaned back and turn my to look at "T" for guidance, when "N" said very out of breath, 'Stop... Itchy...' I thought that was the end liao, but "T" suddenly said, '"S", poke your finger in now!' Both "N" and I looked at "T" and gave her a 'What! Continue?' kind of look. But without waiting for "N" to protest, I obediently pushed my 3rd finger into "N's" pussy. I could feel her pussy wall and I was enjoying the moan from "N" as I stroked my finger in and out of her pussy, when "T" said, 'Now do this,' as she did a finger curling  'come here' sign with her left hand. 'Do it with 2 fingers' "T" continued. 'What?' I thought. "N's" pussy felt so tight with only my 3rd finger inside. How to put in another finger? But what the hell, already do so much liao... ok lor... as I pushed my index finger along with my 3rd finger into "N". "N" let out a bit of yelp but gave no obvious sign of discomfort. I started to do what "T" told me to, and made a 'come here' sign with my fingers inside "N's" pussy. Wah! "N" has started to shake violently again, and this time her loud moans went up another pitch. I made another few 'come here' motions, when "T" said, 'Push harder upwards!' I did exactly so with each curl of my fingers pushing harder against the upper wall of "N's" vagina. At this point, "N" simply exploded as her body went into spasms and she screamed at the top of her voice grabing hard at the handles of her chair. I felt her pussy squeeze my fingers as she again shouted, 'Bu4 Xing2 arr!'. I withdrew my fingers and looked at "N". She was glowing red from her breasts all the way up her face, and she also had beads of sweat on her forehead.

I stood up as I was feeling cramp in my legs from sitting on the mattress so long. "N" remained slumped on her chair, but "T" had also stood up. It was my first full view of "T's" big breasts....

~~~To be continued...~~~

Tomorrow lah... really tired liao....

Thanks

to all bros who gave their compliments. Grand finale coming today… most likely by early evening.

But before I get down to writing, I wanna share a great joke with you guys. It’s non-sexual, but it sure is funny:

Good Medical advice...

Q:

I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A:

Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q:

Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A:

You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass, green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q:

Is beer or wine bad for me?

A:

Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q:

How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A:

Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q:

What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A:

Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain . . Good.

Q:

Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A:

You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q:

What's the secret to healthy eating?

A:

Thicker gravy.

Q:

Is chocolate bad for me?

A:

Are you crazy? HELLO . . . Cocoa beans . . . another vegetable!!! "It's the best feel good food around!"

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie . . flour is a veggie! One more thing "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and the salt."

Haha seems like I’ve found the answers to why I shouldn’t shouldn’t have been trying to keep fit all these years!!!

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Anyway bros, be patient and wait for the final part of my story. I’m already trying to write as fast as I can….