She said nothing, she wept and nodded her head. But something are more meaningful even unsaid.
We didn’t meet up after that day until the next work day. Inside my heart, there was.an unexplained sense of heaviness. When we saw each other, there was a look od saddness in both our eyes. We know that no matter how sweet or how in love we are, what was coming was inevitable. It will happened, but what can i do? I’m married and i have my obligations to my wife. Even if i wanna divorce her, i still need to wait 4 years bcoz of the house. I can’t be so selfish and asked M to wait for me. 2nd of Jan, the day went past slowly. We didn’t talk much that day and didn’t know what to say. The work day ended amd i was able to sent her home. We sat at our usual playground but still nothing was said. Perhaps she was waiting for me to say something but i really couldn’t. What a coward! Then she finally broke the peace:
M: 很迟了，你也早点回去休息吧 (its late, you should go back and rest)
Me: 我。。。。我不舍得离开 (i….i can’t bear to go)
M: 宝贝，我们都知道这一天要来的。你就别折腾自己了 (baby, we both know that this day will come. You should stop torturing yourself)
I didn’t know what to say. I got up from the bench with a never before heaviness. Actually, there was so much i wanted to say but then, what’s the point? Would it change the fact that tomorrow she will be someone else wife? If it does anything, it would only make the parting harder. I could be over-dramatized the entire experience:
M: 你别这样，结了婚我还是可以有自己的生活和朋友啊 (don’t be like that, after the registeration i can still have my own life and friends)
I just smiled and didn’t respond to that. I know her more than she knows herself. Based on the current situation we are in, it’s already very hard for us to meet and it will be even worse after they move in together. I sent her to her level and kissed her good night, nothing more. I went back downstairs and instead of leaving immediately like i usually do, i sat at our bench for awhile. As the thought of us parting starts to take its form in my mind, i started to tear. I have never cried for a woman before, come on, wake up! You know the rules of engagement and the kind of relationship you are getting into so snap out of it! All the rational reasonings started to kick in but i just couldn’t control myself. The truth was, i found love. I found love in the most unexpected place with the most unexpected person. I didn’t want it to end but i have no rights to hang on to her. The feeling was horrible, i kept looking up to the sky, just to prevent more tears coming down. But i had to accept the cold hard truth that afyer tomorrow, no matter how much we are in love, something will change.
I knew what was coming and i absolutely hated it. Her messages started coming in, asking if i was on the cab and how far i was from home. I lied and said that I’m almost home. Reluctantly, i got up and eventually managed to flagged down a cab. The journey back was long and alone, in my mind, images of us together kept running through like cars on the highway i was travelling in. Lights from the street lamps flashes past me as the cab drove, each flash seems like knock on my heart. I was hurting, i was weeping. I knew that i love her but i didn’t know i love her that much……..
*To be continued…….
Lights from the street lamps flashes past me as the cab drove, each flash seems like knock on my heart. I was hurting, i was weeping. I knew that i love her but i didn’t know i love her that much.
3rd Jan, i woke with a headache, perhaps from crying last night. Now i finally know how it feels. I got dressed for work but i know today would be different. I messaged M as usual, trying to act cool and normal. She replied with standard responses. Nothing was said about the event that was to come. I got into office and made myself a cup of coffee as usual. Perhaps its my mind playing trick oj me but the coffee tasted exceptionally bitter that day but i was fine with it. No amount of sugar can lift that aweful bitterness in my heart. As the progresses, i had no mood ro work. We kept exchanging messages, nothing serious, she just kept updating me about what she is doing or where she’s at.
1000hrs : she finally got to the saloon to do her hairdo alone. I knew where she was at and i wanted so much to just drop whatever i was doing and run to her. To do what? Stop her? What if she rejects and i would just left an even brokenhearted man. Her bf was 10years her senior but had his own buisness so financially he can support her even if she doesn’t work. She admitted to me once that before she met me, she only agreed to marry him bcoz she just wanna settle down due to family pressure and her family all liked him. Seen his photo before, nothing spectacular but most importantly, he treated her very well. Am i going to hurt him and my wife for our sake? I can’t be that selfish but yet, this is the woman that i love. Dilemma. I couldn’t decide. Eventually, rationale took over and i drop the idea.
1200hrs : she messaged that she was waiting for her ride with her sisters. She said she was feeling awful as she was forcing herself to smile but thinking about me. I tried my best to comfort her but seems like everything i tried saying are crap. I too was feeling awful and wished i could just flew there then and swopped her off her feet. The pain in the heart was piercing pain as i looked at clock.
M: 宝贝，车来了。不能和你短信了。晚上有机会才联络你。 (baby, the car is here so i can’t message you anymore. Will try to contact you tonight)
Me: 嗯，我没事，不要担心。宝贝，祝你永远幸福快乐。 (ok, I’m fine don’t worry about me. Baby, i wish you forever happiness)
She didn’t reply after that. In fact, that was our last message of the day. Her scheduled timing was 1330hrs, as i looked upon my desk clock reaches 1330hrs, i closed my eyes and quietly said to myself: i love you baby, i will always love you no matter what happen.
It was a crazy day, i knew she couldn’t messaged me as after the ROM she had reception and some photo taking. I was frantically searching through all the social media for her to update her pictures as we agreed that when she can’t message, at least let me see the photos.
1700hrs : finally the first set of photos was posted and she looked absolutely beautiful. Her dress complemented her figure and her makeup just made her even more prettiwr. I saw her smiles and her photos with him, i was devastated, i was burning with jealousy. I should be the one next to her, her smiles should be bcoz of me but it wasn’t. I almost went crazy at work. Why do i tortured myaelf like that! God have mercy on me! I got up and left my phone on the desk, went to the toilet and washed my face to calm down. Took a deep breath and finally calmed down. Its ok. Most important was her happiness, sometime there are certain things you can’t fake. She really looked happy in those photos. She had to, that was the biggest moment in her life.
I stayed late at work that day, hoping that she would message me to meet up but that message never come……
*To be continued……..
*Tks to all who upped my points, wasn’t really looking for points but just wanted to share my story.
For those who related to my story, that’s the meaning of my title. Sometime the best things in life always come in the wrong time. But like what i shared through a PM woth a TS that consoled me. If today i had the chance to rewind time and make this decision, and knowing what pains i would suffer, i wouldn’t have hestitated to go through it again. I rather find love with the wrong person and have that person once truly loved me than never having that feel. Its kinda stupid i know but life is never fair and its going through something so memorable that makes it worthwhile.
My next chapter will be why this experience was so memorable. Sorry for the late update but need time to gather my thoughts. Thanks once again for all your encouragement.
For those who have lost, stay strong. For those who have found it, don’t ever you let go. Love her/him with all your heart bcoz you never know what will happen.
I stayed late at work that day, hoping that she would message me to meet up but that message never come.
The next day came and i woke up feeling very grouchy. Waited the whole night for a message but it never came. She posted some photos and i just kept on browsing through them. Millions of thoughts was flashing through my mind, did she finally came to her senses and made her decision to break up with me? Or was she busy so sh didn’t have time for me? But if she were, how come there was still pictures being posted. These thoughts accompanied me all the way to work. Then her message finally came in, her usual morning greeting amd explaining that she stayed over at her “newly” husband’s place so wasn’t convenient for her to message. I just simply replied ok, i clearly wasn’t happy and she knows it.
M: 不高兴啊？对不起，我知道你看了那些照片一定会难过但是我也不能不放。家里的人都一直催我要看 呗 (upset? Sorry, i know you will be unhappy seeing those photos but i can’t possibly don’t post them. Plus folks at home kept chasing me for them)
Me: 没事，我明白。我一下就没事了 (its fine, i understand. I’ll be fine after awhile)
M: 是吗？唉，对不起宝贝。我爱你。。。 (really? Sigh, sorry baby. i love you)
I was not fine, not by a long shot. I was burning with jealousy, i was like: “wtf! I don’t need this shit! Who does she think she is!” I had a grand plan to break up with her, since you seems so happy to be his wife, then so be it. I wanted her to feel what i felt. I was determined. I got into office and made my coffee, sat down at my desk which was overlooking hers. I had the script of what i wanna do all planned. I waited for her, preparing myself that no matter what her response was going to be like, i will not change my mind. The office people started to come in one by one, but i will know it if it’s her bcoz of her heels she wears, very distinctive. Right on the dot at 0740hrs, the door opened and the familiar sound from her heels approaches. She turned in and smiled at me and greeted me “good morning”. Fuck! I melted from her smile and her voice. Whatever was conjuring in my mind simply dispersed into thin air. Who the hell was i fooling! I couldn’t get her out of my mind yesterday then it was no way in hell I’m going to let her go just like that. I’m so screwed. People started to crowded around her to ask about the ROM and wanted to see her photos and all. And when she replied to them, she say things like “my husband this….my husband that…” It honestly cuts like a knife. I knew she knew i could hear whatever she was saying but i didn’t respond. Caught her looking my direction a couple of time but i acted cool and like i didn’t care. But the feeling was horrible, all i heard was how happy she was and all the well wishes. I wanted to die then, find a wall and run straight into it. Someone please end my misery for me. Just as i was whooping myself senseless with self pity and all possible ways known to man to killing himself, a message came in:
M: 今晚一起吃晚餐好吗？(dinner tonight?)
Me: ok
That message, that stupid message. Like magic, it suddenly appeased the fury and saddness within. It somehow just made whatever pain i was feeling, felt better. The rest of the day went on, i started to snapped myself out of the self pity and focused on my work. Time passed quickly and soon it was time to knockoff. We went to a mall nearby for dinner as i knew she should be tired to go anywhere too far. After dinner, i suggested we took the bus home as i know she was wearing heels the whole of yesterday so the legs must be pretty tired. Got off at her stop, we walked to our playground but we didn’t talked much. It was a windy night, clear night sky and there wasn’t much people at the playground which was surprising as normally at that hour we would see still a few kids at the playground and some old folks. We got to our seat and she told me to give her a second while she runs upstair to change and i said ok. While waiting, the mood in me suddenly changed again. I was going into my emo mood all of a sudden. I just couldn’t stopped thinking about all the crap that had happened. In a month’s time, she will move out of her rented place and bunk with her husband while they wait for renovation of their house to be completed. And she would leave the country to go back to her hometown for CNY so the time we are going to have will be even lesser. Once she moves in with her husband, it would be worse bcoz we can’t meet up as often as we can now. With all the thoughts swarming in my head, i felt the tears coming again.
She finally came down after 20 mins and she apologized that she took so long bcoz he called. One thing good about her was that she was always honest with me when it comes anything and i really appreciated that from her. She could tell from my expression that i was thinking about something before she came down but i said nothing.
M: 宝贝，真的对不起。我知道你心里很难受但是你也知道我不能避免。(baby, I’m really sorry. I know you are feeling horrible inside but you know i can’t avoid this)
Finally, i decided to be honest with her:
Me: 我知道你也不想但是我还是会伤心。我眼睁睁看着自己爱的女人和另一个男人一起结婚! (i know you didn’t mean it but i will still feel sad. I had to go through seeing the
woman i love marry another man)
M: 那你为什么不来阻止我？我昨天多么希望你来，我知道你现在没办法承诺我什么。但是如果你真的来，我一定不和 他结婚了。我会等你，就是没名没份我会等。 (then why didn’t you come and stop me? I wanted so much that you would. I know you can’t promise me anything, but if you really had come, i would neber had married him. I will wait for you, even if it means if there is no status.
I was stunned at her reply. I didn’t know how to respond. I literally killed my own happiness with the only woman iever truly love bcoz i was too coward! Yes, i was afraid of the thoughts of losing what i have now if i pursued with M. The company i worked in, my brother in-law was used to worked there so he knew all my bosses. I would have to end my marriage and that would fall under infidelity and i would lose everything. But now, in front of me, i lost more than what i could ever imagined. I didn’t want to do or say now…..i…..i…..
*To be continued………
But now, in front of me, i lost more than what i could ever imagined. I didn’t want to do or say now…..i…..i. Then it happened, her face became red and she fidgeting around on her seat. She was crying. So what’s so great about her crying? Normally, for me, girls cry when i broke up with them. But this, for the first time, a girl cried for me bcoz she was in love with me while i still was in a relationship eith her. But what she said next totally changes everything:
M: 你知道我有多么爱你吗？我去到哪里都是想着你，看到什么东西都想买给你。哪里都是你，你叫我以后的日子怎么 过啊! (Do you know that i love you very much? Everywhere i go i am thinking about you, everything i see i wanna buy for you. You are everywhere, how am i going live the rest of my days!)
At that instance, i said nothing. I reached over and hold her, tighter than i ever held anyone. I didn’t wanna let go of her. I felt her body trembled from her sobbing, i felt her tears dripping on my pants. No one could ever fake that, and if she was faking it, she totally had me. But i wasn’t thinking about that, i was thinking why did i had to hurt the one true love of my life! Why couldn’t i just took the leap of faith and took the chance with her! At that point, my life was devasted with pain. Her last few words kept echoing in my mind and it was as if someone was pouring hot lava into my brain. I closed my eyes and just held her. I wanted to tell her that im there for her but i couldn’t bcoz thats not true. The fact is, i love myself more than i loved her and i hated my own selfishness. What can i do? What can i say?
M: 对不起，把你衣服弄湿了。但是我真的控制不了我自己。我从来没有想到我会这么爱你。(sorr y, i wetted your shirt. But i really cannot control myself. I never thought that i would love you so much.)
Me: 宝贝，不要说对不起。你没有对不起我，是我对不起你。我因为害怕失去自己的一切而反而失去了你。(baby , don’t say sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about, it was me that let you down. I was afraid to lose everything i had but ended up losing you instead)
She said nothing, just held me tighter. There was a long silence. We both knew what the ending was going to be but we didn’t wanna admit to it
Me: 你曾经问我为什么老是瞪着你看。因为我害怕哪一天我不能再这样看着你了。真的对不起，是我对不起你。(yo u once qsked why i kept looking at you. Thats bcoz im afraid that there will be a day when i can’t look at you the same way anymore. I am sorry, i let you down.)
M:宝贝，你别这么说。你没有对不起我。要怪，就怪我们两个相逢恨晚。有缘无份。(baby, please don’t say that. You didn’t let me down. If anything were to blame, we just net each other at the wrong time, no fate together)
We did nothing for the rest of the evening, just sat there and hugged. I brushed her hair on the back of her neck while trying my best to comfort her, but inside of me wasn’t any peachy either. We almost sat there for close to 2 hours. People walked past and saw us, saw her crying. They must be thinking, bastard must have did something to harm the girl. And i did, i literally hurt the love of my life. I was so ashamed of myself bcoz there was an emptiness in her eyes, it was like something in her died and it was me that killed it.
Soon, she said she was having a headache from the crying so i told her let’s call it a night. As i walked her to her lift, i could feel that something was about to happen. Incan say what but i knew. Something between us had changed that night. I kissed her goodbye at the lift and it was a unusually long kiss. It was like it was going to be our last kiss and we didn’t wanna let go but we did eventually. She told me don’t need to send her up and she was quite insisted on it so i didn’t pressed on. As the lift closes its door, our eyes never left each other. I wayched as the lift accended and her face disappearing. I walked out to the main road, feeling lost and disoriented. I crossed the street to wait for my cab but before i flag down any cab, i turned my head and looked up at her unit. Even at 17th floor i could see her looking down at me. She waved her hands and i waved back. As the next cab came along i flagged and boarded, taking one last look at her it almost felt like our last goodbye……
*To be continued……..
As the next cab came along i flagged and boarded, taking one last look at her it almost felt like our last goodbye.
Nothing much happened for the next few days but i was constantly looking at the calendar, remembering the date when she will be moving out of her house. I wanted to do something, something to remembered our time together. So I texted her:
Me: 宝贝，这个周末什么节目？(baby, whats your plan this weekend?)
M: 还不知道，怎么了？ (no idea yet, what’s up?)
Me: 过了这个周末，我想我们以后应该没什么机会单独见面了。可以分出两天陪我吗？(after this weekend, i doubt we will have the opportunity to meet alone again. Can spend 2 days with me?)
M:宝贝，你别这样，看到你这样我会很心疼的。我也非常想念你。我会去安排的。(baby, please don’t be like that, it breaks my heart seeing you like that. I miss you too. I will make arrangement.)
I was happy that she didn’t reject which means she also wanted it. Immediately i went online to look for hotel room, found a place near Tanjong Pagar and immediately booked it for Friday check in and out on Sunday. Texted her the hotel name and the rest was to wait. I wanted to make this last stay the most memorable one for us. Its the least i could do for us.
Friday finally came and as always, i would leave work first while she would go out with him. I checked into the hotel and i must say i am quite impressed with the room. Not too expensive but the interior was good. A transparent window which you can see the bathroom from the bed. A window ledge overlooking the port from our room. The room was perfect. I turned on the tv and went to took a shower first. Once i was done, i went onto the bed and waited. It was a long day and i was really tired so not long after i dozed off. Suddenly my phone beeped and looking at the time i thought to myself that its still early, can’t possibly be her? As i reached for my phone and unlocked it, it was her. It was only 830pm and she had finished her meetup. Told me she was on her way so i told her i would wait for her at the lobby. I was thrilled needless to say, it was a surprise. I arranged the flowers i have bought for her earlier and a little surprise nicely tucked away from plain sight. I went down to the main lobby a little earlier, i was excited to see my princess. Its not like this was the first time we are having our secret meeting but perhaps, it could be our last. She messaged that she is turning in now and i stood up, trying to look as a suave as i could. The cab arrived, she got out and she was wearing this long colorful beach dress and it almost seems like i fell in love with her all over again. I walked over and she melted my heart again, her smile and her long flowing hair as the wind carried it with grace. It was like a MV moment and i wished that i had a camera to capture that moment. Yup, love don’t come often and maybe for some, it might never come. But i was fortunate enough to have found it in this lifetime. She came towards me and held my hand, seems like a bit tighter than usual. We walked to the lift and boarded to our room, i still remembered the room number, 1507. She entered the room and was impressed as me about how the room looked. But she was even more impressive than the room, i walked behind her and hugged her:
M: 傻瓜，怎么了？ (silly, why)
I didnt say anything but just turned her around and kissed her. We kissed, oh boy we kissed, like today was the end of the world. I pulled the string that held her dress up and let it dropped down to the floor. She was wearing my favorite black lacy bra and the matching thongs. I held her closer and our body heat met, i could feel her heart beating rather fast but so am i. I reached behind to unclasped her bra, her breast bounces out. I led her to the bench near to bed and sat her down. I leaned over and continued kissing her while she slowly reached over and unbuttoned my shorts, then pulling it down and started rubbing on my crotch with her hands. Her fingers was reaching in and she can sensed that I’m all ready. But i haven’t had enough, i want savour the moment. I got her to stand up and leaned in front of the bench. I kissed her neck and down her back, i licked every inch of her body making sure that i didn’t miss any part of it. She loved it when i do that and she concurred by moaning always so sexily. Her body began to quivered as i raised my hands to hold her shoulder, tingling my fingers down her back then to her waist, i removed her thong. She was wet by now, dripping with desire for me to take her but i wasn’t planning to end it anytime soon. I made her tilt her buttock a little higher while i bent over a little to lick her. All the sweetness coming out of her, i could live on this forever. Every inch i used my tongue to sent signals down to her body, she reacted gracefully with a little bit of twitching here and there and completed the symphony with her moans. I was the maestro here and she was my orchestra. She begged me to take her but i refused to, i wanted to make her climax. And i know her sensitive spots, those time i took exploring her was paying off now. Her body suddenly turned stiff and i know the moment was close and all of a sudden she let out this amazing moan and i know i had accomplished the first part of my mission……
*To be continued…….
Her body suddenly turned stiff and i know the moment was close and all of a sudden she let out this amazing moan and i know i had accomplished the first part of my mission.
That was a powerful explosion from her and she immediately collapsed onto the bench. She had a satisfying look on her and she gathered whatever strength she could find and pushed herself up. She planted a kiss on my forehead and pulled me up to the bench. She got up and went to toilet, she pulled the blinds to the toilet window up and turned on the shower. Sshe also turned on the tap to the bathtub as well. She stepped into the shower and started to wash herself and when her motion was exceptionally slow yet sensual, i knew that this was no ordinary shower. She wanted me to see how she touched herself, she wanted me to remember. The way the water falls from her head and down to her body, every drop seems to echoed my desired to be that droplet that was running down her body; the way she used the soap to rub down her body, this woman has successfully turned shower into a form of art. I couldn’t take it anymore and stood up but she signalled to me to sit down, she wasn’t done with me yet. I had no choice but to obliged and to enjoy my show. It was a torturing 5 mins, the aim of the show wasn’t to shower but to show me what she was capable of. Finally it ended and she gave me the permission to come in. She opened the toilet door for me and told me to sit down in the bathtub. As i got myself in position, she told me to move to the front and face the front. So domineering but i like. She then climbed to spot behind me and so it began, my special treatment. She told me to close my eyes and then used her hand to scooped up some water and poured it over my head. I could sensed that she was reaching for something and she then poured the shower gel on my back. She started to rubbed my back with her hands, it was so sensitive from the way she touched using her fingers to run up and down. She then leaned forward and used her body to rub me this time. I could feel her erected nipples and her breast moving around my back. The water splashed on the side of the tub as she moved, so slow and so tempting. Her hands reached down to my tummy, occassionally touching my shaft, intentionally and purposefully. I was burning with so much fire i could almost feel myself heating up the water with my passion. She started to kiss me on my neck and then using her tongue to lick my ears, my weak spot. The she grabbed hold of my shaft from behind and all of sudden i was in heaven, literally being serviced from head to toe. I finally surrended.
Me: 宝贝，受不了了 (baby, can’t take it anymore)
M: 哈哈，报应!知道我刚才的感受了吧。走吧，一起去洗。(haha, retribution! Now you know how i felt just now. Come one, lets go wash)
Such a teaser. We got up from the tub and went to the shower together, we turned on the shower head and faced each other. We started to kissed while the water washed down our body. It was one of those overhead shower system so it felt like we were making out in the rain. But i didn’t wanna waste the time in the shower so not long after we stopped and she helped me to wiped dry, oh gosh i felt like a king being serviced by his queen. I went out first and waited for her on the bed, she soon emerges from the toilet and went to the writing desk to take a sip of water. She then came over and kissed me and i realized that she still had water in her mouth and wanted to passed it to me. I swallowed it slowly, experiencing what it felt like to drink from a goddess. At that moment, i finally felt the full embraced of what it feels like to be in love. I am totally, utterly and hopelessly in love with this woman. Never have i felt like this for anyone and i doubt i will ever again. That moment, she took my breath away with how she looked at me and life was really beautiful bcoz of her. I prayed quietly to myself asking God to just stop time there and then. She knelt over me and leaned over me to my ears:
M: 老公，我爱你。不管以后发生什么事，你在我心里的地位永远都不会改变。(darling, i love you. No matter what happens in the future, your position in my heart will never change)
At that moment, i am totally hers. I pledged my life for her and i promised myself that i will love her till the end of my life:
Me:老婆，谢谢你这么爱我。我爱你，一生一世。(darling, thank you for loving me. I love you, now and forever)
We kissed and continued our love session throughout the night. We finally collapsed to what seems like an eternity of love making. As we rest our head, i looked at her as her eyes slowly closes, i didn’t wanna lose sight of her. I held her hand and she responded subconciously by holding tighter. We were one body that night, there was no spouses in my our mind. We were like young lovers, perhaps like Romeo and Juliet, so in love but destined to fail. But i didn’t care, fool be the one that worries about tomorrow and yesterday for they either have come to pass or we cannot control. I want to treasure the moment now, just us. It was more than physical attraction for us, it was a connection of heart that binds two different people to together. For the first time, i finally knows what it feels like to be in love with someone whom you can love wholeheartedly and give her endlessly. If only this night, this time, will stand still and never ends. If only…..
*To be continued…….
For the first time, i finally knows what it feels like to be in love with someone whom you can love wholeheartedly and give her endlessly. If only this night, this time, will stand still and never ends. If only.
Morning came, the curtains was closed shut to block out the sun from outside. But i kept one of the entrance light on, i opened my eyes and the first thing i saw was this sleeping beauty in front of me. I didn’t wanna wake up her so i just stayed by her side till she woke up. A beep on her mobile woke her up and i kinda guess who it could be. But she didn’t check her phone immediately, she opened her eyes and smiled at me. We didn’t say anything but just kept looking at one another, smiling at the moment of bliss we were in then. I moved forward and touched her face gently, kissed her on the forehead and said good morning. That was life, going to bed making love with the woman you love and having her waking up next to you the next day. I knew she had to respond to her message so i told her that i will go and wash up first, she understood my meaning and proceeded to do her thing. Shortly she came inside the toilet to wash up as well while i got into the shower to take my usual morning bath, of course i cheekily asked if she would wanna join me. She of course declined and said:
M: 再进去等下又回到床上了（go in again we will end up in bed again.)
I laughed at her reply and she gave me a spank on the butt. She waited for me to finish but i purposely took my time in the shower and she started to scolding me but of course we know she was joking. Took us almost an hour since getting out of bed to get ready for breakfast. We didn’t take up the hotel breakfast but walked to the opposite market instead. For the first time, we were like a real couple, holding hands in the public in broad day light. Deciding from stall to stall on what to have for breakfast. It was wonderful, a much desired scenario i have been dreaming for so long. After breakfast, we then went to the nearby NTUC to get some stuffs. While walking down the aisles, we stole kisses every now and then and i took the opportunity to pinch her butt a few times. When we got to the cashier, she put her arms around me and hugged me while we waited for our turn. I could see the eyes of many that was looking at us, most probably envious of why would this beautiful lady be around me. I was proud and i was happy, i was in love. It was less than 1 week away from CNY so we decided to buy some CNY posters to be placed in our office, we choose the designs that we both liked and bought it. We were carrying bags of stuff like we are some old married couple just finished shopping for our weekly stocks for our home.
We spent the rest of the day in the hotel mostly, watching shows and just enjoying each other presence. We talked about a lot of frivolous things such as if we were together now officially, what kind of house will the other person like, what would we do to spend time together, what names we would name our kids. I even joked that let’s wait 5 years for her to end her marriage then we can be together to fulfil all that we talked about and she responded well to that. Of course we knew that whatever was being said there are all talks, no commitments and no baggage. We knew what was coming but just for these 2 days, we wanted it to be just ours. Of course after talking for awhile, i began my nonsense to teased her and we end up having sex again. In the evening, she asked what i want for dinner and i said i have no idea.
M: 这里附近有一家韩国餐，很不错。要不要试？（there is a korean restaurant nearby which is not bad. Wanna try?)
Me: 好啊！（ok!)
You see, i am very anti-Korean so if anyone that knows me will know i will never step into anything associated with Korean. But for her, i am willing to let go of this and even eat their food!! Oh my gosh, can i be so in love with her???? We went into the place and even though it was very crowded, we still managed to find a seat. She did all the ordering of food and she even did all the cooking, refusing to let me do anything at all. She BBQ-ed the food, place all the food and ingredients in the vegetable wrap and handed over to me. Perhaps Korean food wasn’t that bad after all or maybe it was bcoz it was fed to me by her, i enjoyed my first Korean food. We took a few selfies and the place itself which are now in a specially created QQ account that i maintained for only our photos and only we can see it. I felt like we are married, this was how i pictured my married life to be but sadly my real one wasn’t like that. Negative thoughts kept running through my mind but i refused to entertain them. I didn’t wanna kill this moment.
We finished our dinner and took a stroll around the area, all the way to Chinatown area. It was a little too public and i could see she was feeling a little uncomfortable so i said i was tired so let’s head back, she agreed. As we were walking back, i asked her on her trip back home after CNY. After talking about some things, i suddenly had an idea and ask:
Me: 反正你回去一个月，不然我过来找你然后我们一起回来。（since you are going back for a month, how about i come and look for you and we can come back together)
She hesitated for a moment, she was thinking. She continued to smile and said nothing. I didn’t pressed on and just continued walking back to the hotel. After we had finished our shower together, we were sitting by the window ledge overlooking the Tanjong Pagar port. I was holding her from behind and she finally broke her silence:
M: 老公，对不起。我真的很想带你回去见我家人但是我不知道如何解释。怎么我老公一走就有另一个男人来找我。说 是同事也很难解释因为是人都应该猜得到我们是什么关系。你明白我意思吗？（darling, sorry. I really wished to bring you home and meet my family but i don’t know how to explain to them. How come my husband just fly off then another man will come and visit. Even if i say that you are my colleague, it will be quite obvious to anyone on what relationship we are in. Do you understand?)
Me：我当然明白。只是希望能和你多相处而且看看你家是怎么样罢了。没关系，当我没说过，不要你难做。（o f course i understand. Just wanted to spend more time with you and see what’s your hometown like. Never mind, pretend i didn’t say it, don’t want to put you in a difficult situation.)
Shit, i knew at that moment i shouldn’t have suggested going with her. She was really troubled over it, i know that she wanted me to go but inside her, she was fighting with her moral dilemma. I kept telling her to forget it but i knew the damage had been done and i honestly didn’t mean it.
The next day, we woke up and her husband messaged her again. She told him that she was feeling unwell these few days so she didn’t wanna meet up with him at all. And plus her landlord don’t allow people to go to her place so she knew she had that covered. But now he wants to come over and bring her to go see doc and maybe bring her back to his place, upon hearing her conversation, i hinted to her to just go back. She reluctantly agreed after i kept insisting on it. We checked out early and i sent her back via cab. In the car, i was holding onto her hands very tightly. Our wonderful weekend had ended and we are coming back to reality. As the cab pulls in at her block, i paid and we alighted. I hurried her to go bcoz i know he will be coming any time soon. Just before she enter the lift, she quickly turned around and gave me a long kiss and a longer hug. It felt sad, i can’t explained it. Even though i knew we will still see each other but there was an sadness in the air. I let her go and she stepped into the lift, it was painful seeing the door closes. I waved goodbye to her and the lift started moving. I stood there at the lobby and make sure the lift reaches its destination. Then my phone beeped with her message: 老公，我永远爱你。。。。。
*To be continued……..
I let her go and she stepped into the lift, it was painful seeing the door closes. I waved goodbye to her and the lift started moving. I stood there at the lobby and make sure the lift reaches its destination. Then my phone beeped with her message: 老公，我永远爱你.
The weekend was finally over and i can finally see M again. During that time, weekend was the most unbearable bcoz apart from not being able to see her, the thought of them together and his hands over her really got me upset. But then, he is afterall her husband so he has all the rights to touch her. And as usual, i bought breakfast and drinks for her. I took out the CNY posters that we bought during our weekend getaway but i wanted to wait for her to put it up together. Right on the dot, i could hear her walking in from the entrance and she greeted me with her usual smile. After eating her breakfast, she started to do her work. Normally after weekend she would have a lot of things to clear, and knowing the kind of deadline she would be in, i normally don’t disturb her at all. But that day, just before she goes on to the production floor, she dropped me a message:
M: 宝贝，到时我回去，你就看如果还有机票的话，你就看可以不可以在二十三号后过来吧。然后酒店方面我会帮你安 排，我家那里很多所以不用担心。（baby, when i go back, you can check if there is still airplane ticket available, you see if you can come over around after the 23rd. I will help you with the hotel reservation, my hometown has a lot of hotels so don’t worry.)
I was surprised and thrilled at the same time, i honestly wasn’t expecting this at all so of course i agreed immediately. I wasted no time and went online to check on ticket available, as it was still during CNY period so the price was still high but i didn’t mind. I checked with M on which airline should i buy, so once all was set, i made my purchase. I was so happy that i kept smiling to myself, kept thinking about the possible things we could do over there. I wanted to take photos with her to remember the trip. I even said that we might make this a yearly thing, told her that in one of our photos, we could select a place where she would recognize and every year we are there, we will take photo at the same place but at a different distance. Would make it like a progressive thing so that we can look back at it many years later. As you can tell, i was really excited and happy. So much so that i failed to recognize something, how was this affecting her. She no doubt love me, but yet she had this very strong moral obligation towards her husband. Her husband is a Mr Nice Guy, apart from the occasional drinking and playing mahjong, he really don’t have much activities. He would even paid for all her expenses such as meals and mobile bills. So by cheating on him, it caused so much stress on her. In my own happiness, i failed to see that she was actually suffering from her own dilemma.
CNY came and went very fast. I didn’t take any extra days off bcoz i knew M didn’t too so i want to come back and keep her company. By then, she was already busy preparing on the things she wanna bring home to her relatives and such. Our time together became lesser as she needed her husband to drove her around to get some of the items. Our messages also got lesser as she was either busy with work, busy buying things or busy group chatting with all the relatives from home. I understood all that and tried my best not to engage her so as to not add pressure on her. Of course it felt nice when i got the her raw messages telling me that she miss me or asking what i am doing. And i would just ask how are her things getting along. When she could, i would meet her at her place to see her for awhile, i don’t need long hours, just to make sure she was ok and if she needed anything. But these meet ups are really short but i didn’t mind. On one of the meet up, she told me that she has confirmed on when she would move out of her rented place, just the day before she flies off. Make sense, since she won’t be around for a month so no point paying another months rental but that would also mean we won’t be able to meet like this any more after that. Sad but another sad truth in our life. I was upset but quickly got over it, i kept the thought of seeing her at her hometown and our possible annual meet up there to cheer myself up.
Days passed very fast, it was the day she was supposed to move house. She took leave that day, she updated her WeChat with various photos on her luggages and boxes she had packed. She will be moving it to her husband current house first as their new house was still under renovation. So apart from the morning messages, we didn’t had the chance to talk anymore. The following day was a Saturday and her flight was scheduled at night. But as she now stays with her husband, i couldn’t see her anymore and it was hard for her to message me. I was quite emo for the entire day actually, kept waiting for her message and constantly checking for photos but there was none. It was the ROM episode all over again. But by 8pm that night, i finally got her first message. She had just entered through the custom checkpoint, she would be flying home alone first while her husband while join her in a week’s time. But her messages wasn’t as much as usual but i guessed she must be busy messaging her relatives as what she had been doing these past weeks. Never mind i told myself, i will see her soon i said, just to make it feel a bit better. She did sent me a few pictures of her at the airport and she looked yummy, kinda miss having sex with her.
I wanted so much to go to the airport to see her off but i knew it would be impossible as her husband would be there with her so i didn’t. I told my wife i need to bring the dog down for her business but actually i wanted to talk to M before she flies off. I called her on the phone and upon hearing her voice, it was soothing that it made the whole day of anxiety and sadness just disappeared.
M：Hello! 宝贝！（Hello! Baby!)
Me: 终于听到你的声音了, 我好想念你啊！（Finally can hear your voice, i missed you so much!)
Ｍ：对不起，真的没时间和你联络。好累哦，飞机好像延误，没想到晚班还那么多人。（sorry , really had no time to contact you. I’m so tired, plane seems to be delayed, didn’t expect still so much people during night flight)
Me：不要紧，反正飞晚上，等下就可以在飞机上睡了。（Never mind, anyway it’s a night flight, later can sleep on plane)
M:希望吧。你要好好的照顾自己知道吗？我会很想你的。（I hope so. You must take care of yourself ok? i will miss you a lot)
Ｍｅ：嗯，我知道了。你也是。到了那里记得一有机会就短信我抱平安ok？ （Yup, i know. You too. Remember to message me once you are there to let me know you are safe ok?)
M: 我会的，好了不聊了，应经很晚了，你去休息吧。（i will, ok its quite late, you should go and rest)
I didn’t wanna to and kept telling it’s ok, i can bear the tiredness so we continued to chat until her flight called. We continued to chat via WeChat. I wanted to tell her how much i missed her and really want to be with her right there but i didn’t wanna her to leave feeling guilty. I wanted to be with her as long as i could, even though my eyes was closing as we spoke. I forced myself awake, but soon, her flight was calling and she told me she had to board the plane already. I messaged her to take care and that i love and miss her very much but i think she must have switched off her phone already as there was no reply after that. My heart kinda sunk, for some reason, something was out of place but i couldn’t put my finger on it. Something was different, something was missing. I really couldn’t explain it but it almost felt like the woman i love was leaving for good……
*To be continued……..
*To all the TS that have upped my points, really thank you very much for your support and encouragement. It is really heart-warming to see so many people coming forward with their advice and sharing their experiences. I wanna apologizes to those whom my story struck a chord and perhaps brought back unhappiness thus making you sad and perhaps cried. The reason why it took so long for me to complete the story was also while writing it down, it really brought back memories, memories so sweet and enduring. It when i remembered them, i can’t help but cry too. But for me, either i am at work penning it down, at home or writing it on my mobile, its not so easy for me to write everything down in one go. So i ask for all your patience.
I hope that with the next chapter i would be able to finish my story so thank you all once again for your care and concerns!