Chapter 18
The day went by in a haze. I made my way to Desmond’s. I did not expect to stay this late at the office today. I want to get there before Liv does. My heart was pounding really fast. I entered the bar and saw Liv having a chat with Desmond. Liv has always been confident. You can throw her into a room full of men and she wouldn’t be intimidated at all. Desmond saw me and got up to shake my hand. I walked over to Liv and gave her a hug. I did not care if she didn’t like the gesture. I just had to feel her in my arms again. Thankfully she did not push me away. Perhaps it was just my imagination but I thought I felt her hands lightly on my back.
“So, here we are. How are you Thomas?” she asked.
“I’m okay. Could be better but hey I’m still alive. That’s something to be thankful for.” I noticed that she has already ordered a Corona. I asked the waiter to get me an Erdinger.
“I’m sorry but I hope you don’t mind me asking,” Oh no here it is. The question I was hoping she wouldn’t ask. “I noticed you have a slight limp,” she continued.
I was hoping Liv would not notice. “Yes, it has actually improved. People hardly notice these days. The rehab helped me a lot.”
“Rehab?” she appeared and sounded so surprised.
“Yes, I had a stroke few years ago … actually, a few months after you left. I collapsed at the golf course.” Liv doesn’t have to know the truth. She doesn’t have to know that I felt miserable and went into a deep depression after she left; that I continued to see Jaya … yes, the same woman I had torrid sexual relations with, to cope with the sadness.
(By then, Lily and I have become estranged although we still stayed together in the same house. She had threatened to divorce me but had not made any concrete steps to move forward with it. It came to a point where she didn’t really mind who I went out with or if I came home at all. We were just keeping up pretenses and I was just playing the waiting game; anxiously anticipating when I would receive the letter from her lawyer and get kicked out of the house. The stroke was a real turning point in our lives. In spite of the hurt I caused my family, they were there for me and journeyed with me through recovery and rehab. At the end of the day, when everything else around you start of fall apart, you can always rely on your family to be there to pull you through.).
Liv doesn’t have to know that on that fateful weekend at the course just across the border, Jaya was with me; that I did not actually collapse on the course but in bed, on top of Jaya on the way to reaching my climax.
“I’m sorry to hear that, T.” Did she just call me T? Hearing her call me T sent a flutter to my chest. I could feel the sincerity in her voice.
“It’s all right. I’m a lot better now.” The lesser said, the better. I did not want Liv to probe. “ Enough about me. What about you? How have you been? You really look amazing.” Liv was wearing a dress similar to the one she was wearing when I saw her the other day only with a different print. It was a nice wrap dress that accentuated her petite figure and showed just a hint of her perky bosoms. Seeing her tonight is enough to unsettle my little brother.
“I’m actually doing very well but you know, I’m not getting any younger and all the traveling is taking a toll on me physically. I’m seriously thinking of quitting and coming back here for good.” She sipped her beer and looked at me. “T, are you sure you’re okay now?”
“Yes, I am. I went through a really rough time after … anyway, I am okay now. Just a little limp otherwise all else is okay with me. Did I tell you I have a grandson now?” I wanted to lighten the mood.
“Really?” I took out my phone to show her Zeq’s photo. “T, he looks like you! He’s so cute.”
“Does that mean I am cute too?” I teased her.
“Funny. Nice try,” she said. Her phone rang and she excused herself to pick up the call. I didn’t want to eavesdrop on her conversation but I couldn’t help but hear bits and pieces. She said something about checking Jude’s temperature. Who’s Jude? She hung up and came back to our table.
“Work?” I asked.
“No, my nanny. Actually my daughter’s nanny,” she said nonchalantly.
“You have a daughter now?” I did not know if it was shock or disappointment but I tried to hide my feelings. “Congratulations! When did you get married?” I started with my barrage of questions. I found out that Liv did not move to the US immediately after we broke up. She actually took a sabbatical and did volunteer work in Cambodia for a few months. She’s been supporting a community of survivors of human trafficking in Phnom Penh and had recently adopted a baby girl that she had christened as Julianna Dominique (Jade), the name we said we would give our baby if we had one. The thought that she had used the name for her own child warmed my heart. Despite the hurt I caused her, she chose to honor the memory of our love.
We surprisingly had a very light evening. I was glad she gave me the chance to catch up. I reached out for her hand. She did not pull away. “Liv, thank you for seeing me tonight. I’ve wanted to talk to you for a long time and personally ask for your forgiveness. I’m sorry for all the hurt. For what it’s worth I want you to know that I’ve never stopped asking God to forgive me for what I’ve done and praying for your success and happiness.”
She looked me intently in the eye as she said, ‘Thanks, T. That is sweet. I must say it was really painful but I’ve gotten over the hurt. I guess having Jude has helped me cope with the sadness. She gave my life a new meaning. I think it was really meant to happen so both of us would realize that even if we loved each other, our relationship was wrong.”
“Loved?” I repeated. “I have never stopped loving you Liv. I still love you.”
“Thomas …”
“Liv, I know that I was wrong and I am sorry for all the hurt. I am sorry for dragging you into my mess and depriving you of the chance to be with someone else. My conscience still bothers me to this day. I really did not plan on carrying it on too far. This really sounds crude but before we met, I was just looking to score with a seemingly impenetrable woman. But when I saw you, after that lunch and after the emails and the calls … I really fell in love with you. Since the day I met you not a day passed when I did not wish for the chance to spend the rest of my life with you. “ Liv wanted to interrupt me.
“Let me finish. I might not have the chance to say this again.” I squeezed her hand as I tried to hold back my emotions. I did not want her to see me cry. I thought I saw tears welling in her eyes too. “You are the love of my life. I loved you then. I still love you now and I know I will continue to love you for the rest of my life. It is just sad that I threw away that chance. I’m sad because I know my dream of spending the rest of my life with you will never come true.”
It was her turn to squeeze my hand. “T, our relationship though beautiful was wrong from the very beginning. I’ll be very honest and say that sometimes I feel I threw away 11 years of my life. You know there was a time when I was just resigned to waiting it out. I was content with what we had and I told myself that I would wait for the right time for us to be really together. But after my discoveries, I just felt so betrayed. Even if I wanted to give you another chance back then, it would not work out. It was difficult to trust you again.”
“I totally understand.” I conceded. “I know it’s not my place to ask but are you seeing someone?”
“I’ve gone out on dates but nothing exclusive.” I was relieved to hear this, not that it would change things between us but knowing that she doesn’t have someone new in her life gave me a great sense of relief and comfort. I know it is selfish but that was how I felt. I am glad that after three years she’s not with someone else yet.
We had another round of drinks before she said she had to leave. I quickly settled the tab and we walked to the taxi stand.
We stood quite close to each other at the taxi stand. Being so close to her but not being able to put my arms around her and kiss her was sheer agony. I thought I would be brave and take my chance anyway. I reached out for her hand and looked her in the eye. “Liv, can I ask a favor?” I know I would be pushing my luck a little too far. She did not say anything, just looked me back in the eye. I know she saw it in my eyes. I still love her. I was searching deeply into her eyes too. Somehow I know she will always have a soft spot in her heart for me. “Liv, would you allow me to see you again when you’re back?”
She looked down. I think she was staring at the tips of her shoes. There were tears welling in her eyes, threatening to roll down her cheeks when she looked up. “T, I think you know how I feel about you but please don’t make it any more difficult for me. I have fought with my demons and worked hard to put my life back together. Please, let go. If God wills us to be together, He will find a way for us to be together even when we’re much older and greyer. But for now, we have to let go.”
I could see a taxi approaching. We can continue the conversation in the cab and I would probably still have that window of opportunity to put my arms around her, kiss her and make her change her mind. The cab pulled up. “My cab is here,” she said. My heart shrunk. She was not going to give me the chance to get in the cab with her and take her back to the hotel.
“Goodbye T. Take care.” We looked at each other and the world seemed to stop for a few seconds as we finally hugged and shared a light kiss. “I love you Liv. Always have and always will.”
She looked at me, cupped my face in her hands and gave me the sweetest last kiss. “I love you too. Goodbye.” She turned and got in the cab. She kept her head straight and did not turn to look my way. I just stood there and watched her cab pull away.
The End.
OMG!!
Is that the end, bro?!? What happened? No more continuation?
was one of the best stories on sbf…sigh
Well hopefully things so work in the end and you do end up with Liv! Good luck bro!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MasterJerker
I hope in a good way
In all the right ways mate.
And the ending was so beautiful. Thanks. :')
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Nightshifter26
OMG!!
Is that the end, bro?!? What happened? No more continuation?
was one of the best stories on sbf…sigh
Well hopefully things so work in the end and you do end up with Liv! Good luck bro!
Thanks Bro. That is the end. I have not seen nor heard from her since then. I am hoping for the best for both of us too.
There are more stories about Jaya though that I think the men will appreciate moe. :-)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MasterJerker
Thanks Bro. That is the end. I have not seen nor heard from her since then. I am hoping for the best for both of us too. There are more stories about Jaya though that I think the men will appreciate moe. :-)
Shucks bro! How long ago was this when you last saw Liv? Well i think you guys were meant to be and somehow you’ll end up together in the future
Hahahaha great keep the stories coming! Much appreciated
Oh well that’s life. If it’s written in the stars, the two of you will end up together. As they say true love transcends time and distance. Good luck Bro! I really hope you two find your happy ending.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Nightshifter26
Shucks bro! How long ago was this when you last saw Liv? Well i think you guys were meant to be and somehow you’ll end up together in the future
Hahahaha great keep the stories coming! Much appreciated
Thanks Bro. Good to know some of you guys appreciated my story.
Last time I saw her was in October. I send her emails regularly using our secret account. I know she reads them but she only replies to holiday greetings and the tone is polite and formal. :-(
Dearest Brother,
Thank you very much for sharing this wonderful story.
It is sad to belong to someone else, when the right one comes along….
Nevertheless, “still able to meet " is the best gift from " Upstair” for both of you.
Best regards.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
MasterJerker
Thanks Bro. That is the end. I have not seen nor heard from her since then. I am hoping for the best for both of us too.
There are more stories about Jaya though that I think the men will appreciate moe. :-)
Sometimes I cannot help but wonder why “fate” plays with us in such ways. Or are cases like yours with Liv actually more of our inability to master ourselves, to be faithful to our wives and not go for other women?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
chenzong
Sometimes I cannot help but wonder why “fate” plays with us in such ways. Or are cases like yours with Liv actually more of our inability to master ourselves, to be faithful to our wives and not go for other women?
Bro will you be continuing your story in CHINA?