I saw Beng Soon cap himself and he was hovering clumsily near the bottom of Cidney’s privates.
He seemed to have some difficulty navigating himself as his legs had to support his huge frame while he was half squatting.
Cidney’s eyes remained tightly shut and I could not believe the scene playing in front of my eyes.
Beng Soon did not remove Cidney’s underwear, instead choosing to push it aside, revealing the sacred entry to her love hole.
I saw Cidney did something totally unexpected as she repositioned herself, bending a little more, offering a better access to Beng Soon.
I guess she wanted it to be over as soon as possible.
There was not sensual moans, no breathless gasp of air and I could just see Cidney bite down on her lips as Beng soon finally secured a positive entry.
Her mouth gasp opened for just a second and I assumed Beng Soon must have at least had the buldge of his dick head inside Cidney at that moment.
Cidney bit down on her lips as her body was rocked involuntarily by Beng Soon’s thrusting motion.
I could not tell if she was dry or not but Beng Soon still managed to gain an entry.
Her petite frame was rocked and smacked hard from the behind by Beng Soon and I could hear the loud slamming sound of their bottoms echoing out in the quiet shophouse.
Cidney’s hands had left the glass panels and were now clasping hard on the sofa.
Her hair was still in a nice bun and despite being rocked like a toy, she still looked pretty elegant and pretty.
Beng Soon stopped thrusting and got Cidney up, he turned her around, asking her to sit down on the sofa but the moment Cidney sat down, she stood up again, she seemed like she was refusing a position Beng Soon wanted.
There was some talking, fast hush whispers before Cidney held on to the glass panels and stepped onto the sofa with without her heels.
Beng Soon lifted up her dress which had fallen down and kissed Cidney on her privates, nudging and licking the very hole he had just fucked.
I was stroking myself a distance away, taking in the erotic scene.
The sight of my unwilling girlfriend in distress turned me on even more.
Barely a couple of minutes later, Cidney got down from the sofa and I checked the timing. It’s already been 20 minutes since everything started.
Beng Soon got Cidney to turn again, making her bent over with her heels on.
She supported her bent body on the sofa and Beng Soon parted her underwear again, easing himself in the 2nd time.
It did not look like he had much difficulty and he entered Cidney easily.
He built up a good momentum and I could see he was going for the finale.
The smacking was hard and when the sound of the thrusting got louder and louder, I saw her deep frown etched deeper and deeper into my girlfriend’s forehead.
Suddenly Beng Soon’s hands left Cidney’s waist and grabbed her small breasts, squeezing them and fondling them roughly as he gave out a loud moan, shivering his large frame of a body at the same time.
Beng Soon : Ahhh..ahg…. arghh…….
He was determined to milk himself dry inside Cidney as he held on tight, determined to let his throbbing dick pulse a few more times inside the sweet pussy of my girlfriend.
I could see Cidney was trying to disengage but Beng Soon grunted and held on, unwilling to leave the tight confines of her lovely vagina.
When he finally let go, Cidney collapsed as she lost her balance onto the sofa before getting up immediately.
She pulled her dress down as fast as she could and took her bag from the shelf and dashed off to the toilet at the end of the corridor.
My dick was stiff and hard from the excitement and I had difficulty putting it back into my pants.
I dressed up as quietly as I could and check the time.
So many days of preparation and everything was over in barely an hour.
This was reality, you just have to accept it.
If this was a jap porn scene, it would have dragged on forever.
Strangely though, I felt proud of Cidney.
I was proud that she was so brave to go through with it.
She spent quite a bit of time in the bathroom, no doubt washing herself clean of the filth that came in touch with her body which was once pure and sacred.
It had been violated by someone she hated and she was the one who willingly offered to do it.
7.48pm
Cidney did not speak or even look at Beng Soon when she came out of the bathroom.
She just clicked her way down the stairs and let herself out of the shophouse.
I immediately got out of my hiding place and had a brief chat with Beng Soon before bolting out the back door once I was sure Cidney was a distance away.
Barely moments after I left the site, my phone rang and it was Cidney.
James : Hello ? hey… where are you ?
Cidney said she was just done helping her friends and was in the vicinity of Chinatown.
I asked her if she was hungry and if she wanted to go for dinner but she said no.
She told me she had something light and said she felt a little tired and she wanted to head home to rest.
I respected her decision knowing full well the sacrifice she just did. I offered to head over and I could tell she was a little reluctant but she eventually agreed.
I got to her place with some packet snacks around 9pm after I had my own dinner and Cidney was already showered.
She had change out of her clothes and was wearing just a simple set of t-shirt and short pants.
I asked her if she was ok and she nodded.
I told her I managed to raise the sum of money and I had already called Beng Soon but he was not returning my call.
She just kept quiet and did not offer up a reply.
I could sense a sudden difference in her, it was as if her mind was not with her body. She seemed a little distant, there was a lack of colour in her cheeks.
I felt strangely aroused thinking of the sex scene I had witness barely hours ago and I made my move.
Cidney did not reject me and instead allowed me to do whatever I wanted.
I tried to feel if there was any difference in her love hole when I entered her that evening, was it a little stretched, was it still wet and slippery, was it red and swollen, but I felt no difference.
Instead I had another kind of mental high as I fuck myself into the same hole that was being enjoyed by another man moments ago.
Cidney was a little unresponsive although she did moan a little for me. I suspect it was just for show and she seemed moody the entire evening and was not the best person to have a conversation with.
James : What’s wrong ? Are you ok ?
She shook her head with a smile, adding that she was just tired.
I left Cidney’s place at 11.30pm, with a fucked up feeling of a sadistic sick man.
I felt as if I had broken one of my toys on purpose and the feeling was something I had never felt before.
Cidney was on sick leave for the next 2 days, leaving me to deal with the client of the shophouse.
All the works were completed and rectified and I even dropped Cidney a message that her project was wrapped up.
It was all over and Beng Soon was not even around, he sent one of his assistant.
Cidney did not reply.
When I tried to initiate a meeting that weekend, she said she was still recovering and would prefer to rest.
27th April 2011
Wednesday
Cidney got a little better but I could feel that there was this invisible barrier between us. I could not explain why but it seemed as if she was not too eager to be touched lately.
When I try to put my hands around her shoulders, she would shy away after a while.
I would hold her hands but subconsciously her fingers would get a little loose over time before she dropped them.
I kept asking if she was ok and she was quick to reassure me that she was just tired.
29th April 2011
Friday
4pm
When Cidney rejected my offer to stay over at my place for the 2nd weekend in a row, I began to consider how badly I had broken my toy.
We were still together, officially in a relationship but I noticed the difference in Cidney. She seemed a little more reserved, kept to herself more whereas she used to be more open about her feelings.
14th May 2011
I got seriously worried when I saw her crying by herself in my room when I came out of the shower on the 2nd week of May.
I immediately went over and hugged her.
I did not say anything but just allowed her to cry.
I could feel the anguish and the sadness as she screamed into my chest, baring her feelings and her emotions.
It was a messy affair.
There was a mixture of saliva, tears and mucus on my body as Cidney’s body shudder uncontrollably.
I was lost.
Seriously lost and I knew I was fucked.
Seriously fucked.
She took an hour to compose herself and I was glad my parents were not at home that day.
When I managed to calm her down with a glass of water, she started tearing up again.
At 6pm that day on the 14th of May 2011. Cidney finally broke the news.
It was a few simple words.
That few simple words caused me heartache everytime I recalled it.
Cidney : I did it….
Cidney : I did it with Beng Soon….
That was all Cidney managed to get it out.
If you had asked me before she said that how I would react and feel, I would probably tell you I would get aroused.
I would probably get a fucking high knowing that my girlfriend was shared unwillingly with another man.
But the truth was different.
It was so different.
Confronted with the truth that day hurts.
Seeing Cidney in such pain and anguish made me feel like shit.
No , I do not deserve any sympathy, I’m just a fucking monster but I have feelings too.
I could not speak, looking at Cidney’s red eyes I could not utter a single fucking word that day.
I only felt the roll of a tear down my right cheek before I hugged Cidney.
We did not say anything to each other for the rest of the evening. We did not even go for dinner.
We just stayed in the room and fell asleep.
I sent Cidney back the next afternoon and as much as I wanted to talk about it, she was unwilling to continue the conversation.
17th May 2011
It was a Tuesday.
I remembered that day.
I had a call at 10am sharp from Selene and she wanted me in her office immediately.
She requested that I close the door and that was one of the few occasion that she drew the blinds to her office.
Selene : Take a seat .
I saw the digital clock on the table jumped to 10.02 and Selene threw a white envelope across the table.
Selene : Your girlfriend just tendered her resignation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tuikboo
Bro any story on this? lol
haha. it’s just boring work.
Nothing interesting.
A little occupied with work this couple of days.
Will try to update tomorrow afternoon and over the weekend if possible.
Cheers
Quote:
Originally Posted by
tuikboo
Bro any story on this? lol
haha. it’s just boring work.
Nothing interesting.
A little occupied with work this couple of days.
Will try to update tomorrow afternoon and over the weekend if possible.
Cheers
Sorry.
Really could not find the time to edit and finish this off.
I hate to leave things hanging but work suddenly got crazy this couple of days.
I’ll definitely update after CNY.
Wish everyone a happy and prosperous CNY.
Huat ah !
Sorry.
Really could not find the time to edit and finish this off.
I hate to leave things hanging but work suddenly got crazy this couple of days.
I’ll definitely update after CNY.
Wish everyone a happy and prosperous CNY.
Huat ah !
The expression on my face must have been priceless that morning in Selene’s office.
In fact I don’t even remember what expression I wore on my face but Selene did not let the awkward silence go on for too long.
The first question she asked was pretty standard.
Selene : Are you ok ?
I wanted to speak, I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
The words stuck and choke in my mouth and I just did not know what to say.
It came as a shock.
Honestly I did not expect Cidney to do that. At least not without letting me know first.
James : I…..i…. did…
I wanted to say I did not know. The last thing I wanted was for Selene to think I was the main reason why she quit.
Selene raised up both her hands, her palms facing me.
Selene : Cidney called me last evening and asked if I could meet up with her.
I gave her a questioning look and asked her what did Cidney tell her.
If she had told Selene that she slept with Beng Soon, everything would be over.
Thankfully that was not the case.
Cidney had met up with Selene to talk about leaving.
Selene : She said she’s just feeling a little tired, and now that her projects are coming to an end, this would be a good time to take a break.
I wanted to ask some questions but Selene gestured for me to hold them. She was not done.
Selene : The first thing I asked was about you.
Our eyes met for a brief moment and Selene carried on with her talking.
Selene : I was so sure that it was you who caused her to leave the office but thankfully I was wrong.
Selene stood up, leaving her seat and walking over to my side of the table.
I remained seated while she leaned herself against the table, folding her arms at the same time.
She was close enough to me for the arousing scent of her perfume to drift into my nose. It’s an interesting moment because while part of my mind was dealing with the shock of Cidney leaving, another part of my mind was thinking about Selene.
The thought of having Cidney gone and in return allowing me more time for Selene flashed across my mind for just a brief moment before disappearing altogether again.
Selene : Seriously though James, if I knew Cidney was leaving because you hurt her in the relationship, I would really consider killing you.
She did not look like she was joking and I did not laugh. I just kept very quiet, staring at Selene’s table although with her leaning against it, her legs and thighs were closer to my line of sight and I was trying very hard not to stare at them.
She was wearing a skirt that day, it was not tight and short like what she wore when she was younger but it was of a tempting length.
One preferred by matured women who knows that covering up could be more potent than flashing her assets around.
Her skirt ended at her knees, and her lovely legs shone under the light in the office as she spoke.
She went on to tell me what else Cidney said, her work allocations, the projects she was handling, mostly work related stuff.
Selene : I’m quite upset James…. Cidney’s a good girl… is there something wrong between the 2 of you ?
James : I… don’t know.
I did not wish to continue the conversation and I asked if I could take the rest of the day off.
I wanted to speak with Cidney.
I needed to speak with Cidney.
Selene rejected my request right away.
Selene : It was Cidney’s request btw. She knew you would want to talk her out of it and made me promise that I would not approve your leave.
I got up and was about to leave when Selene stopped me.
There was nothing dramatic, no shouting, no blocking of doors.
Selene : Take this with you.
I took over another envelope and inside was a cheque made out to the company by Cidney.
Selene : She wanted to leave this week, offered to pay off her 1 month notice.
Selene pushed the envelope into my hands and said there was no way she was taking that.
I left Selene’s room and immediately made my way to Cidney’s place. I saw her packing some of her clothes in the very luggage I repaired for her in the living room.
James : What are you doing ?
She just smiled and said she missed her family, and she would like to take a short break to visit them.
I wanted to ask her what was the meaning of that.
It is a breakup ?
Is it a timeout ?
In the end I just kept quiet.
Cidney came over and knelt down by my side on the floor.
I did not know what I was feeling but she said she still loves me but she really would just want some time alone.
She seemed a little distant and I was feeling pretty shitty. I placed the cheque Selene gave me on her table.
I left her 2 hours later to head back into office.
I received a text later that day that she would be flying off on Thursday,the 19th.
19th May 2011
Thursday
I was heartbroken at the airport that day but I did not show it.
It was as if I was refusing to acknowledge that Cidney would be gone.
She only bought a one way ticket but she said she should be back in a couple of weeks.
There was no drama at the airport either.
We parted with a kiss and a hug and that was it.
I did not cry, I did not drink myself to death, I did not sink into depression.
Mixed feelings. That’s what I could call it.
I was feeling a little sad that Cidney was gone, but on the other hand, with Cidney off my twisted mind, I began thinking about Selene.
25th May 2011
Wednesday
10.30am
Other than a message to let me know she arrived safely in Thailand, there were no other messages from Cidney.
The reality of Cidney no longer by my side slowly sank in and I was feeling lousier and lousier as the day goes by.
Not a single day went by where I did not regret what I had done.
All the things I had resort to because I was thinking with the wrong head.
Thinking with my small head.
I knew I would go mad if I continued thinking about it so I forced myself to work.
The harder I work, the more occupied my mind would be.
The more occupied my mind would be, the less I would be thinking of the monstrous things I did.
Besides work, I was also thinking more and more of Selene.
Having grown use to regular sex with Cidney, the sudden withdrawal took me by surprise and I took to the only option I had.
I masturbated.
When I grew sick of doing it in the toilet. I did in in the office.
I knew I was on the verge of losing it one evening around 10.30 pm when I was kneeling in Selene’s office with my nose in her cardigan, my dick in my right hand while my left was trying to hold on to one of her spare pair of heels.
21st June 2011
Tuesday
I could not remember the last time I worked that hard or masturbated that hard in my life.
I did not leave the office until at least 11.30pm to catch the last train. I made sure I was one of the first few in the office as well.
There were new projects from the same client that Cidney was working with. Now that she’s gone, I was handling them.
My arrangements with Beng Soon continued, it felt as if I lost a part of my soul everytime my bank account got a little fatter.
Beng Soon asked where was Cidney, and I told him that she decided to take a break.
He must have sensed something wasn’t right from my tone and he did not ask anything else.
I still think of Cidney pretty often but I could feel her slowly slipping away.
They say time heals everything, and I could feel my sick mind slowly moving on.
30th June 2011
Thursday
I had a call from my Sister Cheryl that afternoon right after my meeting with Selene. She asked me if I was free on Saturday afternoon and I said I was.
After all I’m just a single and lonely man.
I agreed to have lunch and she told me she was bringing along a friend.
James : Don’t try to match make me I’m telling you.
Cheryl : Don’t give me that rubbish James, I’m bringing along a friend, I don’t care.
James : You try to introduce someone to me I’ll get together with her, sleep with her then leave her.
Cheryl : Haha. Talk is cheap …. Talk is cheap….. See you on Saturday…. And behave yourself.
2nd july 2011
Saturday
10.30am
Cheryl came over to my parent’s place early that morning with bags of groceries. She started making the soup base for steamboat and I helped to prepare the rest of the ingredients, setting them out on the table.
My parents ate first around noon , I was hungry and wanted to join them but Cheryl stopped me.
1.30pm
My parents left the house for some shopping and I paced around the table, looking at the food.
2.15pm
My sister left the house and went downstairs, adding that she’s going to be right back.
Barely 5 minutes later, the door opened.
It turns out that Cheryl’s friend happens to be my boss.
Cheryl : Tadah…!!!… My friend…
Selene gave a questioning look at the both of us while I rolled my eyes at my sister.
Selene : What’s going on ?
Cheryl : So James… what did you say you were going to do over the phone. ? haha
I ignored her and made my way to the dining table.
James : I wasn’t expecting to see my boss on a weekend.
Selene was in a simple t-shirt and shorts that afternoon, and her hair was tied up in a ponytail. I saw her kicked off her sneakers and I could feel the weeks of sexual depreviation creeping up on me.
It was gone the instant my sister lifted up the cover for the steamboat.
It seems men’s basic needs is still food after all.
We had a long lunch. A really long one.
We chatted about old times, in fact most of our conversation was centered around our growing up years. We even talked about the time when the 2 girls came over totally drenched in their school uniforms.
It brought back nostalgic memories for all of us.
We were laughing, slapping our thighs, enjoying our food.
Sitting around the table were not 3 adults facing the challenges of everyday life, it was 3 teenage kids, carefree and happy, ready to conquer the world.
As the steamboat bubbled to a thick concentrated stock, we all dropped our chopsticks and sipped on hot tea.
The laughter died down and somehow the topic of our discussion got a little more serious.
There was the economy, work, families and the future.
At 5.30pm, the 3 of us somehow just stopped talking. There was no awkward silence, just 3 old friends who knew that even though we were not speaking, we were all comfortable.
5.45pm
Selene spoke first.
Selene : James…Cheryl…
I turned to look at Selene, the woman I had a crush on since I was 15. She has aged but in a beautiful and graceful way.
You know that kind of feeling when you looked into an old friend’s face and could still see the teenage sparkle in it, Selene had it.
I saw not only the beautiful and sexy woman she had become, but also the young innocent student I first laid my eyes one , and of course, I also saw the curious and naughty teenager who was eager to explore her sexuality.
Selene : I wanted the 2 of you to know this first.
I felt a lump in my throat , even before she spoke, I could feel it coming.
Then out of the blue, the words hit me like a stinging slap across my face.
Selene : I’m getting married.
There was half a second of delay before Cheryl jumped up , pumping her fist into the air and hugged Selene.
Cheryl : Congrats. !!! I’m so happy for you.
I recovered from my shock and gave Selene a hug too, feeling her soft breast pressing against my body, smelling the sweetness of her body scent.
James : Congrats ..
We chatted for a while longer before I started bringing the dishes to the kitchen.
I could hear the 2 girls talking excitedly among themselves as I started doing the dishes.
6.15pm
The girls were heading out for coffee and to shop, I declined their invitation to join them.
6.25pm
I muffled my scream in my pillow, allowing my angst and pent up frustration to come out vocally.
It made me so mad to know that Selene was slipping away slowly from my grasp.
I changed into my jogging gear and I started running without proper warmup.
I was running like a mad man and by the time I got to Bedok reservoir, I was panting and heaving uncontrollably.
I got to the water edge and took in a deep breath.
No I’m not adding myself to the statistic.
I felt the rise of acid in my throat for one second before I emptied my lunch out into the reservoir.
I sincerely extend my apologies to the residents who depend on it for water.
I emptied my stomach and began to jog slowly around the body of water.
The setting sun and cool breeze calmed me down a little. By the time I completed one round and starting on my slow walk back home, my mind was clear.
I thought mostly about Selene and when I took a deep breath, I could see the big picture.
It had never been that clear before in my life.
I calmed myself down, and took slow deep breaths.
I asked myself repeatly what was it I wanted from Selene.
Then from the abyss of my sick and twisted mind, an answer floated up.
It’s ok if she’s married.
I wanted her body. If I could have her heart, that was a bonus.
I had a hot shower when I got back home before lying down on bed.
My eyes fluttered before closing, my breathing slowed, my body relaxed even though it was aching from the run.
In the silent dark room, I was in my own world.
I could feel my mind churning again.
I retrieved the pair of socks I had swapped from Selene more than a decade ago, pressing it against my face, I imagined them to be freshly worn, freshly soiled by her sweat.
And I started thinking.
I did not know how much time had past or what time i slept that day.
If i could be sure of one thing, just one thing.
I knew fell asleep with a knowing smile on my face.
The expression on my face must have been priceless that morning in Selene’s office.
In fact I don’t even remember what expression I wore on my face but Selene did not let the awkward silence go on for too long.
The first question she asked was pretty standard.
Selene : Are you ok ?
I wanted to speak, I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
The words stuck and choke in my mouth and I just did not know what to say.
It came as a shock.
Honestly I did not expect Cidney to do that. At least not without letting me know first.
James : I…..i…. did…
I wanted to say I did not know. The last thing I wanted was for Selene to think I was the main reason why she quit.
Selene raised up both her hands, her palms facing me.
Selene : Cidney called me last evening and asked if I could meet up with her.
I gave her a questioning look and asked her what did Cidney tell her.
If she had told Selene that she slept with Beng Soon, everything would be over.
Thankfully that was not the case.
Cidney had met up with Selene to talk about leaving.
Selene : She said she’s just feeling a little tired, and now that her projects are coming to an end, this would be a good time to take a break.
I wanted to ask some questions but Selene gestured for me to hold them. She was not done.
Selene : The first thing I asked was about you.
Our eyes met for a brief moment and Selene carried on with her talking.
Selene : I was so sure that it was you who caused her to leave the office but thankfully I was wrong.
Selene stood up, leaving her seat and walking over to my side of the table.
I remained seated while she leaned herself against the table, folding her arms at the same time.
She was close enough to me for the arousing scent of her perfume to drift into my nose. It’s an interesting moment because while part of my mind was dealing with the shock of Cidney leaving, another part of my mind was thinking about Selene.
The thought of having Cidney gone and in return allowing me more time for Selene flashed across my mind for just a brief moment before disappearing altogether again.
Selene : Seriously though James, if I knew Cidney was leaving because you hurt her in the relationship, I would really consider killing you.
She did not look like she was joking and I did not laugh. I just kept very quiet, staring at Selene’s table although with her leaning against it, her legs and thighs were closer to my line of sight and I was trying very hard not to stare at them.
She was wearing a skirt that day, it was not tight and short like what she wore when she was younger but it was of a tempting length.
One preferred by matured women who knows that covering up could be more potent than flashing her assets around.
Her skirt ended at her knees, and her lovely legs shone under the light in the office as she spoke.
She went on to tell me what else Cidney said, her work allocations, the projects she was handling, mostly work related stuff.
Selene : I’m quite upset James…. Cidney’s a good girl… is there something wrong between the 2 of you ?
James : I… don’t know.
I did not wish to continue the conversation and I asked if I could take the rest of the day off.
I wanted to speak with Cidney.
I needed to speak with Cidney.
Selene rejected my request right away.
Selene : It was Cidney’s request btw. She knew you would want to talk her out of it and made me promise that I would not approve your leave.
I got up and was about to leave when Selene stopped me.
There was nothing dramatic, no shouting, no blocking of doors.
Selene : Take this with you.
I took over another envelope and inside was a cheque made out to the company by Cidney.
Selene : She wanted to leave this week, offered to pay off her 1 month notice.
Selene pushed the envelope into my hands and said there was no way she was taking that.
I left Selene’s room and immediately made my way to Cidney’s place. I saw her packing some of her clothes in the very luggage I repaired for her in the living room.
James : What are you doing ?
She just smiled and said she missed her family, and she would like to take a short break to visit them.
I wanted to ask her what was the meaning of that.
It is a breakup ?
Is it a timeout ?
In the end I just kept quiet.
Cidney came over and knelt down by my side on the floor.
I did not know what I was feeling but she said she still loves me but she really would just want some time alone.
She seemed a little distant and I was feeling pretty shitty. I placed the cheque Selene gave me on her table.
I left her 2 hours later to head back into office.
I received a text later that day that she would be flying off on Thursday,the 19th.
19th May 2011
Thursday
I was heartbroken at the airport that day but I did not show it.
It was as if I was refusing to acknowledge that Cidney would be gone.
She only bought a one way ticket but she said she should be back in a couple of weeks.
There was no drama at the airport either.
We parted with a kiss and a hug and that was it.
I did not cry, I did not drink myself to death, I did not sink into depression.
Mixed feelings. That’s what I could call it.
I was feeling a little sad that Cidney was gone, but on the other hand, with Cidney off my twisted mind, I began thinking about Selene.
25th May 2011
Wednesday
10.30am
Other than a message to let me know she arrived safely in Thailand, there were no other messages from Cidney.
The reality of Cidney no longer by my side slowly sank in and I was feeling lousier and lousier as the day goes by.
Not a single day went by where I did not regret what I had done.
All the things I had resort to because I was thinking with the wrong head.
Thinking with my small head.
I knew I would go mad if I continued thinking about it so I forced myself to work.
The harder I work, the more occupied my mind would be.
The more occupied my mind would be, the less I would be thinking of the monstrous things I did.
Besides work, I was also thinking more and more of Selene.
Having grown use to regular sex with Cidney, the sudden withdrawal took me by surprise and I took to the only option I had.
I masturbated.
When I grew sick of doing it in the toilet. I did in in the office.
I knew I was on the verge of losing it one evening around 10.30 pm when I was kneeling in Selene’s office with my nose in her cardigan, my dick in my right hand while my left was trying to hold on to one of her spare pair of heels.
21st June 2011
Tuesday
I could not remember the last time I worked that hard or masturbated that hard in my life.
I did not leave the office until at least 11.30pm to catch the last train. I made sure I was one of the first few in the office as well.
There were new projects from the same client that Cidney was working with. Now that she’s gone, I was handling them.
My arrangements with Beng Soon continued, it felt as if I lost a part of my soul everytime my bank account got a little fatter.
Beng Soon asked where was Cidney, and I told him that she decided to take a break.
He must have sensed something wasn’t right from my tone and he did not ask anything else.
I still think of Cidney pretty often but I could feel her slowly slipping away.
They say time heals everything, and I could feel my sick mind slowly moving on.
30th June 2011
Thursday
I had a call from my Sister Cheryl that afternoon right after my meeting with Selene. She asked me if I was free on Saturday afternoon and I said I was.
After all I’m just a single and lonely man.
I agreed to have lunch and she told me she was bringing along a friend.
James : Don’t try to match make me I’m telling you.
Cheryl : Don’t give me that rubbish James, I’m bringing along a friend, I don’t care.
James : You try to introduce someone to me I’ll get together with her, sleep with her then leave her.
Cheryl : Haha. Talk is cheap …. Talk is cheap….. See you on Saturday…. And behave yourself.
2nd july 2011
Saturday
10.30am
Cheryl came over to my parent’s place early that morning with bags of groceries. She started making the soup base for steamboat and I helped to prepare the rest of the ingredients, setting them out on the table.
My parents ate first around noon , I was hungry and wanted to join them but Cheryl stopped me.
1.30pm
My parents left the house for some shopping and I paced around the table, looking at the food.
2.15pm
My sister left the house and went downstairs, adding that she’s going to be right back.
Barely 5 minutes later, the door opened.
It turns out that Cheryl’s friend happens to be my boss.
Cheryl : Tadah…!!!… My friend…
Selene gave a questioning look at the both of us while I rolled my eyes at my sister.
Selene : What’s going on ?
Cheryl : So James… what did you say you were going to do over the phone. ? haha
I ignored her and made my way to the dining table.
James : I wasn’t expecting to see my boss on a weekend.
Selene was in a simple t-shirt and shorts that afternoon, and her hair was tied up in a ponytail. I saw her kicked off her sneakers and I could feel the weeks of sexual depreviation creeping up on me.
It was gone the instant my sister lifted up the cover for the steamboat.
It seems men’s basic needs is still food after all.
We had a long lunch. A really long one.
We chatted about old times, in fact most of our conversation was centered around our growing up years. We even talked about the time when the 2 girls came over totally drenched in their school uniforms.
It brought back nostalgic memories for all of us.
We were laughing, slapping our thighs, enjoying our food.
Sitting around the table were not 3 adults facing the challenges of everyday life, it was 3 teenage kids, carefree and happy, ready to conquer the world.
As the steamboat bubbled to a thick concentrated stock, we all dropped our chopsticks and sipped on hot tea.
The laughter died down and somehow the topic of our discussion got a little more serious.
There was the economy, work, families and the future.
At 5.30pm, the 3 of us somehow just stopped talking. There was no awkward silence, just 3 old friends who knew that even though we were not speaking, we were all comfortable.
5.45pm
Selene spoke first.
Selene : James…Cheryl…
I turned to look at Selene, the woman I had a crush on since I was 15. She has aged but in a beautiful and graceful way.
You know that kind of feeling when you looked into an old friend’s face and could still see the teenage sparkle in it, Selene had it.
I saw not only the beautiful and sexy woman she had become, but also the young innocent student I first laid my eyes one , and of course, I also saw the curious and naughty teenager who was eager to explore her sexuality.
Selene : I wanted the 2 of you to know this first.
I felt a lump in my throat , even before she spoke, I could feel it coming.
Then out of the blue, the words hit me like a stinging slap across my face.
Selene : I’m getting married.
There was half a second of delay before Cheryl jumped up , pumping her fist into the air and hugged Selene.
Cheryl : Congrats. !!! I’m so happy for you.
I recovered from my shock and gave Selene a hug too, feeling her soft breast pressing against my body, smelling the sweetness of her body scent.
James : Congrats ..
We chatted for a while longer before I started bringing the dishes to the kitchen.
I could hear the 2 girls talking excitedly among themselves as I started doing the dishes.
6.15pm
The girls were heading out for coffee and to shop, I declined their invitation to join them.
6.25pm
I muffled my scream in my pillow, allowing my angst and pent up frustration to come out vocally.
It made me so mad to know that Selene was slipping away slowly from my grasp.
I changed into my jogging gear and I started running without proper warmup.
I was running like a mad man and by the time I got to Bedok reservoir, I was panting and heaving uncontrollably.
I got to the water edge and took in a deep breath.
No I’m not adding myself to the statistic.
I felt the rise of acid in my throat for one second before I emptied my lunch out into the reservoir.
I sincerely extend my apologies to the residents who depend on it for water.
I emptied my stomach and began to jog slowly around the body of water.
The setting sun and cool breeze calmed me down a little. By the time I completed one round and starting on my slow walk back home, my mind was clear.
I thought mostly about Selene and when I took a deep breath, I could see the big picture.
It had never been that clear before in my life.
I calmed myself down, and took slow deep breaths.
I asked myself repeatly what was it I wanted from Selene.
Then from the abyss of my sick and twisted mind, an answer floated up.
It’s ok if she’s married.
I wanted her body. If I could have her heart, that was a bonus.
I had a hot shower when I got back home before lying down on bed.
My eyes fluttered before closing, my breathing slowed, my body relaxed even though it was aching from the run.
In the silent dark room, I was in my own world.
I could feel my mind churning again.
I retrieved the pair of socks I had swapped from Selene more than a decade ago, pressing it against my face, I imagined them to be freshly worn, freshly soiled by her sweat.
And I started thinking.
I did not know how much time had past or what time i slept that day.
If i could be sure of one thing, just one thing.
I knew fell asleep with a knowing smile on my face.