Fifteen

I was fifteen when I thought I saw the girl of my dream.

Never in my dreams would I knew back then I would be spending another 15 years being infatuated with this girl.

It felt weird writing this, brings back so much memories from my growing up years.

It took quite a bit of digging in my storeroom for copies of my old diaries. I cannot remember the countless weekends I spent smiling to myself as I tried to picture me back when I was in my teens.

Home was a 3 room flat in bedok off the main street.

I shared a room with my sister who is 2 years my senior. We squabbled and fight like all siblings but as we grow older, things got better and she would eventually give in to me because I’m her little brother.

My sister Cheryl was pretty good in her studies, looks decent and I’ve seen a fair share of suitors with their presents and flowers especially during valentine’s day.

Cheryl underwent a pretty big change when she was in Secondary 4, she just look… different, but still very much my sister. She got taller, breast got fuller and she seemed a little more feminine when she’s not kicking my ass.

She could still put me in a choke hold if she wanted to.

She’s quite a gentle and sweet girl in everyone’s eyes but to me, she’s a bit more stern and rough, probably because my parents hardly bothered with my work and results.

Cheryl pretty much took it upon herself to whip me into shape literally.

I was in the same secondary school with Cheryl, and it’s weird having people coming up to me all friendly and chatty asking if I’m Cheryl’s brother.

From the nerdy top student, to the chao ah beng with pungent stale cigarette smoke, they tried to cosy up with me.

I usually just smile and just found an excuse to get myself away from them.

After all they’re just asking for my phone number.

I’m not exactly good looking, I’m short, a little pudgy, wears a pair of framed specs and i even need to attend some trim and fit club because I’m a tad overweight.

I’m not embarrassed to say I barely had a strand of pubic hair even in secondary 2.

I was a late bloomer.

1998 is a long time ago but I remember that day. The images were still crystal clear. It was in the end of February on the 26th, a Thursday

Cheryl was in the middle of her 3 Month JC induction an I’m fresh in secondary 3

1998

26th Feburary

3pm

I was back from school, having finished most of my homework with exception of math, I was getting a little restless. Both my parents were working and I was home alone. The only problem was that I did not know when my sister would be coming back.

Sometimes she skipped lectures, coming back earlier than usual and there was no fixed timing.

I decided to take a risk and powered up the computer in the living room.

My friend just passed me a stash of VCDs he got from Katong shopping centre. In case you are wondering, yes, my puberty finally came in the middle of secondary 2 and I had sort of a growth spurt. I put on weight and I gained some height, but I still think I look damm ugly.

Looks aside, my body had other needs.

I did not need much to turn myself on back then, the mere thought of putting that Jap vcd into the cd rom was enough to send blood rushing to my dick.

As the machine started to work it’s magic, I was about to lay back and enjoy myself when I heard the unmistakable clank of the padlock.

I panicked and I quickly ejected the vcd, stuffing it into my stash bag and I rushed into the room.

Barely moments later I could hear Cheryl calling out to me.

Cheryl : James , where are you ?

I popped my head out of the room and I was about to give an irritated reply but realised that my sister had company.

I was 15, what the hell do I know about love at first sight, I did not know if it was lust too but when I first laid eyes on her, I felt something sparked in my heart.

Standing near the door was another girl, she must be one of Cheryl’s new classmates and she’s in her school uniforms too. Unlike the ugly two tone uniform my sister was wearing, her convent school pinafore seemed so lady like, so sweet.

She smiled and waved and I could feel myself trying to suck in air, forcing my stomach to be smaller.

Cheryl shot pass me into the room to put her bag down and was searching for something in one of the drawers when the girl I was staring at looked around the living room and took a step in.

I did not know why but my eyes drifted to her legs. I always thought men would look at breast, my friends and classmates always discussed about which girl had the largest breast.

Nobody talked about legs

Time seemed to slow as I watch her lift her feet out of her sports shoes, revealing a pair of white socks that was folded down several times at the shin.

Cheryl appeared again and made a halfhearted introduction.

Cheryl : Oh, Selene, my brother James.

I waved and said hi, considering whether to shake her hands.

Selene : Hi James .

James : Hi Selene.

Now Selene’s pinafore length reaches a good inch above her knees. Her belt is loosely tied so it doesn’t really bring out the best of her figure but that left more to my imagination.

I quietly observed my sis put a plastic bag beside the one brought along by Selene before asking Selene to join her in the kitchen.

She got Selene and herself a drink and they settled down on the dining table in the kitchen.

I sat down in the living room and pretended to fiddle with the arrangements of the computer table, stealing frequent glances as Selene.

Then came a sudden itch in my throat and I wanted to grab a drink, I don’t know whether is it really the itch in my throat or whether is it the itch in my pants as I slowly dragged my feet towards the kitchen.

My Sis had her back facing me and the living room, perhaps it’s just a habit but she naturally settled into her seat on the dining table while Selene took the seat opposite her.

I had that sudden sick notion of smelling the cushion of the chair if Selene had sat on my seat instead.

Selene then proceeded to cross her legs, folding that wee bit of her pinafore over her knees only to realize it could hardly reached, as she leaned back on the chair, the hem rose back up her thighs, exposing her toned legs.

All this happened within that 1 second of me walking towards the kitchen, yet I could see it so clearly and it was mentally engraved it in my head.

Just that quick look at her crossed legs sent so much blood and confusion to my still growing body.

Little would I know that pair of crossed legs would mean so much to me in the future.

To most, it might just looked like a simple gesture of overlapping one knee over the other.

Placing the right over the left.

In my mind, I had a totally different image going on.

I would think about the flesh underneath her knees, I would think about the fine hairs on her calves barely visible to the naked eye.

I would think about the brush of her school pinafore against her moving thighs.

I would think about the moment when her feet dangled above the floor upon crossing them.

And I definitely cannot avoid thinking how lucky I would be if I could just perhaps inch a little closer.

Just a little closer to smell, kiss or touch that pair or legs.

I poured myself a glass of water and tried to eavesdrop on their conversation, magazines, converse shoes, girly stuff.

I was probably only loitering for only 10-15 seconds before my sister stopped talking and just gave me that look.

Cheryl : Hello James, we’re talking here …

I rolled my eyes at her and left the kitchen.

I brought out my math homework and positioned myself in such a way that I could do my sums and look at Selene’s shoes at the same time.

It was a pair of well worn nikes, grey and green stripes. I had this awful urge to just grab the shoe and thrust my dick into them. Perhaps slowly savoring the interior.

Looking back, I was pretty amazed at how the barely interesting details of how the shoelaces going in and out of the holes is turning me on in a weird and unexplainable way.

I had that sick thought of using Selene’s shoelaces to tie my dick up in some funny weird way too.

I was actually thinking of secretly drawing Selene’s picture on my books but decided otherwise.

Her hair was not too long , reaching just below her collar bone. Her fringe was a straight cut near her brows, simulating the chinadoll craze at that time.

She would brush back her hair once in a while, trying to keep them behind her ears.

Her eyes is not big, when she smiles they squint a little and she has this pronounced dimple on right cheek.

Her face is not blemish free, I could see a healing pimple near her lower left jaw.

That little red spot of imperfection that made her so perfect in my eyes.

Selene is about the same height as my sister Cheryl, which puts her at about 1.6m. I immediately felt a strange feeling of inferiority as I realised she is taller than me.

I’m short, ugly and overweight. What chances do I have ?

I’m barely 1.56m in secondary 3.

I could see her gesturing excitedly during the conversation with my sister and she looked really cute when she was trying to describe something with her hands.

4.30pm

I’m about done with my assignment but I had a couple of math question which I needed help from my sister, but I’m not embarrassing myself in front of Selene.

4.40pm

The girls got up from their seat and headed towards the sofa where I was.

I was seated on the floor, using the coffee table as my work top.

I chose the spot relatively close to the shoe racks and Selene sat down on the seat beside me while my sis remained standing.

They already moved on to the topic of backstreet boys.

I closed my books and turned to look at the girls, Selene was putting on her shoes barely a metre away from me.

How I wish I could help her with them.

Carry her feet in my hand, helping her slip her feet into the shoe while she just sat back and relax

With both her shoes on, she got up and said her goodbyes.

Selene : Alright, making a move, bye James, See you.

I immediately got up on my feet and smiled.

James : Bye Selene, see you.

She turned to my sis, mumbled something before taking the plastic bag packed by my sister.

I watch her sling her bag over her shoulders and disappeared down the corridor after saying her goodbye to my sister leaving the bag she brought behind.

The moment she left, my sister went on to take a shower.

I waited till I hear the shower come on before I went to the living room.

There was another plastic bag in the one Selene brought.

I took a quick peek towards the shower in the kitchen and my hands reached for the bag to satisfy my curiosity.

I removed a bag containing some sweets and laid my eyes on the prize.

It was a set of uniforms.

They’re swopping clothes for school.

I felt the sudden rush of blood to my dick, and I got really excited. I don’t know why but I got this sudden urge to just strip myself and wear Selene’s school uniforms.

I gently removed them and took in a whiff of the fabric, they smell nice and fresh. I felt really lost for a moment and did not know exactly what is it that I want to do.

You know that rush of excitement and a sudden shot of sick thoughts, I can’t describe it but somehow I can still feel that sourish ticklish tingle when ‘m typing this.

I replaced the uniforms and tried to think of something but I couldn’t think of anything.

I got back to my homework and found it hard to concentrate but I kept thinking of the uniforms.

I kept thinking of Selene.

Thankfully the sick thoughts got diluted after a while and I could feel my erection going down.

My sister made no mention of the uniforms and I only noticed her bringing them back into the room which we shared.

8pm

I was expecting my sis to approach my mum to help her iron the pinafores but she did not. She just left them in the bag in the corner of the room.

8.30pm

I thought of Selene every time I passed the bag of uniforms on the floor.

10.00pm

I went to bed thinking of Selene.

27th Feburary , Friday.

I was up early and I could see my Cheryl still sleeping.

I was about to head to school and I gave Cheryl a poke.

James : Oei Cheryl, no need to school ar ?

She brushed me off and asked me not to disturb her.

I shrugged my shoulders and left.

When I got back home at 3pm that Friday afternoon, I saw my sister all dressed and ready to head out.

Turns out that she skipped school that day as her O results is due to be released on the following Monday.

After a little discreet probing, I realised she’s catching movie with a group of friends and that includes Selene.

I waited for her to leave the house before I went to take a quick shower.

When I entered my room, I realised the bag of school uniforms is gone.

I know where my sis hides her stash of personal stuff but I’ve never bothered to go snoop around until that day. I just had this sudden urge to look for something.

Turns out my sneaky ways were uncalled for.

Selene’s pinafore was just hanging in plain sight in my sister’s cupboard.

I ran my hands through the fabric, feeling the softness of the pinafore. I imagined Selene with the pinafore on and it gave me enough images and thoughts to satisfy myself that afternoon.

At 8.30pm that Friday evening.

My sister had guest again.

This time round was 2 very gentlemanly guy who walked her back from the busstop.

I was a little disappointed that Selene was not present and I hardly paid attention to the introduction by my sister.

2nd March 1998

My sister woke up early that morning.

I felt a nudge on my shoulder and the sky was still dark.

Cheryl : Oei, wake up.

James : What ?

Cheryl wanted to talk, it was an important day for her.

They’re releasing the results of her ‘o’ levels that day.

I don’t know why, but I felt the closest with my sister in the wee hours of the morning. Only in the morning do we share our feelings and problems together.

She went on to say she’s feeling very nervous and hope she did well.

James : But it’s already over, nothing you can do.

Cheryl : Yah I know, but it’s still worrying.

I wanted to remind her she’s in the top 10 of her level every year but decided otherwise.

I wonder how I would be feeling if it had be me that day.

James : Don’t worry, I’ll pray for you.

She laughed as I dragged myself out of bed.

I went to the altar in the living room and lit up the incense.

Cheryl came out of the room as well and was gathering up the joss sticks when started on my wish.

James : Dear Tua pek gong, I know I cannot pray for my sister’s result to be good, but I hope the rest of the country did badly.

I felt a smack on my head and I apologized and sincerely asked for the same thing again in my heart.

Cheryl : Don’t joke while praying.

I went to school that day feeling a little different. I don’t know why.

Perhaps I’m feeling nervous for my sister.

At 2pm that day, I saw my sister running towards me in the tuckshop and giving me a hug before showing me her results.

I could see the look of envy from several other guys in the vicinity as she hugged me again.

Cheryl : I feel so relieved.

We chatted for a while before she left with her friends.

4pm

I just finished my shower and was drying my hair when I heard the door open.

I popped my head out and I could hear Cheryl and Selene chatting noisily.

I put on a top and went to the living room.

James : Hi Selene.

Selene : Hey, hi James ..

The smile on my face went off immediately when I realised there’s another 2 guy in the group.

As they gathered in the living room, I offered to help my sis with the drinks.

My house did not have standardize glasses and mugs, it’s all a jumbled mix of colours, shapes and design.

After offering the guest drinks, I merely took note of which one Selene used.

She was not in uniform that day, instead she had on a simple t-shirt with a cookie monster in front. It seemed a little tight but it allowed me to see the fullness of her breast.

She wore pants that day, exposing only her calves but it’s enough for me.

I hung around the group as they chatted, my sister did not mind me sticking around that Monday afternoon as they talked about heading to Tampines mall in the evening.

I started to observe the 2 guys.

One of them, called Zhi Jian is taking quite a bit of interest in Selene.

He seemed to be focusing more on her.

I can’t really be bothered about the other one who is interested in my sister.

5pm

I offered to refill the drinks and I brought the cups to the kitchen.

Making sure no one is looking, I drank from Selene’s cup, licking and savoring the rim of that mug.

There was hardly any smell or taste, even if there were, it was musk by the strong acidic cola taste.

5.30 pm

The more I see Zhi Jian joking and laughing around with Selene, the angrier I felt.

It’s like this stupid feeling of jealousy.

I tried to analyse his actions. How his elbow would give Selene a gentle jab as her turned and raised his eyebrows while seeking an acknowledgement from her.

He gestured a lot while he speaks, and if Selene’s hands happened to be near, he would find an excuse to tap or hold it even if that half a second.

It might seem like he’s just trying to be funny cutting her off but from my perspective, he’s just trying to touch her.

6.30pm

My parents smiled and congratulated my sister on her results and out comes 2 x 10 dollar bills for her outing to Tampines.

I watched on helplessly as the group left at 6.50pm

My sister came home at 11.30pm that evening, accompanied by the guy whose name I could not even remember.

2 November 1998

Monday

My Sister Cheryl is well into her tertiary life in her Junior College. No fancy schools here, just one tucked in the heartlands of Tampines.

Selene went to the same one too and they got even closer.

There would be the occasional weekends where Selene would be hanging out with my sis at my place, just chilling and studying.

As for the ugly me, I got a little less ugly.

I gained more height, lost more weight and finally I think I look more human when I looked in the mirror.

Selene was considered a regular at my place. There was even that couple of times she had dinner with the family.

She’s the only child from and both her parents were in the construction industry.

I would think she’s pretty well to do since she stayed in one of the private apartments near Bedok camp.

Her hair got a little longer and they’re naturally straight. No need for rebonding.

We got a bit, just a teeny wee bit closer as I tried to talk to her more often whenever she’s around but I knew sub consciously that I fell into the ‘ best friend’s kid brother’ category.

Now I chose to write about this particular Monday because something memorable happened that day.

It was around 8pm in the evening and I was alone at home.

My parents were off on a short holiday just across the causeway and will only be back 2 days later.

My Sister was out too but I knew she’s due to be back anytime now.

It was drizzling heavily that day, there were streaks of lightning but not much thunder that I could pick up.

8.15pm

I heard the padlock at the door and I could already hear my sister shouting for me through the main door.

I could only make out something like “ James, I want to buy a vowel “

It made me think she watched too much wheel of fortune but when the door opened, I finally understood what she meant when I saw her all drenched.

She sounded quite delirious as she spoke again, evidence that she did not mind the rain at all.

Cheryl : James , can you bring a towel !

I hopped up from the sofa and was about to head in when I heard a familiar voice that made my heart flutter.

Selene : James ! bring me 1 too. !

The girls were removing their shoes outside the door as I could see they’re soaked through as they giggled and removed their socks.

I quickly grabbed 2 clean towels from my sister’s wardrobe and went to meet the girls.

My sister quickly dried herself a little and with her wet feet, she tip toed into the hose.

Selene was a little more embarrassed and she took a while to dry her feet.

It was the most beautiful moment I had that day.

Selene’s wet uniforms clung on tight to her body, and I could smell the unique smell of damp fabric as she got busy around me.

I could see droplets of water dripping from the tips of her fringes.

James : What happened ? The rain did not look that heavy.

Selene : Ask your sister, haha. She just went mad for a moment.

I made way to let her into the house and just then Chery came out with a set of clothes for Selene.

Cheryl : Hey, go shower and change out, I’ll use my parents bathroom.

Selene looked around and I saw her eyeing the spot on the floor where Cheryl just dumped her drenched bag but she must have felt embarrassed about just dumping it on the floor since it’s not her house.

I caught her eye for a moment and she just passed them to me.

Selene : Thanks ar James. Haha, help me take care of it.

It’s just a simple school bag but carrying it gave me this fuzzy feeling in my stomach.

I heard the sliding door to my parents’ bathroom close and snap with the latched.

I saw Selene skipped and hop towards the other bathroom in the kitchen.

I held on to Selene’s wet and damp bag.

My eyes drifted to her wet socks and shoes.

My mind curious about the contents of her bag.

My dick had a mind of it’s own and I’m pretty sure it went to the small gap in between the aluminium door and the wall at the bathroom that Selene was using.

I never expected myself to be at the crossroads of decision making when I’m only 15.

I took some old newspaper from the pile in the corner of the house and spread them out on the floor.

I transferred my sister’s wet bags onto them and did the same for Selene’s bags.

Both the door and the metal gate was left wide opened when the girls’ rushed in. I went to the door and squatted down.

Selene’s wet shoes were streaked with bits of grass. Some bits of greens , some browns. Not really a lot of mud but more of vegetation.

My house was facing another neighbour’s main door and the last thing I wanted was for the 60 year old lady across seeing me sniffing some wet socks.

I spread more newspaper and brought the shoes and socks in.

It’s hard to put it down in words but I was actually panicking.

I wanted to do so much but realised in the back of my head that there’s very little time.

My eyes drifted to Selene’s socks and after making sure the girls’ are still in the shower, I slowly unfolded one of it.

It’s damp to the touch for obvious reasons and I could feel an erection pushing against my shorts as I unrolled and straightened the socks.

When I realised that the bundled up pair of white socks has the image of the popular hush puppie logo at that time, I sprung up and went into action.

I have similar pairs of socks in my drawer.

I rushed into my room and brought out a pair.

Taking huge double quick steps to the kitchen I turned on the tap and proceeded to drench the pair of socks completely.

I cursed at the water pressure.

With 2 bathrooms in use, the trickle of water is making my heart beat faster.

I managed to get it wet sufficiently and I quickly ran to the living room.

I rubbed some of the grass bits from my sister’s shoes onto the socks I have and did a quick comparision.

Pretty much the same in size and colour.

It’s a Monday, Selene’s socks must have been a new pair. Still looks quite white in spite of the adventure in the rain.

I bundled up the pair I have and quickly swop it with Selene’s pair.

At that moment in time I was pretty sure my heart never beat so fast before in the 15 years it was in use.

I grabbed a plastic bag from the kitchen and quickly hide my treasure in a corner of my wardrobe.

I went to my parents room, there was no further sound of water coming from the bathroom and I’m guessing my sis must be almost done with her shower.

I ran to the kitchen and was glad I could still hear the shower going strong.

It was a pretty cool evening, and there’s a prevailing breeze coming from the kitchen.

I could see the spill of warm light from the gap at the bathroom door.

I could smell the soap and shampoo too.

I simply froze at the entrance of the door.

Just that simple action of bringing myself closer to the gap was a tremendous task.

Looking back to that day, I can only sum it up in one short phrase.

“ No balls ”

I turned away and went to the sink to reach for a glass of water.

Just when I was about to sip from the glass, Cheryl appeared at the entrance to the kitchen.

When she spoke, I could feel the heavy smacking of my heart against my ribcage.

Thank god I did not attempt to peep at Selene.

Cheryl would have stuffed me into the washing machine.

Cheryl : James ar, can you boil some water.

I nodded obediently and put the kettle on.

When Selene emerged from the bathroom less than 10 minutes later, I had 2 cups of hot tea on the dining table for the girls.

They dried their hair and started laughing and giggling about the rain.

I picked up short excerpts from their conversation and came to my own conclusion what happened.

They were running through the grass patch when Selene stepped into a huge puddle. The splashes wet my sis and she wanted revenge.

The rest was pretty much history.

9.00pm

Selene made a call to her parents to pick her up at our place since the rain did not look like its getting any smaller.

She seemed a little embarrassed that I had to bring in her wet shoes but Cheryl was quick to add that it’s ok.

Cheryl : Aiyah, my brother very steady one ok, don’t need to paiseh.

Still Selene thanked me and her sweet smile made me feel so guilty about what I just did.

I brought out bags for Selene to keep her wet stuff and we chatted for a while longer before Selene said she‘s going to head down to the carpark to wait for her parents.

I offered to go down with her and i could her Cheryl in the background adding a snide remark.

Cheryl : Wah, my brother become gentleman already. Haha

I ignored her and went to grab an umbrella from the kitchen.

There was a really big one but I chose the mid size one.

In my mind I only have images from Hollywood movies.

Walking close shoulder to shoulder in the rain.

I helped Selene with her bags as she waved to my sis.

Selene : See you tomorrow.

The short 2 minute journey to the ground floor was my highlight of the entire day.

The slippers Selene was wearing belonged to me, it fit pretty well.

Selene : Thanks for the slippers James, I return you another day ar.

James : It’s ok, I have a few pairs.

Selene : Don’t know whether is your feet small or is mine big . haha

She gave a little wriggle of her toes in the lift and it was then I realised that I’m already the same height as her.

James : Hmmm. They say women with big feet are independent and are bound to be successful.

Selene burst out laughing and gave me a poke in the stomach.

Selene : I know you just made that up.

I smile sheepishly and we exited the lift.

I was her parents waiting at the carpark and her dad approached with a large umbrella.

There goes my dreams of a walk in the rain.

Selene thanked me again and we parted ways.

It was such a dreamy evening as I watched the tail lights of her parent’s car disappear into the night. I made my way up to my place and my mind slowly wrapped around the pair of damp socks that belonged to Selene.

I felt a mix of guilt and shame as the reality of what I had done slowly sunk in.

It was exhilarating when I was planning and executing the heist of Selene’s socks, but I was not brought up to do this kind of things.

If my parents of my sister found out, they would be very disappointed in me.

When I went to bed that night, I had 2 things on my mind.

One, what can I do with Selene’s worn wet socks.

Two , If I’m doing this at 15… I wonder what I would be capable of doing when I’m 30.

It was a restless night for me.

I tossed and turned, thinking about what I did.

I remembered catching only short winks and sleep that entire night.

The rush of adrenaline might have been too much for my still growing body.

3 November 1998

Tuesday

6.10am

I got ready for school as usual and was munching on my bread when I realised it’s still raining.

The cool breeze brought some moisture into my face as I opened the kitchen window. It felt so refreshing that morning, and an idea struck my mind.

I got dressed and waited for my sis to leave the house.

6.35am

I retrieved Selene’s socks from my stash and slowly unwrapped it from the plastic bag.

There was a damp and musty smell after spending a night tightly wrapped up in my cupboard.

The socks felt cold to the touch, but the damp elastic fabric felt amazing to my hands. It was a lifeless piece of cotton, but the thought of it belonging to Selene sent blood rushing to my manhood.

I brought it slowly to my nose, sniffing the damp socks and it was amazing what that did to my penis. Back then I was so sure it was Selene’s smell that turned me on, years later I found out it was just my brain fucking with me.

I slowly put on Selene’s wet socks, the damp fabric clung uncomfortably to my feet as I tried to drag it up gently. The last thing I want was to damage it.

By the time I tied my shoelaces, I had to stand still for 5 minutes in order for my erection to go down.

Throughout the entire day in school I could not concentrate. Every once in a while I would think about the sick perverted deed I had done.

I tried to brush the thought away.

Then again I realised the more I think about it, the more alive I felt. The more alive I felt, the more excited I got .

As I got more excited, my mind began to fill with scenes and scenarios that I wished would come true.

Like the average growing school boy, I went home that afternoon and locked myself in the bathroom with nothing on with exception of my pair of socks.

That release on the 3rd of November was exceptional.

4 May 1999

Tuesday

My parents were pretty worried that year. My sister would be taking her A levels while I’m struggling with my ‘O’

Despite being busy with her own work, Cheryl was really helpful with mine. I’m her younger brother after all.

I finally got to know the guy who was always sending Cheryl back home, it was only during dinner one evening when my parents asked about him when I realised he’s called Kevin.

Cheryl : Kevin and I are just friends mum. Don’t worry.

Cheryl : I’m not as happening as Selene la. Haha.

James : What do you mean ?

It was then Cheryl revealed that Selene was in a relationship with Zhi Jian.

James : Don’t you think relationship is a bit too early now ?

Cheryl burst out laughing the moment I spoke.

She gave me a look, as if considering whether to speak again.

Cheryl : That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard from you in a long time James. haha

As she finished up the last bit of her rice, she added something before returning to her books in the room.

I felt a sharp stab of jealousy when I heard that Selene is in a relationship with Zhi Jian.

It was unlike anything I’ve felt.

I have my fair share of relationships in school now that I’m looking more human but I never felt the same way towards my girlfriends compared to Selene.

Maybe that’s why my relationships last barely 2 months.

When I entered the room, my Sister was smiling, giving me a sly look.

When we off the lights at 11pm that evening, Cheryl Spoke.

Cheryl : Oei, James

James : What.

Cheryl : You like Selene is it ? haha

James : Siao. Don’t anyhow say.

She just chuckled a little and the conversation ended.

5 May 1999

Wednesday

If the deity idol could roll his eyes, I’m sure he would.

I prayed that Selene would break up with Zhi Jian that morning before heading to school.

20 December 1999

Monday

It’s all over.

Exams, O levels, A levels, it’s finally over.

I was getting restless at home and was looking forward to getting a part time job while waiting for my results.

Several of my friends had already gotten their first handphone.

Results of their hardwork at one of the fast food chains.

My sister Cheryl has started work at a restaurant in the Airport, serving ice creams and I was pretty eager to do something productive.

I considered fastfood joints, I thought of doing admin, maybe data entry. Then I’ll end up playing games in front of the PC.

It was coming to 5pm. My sis just got home from her shift and she told me Selene is coming up.

I stopped my games and went to change.

Cheryl just stifled a laugh when she saw me changing out of my torn singlets into a T-shirt.

Shaking her head, she headed for the shower.

Cheryl : Help me open the door for her ar if I’m not out yet.

5.10pm

Selene appeared at the door and I waved.

Selene : Hey James . Your sis back yet ?

James : Yup, She’s in the shower.

I let her in and offered her a drink.

We chatted and I realised that they’re heading out together to get a handphone.

James : wah. So good…

Selene : Go and work la, your sis says you’re just playing games at home.

James : hmmm, don’t know what I want to do.

Selene : Come on, so much work out there. Don’t be choosy.

I casually asked where is she working and found out that she’s working temp at her parents’ design firm.

Selene : Aiyah, help out admin here and there loh.

James : So good, boss’s daughter, must be very relax.

She threw a cushion at me and added while laughing.

Selene : Hello ~~~, very siong one ok. I got to tidy up the drawings in storage. Clear up the storeroom, do this and that, I feel like a maid la.

Selene : Some more need to man the reception , then sometimes need to run errands.

James : Wah.sounds quite siong leh.

She went on to describe the workplace, her parents’ business, how she liked doing design and drawings.

Selene : I want to be designers just like them.

On the 20th December 1999, i did something that I never imagined I would do.

I decided that I too would like to become a designer, whatever fuck that is.

It was then I decided to take a calculated risk and ask the question.

James : Sounds interesting… Are your parents still hiring ?

Selene gave me an wide eye look and laughed.

Selene : Are you sure James ?

Right then my sister came out of the bathroom.

Cheryl : Sure about what ?

Selene : James asking if my parents are hiring . haha.

Cheryl laughed and shook her head.

She head into the room and Selene got up after her.

As she passed me by, she ruffled my hair and added.

Selene : I’ll ask my parents, make sure you are serious ok.

James : Of course I am.

6 pm

The girls left together for their shopping trip.

9pm

My Sister came back with her new phone and we were both fiddling with it in the room when it rang.

Cheryl : It’s for me ! It’s for me !

She picked up the call and her smile faded away as she passed me the phone.

Cheryl : Angry man, first call and it’s for you.

It was Selene.

Selene : James. When can you start work ?

My heart stopped beating for half a second as I tried to digest what I just heard.

James : Anytime.

She asked me to grab a pen and paper and I scribbled down the address.

Selene : I see you tomorrow then James.

James : Sure.

I hanged up and pass my sister her phone.

James : I got a job ! I got a job !

She did not seem very surprise and went back to her phone.

I was feeling pretty pleased about myself when Cheryl added the one sentence that spoilt my day.

Cheryl : Did I tell you Selene’s bf is working there as well ?

The smile left my face a bit too obviously.

Cheryl : don’t worry. She thinks you quite adorable la. Haha.

James : I don’t want to be adorable, what’s so nice about that ?

Cheryl : relax relax.. haha. So what do you want to be.

I opened my wardrobe and picked out some clothes.

James : I want to be a designer.

I woke up early the next day, eager to start work and to see Selene.

I’m not dressed in anything fancy, just jeans and a collared polo Tee.

I boarded the 7am train at Bedok MRT heading towards outram Park.

I could not remember the first time I boarded a train that early in the morning. It’s crowded but I still have comfortable standing space even when we’re well past Kallang.

The people started filing out at the central stops and after tanjong pagar, I could get a seat even though it’s for only one stop.

I checked the street directory at home the previous night on the location but just to be safe, I asked the staff at the train station for directions as well.

7.45am

I knew I was early and I took a slow morning walk towards the shophouse nearing the fringe of Chinatown.

I was excited and happy of course to be able to see Selene, perhaps we could have lunch, maybe dinner together after work.

Maybe we’ll grow closer after this holiday working stint.

7.55am

I double check the name of the company and loitered near the entrance.

8.20am

I recognized Selene’s parents’ car pulling up to the front of the office and I waited for the door to open.

I said hi to her parents, we’ve only seen each other a couple of times from afar. Usually when they dropped my sister off or when they pick Cheryl up.

James : Hi Uncle, Hi Auntie.

They returned my greetings with a smile and said Selene would let me know what needs to be done.

I turned towards Selene and she gave me a warm smile that made me smile unknowingly too.

Selene : Eh James, eat breakfast liao ?

James : Not yet, nvm . it’s ok.

She insisted that we grab some food first before heading up to the office and I agreed.

I stood by the side of the coffee shop as Selene went ahead to order some takeaways.

She had on a blouse I’ve never seen her in before. Not that I see her often anyway but it’s something new for me.

It looked pretty formal, long sleeve white blouse that’s quite translucent. On the inside she had on a white spag top.

I could see her bra straps through the layers.

I could not understand why girls sometimes like to have so many layers of clothing on them.

On that morning I realised that it’s not about having many different layers.

It’s about dressing with class and creating depth.

Aside from her tops, Selene had on some accessories, a thick silver bracelet with flowery motifs, and her bag was one with flowery designs too albeit a little less complicate.

She wore skirt that day.

A mid length skirt though, but still seeing some of her calves made me happy.

No crazy high heels, just a simple pair of low heels to prop her up that extra inch.

Her hair was still wet, probably from the morning shower and the stray droplets caused a wet patch on her back.

When she turned to pass me my drink, I saw that the front too had 2 wet patches, less obvious though.

Selene : Eh, so old already, still drink Milo. Drink coffee la.

James : But it’s so bitter. What’s so nice about it.

She laughed and started briefing me on the things I need to do.

I’ve never been to many offices, probably the teacher’s office and the principals’ work area. So I was not really sure what to expect.

It was a steep flight of stairs up to the office and I was walking in front.

Halfway up the steps, I cursed myself for not walking behind Selene.

8.45am

Selene gave me a quick briefing and orientated me to the office.

I saw Zhi Jian already at his desk working on some filing and had to force myself to give a polite greeting.

After the quick show round, I realised I probably only needed to know where the toilet and the pantry is.

Selene walked me to a storage room tucked at the corner and she directed me to the stack of documents and drawings that needed to be archived and labeled.

After a quick brief, she left me on my own.

9.30am

I started on my seemingly trivial task of arranging documents.

It seemed pretty mindless and I was just moving things along. Barely 30 minutes later, my mind began to drift.

I thought about the office, I thought about the day when I would have my own desk, maybe the day when I had my own room.

I thought about having my own handphone and perhaps Selene’s mobile number.

I thought about the possibility of having Selene all to myself.

Useless day dreams would not get me anywhere and soon I snapped myself out of it.

11am

I was perspiring a little as the ventilation was not that great in the storage area but it’s still airconditioned.

I stood up for a little stretching and I explored that storeroom a little.

It’s not big, probably the size of 2 bedrooms. It’s filled with rows and rows of full height shelves. Boxes and drawings were stacked all the way to the ceiling, blocking most of the light.

I ventured 3 aisles down and realised that from where I stood, I could hardly see where I was working earlier even though I could not be more than 5 meters away. I tried to shift some of the boxes to clear a line of sight, but realised it was no easy task.

There was a couple of locked cabinets tuck into the far end and beside it, a 2 seater sofa.

A small coffee table accompanied the lonely sofa.

It seemed pretty clean, must have been used often. There are times when I heard Selene mention in passing her parents worked overnight in the office.

Maybe that’s the rest area.

11.15am

I went to the toilet and saw 2 cubicles clearly marked male and female.

The male one is larger, and the interior comes with a urinal as well as a smaller cubicle for the WC.

Since I was the only one there, I took a peek into the female cubicle. Nothing interesting.

Just the bin for the used pads I assume.

The pantry was a simple corner just beside the entrance of the office with all the necessities , hot water, coffee, you name it. It’s a nice corner and I liked it.

Done up like a little café.

There’s even a small white board with the words “daily specials” like a café hung precariously on a old red squarish fire alarm button.

The paint is faded and it doesn’t even have a safety glass.

I hate to imagine anyone accidentally pressing it.

As I took the short walk back to my work area, I visually counted 3 female employees, plus Selene and her mom, a total of 5

Perhaps if I found a pad in the bin, there’s a 20% chance it would belong to Selene.

I still could not understand why a thought like that would come to my mind that day.

11.25am

I went back to my work.

12.30pm

I heard Selene’s voice at the door and saw her popped her head in the storage area.

Selene : Hey, I’m heading for lunch. You settle your own ar. There’s a lot of food across the street.

I gave her a thumbs up, a little disappointed that I was not eating with her.

Then again, her boyfriend is in the same company. Chances are they’ll be eating together.

I don’t stand a chance.

I lunched alone that day.

When the clock struck 6, Selene popped by again and said she’s heading out for a movie.

Selene : How James ? Ok or not ? Will you complain to your sister I ill treat you bo ? haha

James : Eh ok la, quite straightforward work.

I went to the pantry for a glass of water , loitered near the office door and I watched Zhi Jian and Selene disappear down the stairs together.

As I slowly sipped from that glass, I felt an incredible sense of resolution creeping up my spine.

I think Zhi Jian is in my way.

I need to think of something.

I got home at 7.15pm.

Cheryl was curious about my first day of work and was eager to speak to me.

Cheryl : How is it ?

James : Like that lor.

She gave me a smack on my arm, as she settled down in the middle of my bed, grabbing my pillow as a cushion.

Cheryl : Speak properly James, what like that lor.

I briefly brought her through what I did that day and she just nodded her head.

After the end of 10 minutes, she asked the question that did not even cross my mind.

Cheryl : So what’s your pay ar ?

My eyes widened for a second and my reply earned me the throw of a pillow on my face.

James : Shit. I did not ask.

Cheryl : Don’t give me that Shit James, you don’t talk to your sister that way

I gave her a sheepish smile and quickly got out of her way.

I was halfway through my shit when Cheryl knocked loudly on the bathroom door.

Cheryl : James ar, I helped you ask already.

James : Ask what ?

Cheryl : Your pay la, silly. It’s $4 per hour.

James : Orh.

22nd December 1999

I had lunch with 2 friendly colleagues.

Tan and Sue .

Tan asked if I was bored doing the things I’m doing and I nodded with a smile.

He went on to say I’m still young, plenty of time to decide what I want to do in the future.

Sue added that the storage room is a treasure trove. If I take my time to explore, I might strike gold.

I did not know what she meant at the moment in time but I’m pretty sure I would find out in time to come.

24nd December 1999

Christmas Eve.

Friday.

11.00am

Selene asked me to run an errand.

Selene : James !, can you help me bring these out to these address. Ask them sign for it yah.

I took over the package and checked the address. It’s quite near.

James : Ok. It’s xmas eve, will there be anyone around ?

Selene : Yup, they’re waiting for it.

Selene gestured me closer and whispered.

Selene : Eh, after that just go off la, don’t bother coming back. Hiak hiak !

She gave me a wave and I set off.

Selene looked really pretty that day. She was wearing a flowery dress that rose above her kneecaps. She had on a pair of converse sneakers and her hair was tied up neatly in a bun.

I noticed that the office only had barely a handful of people left even though the official timing for half day was to leave at 12.30pm

Selene’s parents were not even in that day.

I delivered the 2 packages and got it signed for at 11.35am.

I was torn between deciding whether to head back to office as I’m still holding on to the transmittal forms for the delivery.

I could always bring it next week but in the end I decided to just head back.

En route back, the thought of a locked office suddenly hit me and I cursed myself at the stupid decision.

Since I’m already half way there, I could always drop it in the mailbox.

When I got back to the office at 12pm , the lights at the narrow staircase leading up to the office were already off.

I stuffed the forms into the mailbox and was about to turn and go when something inside me made me head up for a look.

Lights were off alright.

I gave the glass door a gentle push and it gave way.

It was not locked.

The office is empty.

I entered and peer into the quiet office. No lights were on but there’s still a good spill of light from the louvered windows.

The aircon were still on but there did not seem to be anyone around.

I was about to do an about turn when I saw Selene’s bag at the chair beside Zhi Jian’s work area.

I felt an increase in my heart rate as I took slow measured steps towards the bathroom.

Empty.

I checked Selene’s parents room and it was empty as well.

Just to be sure, I went for Selene’s bag.

Her purse, mobile phone, everything is all there.

At that very moment when I had her wallet in hand, I heard a ticklish shriek coming from the storage room.

I froze and almost dropped her purse.

I immediately put two and two together and I felt the boiling madness of my jealousy gripping me.

It’s exactly at moments like that sometimes made me afraid of myself and the things I’ll do.

Honest to god I really did not know what came over me and exactly what made me do what I did that day.

I took a piece of paper and copied down the details of Selene’s IC, her address, her full name and her IC number.

I rummaged through her bag and saw that she had a sanitary pouch with pads in it.

I decided to just leave with her home address and without thinking, I head to the pantry.

I took a bag of 3 in 1 coffee packet from the counter and place it over the fire alarm.

I opened the glass door and let go, counting the number of seconds it takes for the door closer to close.

One thousand, two thousand…

The glass door when opened fully, closed to a comfortable 30 degree before slowly down to shut the rest of the way.

I did it again to get myself familiar with the timing.

I was having 2nd thoughts but then I thought about Zhi Jian and Selene in the storage room and it strengthen my resolve.

I swung open the glass door, and I counted down the seconds.

I took 3 quick breaths and I depressed the coffee packet into the panel. I watched enough TV to not leave my fingerprints behind.

I did not know if I heard the soft click or the shrilling ring first.

I immediately grabbed the coffee bag and dashed out the glass door, I turned around in time to see the door shut fully.

I kept my footsteps light as I took the stairs down.

I turned left, grabbed the transmittal forms from the mailbox and I walked down the quiet street with the alarm going off behind me.

I could not help it but blurt out; “ Merry Christmas Zhi Jian “ as I turned a corner headed for the train station.

I did not take a train but instead hopped onto a cab, headed straight for the airport.

30 minutes and $25 pooerer, i got to the airport.

I went straight to the ice cream cafe where my sister worked and got a seat.

Cheryl came over a moment later.

Cheryl : Oei, Why are you here ?

James : Oh, i ran some errands for Selene, then she ask me to go off early.

I pointed to what i want on the menu and added.

James : Still early mah, took a long bus ride here for ice cream. You’re finishing in a while right, we can go back together.

Cheryl shook her head and left with my order.

My sister served me my ice cream at 12.55pm.

As I slowly lick the cream off my spoon, I felt a sudden sense of fear and guilt.

Did I go overboard ?

Then again it was all that I could think of at that time.

2pm

My sister ended her work and settled into the seat beside me.

We chatted for a while before taking a bus back together.

2.20pm

En route on the expressway, her phone rang.

I could feel my heart beating really fast, it’s as if it’s trying to smash itself out of my ribcage.

Cheryl : What happened ? Are you ok ?

I turned and looked at Cheryl and she mouthed Selene’s name.

Cheryl : Calm down, where are you ?

The conversation ended when my sister said we’re on the way back.

Cheryl : We’re reaching in 15 minutes tops.

I asked as soon as she hung up.

James : What’s wrong ?

Cheryl : It’s Selene, she said she just got a terrible scolding from her parents. She’s crying over the phone.

James : Huh ? But why ?

Cheryl : Something about the alarm going off in the office.

I felt my balls shrink to it’s smallest size since I reached puberty.

As the bus drew up to our stop, we alighted and I saw Selene , eyes red and puffy sitting alone at the corner.

My heart broke.

I never thought about the consequences of my actions.

I could see her face scrunched up as she hugged my sister.

I just stood and stare blankly at them.

About a minute later, Selene straightened herself.

Selene : Eww Cheryl, You smell of fried food.

They laughed and we went up to our place together.

Selene went straight to our room and settled herself down on my sister’s bed.

She started crying as she brought us up to speed about what happened.

The alarm went off in the office without reason and she called her parents back.

They were questioning her why was she still in office when she phoned them to say everything’s done and settled at 11.30am.

She had no choice but to tell them Zhi Jian came over and they were hanging out at in the office.

Then she broke into an uncontrolled sob, mumbling something that I could not make out.

There was a rush of mixed emotions in my mind as I was Selene cry on the floor. It made me want to cuddle up to her, to comfort her, to reassure her that everything will be ok.

I wanted to lend her my shoulder.

I wanted her to feel safe in my arms.

Then all of a sudden, from sitting cross legged, she drew up both her knees, bringing them close to her body.

It was like a slap in my face as I watched the rise of her dress in slow motion.

As her legs went upright like the span of a draw bridge, I saw the shades of pinks that gave me an instant erection, pushing hard against my jeans.

My mouth must have gapped open for a second or 2 before I forced it close.

I felt a little lost as I tried hard not to stare.

Her sobbing made my sis start to tear up too and faced with 2 uncontrolled sobbing girls, I felt that I had to do something.

I made tea and brought them into the room.

James : Cheryl , Go shower first ?

James : I made tea for you girls.

I gestured to my bed who is not strewn with clothes like my sis and added.

James : Selene , don’t sit on the floor, sit up here ?

I must have rattled off these series of instructions at once and the sobbing stopped for a brief moment.

Something magical must have happened, they say Christmas is always magical.

Cheryl said she’s going to was herself off all the fried food smell and Selene managed a laugh.

I offered my hand to Selene and pulled her up.

That was the first time we held hands.

I pushed aside my blanket and pillows and Selene took the offered seat.

Cheryl went for her shower, leaving Selene and me alone in the room.

I offer Selene tea but she shook her head.

Selene : I don’t need a drink James, but thank you.

Her smile is weak, she seemed tired but she still looked ravishing to me.

I considered for a moment before opening my mouth.

James : Can I offer you anything else ?

Selene’s eyes looked up, probably assuming I’m thinking of making another drink.

James : A shoulder perhaps ?

I smiled my best smiled and Selene laughed.

It was a little awkward but I managed to sit down beside Selene.

She tilted her head towards me for a while, her eyes still red and wet.

Then I felt the weight of her head on my right shoulder.

For a full minute, we’re both quiet.

Then Selene spoke.

Selene : Thanks for being so nice James, if only you are a few years older. Haha

She straightened herself up and gave me a hug and a quick squeeze.

When she released her hug I replied.

James : If only you are a few years younger.

Selene laughed.

A genuine one and for that moment I could see she was happy. All thoughts of her scolding by her parents gone in a flash.

Selene : Nice one James, where did you learn it from ?

I made it up but I tried to think of a quirky reply.

James : Pretty woman.

I got a slap on my arm as she replied.

Selene : I’m not a prostitute , idoit. Haha

I stood up and pretend to straighten my jacket.

James : And I’m not Richard Gere…

Selene got on her feet as well and faced me.

Selene : haha, thanks for being so funny James..

My best Christmas gift was that full frontal hug from Selene.

As I felt the softness of her breast press against my body, I could feel my erection pushing against my underwear.

Her dress is silky smooth and for the first time, I could see a bra strap on her shoulder up close.

It was not a long hug, maybe 5 seconds.

But it was long enough for me.

27th December 1999

Monday

9.30am

Zhi Jian’s desk is empty.

I did not ask and Selene did not tell.

I continued with my task and had lunch with Tan and Sue again.

Tan and Sue are in their early 50s.

I don’t know why but I like talking to them.

They seemed pretty knowledgeable and can answer almost all my questions.

28th December 1999

Tuesday

Selene asked me out for lunch and she broke the news that her parents did not want Zhi Jian working there anymore.

Over a casual chat, I found out that they’re still in a relationship.

29th December 1999

Wednesday

Selene asked if I had any plans on New year’s eve.

James : Not sure, there’re parties everywhere. I heard they’re setting up a stage in front of Ngee ann city.

James : It’s the party of the millennium.

She seemed a little sad and she broke the news that she’s not allowed to go out.

Her parents are still mad, the office was fined for not properly maintaining the fire alarm among a list of other violations.

James : Oh.. ok…

Selene : I’ll be doing the countdown alone at home when the whole world is out partying.

James : What about your parents ?

Selene : They’re heading overseas tomorrow for a shirt trip.

James : And you’re not joining them ?

Selene : They’re going Malaysia, so boring..

I offered her the idea of sneaking out since they’re not around and got a jab in my side.

Selene : I can’t, they’ll call and check. And Zhi Jian is going to party with his friends.

At that very moment , an idea struck in my head but I decided not to say a word.

I ran through the idea with Cheryl that evening and she thought it’s a great idea too.

31st December 1999

Friday.

4.00pm

Cheryl called Selene and confirmed she’s at home alone watching Tv.

My sister and I bought snacks and drinks from the supermarket and threw in some party poppers and hats.

5.00pm

While my sister is showering, I went to my dad’s liquor cabinet and went straight for the vodka.

I took 2 identical mineral bottles and I filled one to the brim with the vodka and the other one with plain water.

I replaced the almost empty bottle of liquor into the cabinet.

I knew I’m going to get in trouble but it’s a risk worth taking.

My sis would probably kill me but then again, I’m confident I can convince her.

6.00pm

We arrived at Selene’s place.

When we hit the bell, Selene came out in shorts and her secondary school PE shirt.

The look of surprise on her face spoke volumes as her hands went to her mouth and she bent forward , smiling and laughing unbelievably at what she was seeing.

She unlocked the gate and hugged my sister and showed us the way in.

Selene : Oh my god, I can’t believe this. I was so sure I’m spending new year’s eve alone.

Cheryl : It’s James idea, not bad huh ? haha

Selene : Thanks James, you’re so sweet.

The girls went to the living room, leaving me in the kitchen to unload the drinks and food.

As I watched them disappear upstairs, I felt this strange tickling sensation in my spine as I stood alone.

I just hope my plan would work.

Thank you for the drop in.

Apologies for not being able to reply individually.

I’m glad you enjoy the read.

This is going to be a long one. Many many dairies to go through.