Painful Intercourse
Most women who are sexually active with a partner at some point in their life may experience a sharp pain during intercourse. This sensation, unfortunately is a common experience. This pain typically occurs for one of several reasons. First, during intercourse, small amounts of air could be getting trapped within the vaginal canal, causing sharp sensations of pain. To minimize the amount of air, try re-inserting the penis. Another common cause of the sharp pain is when a woman is not sexually stimulated enough. Often this experience occurs in long term relationships, where couples are more likely to get into the pattern of having penile-vaginal intercourse without the same degree of foreplay as before during the initial courtship (lasting 3 months to 2 years). Often in long-term relationships the idea that penile-vaginal intercourse will occur at some point in the night is assumed, and as a result minimal time is spent building up to that moment. Thus, the solution is easy, increase stimulation. A third common reason women may be experience a sharp pain during intercourse occurs when the penis is hitting up against her cervix. To decrease pain, change positions and/or stop thrusting as deeply. Another cause for this sensation is that the woman is simply tender from recently engaging in a lot of intercourse. Sometimes, women can get ‘raw’ on the inside of their vaginal walls. If this is the case, then stop engaging in intercourse, and engage in other forms of sexual play. Wait several days before resuming intercourse. Fifth, a sharp pain during intercourse could indicate something slightly more serious such as endometriosis. Endometriosis is a fancy way of saying that the uterine lining grows outside of the uterus, such as in the fallopian tubes, on the ovaries, or even in the intestines, which can cause other types of pain and symptoms. If this is the case, go to your local GYN. Sixth, the woman could be suffering from PID, and lastly, it is possible that the woman pulled her pelvic sling muscle. If this is the case, again go to your local GYN. In any event, given the array of different possible causes of painful intercourse, it is highly recommended that the woman make a doctor’s appointment. A gynecologist will be able to properly diagnoses, and thus treat the problem appropriately
update 30 oct 2009. source
Painful intercourse (dyspareunia)
What causes it?
Vaginismus
Vaginismus can cause both deep and superficial pain and is a common cause of pain during sex. It’s a spasm of the vaginal muscles, caused mainly by fear of being hurt.
This spasm is often so painful that intercourse is impossible – sometimes for years.
Some women with vaginismus have never been able to have full sex or even use tampons. They also tend to be very fearful of vaginal examinations and so may never have had a smear test.
Vaginismus arouses strong emotions, and women who have it are often very angry with partners, doctors and themselves. But the condition is no one’s fault.
Common causes include:
* a restrictive upbringing, in which the woman was brought up to view sex as nasty or dirty.
* an upbringing in which the woman was given the idea that the vagina is very narrow and so sex must be very painful.
* a background where rape or childhood sexual abuse has taken place. Experiences like these understandably make women fearful of sex and of being hurt.
* painful vaginal infections.
* unease with their partner – perhaps at an unconscious level.
It is a common misconception that women with vaginismus dislike sex altogether.
In fact, many women with this condition enjoy closeness with their partners.
Many get great pleasure from love play and some are able to reach orgasm in this way. But the enjoyment ceases when penetration is attempted or suggested.
In the UK, women doctors who have been trained by the Institute of Psychosexual Medicine have by far the greatest experience of treating vaginismus.
What are the other causes of deep pain during sex?
* Problems with your cervix: the man’s penis hits the cervix at the farthest extent of his thrust. So infections of the cervix and tender places on it can cause pain during deep penetration. This is called ‘collision dyspareunia’.
* Womb trouble: various womb disorders, including fibroids, can cause deep intercourse pain.
* Endometriosis: this very common disorder often affects the womb and surrounding tissues. It makes them very tender, particularly near period times. The pressure of the penis on an area of endometriosis may cause intense, deep pain.
* Ovary problems: cysts on the ovary can cause deep pain. Pain may also be caused if the tip of the penis hits an unusually positioned ovary.
* Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID): this is caused by infection, and has become more common in the UK largely thanks to the bug called chlamydia. If chlamydia isn’t treated, there is quite a chance of PID developing. In PID, the tissues deep inside become badly inflamed and so the pressure of intercourse causes deep pain.
* Ectopic pregnancy: this means a pregnancy outside the womb, usually in the Fallopian tube. Pressure on it can be very painful.
What are the other causes of more superficial pain?
Lack of lubrication
This can be due to nervousness, hang-ups and failure to relax. Unskilled foreplay by the man is a common cause, especially when it doesn’t go on long enough. (Many women would like half an hour – but don’t get it!)
Well-endowed partner
Some women complain that their partner’s penis is too big.
In fact, when a woman is aroused and relaxed, the vagina extends by several inches – so any female should be able to accommodate any male.
But being unused to a larger man or previous problems with bladder infections or endometriosis can lead to anxiety and tension about sex.
A recent invention may be of use here. It’s called the ‘Come Close’ and is a kind of cushioned ring that the man wears on the base of his penis. This reduces the length of the penis that goes into the vagina.
Menopausal or post-menopausal dryness
This is usually due to a fall in female sex hormones. Treatment with HRT pills or hormone cream will usually put matters right. Ordinary sex lubricants will help, too.
Vaginal infections
These are very common. The one that huge numbers of women get is thrush. But there are numerous others, such as trichomonas. The blisters of herpes can also be really painful.
Injury
Injury to the vulva or vagina can occur during rape or sexual assault and later cause dyspareunia.
Much more commonly, injury is caused by a childbirth tear or the episiotomy cut that is often made during labour. Badly healed stitching can also cause pain.
Genital warts
These are awfully common in these days of fairly promiscuous sex. Occasionally the warts can cause pain, especially if they get infected.
Vulvitis
This means inflammation of the vulva (the opening to the vagina). It can be due to all sorts of causes, including chemicals in bubble-baths or soaps.
Haematoma of the clitoris
I first encountered this about 30 years ago, but it’s still not widely known. It’s a bruise (or collection of blood) in the clitoris, caused by excessive friction. It nearly always gets better within a few weeks.
Urethral caruncle
This is a tender patch that develops at the urinary opening.
Foreign body in the vagina
The usual culprit is a forgotten tampon. It may cause pain, especially if the tampon leads to an infection.
Vulvodynia
A distressing and long-lasting condition in which the outside part of the sex organs (the vulva) is so sensitive, just touching the area makes the woman jump with pain.
Its cause is not yet known, but it can often be successfully treated.
Cancer
This is a rare cause of intercourse pain, but it must be borne in mind for a woman who develops this kind of pain for the first time after the age of 40.
Does intercourse pain affect men?
Sometimes men experience pain during intercourse.
Common causes are skin disorders on the penis such as eczema or psoriasis.
It can be that the woman’s vagina is too tight for her partner. A good sex lubricant can help here.
Occasional causes of male pain include:
* thrush – in which case the female partner will probably have thrush too
* a forgotten stitch left in the woman’s vagina after childbirth
* an IUD thread or a displaced IUD in the vagina
* Peyronie’s disease – a male disorder that causes bending of the penis.
Locating your PC muscle
The next time you are urinating, stop the urine mid-flow. The muscle that you used to stop the urine flow is the PC muscle. Once you have completed urinating, continue practicing squeezing that muscle.
Exercises for the PC muscle:
Squeeze your PC muscle and hold for the count of 5, repeat ten times
Squeeze your PC muscle ten times fast, repeat 3 times
Squeeze your PC muscle in intervals of long / short for a count of 10, repeat 3 times
Squeeze your PC muscle and hold as long as you can. Work your way up to 2 minutes.
If you are a woman, squeeze your PC muscles while placing your finger just inside your vaginal canal
If you are a man, squeeze your PC muscle, such that you are able to tap the tip of your penis against your stomach
Strong PC muscles directly correlate with lasting longer and strong orgasms. Therefore, it is in your best interest to strengthen your PC muscle through constant exercise. These exercises can be done at work, in a conference, at lunch or even during dinner. Furthermore, rapidly squeezing and relaxing your PC muscles during intercourse not only heighten your sexual responsiveness, but can increases your partners stimulation. When a woman squeezes her PC muscle, many men report feeling like the vagina felt tighter, like they had just received a ‘hug’. When a man squeezes his PC muscle, many women report feeling like they felt extra pressure on the top part of their vaginal walls, and some even claim that their g-spot gets stimulated.
lubricants and Vaginal Dryness
There are many brands of lubricants out there today. Flavored, unflavored, some with spermacide, some thick, some thin etc. If you are using condoms, which by the way, is great! you want to use something that is WATER based. DO NOT use oil based products like vaseline, cooking oil or some of the lubricants sold in stores. Always check the label first. Oil based lubricants destroy condoms very fast and they will make them break within minutes. Water based lubricants are condoms friendly. As for brands, there is KY Jelly or Liquid, Astroglide, and Wet just to name a few. Some are available at your local drug store, but depending where you live, stores like Condom Kingdom or Condom Mania have a wide selection. I think they are available online through these stores. It might be fun for you and your partner to experiment with different brands, flavors etc. to see which ones you like the best. As for applying the lubricant…start by putting some on the outside of the condom once it is on his penis. Then put some on the outside of your vagina, and inner labia (lips) this will help you be more comfortable with the friction of intercourse. Lastly, try putting some inside the vagina. You can put some on the inner part of your vagina, by the entrance, with your finger. If your have small or short fingers (or your partner does) and can’t manage to get some up inside the vagina, you can use an applicator like the ones that come with spermacide. You may not need to use a lot at first. Start with small amounts and gradually increase the amount until you feel comfortable. You may also need to stop during sex and add more. Vaginal dryness is very common in women as they age but it need not be a barrier to a satisfying sex life
Wet Vagina
Women’s vaginas are like a self-cleaning oven. They continuously lubricate and clean themselves to protect against infection. The amount of vaginal lubrication also changes with the menstrual cycle because of the hormone fluctuation in the body. The slime stuff you are referring to may be occurring when you are ovulating and the vaginal secretions take on an egg white appearance and texture. This is perfectly normal. There are vaginal secretions that have nothing to do with sexual arousal, they are just part of the normal function of the vagina. The first thing I would do is make an appointment with my gynecologist. Just because you don’t have a sexually transmitted disease does not mean there isn’t something else going on. Ask them to do a blood test to check your hormone levels. You may be producing a lot of a certain hormone and your body responds by producing an excess of vaginal secretions. or you may just be one of those women who lubricate a lot and that is what is normal for you.
If you are concerned about your partner’s reaction to your lubrication, try having a towel or wet washcloth next to the bed or where ever you are having sex where he can wipe his hands if he wants to. However, many times I think the woman is worried about his reaction and he doesn’t even notice or think anything is wrong. If you are concerned about your underwear, try wearing an unscented panty liner.
Lastly, DO NOT DOUCHE!!!!! I cannot stress this enough!! Douching is bad for you for several reasons. The advertising industry tries to convince women that their vaginas should smell like a rose garden. You have a natural smell and secretion level. Douching wipes all the normal secretions away and your body OVERCOMPENSATES by producing MORE secretions! In other words, it will come back heavier! You are also wiping away the normal bacteria that live in the vagina and it will come back heavier too, often resulting in a infection as the bacteria produce at a high rate to try to catch up. If you do have an infection douching pushes the infection higher up into your vagina transferring all that infection to your uterus and fallopian tubes. it can be very dangerous. Even the ones made of water are unsafe. If something does not look right, feel right or smell right it is usually because something is not right and you need to get to a doctor! Same goes for all the deodorant tampons, pads etc. You are putting chemicals into your vagina every time you use them.
How to use sex toys??
Sex Toys in the house
There are many common household items, which have unusual sexual applications. However, all ’toys’ used for vaginal or anal insertion should be the real thing. Common household items, such as cucumbers, light bulbs, and bottles all run the risk of breaking. The embarrassment of purchasing a butt plug or dildo on-line or at your local sex shop is far lower than explaining to the attending doctor at the emergency room how a glass jar became stuck inside your anus. Safe common sex toys are the following:
· Ice cubes: Hold inside mouth and give annilingus, cunnilingus, and/or fellatio as normal. This is sure to create a wild sensation.
· Hot water: Hold inside mouth and give annilingus, cunnilingus, and/or fellatio as normal. This compliments the ice cubes.
· Food: Transform your partner into your favorite desert and then eat her / him! Your partner could become a fruit salad, banana split Sunday, or a caramel delight.
· Saran wrap: Roll your partner with saran wrap from shoulder to toe. Then touch them all over. To touch them use: your hands, food (varying textures and temperatures), and course feathers and such.
· Koosh-balls: Otherwise known as sex-balls, sometimes is used as a medium to touch your partner.
· Rubber duckies: Get naked and play childhood games in the bathtub (with adult applications of course!)
· Ties & Nylons: Ties and nylons make great handcuffs
· Rope, chains, extension cords, sheets: These items can all be used to secure your partner to one location. To do this, attach the rope to the handcuff (ie. tie) and then to some secure place that is stationary, such as a bedpost.
· Scarves & socks: Scarves and socks make great blindfolds.
· Pull your couch apart and make a fortress like you did as a child: Once inside this fortress, having just saved the prince from the evil crocodiles pull him into a deep kiss.
· Make a home movie of the two (one, two or three of you) having sex and watch it!
However, ordering real toys can be much more fun!
Sex toy - The vibrator( know more about it)
The vibrator is not just a sex toy for women. All gender can enjoy a toy which vibrates. Vibrators come in the form of anal balls, sleeves and cock rings. Vibrators are simply an additional sensation to add to the collection of sensations that any person can enjoy. Vibrators provide the user with more intense stimulation than oral or manual stimulation. Change of motion is important, thus what better way to add to the array of sensations than by using a vibrator. One fear that many people voice is what will happen if they like a sex toy. Will they still be able to orgasm without the use of a vibrator? The answer is yes. The first step is learning how to orgasm. Once you are able to achieve that, then it is simply a matter of re-training your body to be orgasmic with other forms of touch. In the meantime, an orgasm is an orgasm. Does it really matter what caused it as long as you enjoy the process? Using a vibrator does not detract from the other forms of touch. It can only add. A common myth is that a vibrator is just a substitute for the real thing. Vibrators are no better or worse than a penis. It is simply another toy which can add to your array of sexual pleasuring techniques. Different people have different preferences. Some people prefer oral sex, to anal sex, others prefer anal sex penal-vaginal sex, and others prefer vibrators. It is a matter of personal choice. Sex is like food. If you do not try it, how do you know whether or not you like it? Tastes change. If you eat the same food for too long it can get boring. Change in habits is important, and preferences are normal. There is no one right way, only your way.
While playing with a vibrator, do not forget about the atmosphere. For some this may mean dimming the lights, curling up under the covers, spreading out on top of the covers, playing fast or slow music, being alone, or having your partner in the room. It is important to recognize what kind of environment makes you feel sexy. This varies from person to person. Setting the atmosphere can affect your mood. Another way to change your mood is by reading a sexy book, watching a sexy film or having a partner talk sexy to you. Try altering your breathing patterns. Try breathing deep and heavy, or slow and long. Monitor how this effects your level of excitement. Try changing your position, stand up, sit down, get on your hands and knees, lie on your back and put the vibrator between your thighs and try running over different parts of your body. Change the pressure and speed of how you or your partner, touch you with it. People have different likes. Some people enjoy having the vibrator directly against the genitals, others do not. And for others it is a matter of mood. Incorporate other forms of touching. Again, experiment with your environment, get to know what you find exciting. You may be surprised to learn that even you may change your likes and dislikes on a day-to-day basis. There is no right or wrong ways, just variations. If you do not find yourself orgasming, do not be surprised. The point about sexual pleasure is feeling pleasure, not having an orgasm. Having an orgasm is only one type of pleasure, do not forget about all the other forms of pleasure that exist. One is not better than the other, just different. In fact, anything that is done over and over can get boring, thus all aspects should be considered important.
The classic vibrator is a penis-shaped battery powered shaft of plastic. It is one of the more inexpensive types of vibrators, which many people report is highly pleasurable. Unfortunately, many of them have a short battery life, which causes them to stop vibrating. For those who want a longer lasting product and are willing to spend more, there are others, which have replaceable batteries. If you are first experimenting with a vibrator a cheap, short living vibrator may be more than sufficient for you to experiment with. If you are determine that you enjoy this form of stimulation, you can always go back to the store (or mail order catalog) and purchase one.
Vibrators have a longer life. They each have replaceable batteries or get plugged into the wall. The wand has replaceable batteries. It is long and slender, often with a soft shaped ball at the head. Other people may describe it as club shaped. Good vibrations report that it is a good seller and that their customers seem content with their purchase. Usually these vibrators come with two speeds. This allows for a more precise type of stimulation, which will meet the users needs better. The coil look like hand held mixers, hairbrushes and blow-dryers. Many have attachable heads, which can accommodate a variety of soft plastic or latex heads. These vibrators tend to be the most expensive, but are well built and rarely dies.
Sex Toy - DILDO HARNESS
Who uses a dildo harness?
Heterosexual women
Heterosexual men
Lesbian women
Gay men
What is a dildo harness? A dildo harness is a harness for your dildo. Essentially, some straps are placed around your hips & butt to hold the dildo in place on your pubic bone so that you can penetrate your partner.
Dildo harnesses have the unique ability of creating a ‘gender bender’ experience. Some women report feeling powerful, when it is suddenly them that are wearing the penis. They are now the ones who are doing the penetration. They now are the proud owners of the most phallic symbol of male power, the penis! Other women may not feel powerful at all, they may simply feel silly. This too is normal. Wearing a penis may require an adjustment period. For men who strap on a dildo, it may be a relief to them because they no longer have to worry about being large enough, hard enough or lasting long enough. As a result, the importance of their penis has been diminished. For many men, this is a first, and opens up a whole new world to them of how to have good sex. Beyond creating the gender bender experience, strap on dildo’s, when properly washed with HOT water and SOAP, are a safer sex technique. No actual penal-vaginal intercourse has occurred. All the penetrations have been done with a dildo! (However, to truly make this safe, the partners should not share the same dildo - without stopping to wash it first. Second, one should also always remember to wash the dildo if you want to go from anal to vaginal intercourse. Third, some people actually prefer using a condom on a dildo because they find that it decreases the chance of any infections).
When using a strap on dildo at first it may feel overwhelming. Where do you begin? How does it work? First, using a strap on dildo is much more complicated than it looks. You will need to give yourself a lot of time as you discover about this new part of your body. It will take some time to gain control over it. Imagine back in time when you first began kissing, or the first time you touched a partner’s genitals. You were totally clueless. Getting skilled and comfortable with any new technique takes time. With a dildo some people report that at first it is harder, but than becomes much easier. It is harder because it is not a part of your natural body, thus you do not have the same amount of sensations. Thus, to keep the motion going you may want to try always leaving the tip of the dildo inside your partner. Therefore, you will not have to worry each time about ‘finding’ the ’entrance’. As a result, strap on dildo’s tend to be slightly longer than regular dildo’s. Furthermore, be prepared to ask your partner for a lot of feedback. How does it feel? Too hard? Too soft? Do you prefer long soft strokes or short fast strokes? However, the initial lack of sensations for many people turn out to be a blessing in disguise. It forces people to learn how to really listen to their partner’s cues. Once you have learned how to read your partner’s cues, you are well on your way to having good sex. These skills will transfer beyond the use of a strap on, to each time the two of you are sexual together, because now you are instinctively much better at reading your partner’s signs.
How to get your wife Pregnant ?
Have intercourse no more than every 48 hours. At first, not having intercourse three times a day, every day may sound counter-intuitive, but it takes up to 72 hrs to produce the full capacity of sperm in the ejaculate (I am using the term ‘produce’ slightly inaccurately). Increasing the amount of sperm in the ejaculate will increase the likelihood of fertilization.
Have intercourse during ovulation. Ovulation occurs 14 days before menstruation
During ejaculation, the woman is more likely to conceive if she on bottom. Afterwards, she may want to remain in this position, with her hips slightly elevated, thus increasing the likelihood of fertilization.
Stop trying to get pregnant. Often, the very act of trying to get pregnant causes stress. For many folks, this stress acts can deter pregnancy from occurring.
Heat can decrease the sperm count. Therefore, stop using hot tubs.
Furthermore, the man should remove his tighty-whiteys and replace it with non-restrictive underwear, like boxers. This facilitates the testes ability to self-regulate it’s temperature (again, heat decreases sperm count). Having just said all this, you may benefit from a consultation with your doctor. There could be something wrong with either the sperm or the egg. With the help of some medically prescribed tests, some common problems could be identified and if need be, treated. The reason I am recommending a medical exam for each of you is that four years of frequent intercourse (2-3 times a week) is a long time to have been unsuccessful at trying to get pregnant. Usually within one year, most couples are successful at getting pregnant. Ruling out medical complications could clarify the situation.
How to pleasure a woman
Women, like men are all different. Some like it hard, some like it soft. Some women need emotional connection, while others like emotional distance. Thus, there is no ‘one’ right way. Each person is different. Thus, the best way to learn how to pleasure a woman is talk with her. Find out what likes, wants and needs. Some women enjoy using dildos, others prefer vibrators, while some have never even tried. You partner is the best guide for learning about how to please her because she really the only one who knows how she feels. I realize that this idea of talking at first may feel awkward, however, with practice communication becomes easier.
Types of stimulation that you could try to use for stimulating your partner’s genitals
Pulling your partner’s genitals outer lips
Pulling your partner’s genitals inner lips
Sucking on your partner’s genitals inner / outer lips / clitoris
Licking on your partner’s genitals inner / outer lips / clitoris
Nibbling on your partner’s genitals inner / outer lips / clitoris
Caressing on your partner’s genitals inner / outer lips / clitoris
Using a vibrator / dildo and your mouth at the same time
Using a vibrator / dildo and your hands at the same time
Rubbing a dildo / vibrator along your partners inner thighs
Placing a blindfold on your partner while you repeat all the above ideas
All of the above types of stimulation can also be used to stimulate her breasts, her finger tips, inner thighs . . . .
If you are still having difficulty mastering the art of pleasuring your partner and you are feeling a little frisky, try asking her if you can observe her masturbate. Then ask her if you can observe her masturbate with sex toys. Sometimes watching a your girlfriends technique can give you some better pointers than just verbal explanations. Once you think you have gotten the hang of what she is doing, try joining in on her fun. Maybe add some tongue stimulation as she touches herself, or hold the vibrator as she stimulates her clitoris. Another way to learn about your partner’s body is to ask your partner to guide your hands with hers. Having her guide your hands may help her to better “explain” what types of touch feel good.
Secrets of a good blow-job
Most women (and gay men) have experienced jaw soreness from giving fellatio. In fact, it takes most people a few weeks of giving regular fellatio to not feel sore afterwards. In addition to practice, there are some secrets to giving good fellatio. If you are a man, please stop reading here. This tip is for females only.
Use your mouth for the tip of the penis, and let your hand to the rest of the work. This technique is most effective when you lubricate the shaft of his penis with copious amounts of saliva. The combination of a ‘hand-job’ and a ‘blow-job’ enables you to provide your partner with more stimulation than just ‘deep throating’ him. In addition, you are saving your jaw a lot of work. Using your hand and mouth actually enables you to become more creative. You can have your hand and mouth moving in the same direction, opposite directions, sideways. In addition, you could use your mouth on his balls, while your hand is focused on the tip of his penis. Lastly, you can use one of your fingers in his anus, as your other hand is on his ball and your tongue is licking his penis. Trust me, with all this additional stimulation, he will never even notice that you are no longer even attempting to deep throat him. Remember, by taking less of him into your mouth at once, you will a) no longer get sore and b) become more creative in how you use your hands!
A common mistake that women make is to rush into giving fellatio without the proper foreplay. By the time you actually get around to putting your mouth on his penis, he should be so aroused that he will not be able to last very long. The build up is an often forgotten about phase that is critical. Thus, take a few minutes and ask yourself, prior to giving fellatio, how have you excited him? In what ways have you enticed him to want sex?
Lastly, do not forget, you can always tell your partner that it is a ‘turn-on’ to watch him masturbate. Then, when he is close to orgasm, you can join him by placing your mouth over his penis. This way, you do not have to do all the work yourself. In addition, to getting him to help bring himself to orgasm without his knowledge, you can also be taking notes on how he likes to be touched. Sometimes watching is more informative than verbal communication