Quote:
Originally Posted by
ben2011
Bro a little opinion of me here…
Having know u for quite some times here, i know u r a good guy…
Have a good talk with ur wife before u do anything…
Just an example: u and yvonne, if u cannot control urself at some points of ur story, u and yvonne also end up on bed….So, yvonne husband end up just like what happen to you now…I mean u and him is different of coz…
Have a good talk with ur wife after ur trip….Dont make rash decision…
During ur trip, think of what happen carefully and calm yourself first….
No one is always right or wrong….
Yup… bro i do agreed with u…. there is no rite nor wrong when it come to feelings….
At this point of time… i am glad that i still have u all… my brothers who stand by for me…. really appreciate it…. thanks bros….
Been doing alot of reflection……
The fault does not lie with her completely… i need to take partial responsibility for the outcome today… perhaps i am unable to fulfill her emotional needs ba….
Giving that bastard a chance to be near her……
But bros what i dun understand is…. I am working hard for the family… even though i am away on biz trips… i will call her daily and keep my lines open….. i do all these for accountability purposes… she can reach me at any pt of time without the fear i will be sleeping around even when i am away…. and did i nt keep a distance from those ktv girls…
As a man… would i nt be tempted…. …YES! the ans is obvious…. esp those girls r all dressed sleazily…. but i choose NOT to stray…. to go back hotel early… y am i doing all these?.. To keep my marriage vows and stick to my principles….
But what happened in the end?… this outcome is NOT within my expectations….
Y is it so difficult to even keep to the marriage vow?….
Sorry guys for the late reply… otw to ofc ( i am on working trip.)
Thank you for all the replies… really appreciate it…
A quick reply to some of the questions here…
The bastard told her to abort the baby and he will pay for the abortion fees..( As if an abortion and money can be a solution to the problem… He have been avoiding her once he know that she is pregnant… btw he is also a married man…) This reaction from him is within my expectations….
Have tok to my wife ever since i am aware of her pregnancy…. We decided to keep the baby… it is the mother nature to keep the baby and i respect her feelings…
Bros… still have some time before the next meeting… really at a loss of words now( rather turn to the keyboard to release my pain)… indeed these few months have nt been an easy time for me… i am a quiet man… nt much people know abt this incident ( Not even Yvonne)… even for fatty who just know abt this matter a few days ago….. he advise me to go for divorce but i dun agree…
Fact of the matter is… months back… i already sensed something is wrong when she is always late in coming home… Usually i will go hm after work if there is no entertaining.. to spend time with my kids as well as to tutor my older boy in his studies… her ultimate confession really caught me off guard… but i agreed to give her some time to sort out her thoughts and emotions.. Giving her the benefit of doubt that she will eventually end the rs with the man….
Feelings no rite nor wrong… that is what i always believed… sex life is inactive for the past half year so… sex to me shd be emotionally fulfilling for both sides… without the element of feelings… sex itself is aimless… and i will nt force or ask her for anything if she is unwilling….
The thoughts of her giving birth for my two kids through Caesarean is a painful process for a woman to go through… having to go through the same cuts again…. no matter what have happened….. she is still my wife… if she want to keep the baby… i will respect her feelings and go through everything with her… as said before… it is partly my fault that things have come to such an end ba….
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ben2011
bro, have know u for some times now…so i hope u r ok after tis incident.
Pls forgive ur wife, and move on….I am sorry to said that u r the one who r wrong this time, yes, ur wife make a mistake but u r the one to blame…
Imagine u put all ur emotional feeling to ur ex (as per ur story), so how about ur wife? She can feel it….women is sensitive….u have totally let her down, although u did not stray but emotionally u have let urself and ur family down…
And 6 months no sex? Do u still love and care her?
Do u know she have needs, desire and feeling for love also?
Its unacceptable…Sometimes is not about sex, but sex is a form of love also?
Pls dont blame her….
Btw, i am no way better than u, im a bastard also…haha
Move on la…treat her better from now on…it’ll be fine. Do ur part as the husband and father better.
Bro… i am sorry that i did not give you a full picture of what is going on… in yr heart… did i seem a man who will remain indifferent to my wife feelings…. in fact… i always put her feelings above my own feelings at my own expense…… There are things which i dun mention in the thread as i want to protect her image….. her affair with the man begin rite before i began the thread (The old times….coming to a year ba…) and i am foolish enough to believed that she have already end the affair with the man…. have i not always give in to her in order to have a peaceful family?… have i nt even given up on my rite to have a big row with her…. but i did nt do that as i dun want it to affect the kids…. as i grow up in the broken family……
So many times.. i choose to take things silently…. nt even daring to tell fatty of what is going on… as i want her to retain a good image of saozi…. till that day when i told fatty….. he is surprised and shocked… he can sense that i am always troubled… but thought perhaps it is due to work issue…. Nt even Yvonne… i kept this from her esp when i know that she faced a same issue as me…. cos i am fearful if she knew abt this matter… she will want me to divorce my wife to be with her….. so many times… i need to pull my thoughts away from her as i am fearful that i will eventually cross the line… my heart is still with my family………. and the marriage vow….. it is nt just about myself but my actions may affect the people around me……
Sex issue…. do u think i would still seek romance from her when her heart is no longer with me…. her rejection in her eyes have told me things… she is unwilling… that is y… i mentioned that i will nt force or ask her or anything if she is unwilling…. am i wrong in doing that?…. Bros i am just a normal man and have own needs too… but even when my marriage is going through the rocks… did i give myself excuses to justify my actions and fool around when i am oveasea…. i did nt… i hold on to my beliefs and my faith… hoping that one day she will have a change of her heart again…….. that is my last hope…. Did i not give her enough time to sort out her emotions and feelings……..
So many times she assure me that she have end the affair with that man… but in fact it is ongoing… till now when things really get messy…. she have seen the true colours of him when he told her to go for abortion and he is willing to pay for the abortion fees and start to avoid her….
The sorrow and the regrets in her eyes is too much for me to bear…. i agreed to keep the baby as i do not want her to sink into depression or sent her to the gallows of guilt at murdering her own baby… all these i do… i consider her feelings above my feelings………..
In army days… whenever my men did wrong… i answer for their mistake… same applies to working life…. men at fault… i took the blame…
Likewise when wife make mistake…. i took part of the blame too……
But after all i am still a human… a person with emotional feelings… i can feel hurt too… at times i can be emotionally weak and helpless too…. I can be tired too….i have to go through these trails…. it is tough but i cannot fall…. sorry bros if i am unable to pen my thoughts well as my heart is in a complete whirl…. bro ben…. i have always regard u as someone who understand me… as both of us share a similar thinking….. Thanks… feel better after i let everything out of my chest… thanks brothers…. Good day to u all…
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ben2011
Bro, now i have a clearer picture…
1st u still love her? ask yourself
2nd she still love you? ask your wife
If both answer is YES, should be no problem on sex, try it…and forgive and forget and work harder to improve ur r/s with wife and sex (I must say sex is an important part, consider ur wife is having a lover out there)
Women only need 2 things….love and sex. If she have these 2 from you, should be satisfy and happily together.
If either one of the answer is No, then divorce is obviously the answer, no point to drag, no need to think so hard too…Not good for you, not good for your wife, not good for your 2 kids, not good for the unborn babe….
I am realli sad for u….But this is life, u need to talk to her and made a decision together with her.
Bro, be tough….
Bro u have posed a good question… A question which i find it difficult to ans whenever fatty ask me this… Guess my heart have went cold through this series of events… what is left is kam cheng for this marriage ba… After all she is still the mum of 2 kids…. 9 years of marriage…
As for her feelings towards me now… i clearly know where i stand ba… the feelings given to him cannot be retrieved that easily ba… what she feel towards me is a sense of gratefulness ba…. ( That is what she told me….)
When i heard that…. one thing come to my mind…. Love and gratefulness is two different matters ba…. Feelings cannot be forced… it will take a long time…. ( lots of patience and love to build the passion again…..)
Sex… not now ba when she is pregnant…. too risky le.. i am ok with it since my sex drive have been damn low with all that is going on…
Yup i will be tough…. may arrange for marriage counseling with the pastor once i am back from my working trip… Bros be with me k… as i am really tired now… have nt been eating well for the past days… fever coming back again… will try to wrap up the work asap as i really miss my boys alot….
Bro ben… i am glad to have u at my side when things r going tough… really appreciate it… same goes to bro 5121314…. it will be nice to have bro tai zi here too…..
Bro… thanks for yr post… appreciate it….
Again u have posed me questions which i have pondered over the nites withiut an ans…..
Our faith does nt give us an rite for abortion…. furthermore since she still want tp.keep the baby….. i will respect her feelings……
But one thing for certain…..i will not go back to the old ways again….. visiting health centre…etc…. i am nt allow myself to spiral down all the way again….
Other than that………..i really have no answers… perhaps deep in my heart… i have already know the answers……
But i just cant come to the terms of it ba……
Quote:
Originally Posted by
pusiliker
TS
Now then you tell us that you knew your wife was unfaithful from more then 6 months ago. That you have forgiven her thinking she had broken up with her lover. So I suppose she got pregnant within the last 2-3 months?
Then all I can say is she is taking YOU for a sucker! Your wife must have thought her lover loved her and she him. She might even intentionally got herself pregnant so as to get a divorce from you thinking her lover would do the same to his wife and ultimately marry her. But when she found out that he didn’t want to be responsible she start to suck up to you for forgiveness as the only way out of her dilemma.
If she is still within the safe period for an abortion and does not want to take that option after being jilted by her lover (since that would have been the best way to save her face and keep her pregnancy from you, just abort whilst you are away) then she may just be very deeply in love with him and is still trying to use the baby to win him over.
If she cared for you and her 2 sons by you I would think that she wouldn’t want to keep her pregnancy to complicate matters for the future. Did you forbid her going for abortion? Is she avoiding abortion because of her religion? Can’t be right because she is committing adultery with another married man!
By your own admittance you no longer love her. She has given you the way out by providing the grounds for divorce. It would be difficult for her to fight for your children’s custody. (1 more mouth she can feed perhaps with allowance from her lover but 2 school going boys would be very difficult unless her income is high).
Living with a woman you do not love and having to face evidence of her infidelity everyday for the rest of your life is going to be torturous. What if you lose your job and have to settle for a lower paying one? Then still have to struggle to feed someone else’s child?
Can you live without sex for the rest of your life. Can you make love to a woman who had probably suck another man’s dick and swallowed his cum? Are you going to seek satisfaction from prostitutes? Are you sure your wife will not seek out her lover again? Hard questions but better seek answers now than later.
Think carefully again what is the best option giving maximum happiness to your sons and yourself. The above advice is given in good faith based on the facts you have revealed so far…unless there are more info you hide to protect the guilty!
Good luck to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
kuasimi
Thanks bro for yr songs…. esp the story of ah lang… it is a gd one…
Guys… i would like to share this song which really describe my feelings at this moment….
回头太难/张宇
Hope that u guys will like it… Good day to u all…
Quote:
Originally Posted by
2335 Man
Hi bro how’s things going?? If U need help can Pm me or your bros. we will try our best to help. No problem. Take good care ok.
Thanks brother… appreciate it…. Enjoy yr weekend.