Johnny decided to propose to Sandi, but prior to her acceptance Sandi had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.
She informed Johnny that she suffered from a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much.
However, Johnny felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too. Johnny looked Sandi in the eyes and said…“I too have a problem.
My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married. “She said, “Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis.
“Sandi and johnny got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Johnny whisked Sandi off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another…
As Sandi put her hands in Johnny"s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!Johnny ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!” “Yes, it is…” exclaimed Johnny, “8 pounds, 7 ounces, and 20 inches long!”
An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a
prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many
do you want?”
The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.”
The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.”
The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for
sex anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far
enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we’re so obsessed with getting laid?”
“That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?”
“Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?” “My child, you have been a married woman for many years. You have had three husbands! Surely that cannot be.” “Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he’d get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I’m marrying a lawyer and I’m sure I’m going to get screwed.”
A man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what man and woman do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.
“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window. “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the woman.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25.”
Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, “Come on, babe, let’s go in the alleyway and get it on. I’ve got fifteen bucks.”
She says, “FIFTEEN bucks? You’re crazy. For fifteen bucks, I’ll let you LOOK at it.”
They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can’t see anything, because it’s too dark, so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, “My God, your pubic hair… it’s so curly and thick… it’s BEAUTIFUL.”
She says, “Thank you.”
He says, “You mind if I ask you a personal question?”
She says, “Go ahead.”
He says, “Can you pee through all that hair?”
She says, “Of course.”
He says, “Well, you better start. You’re on fire.”
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don’t know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman,
“I know what we’ll do. After I’ve operated on the priest, I’ll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle.”
“Do you think it will work?” she asks.
“It’s worth a try.” he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, “Father, you’re not going
to believe this.”.
“What?” asks the priest, “what happened?”.
“You gave birth to a child!”.
“But that’s impossible!” says the priest.
“I just did the operation,” insists the doctor, “it’s a miracle! Here’s your baby.”
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
“Son, I have something to tell you. I’m not your father.” The son says,
“What do you mean, you’re not my father?” The priest replies,
“I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.”.
Short jokes
Its science with wife, its art with girlfriend, its commerce with prostitute and its social service with aunties.
Boy: aunty why was uncle lying on you last night?
Aunty: he was checking my temperature.
Boy: did he get it right? I saw the thermometer leaking
Man with no sex organ used a vibrator for years one day wife caught and asked: how dare you cheat me?
Man: I will explain about the toy, can you explain about kids.
How to tell your girlfriend if you are going to urine during dinner? Dear, I’ve to shake hands with a close friend whom I am going to introduce you later.
What’s the similarity between school bell and girls hole?
When you hit any of these, children come out
Prof: to keep your character good, think every woman as your mother.
Student: but thinking every woman as my mother will make my fathers character bad.
Why do women put red lipstick on their mouth?
To inform men stop this is not right hole.
Teacher: why cow looks tensed after giving milk?
Student: madam, if some one presses your breast for I hours and don’t suck, how do you feel.
Customer: my wife needs a bra but I don’t know the size.
Salesgirl: touch my breast and try to calculate.
Customer: oh I forget he needs panties too.
Teacher: explain responsibility.
Student: mam your blouse has four buttons, if three buttons break down the entire responsibility will be on the fourth one
Do you know why a girl gets full mark and boys get fail in practical? It’s when they both remove their 1st button of shirt in front of external.
There are two things men really like women to do in hurry.
Dress and undress.
Officer: madam swimming is prohibited in this lake.
Lady: then why dint you tell me when I was removing my clothes? Officer: well, that’s not prohibited
College girl was in jeans pant and zip was open.
Boy went and told miss please close your taj mahal door here my quthubminar is dancing
What’s common between sun and a women’s underwear? Both are hot, both look good while going down.
One man married lady traffic police.
Friend asks how your 1st night was.
She collected $100 from me for over speed,
$200 for wrong side entry,
$500 for no helmet.
Define rape:
it’s an operation without co-operation for the insertion of projection into depression without permission for the production of next generation.
A thirsty patient asks a nurse for milk,
she opened her top& put her nipples in his mouth,
he said THANK GOD I DIDNt ask for water
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”
“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”
A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”
“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”
A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”
“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”
The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.
“I work for 7 Up!”
Maria just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous! Her mother reassured her, “Don’t worry, Maria, Tony’s a good man, go upstairs and he’ll take care of you!”
So up the stairs she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother, “Mama, mama, Tony’s got a big hairy chest.”
“Don’t worry, Maria,” said her mother. “All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs and Tony will take care of you!”
So, up she went again! When she got there, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. “Mama,mama, Tony took off his pants and he’s got hairy legs!”
Her mother replied,“Don’t worry Maria, all good men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good man, go upstairs and he will take good care of you.”
So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. “Mama, mama, Tony’s got a foot and a half!”
“Stay here and stir the sauce dear,” says the mother. “This is a job for Mama!”
Hope bros will get this joke haha!