Thanks bro for all the support !
I LOVE YOU ALL!!
And wow 3.50am still got so many people looking and discussing my thread. HAHA! So am i helping you all to release some tentsion/ stress to fall asleep :P ?
A husband an a wife are having a fight, the man calls the woman a bitch, the woman calls the man a bastard, the son says
“whats a bitch an a bastard?” The parents say “ladies an gentlemen”.
The next nite they are having sex she is saying touch my titties and he says grab my dick, the son says
" whats titties an dick?" They say “hats and coats.”
The next day was thanks giving and the father is shaving and cuts him self and says “SHIT” the son says whats shit?
The father says its my shaving cream. The son goes down stares where his mum is cutting the turkey and stabs herself “FUCK” she says,
what does fuck mean says son, it means stuffing the turkey says the mother,
[ the doorbell rings], “would u get that”.
The son answers the door to the relatives,
" ok u bitches an bastards put your dicks and titties in the cupboard,
dad is up stairs whipping the shit off his face and mum is in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
man went to have plastic surgery on his penis.
The surgeon examined him and asked, “What happened?”
“Well, doc, I live in a trailer camp,” the man explained, “And from where I am I can see this lovely chick next door. She’s blonde and built like a brick shithouse. She’s so horny that every night I see her take a hot dog from the refrigerator and stick it in a hole in the floor of her trailer. Then she gets down and masturbates herself on the hot dog.”
“And?” prompted the doctor.
“Well, I felt this was a lot of wasted pussy, so one day I got under the trailer and when she put the hot dog in the hole, I removed it and substituted my dick.”
“It was a great idea and everything was going well. Then someone knocked at the door, she jumped off my hot dog and tried to kick it under the stove.”
A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he’s hopelessly lost. It’s been nearly three weeks since he’s eaten anything besides what he could forage and he’s been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can’t see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says “What do you want?”
The man says “I’ve been lost for the past three weeks and haven’t had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight”
The old Chinese man says “I’ll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my grandaughter”
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying “I promise I won’t cause you any trouble. I’ll be on my way tommorrow morning”
The old Chinese man counters “Ok, but if I do catch you then I’ll give you the three worst chinese torture tests ever known to man.”
“Ok, Ok” the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?
Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful the grandaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many,many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn’t keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.
That night, the man snuck into the girls’ bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, “Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience.”
Well, the next morning the man awoke to find a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying “1st Chinese torture test: 50 kg rock on your chest”.
“What a lame torture test” the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying “2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to RIGHT testicle”.
The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying “3rd worst Chinese torture test: LEFT testicle tied to bedpost”.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
WhitePaper
Haha. Bestiality. I wonder in real life how many women actually have sex with their dogs?
well i ever heard my friend said befor this freaking rich ass , paid her 5k/ session just to see her blowjob and have sex with his dog and is a monthly affair, she said he treat his dog dam nice go for spa etc.. some crazy rich ass): come on 5k who wont and is not like a horse dick… or somthing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Tai_zi21
Is this a joke? Or true story from u my friend? Paying 5k to have sex with a dog? Can’t imagine
its not a joke bro. its true lol.
Well Wally gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says “Where the hell have you been?” Wally replies “I was out getting a tattoo!”
“A tattoo”? She frowned. “What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates” he said proudly.
“What the hell were you thinking”? She said, shaking her head in disgust. “Why on earth would a Chartered Accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?”
“Well,
1: I like to watch my money grow.
2: Once in a while I like to play with my money.
3: I like how money feels in my hand.
4: And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”
There were 4 people in an army plane. the pilot, and three soldiers. the pilot said that they were weigted down and told the soldiers to throw whatever items they didnt need off the plane.
The first soldier throws of his gold star badge. The second soldier throws off his silver star badge. The third soldier grabbed a bunch of gernades and threw them off the plane.
The plane landed safely and the soldiers decided to retrieve their items. the first soldier went to where he thought his gold badge landed.
There he found a little boy crying. he asked what was wrong and the boy said a gold star fell from the sky and killed his father. the soldier felt ashamed and went away.
The second soldier went to where he thought his silver badge landed. there he saw a little boy crying. when asked why the boy said a silver star fell from the sky and killed his sister. the soldier was ashamed and went away.
The third soldier went to where he thought his gernades would be and there he saw a little boy LAUGHING. he asked whats wrong. and the boy answered “i farted and my house blew up!”
A man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife jumped up and said, “Your Honor, I brought this child into the world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody.”
The judge turns to the husband and says, “What do you have to say in your defense?”
The man sat for a while contemplating…then slowly rose.
“Your Honor, if I put a dollar in a vending machine, and then a Pepsi can comes out……who does the Pepsi belong to….. ?…..the machine or me?”
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
Lol…
Little Joe: “Mom, did God sleepover in our house last night?”
Mom: “Of course not, son, God is in heaven, dear…”
Litte Joe: “But, mom…”
Mom: “But what, Joe?”
Little Joe: “Last night I heard Dad’s voice in our maid’s room..,he said: ‘Oh God..,you have a really awesome body…’”
Mama : “WHAT THE F*CK?!?!”