It has been almost a year since Hilda left. Her relationship was like the passing clouds. Every relationship to her was just a fling. She loved toying with the feelings and breaking their hearts. To her, love was already dead. Flirting became her habit. There were some who was abusive to her. And some who really cared but she didn’t care a damn about it. Whenever she got laid, she could only think about Max. Thinking of how he would love her tenderly. Soon it became an escapism for her. And the more she thought about it, the more possessive she got.
She took her mobile and tried to dial Max’s number.
“We are sorry, the number you dialed is not in use. Please try again later.”
She called again. And same response.
“We are sorry, the number you dialed is not in use. Please try again later.”
She got irritated and threw the phone away, seeing it break in front of her and she shrieked.
Where could he have gone? Where? Hilda thought.
Wait. Don’t tell me.
She used her home phone and dialed Ferline’s number.
“We are sorry, the number you dialed is not in use. Please try again later.”
Her face turned dark. How dare they. They must be overseas. How could they. She clenched her teeth and rubbed. How could he be so heartless.
Fine by me. If you want to be like, so be it. But do not blame me if anything happens.
Hilda thought to herself. Her temper was getting from bad to worse. Her parents had already given up hope on her and they just let her do what she wants. Hilda knew that every night her mum would be quietly weeping in the corner because of seeing Hilda like that. Every parent would be devasted to see their child become like this.
But Hilda didn’t care a damn. She thinks that it was everyone’s fault that she became like that. She took out the pack of cigarettes. Lighted two sticks, and took a long puff. Feeling that menthol fill her lungs before she breathed it out.
Ferline and me held hands throughout the night when we slept. It felt really weird that I didn’t flip or twist. Perhaps it was just that moment of bliss that kept me from releasing her hand. She opened her eyes and yawned. It was the first time I saw her waking up. And still she looked beautiful. She laid her head on my chest and slept a little more.
I wished this would last through my lifetime. I would gladly give up anything for this. And there we took showers, shopped and slept. There was no sex as I respected her decision.
Time seemed to pass by quickly as we packed and got ready to board the coach. The both of us pouted. But it was a good start for the both of us. We got together really closer on this trip and I look forward to another.
Hilda didn’t sleep. The very thought of us being together had brought jealously to her. She was thinking of ways how to break us apart. And she spent the whole night thinking.
Coffeecans Reads
Hilda went downstairs carry a piece of paper shaped like a human and a clog.
Hilda: Beat you Ferline for snatching my love! Beat you for being together. Beat you to death! Beat you be separated! Beat you! Beat you!
She was at the void deck and the passerby stared at her with their eyes arched.
Hilda: What you looking at? Never see people beat ‘xiaoren’ is it? You stare more and I’ll beat you too!
They fastened their pace as they thought Hilda was a lunatic.
The more she beat, the more intense she got. She scared throwing vulgarities and kept beating till the paper got torn. After that, she laughed at herself and went home.
I sent Ferline home and headed back and slept. It was the weekend the next day so I met Ferline at East Coast for lunch as well as cycling. We had a quick one at MacDonald’s and headed to the kiosk.
It was crowded and we rented a twin bicycle and started to ride around. After cycling for around half an hour, we stopped by a corner to rest just in case Ferline has a relapse. We were sitting at the stone bench chatting happily when someone familiar came into view.
Hilda.
Her face changed and she tried to walk away.
Ferline gave chase and held Hilda by the arm.
Ferline: Hilda… how are you? It’s been so..
Hilda’s arm swung and tossed Ferline’s little pouch away, pouring the items inside all over the place.
Me: Hey what do you think you are doing?
Hilda acted as though nothing happened.
The inhaler rolled to Hilda’s feet and there Hilda stepped on it. No one saw and she pretended to tie her shoelace before she took the inhaler and stuffed it in her pocket.
*Now let’s see how you fare without your inhaler* Hilda thought to herself. *Die. Go and die.*
Ferline and me picked up the items and put it back in her pouch and I told Ferline to get on the bike and rode off, giving Hilda that stare.
Me: Ignore her dear. Let’s go.
We rode straight all the way till we reach a jetty. There was not much people there as we came down from the bicycle.
It was weird. My eyelids were twitching badly. It was uncommon but why was it happening?
Hilda went off with her gang, hiding that inhaler in her pockets.
Hui (Hilda’s current boyfriend): Ooi. Let’s go!
Hilda put on her helmet and sat on Hui’s motorbike and he sped off. Hilda’s heart was pumping much faster than usual. And it felt cold. She couldn’t understand it at all. But soon after, she totally forgot about the inhaler.
Me: Dear, shall we go back?
Ferline nodded and we walked to our bicycle when she gasped.
Ferline: Dee….ee…ar…
She was trying hard to breathe. Her asthma was acting again. The ride might have taken too much of her strength. Her breathing was getting more intense. I searched frantically throughout her pouch. I threw everything out.
Lipstick, mirror, wallet, tissue, coins, but no inhaler. Where is it? FUCK.. where is it? FUCK..where….
Ferline collasped on the ground, clutching her chest. Her face was turning pale. She was panting.
Fuck! What should I do. What should I do!? I searched around but couldn’t find anything. I ran back to Ferline. And she was not looking good.
I threw the bicycle to one side and piggybacked Ferline and screamed for help. Running as fast as I could where I lost my balance and fell to the ground with Ferline. Both my kneecaps rubbed against the stone track. And it was bleeding but I picked myself and Ferline up again and tried to scream for help and ran towards the road frantically when I didn’t notice the motorist speeding and the next thing I knew I blackouted.
Coffeecans Reads
Hilda was enjoying herself dancing and clubbing with the gang of hers, swinging to the beat and the random colorful lights. She was dancing and dancing when the inhaler was obstructing her movements. She took it out and threw it in her Coach handbag before she went back to dance.
I woke up with a terrible headache and found myself bandaged and my leg was in a cast. My eyes slowly opened and I saw the policeman and Ferline’s parents.
Me: Ferline? Ferline? How is she? Where is she? I want to see her.
Her mum came over furiously and gave me a slap on my face.
Ferline’s Mum: You dare to ask! YOU DARE TO ASK? If I do not beat you to death I will not be her mother!
Policeman: Please Auntie. Stop it.
Ferline’s dad stopped Ferline’s mum.
Ferline’s dad: Wait! Let’s know what happened first.
Policeman: Tell me what happened?
Me: Where is Ferline? How is she?
Ferline’s mum collapsed on the floor and broke down.
Ferline’s mum: Oh my poor daughter… ahhhhhhh…. AHHHHHHHHH
Tears welled up in my eyes.
My lips shivered.
My heart went cold.
My nose went numb.
No.
No.
No.
Please.
No.
Ferline’s dad lowered his head and sobbed quietly.
Policeman: Ferline has passed away.
Me: AHHHHhHhHH!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IT CAN"T BE REAL…IT CAN’T BE REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHH…AHHH…AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
The shivers of my body couldn’t stop. The pain was unbearable. I tried to get out of bed but fell hard due to the cast.
Me: I want to see her… I WANT TO SEE HER!!!!!!
I crept using my arms…
Me: Let me see her….let me see her…. AHHHHHHHHHH! It’s my fault…. It’s my fault…. I screamed but there seemed to be nothing coming out from my mouth. Please auntie, I beg you… please let me see her. Please……. PLEASE…..
Ferline’s mum: What’s the use? WHAT’S THE USE? You cannot bring her back already.
Me: Please I beg of you. Please.
Ferline’s dad: I’ll bring you.
He pushed me to the cold storage where I saw Ferline lying there.
Me: Dear, it’s me. I’m here. Wake up. I’m here. Please reply me. Let’s go. I’ll bring you with me. Let’s go.
No response.
Me: Dear…
Drip. drip. drip. The salty little droplets fell.
I shook my head.
Me: This can’t be true. Tell me uncle. This is not real.
Ferline’s dad patted me on my shoulders.
I clenched my teeth as tight as I could as my trembling hands reached to touch Ferline and kissed her on her forehead.
Me: Don’t worry dear, I will join you soon.
Coffeecans Reads
Ferline’s dad: Don’t be silly Max. If Ferline was still alive she would not ask you to do that!
Me: But I love her so much uncle. I can’t live without her. I can’t!
I broke down again and Ferline’s dad pushed me out. He could not hold his tears too. When we went into the room, Ferline’s mum has calmed down a little and the policeman was asking me what happened.
Me: I don’t remember what happened after the motorbike came. Before that, Ferline and I was cycling at East Coast Park. Then we met Hilda, and she became quite angry seeing the two of us together. We then left and cycled further. When we took a rest, suddenly Ferline had a relapse. We tried to find the inhaler but couldn’t find at all. I panicked. I screamed for help but there was no one there. I then carried her and hurried, hoping that we could grab a cab. I was in a state of panic and dashed without knowing.
Ferline’s dad: Ferline was not injured. The biker said the first instinct you had was throw her behind before the collision and you flew. But Ferline didn’t make it back to the ambulance. She died on the way to the hospital.
Me: It’s my fault.
I knelt.
Me: I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. You can take my life if you want. My heart is dead already.
Ferline’s mum: Don’t be silly! What’s the use? She is gone already. I’m sorry I yelled at you. Dear, let’s go. We need to settle Ferline’s funeral.
Hilda was still sleeping from the late night clubbing when suddenly her mum knocked on her door furiously.
Hilda’s mum (HM): Hilda! Hilda!
Hilda: Shut up!
HM: You got to see this! Your good friend Ferline…. is dead! Such a poor thing! She died so young!
Hilda suddenly woke up. Her eyes opened huge in fear and shock. Her heart was beating fast with guilt. She then remembered what she did when she hid Ferline’s inhaler. Did she cause her death? She kept quiet and froze in fear.
HM: You are so lazy to even open the door! Sigh!
Hilda’s mum slid the piece of obituary section under the door and Hilda walked towards it, picked up with trembling fingers. And there she saw Ferline’s face. She immediately dropped the paper and retracted a few steps behind before she fell and landed on her buttocks. Her hands covered her mouth, her heart froze with guilt. She could not believe what her childishness had caused.
Hilda: This is insane. This is not real.
Hilda comforted herself.
No it’s not my fault. It’s her own fault. Who asked her to snatch my love away. You deserve it.
All that childish intention flooded her mind. The beating of the paper doll, cursing her to die and taking away the inhaler.
She folded her arms and legs and stood there, staring out of the window blankly.
My parent rushed to the hospital upon hearing about my admission and then they knew about Ferline’s death. They hugged me and consoled me. But I was like a zombie. Like a walking dead. I could not accept Ferline’s death. I couldn’t.
I went into a state of shock and uttered nonsense, trying to throw everything that was near me. I was out of control until the nurses pinned me down and the doctor gave me a jab and I went into darkness.
Coffeecans Reads
Sad that Max has to suffer due to other’s selfishness . Good narration bro, thanks!! Cheers, ……….
After I woke up from the jab, everything became dead to me. I’ve stopped talking. I didn’t want and feel like talking anymore. The only time I talked was when I begged Ferline’s parents to let me be there for the cremation where I lost everything.
Me: Don’t go dear, don’t go! AHHhhh AHHHHHHH. I didn’t care about the crowds anymore. I almost went into fits. Ferline’s parents hugged each other and buried themselves in each other’s arms. But I couldn’t.
After that, I detached myself totally. No meals. I gave up on everything. Every night I would stare at the photos that Ferline and I took. I would look at the photo and hymn the song that we liked. Day by day I was growing thinner and weaker. I would only occasionally get out of my room for a shower. I would recall Ferline’s touch in the shower. I would then squat and bury myself in tears. My parents were gettng really worried when one day I told them.
Me: I’m going for a break. To KL.
They were happy. But the very reason was so that I could have memories of Ferline. I booked the coach and the same hotel, insisting that I want the same exact room number.
Me: Dear, are you here? Remember this place? It’s our very first trip. This is where we first stood naked and bathe together. Remember? I sat on the bed and waited for a reply. None. I tucked myself into the blankets and curled up, biting my teeth.
That night I had a dream. I dreamt of us staying in this hotel again. She was the same. That Mona Lisa smile. We kissed and showered. Everything seemed so real.
Ferline: Dear, I’m gone. Take care of yourself. It hurts me to see you like this. It has been months. Be strong. I love you. Brace up. Be the same Max that I used to know. My heart is always with you. Live for me. Promise me. If you still miss me, there is a diary in my room’s drawer. You can have it. Whenever you see the diary you will see me.
My eyes opened but she was not there. The bathroom lights flickered a little and all went back to normal. I walked towards the bathroom and stared at myself. Sunken eyes. Unshaven face. Unkempt hair.
What did Ferline mean? Should I brace up for her? But she sounded so real. I went out of the hotel to get a shaver and shaved. And saw myself. How frail had I become.
*Live for me. Promise me*
These words woke me up. Slowly and slowly I picked myself up.
It took me alot of courage to stand outside Ferline’s flat.
Me: Hi Auntie. Can I have a small request? I dreamt of Ferline and she told me to get something from the drawer. I’m not very sure but can I please check? It means a great deal to me. Please auntie.
She was moved by my sincerity and let me in. She showed me to Ferline’s room and I searched for the drawer. The moment I opened, there was this pink diary with pink roses and laces all around. Ferline’s mum gasped. I was not lying. I thanked her and left.
This was the only momento I have of Ferline and I spent the night reading. Until the last page she wrote.
“Don’t be angry with Hilda.”
Coffeecans Reads
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Coffeecans
Ferline: Dear, I’m gone. Take care of yourself. It hurts me to see you like this. It has been months. Be strong. I love you. Brace up. Be the same Max that I used to know. My heart is always with you. Live for me. Promise me. If you still miss me, there is a diary in my room’s drawer. You can have it. Whenever you see the diary you will see me.
Coffeecans Reads
http://sbfsg.world/showthread.php?t=345351
This paragraph almost got me tearing up.
Hilda has realized her mistakes and she is now studying hard in order to obtain her diploma. After that incident, she had totally shaved off her head. She wanted to start life all over again. She was not hanging out with the gangs anymore. All this was because she too had dreamt of Ferline and Ferline had asked her to be a new person. To be there for me if necessary. It was the only thing that Hilda could do to atone for her sins.
And me? Life had to carry on. I was starting work in a new company and though the colleagues are really pretty babes, I was not interested at all. Ferline was still the one in my heart even though she had passed away for quite some time.
I knew Hilda hid herself whenever I went home. She always stood at the corner of the void deck. Afraid to see me but seeing me safe and sound was what she wanted. Perhaps it was time that I forgive her as a friend.
I stood there and turned my head.
Me: Come out. I know you are there Hilda.
She walked out and bent her head down, afraid to look at me.
Me: It’s been sometime already. I had forgiven you.
Hilda smiled and we chatted.
But I had never given her the chance to have any relationship with me. She too knew that.
It was on this day where we arranged to meet at my place. To visit Ferline. It was her death anniversary.
The doorbell rang and there Hilda was. Wearing a white dress and carrying her Coach handbag. She placed her bag on the edge of my table.
Hilda: Could I use your toilet please?
I nodded and took the photo of Ferline and me. Stared at it and placed it near my heart.
*Ferline, if you could hear me. I missed you even till now. My love would not change.*
The winds blew and the skies became dark. The wind chimes that I bought with Ferline was whistling. ‘Ting ting ting ting’. We loved the song of the chimes.
A huge gust of wind blew Hilda’s bag and it landed on the floor. Everything in the bag was scattered all over.
Hilda came out from the kitchen bathroom. Seeing that it was raining, she took out a glass and made instant ginger tea.
*This might warm you up a little* Hilda thought.
She waited for the water to boil. It felt weird. Hilda’s eyebrows were twitching non stop.
I went over to Hilda’s bag to pick up the contents. It was when something caught my attention.
I couldn’t believe my eyes.
The inhaler that Ferline used. It was a little rusty and there were some traces of sand. The moment I picked it up. A deafening roar of thunder came, followed by a heavy downpour.
Hilda jumped. It was a feeling of unease.
I stared at the inhaler. And there was this small little faded scribble of Ferline’s name. She loved labeling every single thing.
I couldn’t believe it. I really couldn’t believe what I saw.
Coffeecans Reads
Wow.. Probably the only writer in SBF that can get readers to read with emotions.. Great writing bro..
Tears started flowing from my eyes. That very year I lost Ferline. And this was the very reason. The f**king reason!
Hilda walked happily, hoping that the ginger water would ease me up a little. She pushed the door a little.
Hilda: Look Max, I’ve brought you some ginger water.
Me: WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE YOU! YOU KILLED FERLINE!
I was agitated. Furious. Mad. I couldn’t control it.
Hilda was shocked to see me taking the inhaler that she had totally forgotten. Her hands were trembling.
Hilda: I…I…. I…
She tried to give me the cup but my hands tossed it away, causing the hot water to splash on her hands and the cup flew and smashed to pieces, together with a loud clap of thunder.
Me: I don’t believe this. Why did you do this? Ferline was innocent. INNOCENT! YOU CAUSED HER DEATH!
Hilda knelt to the ground.
Hilda: I’m really sorry…. I’m really sorry.
Me: What’s the USE????!!!!! Will that sorry bring her back?? WILL IT? AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I grabbed Ferline’s pink diary and stormed out of the room, slamming my room door.
Hilda tried to chase me.
Me: Don’t you dare come close to me! DON’T YOU DARE!
Hilda stood rooted to the ground in fear. The overcasted clouds made the room even darker without the lights on. The flash of the lighting was the only light source. She heard the main door slam and the gates crashing.
All the memories of her childish acts suddenly came to her like hellish nightmares. She cried. She knew that this day would come one day but she wasn’t prepared for the consequences. She too remembered the happy days with Ferline. But everything was too late. Regrets was far more severe and useless.
The rain got heavier and the wind chimes were ringing non stop. The wind felt like a storm where the wind chime detached from the hook and hit the stab of concrete, fell out of the window as it smashed to bits on the floor with a ting sound.
I ran. Ran aimlessly. Shouted till I could feel the blood on my throat. I didn’t know where I was running. All I knew that I was filled with helplessness. The only console was the diary where I hugged tightly on my chest. The surroundings was a blur due to the downpour.
“Live for me Max. I love you. If you miss me, take my diary*
These words rang in my mind. The more I thought, the more excruciating the pain was.
*Don’t be angry with Hilda*
That phrase. That phrase! How could I not be angry with that? She has been hiding it from a year! How could she??!!
I dashed. I sprinted. I ran.
Hilda gave chase after she stood there. She was afraid that I might do something foolish.
She trailed behind.
Hilda: Look out Max! Look OUT!
I was blinded by the headlight and a deafening horn by a lorry. There was a sudden screech and the sound of a loud bang. From the distance Hilda stood rooted.
The lorry stopped. The headlight was still shining.
A splat of blood bursted and Hilda saw me flying. Blood splat from my body and mouth. I didn’t know what had happened. All I remembered was the scene turning dark red. I landed on the concrete road and was dragged due to the impact. I could feel my back being scrapped. I coughed out blood. There was already no pain. I felt nothing. My right arm was still holding on to Ferline’s diary.
There I could feel my body strength being drained. I saw the silhouette of someone running towards me. My eyes were failing me. I felt like closing my eyes to rest for a while.
I closed my eyes.
It felt cold. But there seemed to be a melody playing. A somewhat familiar tune.
It was the hymn that Ferline and I always sang together.
We would always sing and laugh. She would always say “Who’s going to elope with you?”
The tune was ringing in my ears as I hymned along.
“If you get there before I do
Don’t give up on me
I’ll meet you when my chores are through
I don’t know how long I’ll be
But I’m not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then
Til I see you again…
I could feel my body convulsing.
I could feel the breathlessness.
Hilda ran towards me, shouting my name.
I opened my eyes for the last time but I couldn’t see already.
My breathing was slowing. I began to gasp. My chest expanded.
And my air pipe seemed to be blocked, stopping the air from reaching me.
I had no breath left.
But my mind was trying to finish the last part of the song.
Before I breathed my last, my mind sang the last phrase.
I’ll be loving you, Love Me.”
There I saw Ferline. She looked as angelic with that distinct Mona Lisa smile. She held my hand.
All that weariness seemed to go away. I held on to her hand as we walked together.
Blood splurt out from my mouth, splashing onto Hilda’s face as I turned my head. My body wasn’t moving already. I couldn’t hear or feel anything at all. Everything turned pitch black.
Hilda screamed.
The End.
Coffeecans Reads