Quote:
Originally Posted by
machoman
LDTR- Myth or Reality???
free, good topic. From an objective POV, for some ppl, it will be a myth cos after considering all the pros and cons, they feel that the cons outweight the pros and will not pursue it.
Even for those that strongly believe in it, like yourself, the results might be more of a nightmare than the dream that they had envisaged.
Anyway, how to determine whether the LDTR will work out? Upon marriage? IMHO, that is only the intermediate destination and not the end. The journey has just reached a milestone but nevertheless just a historic milestone.There will be further challenges in marriage, as I am sure you are fully aware, after having gone through a failed marriage before.
Think about it, nothing is guaranteed to last forever, not even marriages made in SGP. It takes 2 to tango, whether with the other right here locally, or with someone in a land some distance away. And when I speak of LDTRs becoming a reality, I can see different people have different interpretations. For myself, Reality is not equal to success in marriage and happy family for ever and ever. That is another story. Reality therefore, is related to success but not synonymous.
Let’s look at a local BGR. U have a gal whom u love and u know she also loves you. Both of you may or may not see each other everyday, but probably both of you talked each day, if not several times a day. The r/s has reached a point where both wants to get married with each other and are working actively towards it, including the belt-tightening part. Both sets of families are aware of the other and have given their blessings for the r/s too. Would u not feel that this BGR is a reality?
I look at my own r/s with my tirak. It has all the elements of the above except we dun see each other as often as we would like to (a temporary situation), and our main language of communication (verbal or written) is Thai, and not Angrit, or Mandarin or dialects. And we talked at least 4 times a day, every day, and it is not just about “sa baai dee mai” or “gin kao reu yang”, for my level of thai (spoken or written) has gone way way beyond that.
So what makes it less of a reality than a local r/s? So for me, my LDTR is no longer a myth - it is now as REAL (if not MORE real) than any r/s I have ever been involved in. Today, we are walking along the path towards marriage. And when the time comes, we have no intention of living apart; NO, we want to be together, wherever that place we call “home” will be, even if it means a lower standard of living - we know we will have a Higher Quality of Life Together. Throw in all the possible distractions that has popped up along the way and when we still prefer each other, it makes the LDTR more real than ever. My dear TGL bros will know most of the distractions we had faced.
Pîi and Pîi-sà-pái
say from the bottom of our hearts, “thanks for being there for us, Nong Chai’s”
Whether this LDTR (now a reality for me) will be extended into the next phase (aka marriage) and then permanency (or so called “work out”) is yet another matter, and it is between my tirak & I to work hard to ensure that happens, and we are indeed working hard at it. If we fail, we have only ourselves to blame - no one else.
When u say "
Even for those that strongly believe in it, like yourself, the results might be more of a nightmare than the dream that they had envisaged
" - bear in mind that something that happens here in SG can be worse, like it can happen anywhere. It depends on whether the 2 persons are dancing in sync or fighting a battle that nobody wins in the end. At least today I dun have someone whose heart is never contented (let alone be appreciative) irregardless of what I did and it matters not if her & my female friends think I am doing an OK job then, if not a good or great one. Sad part is when she realised the end was near, she too cannot understand why she behaved the way she did, and the leopard just could not change her spots, tried as she said she did. So her “prey” finally died after enduring a good many years.
Today, at least my tirak makes me feel that I am more precious to her than anyone else in her life right now, and that I am already complete as I am today, than I was ever made to feel before by the one whom I once thought was to be my dream (but it had turned out to be my wildest nightmare), right here on local soil. At least my beloved is going thru the “thin” with me right now, w/o complaining nor regret, unlike the one before who complained even when we were going thru the “thickest” of times. If fact what she expected from me has been “dropping” over the months as she loves me more and more.
My biggest surprise was how my own mum came to accept & love her, after my tirak was upset with me some time ago when I argued with my mum (even when mum was in the wrong), and I ended up promising her I will apologise to my mum for being rude (and I did). MUm was shocked this angry combatant man who went into the room to call and complain to my tirak, came out smiling and apologetic instead. Her initial anger turned into joy as she realised my tirak had cared for her! She knew the previous woman would have egged me on, and get me even more fired up, cos mum knew she was the one who was wrong. My mum said that when I had a wife, I lost my mum, but now that I got my gf, I found my mum back again. Kind of gives this LDTR a fresh perpective when my mum now supports us. This is one aespect of the TG that wins over most SG gals hands down. For my mum at her age, this factor is important to her, plus knowing I have a woman who is interested in taking care of my needs, and not just her own.
Finally, as I learnt more about Buddhism and talked to more monks (in SG and LOS), I am beginning to understand my past and present situation better. I no longer blame my ex (or myself) for our past - it is our Karma that we were not meant to be. Life goes on.
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I want to wish you all the best in your relentless pursuit for happiness in your LDTR
For this, we thank you from the depths of our hearts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
free
…. This is one aespect of the TG that wins over most SG gals hands down. .
My friend, you are generalising from your personal experience. Let’s not get carried away as there are so many personal experiences I’ve encountered that run contrary to yours.
You have your say and I respect that; but don’t make unsubstantiated claims. To each his own.
All the best in your relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
dejavu
My friend, you are generalising from your personal experience. Let’s not get carried away as there are so many personal experiences I’ve encountered that run contrary to yours.
You have your say and I respect that; but don’t make unsubstantiated claims. To each his own.
All the best in your relationship.
Everything I said in my previous post relates to my personal experience and I not making any generalization for other bros. Obviously the area that you may perhaps be concerned about is when I said
Quote:
Originally Posted by
free
…. This is
ONE
aspect of the TG that wins over most SG gals hands down.
Well, let me clarify further. I am talking about
ONE particular area here - where her “in-laws” are concerned
. I dun think I am generalizing here, but I am not exactly putting the SG ladies down either. It is both a common and known factor, given the state of development of this country that most SG gals, like most westernised ladies do not look forward to staying with their in-laws if possible, let alone expect themselves to.
(If Brothers here disagree with me on this
ONE
point, do feel free to post your thoughts here. Else I would be led to think that I am not off the track to say what I did)
It is just the way things are, SG being a small country and thus easily open to and influenced by trends in more developed Westernised countries. Of course, with the country being small, it is less of a problem, as visiting the in-laws is far easier, if “time permits” of course.
By saying what I did, I am not trying to belittle the SG ladies, cos they too have their advantages. Plus there are many happy families here in SG too. I am not even saying that to “not want to live together with in-laws” is wrong - it depends on what matters to the couple (esp the guy in this case) and of course these days I would add - his parents as well. Interestingly my own mum does not expect to live with us, but she is happy to know that (unlike the situation before), this time she will be
100% welcomed by my tirak
(and myself) anytime she wants to, whether for a short while, or for the long term. That I do not have to have to negotiate with my tirak in the event mum wishes to come over is already a blessing in itself, cos she sees it as OUR duty to take care of her. Never was there the question of “can’t your siblings take care of her?” discussed. Cos she already asked my mum on her own. And like I addressed her mum as “meh”, she also addressed my mum as “mother”
However I must add that my personal bad experience does not mean that all SG r/s are bad. Not at all. It also depends on what one looks for in a relationship and what one is prepared to settle for. I just happened to make a wrong choice, and perhaps it is also co-incidental that my next choice happens to be a TG, thouugh I must admit I do have a preference for the TG
and a tendency to avoid an SG gal, simply cos I believe what I looked for is far more easily found in one and not the other (going by the average female I meet from both countries). And since I see myself as a global citizen, I dun need to be restricted by her nationality, so I am free to choose what suits me better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
thaivisitor
Cheong all you want, just remember, Fuck and forget.
thaivisitor
May I add “Cheong all you want but do not let her know or pretend she does not sense it, just remember…..”
Ultimately the man has to decide whether he is willing to run the risk of hurting his beloved wife (I am assuming she still is his beloved), for the woman normally has a 6th-sense about such things, especially if it continues over a period of time. I chose one way, others may go the other, Right or wrong, I dun care to say, for it is the individual’s choice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
free
May I add “Cheong all you want but do not let her know or pretend she does not sense it, just remember…..”
Ultimately the man has to decide whether he is willing to run the risk of hurting his beloved wife (I am assuming she still is his beloved), for the woman normally has a 6th-sense about such things, especially if it continues over a period of time. I chose one way, others may go the other, Right or wrong, I dun care to say, for it is the individual’s choice.
A man can swear all he wants that he is faithful to his GF or wife, be it swearing upon the light, on the life of their parents or kids or whatever. I still won’t believe it. Not that there are no faithful husbands or boyfriends around, but they are in the very small minority.
Most people, when first got into a relationship, will of course be enjoying in their new found relationship, with dreams, with hopes, etc. etc. During this period, many of them pledge their love, their loyalty, their faithfulness to one another. Sex outside the relationship is not thought of as both will be enjoying each other’s fruit especially so with a TG since most of the TG knows how to please a guy in bed (as far as this thread is concern as most tiraks are ex-WL one way or another).
It’s after this period whereby the guys will then be back to reality. Like I said, there is a minority and as far as I am aware, bro Free my friend, you are not in this minority although you projected the image and claimed that “you chose one way while others may chose the other”.
I’m not trying to discredit you in anyway, just to let you realised that we must be truthful to ourselves and not dream or visualise the saints that we are not. We must be in reality in order to have reality in our relationship.
thaivisitor
Quote:
Originally Posted by
thaivisitor
A man can swear all he wants that he is faithful to his GF or wife, be it swearing upon the light.
I’m not trying to discredit you in anyway, just to let you realised that we must be truthful to ourselves and not dream or visualise the saints that we are not. We must be in reality in order to have reality in our relationship.
Bro TV, well-advice… agreed… got to be reality.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
thaivisitor
A man can swear all he wants that he is faithful to his GF or wife, be it swearing upon the light, on the life of their parents or kids or whatever. I still won’t believe it. Not that there are no faithful husbands or boyfriends around, but they are in the very small minority.
Most people, when first got into a relationship, will of course be enjoying in their new found relationship, with dreams, with hopes, etc. etc. During this period, many of them pledge their love, their loyalty, their faithfulness to one another. Sex outside the relationship is not thought of as both will be enjoying each other’s fruit especially so with a TG since most of the TG knows how to please a guy in bed (as far as this thread is concern as most tiraks are ex-WL one way or another).
It’s after this period whereby the guys will then be back to reality. Like I said, there is a minority and as far as I am aware, bro Free my friend, you are not in this minority although you projected the image and claimed that “you chose one way while others may chose the other”.
I’m not trying to discredit you in anyway, just to let you realised that we must be truthful to ourselves and not dream or visualise the saints that we are not. We must be in reality in order to have reality in our relationship.
thaivisitor
Is what I am saying wrong? I suppose I hit a raw nerve? Whenever we go cheonging, we are taking the risk of hurting the ones who trusted us or at least hope we dun do it, are we not?
BTW, it doesn’t mattter whether u believe whatever I do, nor am I asking or hopng for you to. I did not even say that I have never been u faithful. But when I am in a relationship that is working out as it should, I choose not to take the risk as much as I can. That level of tolerance I exbihit may not be the same as what another person can, and I stress it does not make me any better a person, nor worse. It only lessens my risk of hurting my beloved. On few occassions I may have failed, but I just cannot bring myself to do so on a regular basis. When was the last time I touched another woman? It was in January and even then, at a time when I was not in a committed r/s with her then.
I draw my lines somewhere. U draw yours. It’s ok, We can agree to disagree. Nobody can agree on everything in life. Just be happy the way we lead our lives
Quote:
Originally Posted by
free
…
And since I see myself as a global citizen, I dun need to be restricted by her nationality, so I am free to choose what suits me better.
No offence friend…just the KP side of me and naturally curious; you can choose to ignore my Q below.
since you ascribe yourself as a global citizen, then why trod the path and restrict yourself to an ‘undesirable’ selection when the world is at your beckon? Ain’t there more choices out there that are deemed socially more de facto and accepted? Did you give yourself a chance to sample the others?
Before I get blown away by the impending rebuttal(s), let me qualify myself. I assume, and I don’t suppose I’m very far off from any culture regarding this aspect, that a long-term relationship with a WL is viewed negatively by the majority and deemed as ‘undesirable’.
Cheers and as always, to each his own and good luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
free
Is what I am saying wrong? I suppose I hit a raw nerve? Whenever we go cheonging, we are taking the risk of hurting the ones who trusted us or at least hope we dun do it, are we not?
As far as cheonging is concerned, there are no raw nerves in my body, it’s too seasoned. But I had to “speak out” when I see your posts which does not implies the truth and project a totally different image of yourself.
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I did not even say that I have never been u faithful. But when I am in a relationship that is working out as it should, I choose not to take the risk as much as I can. That level of tolerance I exbihit may not be the same as what another person can, and I stress it does not make me any better a person, nor worse. It only lessens my risk of hurting my beloved. On few occassions I may have failed, but I just cannot bring myself to do so on a regular basis.
Now your reply is so much different from you earlier post. Take a look at what you wrote and the implication it projects.
“Ultimately the man has to decide whether he is willing to run the risk of hurting his beloved wife (I am assuming she still is his beloved), for the woman normally has a 6th-sense about such things, especially if it continues over a period of time.
I chose one way, others may go the other
, Right or wrong, I dun care to say, for it is the individual’s choice.”
You are clearly telling bros that if they cheong, they run the risk of hurting their wives since their wives will eventually know since they have the “6th sense”. Then you put it that it is their choice but as for you, you chose one way (presumbly not to cheong) while others may go the other (presumbly to cheong).
Isn’t it obvious that you are trying to project that you DON’T cheong? Of course you can also now qualify your posts that it was not meant to be read that way. What else is new?
Like I said, I’m not trying to discredit you in anyway, just to let you realised that we must be truthful to ourselves and not dream or visualise the saints that we are not. You seemed to be projecting to the forum of how such “goody goody” you are which in this world is not possible for anyone. You seemed to project in the forum of how hard you work towards your relationship and that all things seemed perfect.
Bro, relationships must start with truths not concealed facts. Reality towards oneself, one’s surrounding, one’s life before affecting another. There are so many flaws in your impending relationship that because you project a different image to others, so much so that you also see yourself in that image. As such, you are not able to see the flaws that will harm your relationship.
thaivisitor
Quote:
Originally Posted by
dejavu
Before I get blown away by the impending rebuttal(s), let me qualify myself. I assume, and I don’t suppose I’m very far off from any culture regarding this aspect, that a long-term relationship with a WL is viewed negatively by the majority and deemed as ‘undesirable’.
Well, he has to “hide” or conceal this truth or fact from his family, that’s for sure. But then again, who knows his family will continue to pamper his tirak the way he has so far described, if eventhough they know her story. That he will have a bigger surprise when mum comes to accept and love her?