Quote:
Originally Posted by
nakamara
getting in love is like being is a fairytale land hor? damn song
Well if u ask me,
Reality
is that one climbs the highest mountains and descends the lowest valleys. It is damn “song” but it is also damn “siong”. Life not a bed of roses, nor is it thorns all the way.
Even if that person is the right one for you, essentially it is 2 completely different persons (no matter how compatible u think u are) coming together, trying to mesh each other’s different personality, habits, culture, beliefs with the other, that we may share our lives as one.
Staying as 2 individuals, even as both seek to become joined as one. Bringing together 2 sets of friends/relatives, enlarging our worlds even as its gonna take a lot of getting used to. No longer can one do as he/she likes w/o taking into account the impact on the other. And being so far away from each other physically, at least for now, love (while it is the pre-requisite,) has to be nurtured by trust. Without mutual trust, the love cannot be sustained, for very soon, jealousy, mistrust, insecurity, etc will creep in to eat up whatever love there was and soon it is all but over.
Inspite of all the pains and difficulties, and given that I knew what I know now about her & about myself, if I had the chance to do it all over again, would I go thru it and still pick the same person? My answer is “YES, without a shadow of doubt”. In fact if I would have done it 6 months earlier, had I know her heart and mind about me. I wouldn’t miss this boat the 1st time, like I did before.
Thx bro free n bro bangkok master.
I dont really know how to speak or understand thai, just lucky that the gal i noe is from thai n working in Malaysia. She knows how to speak fluent eng. Will try on the Sawasdee calling card, n will intro to other calling card if ive tried n let other bros here got the info. Cos oversea call is really very exp
Quote:
Originally Posted by
free
If any bro has a more cost effective approach, pray share. Money to teh telecoms company can definitely be put to better use.
Calls to thailand is expensive, it wouldn’t be any cheaper. For those using starhub line, 018 is the best deal liao, acceptable clarity and realiable connection. Need not to buy those calling cards.
Those using M1 or singtel can really give sawadee card a try lor..100 mins for $8.50. Can buy in Golden Miles too. The other one is E-card. 139 mins for $9.00. Call until your HP break down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
free
Well if u ask me,
Reality
is that one climbs the highest mountains and descends the lowest valleys. It is damn “song” but it is also damn “siong”. Life not a bed of roses, nor is it thorns all the way.
Without mutual trust, the love cannot be sustained, for very soon, jealousy, mistrust, insecurity, etc will creep in to eat up whatever love there was and soon it is all but over.
Inspite of all the pains and difficulties, and given that I knew what I know now about her & about myself, if I had the chance to do it all over again, would I go thru it and still pick the same person? My answer is “YES, without a shadow of doubt”. In fact if I would have done it 6 months earlier, had I know her heart and mind about me. I wouldn’t miss this boat the 1st time, like I did before.
Hi brudder free
Have been following your thread ( as well as your other postings like how to tell if a gal lurves u ). Can see that u have found the woman of your life and are very much in love. Your experience will help those who have loved ( especially foreign women ) but who have lost to not feel too bitter or devastated. Am very happy for you and yours….
Quote:
Originally Posted by
free
Well if u ask me,
Reality
is that one climbs the highest mountains and descends the lowest valleys. It is damn “song” but it is also damn “siong”. Life not a bed of roses, nor is it thorns all the way.
Bro, I don’t think YOU understand what reality is about. I’ve asked you questions both here and in “My Filial Daughter” thread, but your answers were not what was told me me by others.
Bro, I’m not flaming you but you like to paint the picture of your “prefect” relationship which I say, like a dream. Now, I’m going to be the wettest blangket you will have and if you want to survive your relationship “til death do you part”, you better do some deep thinking and find some solutions.
Bro, you have to be truthful to yourself and to your future love one. Not that you should go about telling her of what you’ve done or who you have done with or whatever.
You said you have not had any commercial sex while you are with Film. In January this year, you came to Hatyai. Although I was not around, you did book a girl from Kiss Lounge and you also did book a FL from Paragon Disco. Though you said you did not do anything in the room with the girls because you felt guilty when you thought of your “love”, it is very hard to believe that you would take 2 girls and don’t do anything with them. Moreover, from the girl’s mouth, that wasn’t the case. BTW, they have no reasons to lie whatsoever. Anyway, I’m not going to argue with you as to whose lying or whatever. And I also don’t want to tell you things that I know to prove you wrong in your saying that “Film” is the only one in your heart and you are so faithful to her or whatever.
You told me you went for a medical checkup before you went up to be with your “love” and in the same conversation said you both went for medical checkups together. I didn’t want to point your contradiction then.
Also, I don’t know what financial situation you are presently, but did you tell your “love” that your “advance cheque” nearly didn’t come, and then some assistance was also handed out to you for your trip there as the advance isn’t sufficient? It meant to say you actually couldn’t afford that trip. BTW, had I known it earlier, I would have told you NOT to go as it is ridiculous to travel on borrowed funds, no matter how close the people are to you.
What kind of impression your love and her family has of you? That you will be able to support them comfortably? I’m not talking about luxury. That your parents, relatives, siblings will be sure to love her and dote on her?
That is why I say you must bring her to SG and live with you for a couple of months to let her see for herself.
Don’t tell me that your “love” has said she will be with you thru “thick and thin” and whatever cos, it always have to be “thick” first, before she will go thru the “thin”.
Like I said, you had the opportunity to do your “research” and see whether she meets your requirement. But she has not.
I’m sorry what I have pointed out isn’t delightful on the ears. But that’s me, straight to the point and to the heart to make it as painful as possible. If you live thru it, you’ll still got a chance, only a chance.
My 2 cents worth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
free
Just an enquiry regarding your note. Declaration of marital status - unmarried or divorced is acceptable, isnt it?
Also as we are planning to register in LOS, there is no nothing I need to do about MOM, I think.
Anyway she has no working records with MOM.
Wrong? Check back the information I gave on the requirements on the procedures of marrying a thai in LOS in Adult Sex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Bangkok Master
Another case of traditional thai family antics trying to force marriage for monetary purposes, luckily your gf is still able mantain her stand, if not she will be just be one of the many who sacrifices for the family.
Apparently I think your gf is already “Tit-Jai” towards you already if not because mostly thai girls would not spur the chances of marrying the rich so to secure their so called “Life time pension”.
This will be the only opposition party that I think you are going to face in her family although he had divorced the mum cos I think not matter what the thais will still have to inform the elderly that they are getting married or engagement. But nevertheless you had already got the green light from the mum and step-father so it would matter much.
I’m surprise at your observations and conclusions, considering you are also one who have a thai tirak.
Anyway, I’m not doubting bro Free’s story but I always take it with a pinch of salt.
KNN, gone are the days whereby a guy actually goes to see a girl’s family to seek approval for marriage. Whether it is thailand or SG, it’s the same. The guy and the girl already decide, and it is only “fomality”. The girl brings the guy back to “show” them who she is with, not to seek approval. You mean to say if grandma or anybody doesn’t approve of Free, the relationship is off? Please, spare me lah….
KNN both of them when decided to be with each other have already been slepping with each other, you think the girl so stupide if her marriage requires permission?
My 2 cents worth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
free
Nope, I am more concerned about her real father than the step one. I had observed the step father for a while, thru interactions with him together with his brother and neighbours and he is just like a younger version of Dancer’s dad - a good and responsible man who loves his wife and family.
Her own father is the one who wanted her to marry a rich frinnd’s son - for his own selfish benefit (gain the guy’s favor). ….
She was later tricked by the father into accompanying him to dinner with his friend, and only upon arrival at the restaurant did she realised what was happening, when she saw a young & handsome looking man there as well. …
At this point she doesn’t want me to meet with her real dad, nor tell him much about how far we have progressed until she is sure he can’t create any more problems for us. In fact she doesn’t talk to him often nor intend to visit him for sometime to come.
She also do not want to ask him for any financial support no matter how hard life becomes for her
, cos he will expect to her obey him and do whatever he expects, as if she owes him an ROI. Kind of a shitty father she;s got,
I can see that all the people around her (or who call her) and who mattered to her are from her mum’s side, so I am not bugged by her father. I too have no wish to see him now, cos I fear I may lose control of myself and tick him off instead. If anything I am really sore at his selfish act. If we can have his blessings for our union, that’s cool. If not, so be it. He is not exactly the kind of father-in-law I want to have anyway. I dun speak bad about him with my tirak, cos he is still her father and I dun want to hurt her, but she also knows I don’t respect him as a man (even if I have to respect him as her father - she said good enough for her).
Of course her story with the support of her family has to be true lah… her dad the bad guy, etc, etc. And I haven’t heard of one that will tell me the opposite. I mean “love is blind” so no matter what, step dad is the “father of the year”, “love” will be the most filial daughter, everything will be “perfect”..
BTW, why should she even think of “not asking for financial support from dad no matter how hard life becomes for her” since did is in deep financial crisis? This think shouldn’t even have crossed her mind for her to mention? So the fact that it is mentioned is either dad is not in deep financial crisis, or she didn’t mentioned this but you said it to make her look more “perfect”?
Have it ever cross your mind that if you were to meet with real dad, some truth which was kept from you might appear? Of course it couldn’t be. They are the perfect family and all else is in the wrong.
Do you want to me put out some “facts” here to show that dad is not so bad a guy afterall as compared to the “good and loving” stepfather? I haven’t met them lah… but I do know of Film’s history and I’m damn good at anlysing.
BTW, I even had Film’s thai phone number even before you told me she’s your tirak. And no, she doesn’t know who I am.
And Also, don’t get me wrong, I’m not discouraging you on your “mission of love”, just telling you not to “see” or “paint” the relationsihp as one that is “perfect”. Although you didn’t say it was perfect, but in all of your posts, is there any element that isn’t “perfect”?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
thaivisitor
Of course her story with the support of her family has to be true lah… her dad the bad guy, etc, etc. And I haven’t heard of one that will tell me the opposite. I mean “love is blind” so no matter what, step dad is the “father of the year”, “love” will be the most filial daughter, everything will be “perfect”.
BTW, why should she even think of “not asking for financial support from dad no matter how hard life becomes for her” since did is in deep financial crisis? This think shouldn’t even have crossed her mind for her to mention? So the fact that it is mentioned is either dad is not in deep financial crisis, or she didn’t mentioned this but you said it to make her look more “perfect”?
This story comes from the maternal side, yes I am aware and there’fore the dad will definitely be the badder guy. This story was known to me way before there was anything between Film and I. At that time, I was dating Dancer and Rain wasn’t even in the horizon yet. Film had her own tirak too then and I knew about that during that time we were just ordinary friends . In fact we often confide our gf/bf problems in each other.
I am aware of Film’s past, and even knew some people who knew her. What she has gone thru, as far as I am concerned, she has left it behind and that is good enough for me. Whatever you know, that is your privilege and I would appreciate it u do not bring it up here. Let her leave the past behind in peace. When I chose her, I did not do so with rose-tinted glasses and blind love. If anything, I had 3 other ladies to choose from, all as good or better from many perspectives. Like I had said, given an orthordox way of looking at things, esp the SGrean way, I have the least reasons to chose her. But I see beyond the obvious and the potential she has in her is good enough for me. I love her inspite of her past’, and I was no angel anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
thaivisitor
Have it ever cross your mind that if you were to meet with real dad, some truth which was kept from you might appear? Of course it couldn’t be. They are the perfect family and all else is in the wrong.
Do you want to me put out some “facts” here to show that dad is not so bad a guy afterall as compared to the “good and loving” stepfather? I haven’t met them lah… but I do know of Film’s history and I’m damn good at analysing
My only quarrel with her dad is that he should not have tried to get her to marry someone she is not keen on, plus he had been told of my existence and my relationship with her.S ure, any good dad wiould want his daughter to have a good husband but to base “good” simply on whether he got dough or not? Even if he is a playboy? How long will it before he dumps her and gets a mia noi? Does he even care? Maybe he is just being a Thai. But Film & I dun agree with the way he did it.
And to pressure her to go travel 4 hours in the vehicle barely 2 days after her operation (which I also had myself so I know full well) when she can hardly walk just to do what he wants is certainly very selfish to me. Fílm’s reason for not want to go to him for financial support now was simple. It will also be the best excuse he has to reject her choice of me as her tirak. She is not in deep financial crisis now. I simply said she would rather not go to him for help, even if she is, cos she does not want to be beholden to him. That would be in line with the Film I know.
And this I can understand. I myself had the same apprehension about my own mother when I was in Uni cos she was rather money-faced then and does expect a ROI if I go to Uni on her funding. Plus some other personal reasons why I felt she was biased against me compared to my elder brother (obvious to all except her). Hence I did it on my own. Only years later did we reconcile as she was getting old, and I’d rather let bygones and I also can understand her reasons for being unfair to me when I was young, even though what she did to me was definitely wrong.
As for her real dad , I am aware that he may be facing some problems recently (not in the past), but unless he choose to work with me, I have no intention to help (even if I can), nor does she expects me to. Having said that, she does feel some stress cos he is after all her dad. That was what led to the smoking saga.
Also I have not said that the step-father brought her up. He took care of mum and his own 2 sons; Its granny that brought her up. That’s why granny is the most impt person to her. But it would be right to say he is a good man. At least from my own observations, which I trust more than what anyone else can tell me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
thaivisitor
BTW, I even had Film’s thai phone number even before you told me she’s your tirak. And no, she doesn’t know who I am.
I am not surprised if you have her number. I never said she was a sweet goody 2-shoes in her younger days. If I expect that, she wouldn’t even be in my radar, let alone get chosen. Dancer’s classmate would have topped the chart then. I have also said I accept her past cos it is over (and must remain over). That is why it took a lot to choose her. But I dun have any regrets this far, even when someone got hold of her number recently and left an sms. It did not bug me badly as I have already prepared myself that such things may happen, and it may not be totally within her control. I only want to know if she is still in contact with anyone voluntarily. In this case. I know for sure that she did not give that person her new number, and someone stupid galfriend of hers did. Whether she told me that is immaterial. It was the person who told me when I made contact, and that is what counts. So I knew she did not lie to me. For if she did, we wouldn’t be together today.
However for my own benefit, I would appreciate it if you could pm me the number u have. I just want to know if that is the old number or the new number she has now. She has agreed that should the new number get out of control cos some of her stupid gal frds dun know how to maintain confidentiality and still pass it around when asked to, we will get it changed. There are still some friends who dun seem to understand that she has cut off her past, never to go back. I have made it clear to her that if these few frds cannot understand this simple desire of hers, and still continue to pass her number around, she has to cut these friends off. Else I can also accept them as my friends. In fact I just met one today and visited another with her in BKK. This situation - no compromise from me. It is her job to inform these friends that her hp no. is now confidential.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
thaivisitor
And Also, don’t get me wrong, I’m not discouraging you on your “mission of love”, just telling you not to “see” or “paint” the relationsihp as one that is “perfect”. Although you didn’t say it was perfect, but in all of your posts, is there any element that isn’t “perfect”?
It’s ok. There is no need for me to hang out dirty linens in the public, right? As long as she has told me enough, and her past remains the past, I am ok. Never claimed she is perfect, nor am I perfect. As she IS TODAY, she is more than good enough for me. I have my past too and I think worse, my present. She is putting up with my PRESENT idiosyncracies which is not easyat all.. For example, barely 2-3 hrs ago, I went crazy for some stupid reasons that dun even concern her, but she bore the brunt of my frustrations and stress, cos she knows me well enough to know that I am not really venting it out on her. But in the heat of it, it was tough on her nevertheless. Even as I see her imperfections, she has helped me become more aware of my own. Anyway I rather have a woman with an imperfect past, but works hard to be a better person both for me and for herself, now and in the future. Rather than one with a seemingly perfect past, but turned out to be a temperamental monster. I learnt my lesson 1st hand, and it is enough.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
thaivisitor
You said you have not had any commercial sex while you are with Film. In January this year, you came to Hatyai. Although I was not around, you did book a girl from Kiss Lounge and you also did book a FL from Paragon Disco. Though you said you did not do anything in the room with the girls because you felt guilty when you thought of your “love”, it is very hard to believe that you would take 2 girls and don’t do anything with them. Moreover, from the girl’s mouth, that wasn’t the case. BTW, they have no reasons to lie whatsoever. Anyway, I’m not going to argue with you as to whose lying or whatever. And I also don’t want to tell you things that I know to prove you wrong in your saying that “Film” is the only one in your heart and you are so faithful to her or whatever.
U missed out on one very important point in my story. I did say very clearly that in between relationships I can let myself go wild cos too much abstainence (DIY substitution oso got limitation right?). And that period in HY (my 1st time there) was when I was still rather nao jao and felt “unatttached” and felt I just wanted to get to know them better, cos it was not long after I walked off from Film and dated others. I did not “book” that gal “from” Kiss Lounge in the normal sense. I dun even know where is KISS lounge today. All I knew was she is a frnd of my nong and we met at her birthday party in our hotel and I found her interesting, cos cannot speak thai properly. But as I told u, the time with her was a disaster and there was no mood at all. In fact I told her she was rather rude. That is why I never called her the next day (went to Paragon instead) and she was pissed at me. Just told my Nong what happened a couple of days ago coz I never talked about it b4, as it was a bad experience. But I did tell my Nong while at Paragon that she called and was angry I did not want to meet her again. The one at Paragon Disco, I had a good time with. I still have her hp and we have been talking on and off until recently. She had invited me to visit her again over CNY when I was in BKK (alone for a couple of days) but I did not accept her invite, cos by then, my let-go period was about to be over. Before and over CNY (1 single trip), I had met with Film (for my birthday), then Dancer, stayed alone for 3 days (during election period. could have gone to HY if I wanted), and then spend another 4 days with Dancer’s classmate, so u can see I was definitey not in a “Steady-State” mindset at that time yet. BTW, the hp of the 1st (rude) one, I deleted that same night she screamed at me for not calling her again. I still have the 2nd’s even though I no longer called her.
Quote:
You told me you went for a medical checkup before you went up to be with your “love” and in the same conversation said you both went for medical checkups together. I didn’t want to point your contradiction then.
I said I went for my checkup (in SG) and when I was there, I went together with her for her checkup
sorry if I had caused u to misunderstand. I had to do mine first cos I had to made sure I have the neccesary protection against Hep B. Can’t wait till I go up cos it takes 1 month for the immunity to set in.
Quote:
Also, I don’t know what financial situation you are presently, but did you tell your “love” that your “advance cheque” nearly didn’t come, and then some assistance was also handed out to you for your trip there as the advance isn’t sufficient? It meant to say you actually couldn’t afford that trip. BTW, had I known it earlier, I would have told you NOT to go as it is ridiculous to travel on borrowed funds, no matter how close the people are to you..
U know what? I did not hide the “almost didn’t make it” thingy from her. That was the 1st thing I told her when she met me at Don Muang. That’s why we plan the next trip further apart so that it dun happen again. Better make sure dough is in before making preparations/bookings. Else would not have discuipline ourselves and not go for Air Asias $1.99 offer.Ços other things still cost money.
Again, u mis-heard. I said my customer delayed his payment (for a completed job and enough to cover the trip and more) by 2 weeks and luckily another party gave me a consulting job, pre-paid. I had given a lot of free advice to this new party in the past and this was his way of repaying - prepay me for a job we had agreed upon, and he knew why I asked if he could prepay me. After all, he is my professor.
Quote:
What kind of impression your love and her family has of you? That you will be able to support them comfortably? I’m not talking about luxury. That your parents, relatives, siblings will be sure to love her and dote on her?
That is why I say you must bring her to SG and live with you for a couple of months to let her see for herself..
I know my own family well enough that they will be AOK with her. Other relatives, dun know but no reason to have to worry, cos got good precedence.
She knows I am not rích (hopefully only during this WIP period only) and that’s one of the reasons why she is learning a useful skill (hey that cost money too) so that she can lighten my burden. She also knows that I am showing I trust her by sending her for the course that will help her to be financially independent of me and that I will not do that if I only wanted to possess her and not really love her. We should be able to make enough to live a decent live in BKK. And she had sort of gone thru a real dry period with me, when I did not provide a single cent esp during my Nao Jai period. Not long enough perhaps cos only 2 months but I had not given her an indication when the dry period would end, and her response was good enough for me at this point. At the time when I was “down and could not support her”, she turned around to support me with all the encouragement I needed/wanted cos she said she wants to support me at the time when I can’t support her cos to her that’s when I needed her most. Do I need for her to go sell her body to feed me in order to prove herself? I think not. Am sure u won;t do that too. I knew how she struggled to survive, and the odd jobs she had to do, plus eating Mamas ever so often. Of course her sis helped out, and that’s why even as I was mad at the sis, I have to be thankful too.
Quote:
Don’t tell me that your “love” has said she will be with you thru “thick and thin” and whatever cos, it always have to be “thick” first, before she will go thru the “thin”.
We dun know this answer yet, cos none of us have been tested sorely enough. What I know is that if it is money alone she is after, she had better choices. Marrying that rich kid is a nice convenient and easy option, for example. Or going back to her past, as she will have far less financial worries. I am not really her Prince in Shining armour, only the pauper who loves her and will do whatever within my means for her.
Quote:
Like I said, you had the opportunity to do your “research” and see whether she meets your requirement. But she has not.
I’m sorry what I have pointed out isn’t delightful on the ears. But that’s me, straight to the point and to the heart to make it as painful as possible. If you live thru it, you’ll still got a chance, only a chance.
Dun worry, I welcome your wet blanket. It is not often that one finds a blanket that wet and it is a valuable find. The more arrows I can get from you and when the r/s still survives, the more sure I will be that it can last.
She will have her chance to do her research, its beginning soon. But we are not getting married tomorrow or next month. We are now only at the stage where we felt that we are the right person for each other and we want to work hard to complete the walk. Could be at least year away unless things turned out well faster than expected.