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for many women, if u send sms saying how u like to fuck your ex n what position she like, they cant take it. its not the cheating that hurts, but the betrayal in your feelings. if u love your wife, u shouldnt have such feelings for your ex. btw 30 sms in one day like that, its not reminiscing about old times hor.
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even if ex is in kl, sending 30 sms a day means something is wrong w your relationship or she have some lingering feelings for him. u all married for so many years, u have to carefully examine your marriage n see what is lacking.
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anyway get backdoor ready, dont b caught unaware n gabra when the bomb drop one day.
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Do you have a open communication with your wife…do both of you communicate…talk about how both of you feel and what you are thinking or what happen in each other’s life…..
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Do you have a good sex life? How often do both of you make love in a week?
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Do you both have children?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mango
I have been married for years. My relationship with my wife is very good and steady. Everyday, she gives me a kiss before we head for our working place. And every here and then, I will buy her presents. I still have very strong feeling about her.
bro, please, get ready a backdoor for yourself:
Good! You can do home cleaning. That shows that you are a tidy person.
Yes, it may not be right to touch your people’s belongings. To me, (
in your case
) a lawful husband has the right to touch your wife’s mobile-phone and that’s nothing wrong with that!
You have to make clear of this point first. Are they seeing each other?
If the above point no. 2 is yes,
Observe
her carefully.
We, brothers here can provide you with our views and advises. Return to forum and update us
if
you want to seek further helps.
Now back to home. everything seems like normal to her, doing what she did usual. I also act normal, but my feeling is boiling inside. I hv to figure out what should i do next step. Of course, i wanna to keep this family, we have been marry for 2 years, FYI, i am 29. and she is 27.
I thanks all brother so helpful,
I will report more about the sms contains if i have a chance to see it again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mango
Now back to home. everything seems like normal to her, doing what she did usual. I also act normal, but my feeling is boiling inside. I hv to figure out what should i do next step. Of course, i wanna to keep this family, we have been marry for 2 years, FYI, i am 29. and she is 27.
I thanks all brother so helpful,
I will report more about the sms contains if i have a chance to see it again.
Dear Mango
sorry to hear about your tragic discovery. I’m more of a conversationist so whatever problems come, I always tell my wife, we must openly discuss. In fact I’m 90% honest with my wife even to the extent of who I go out with girls or guys and what I do with them but remember only 90% truth in my content. Whatever will hurt my relationship I just censor it off because to me outside flink is like some of our brothers golf session that’s all. Can let go any time but wife is for a lifetime.
so my advise is date your wife out to a really nice cafe/restaurant for dinner then get the mood relax etc, then slowly express your feelings for her all over again. then slowly introduce the fact that no matter what she did, you will forgive her and love her the same. And then try slowly to probe whether she’ll tell you what’s going on between her and her ex. My gut feeling is she is just plain bore and sms(es) her ex for some mental entertainment.
Take it easy bro. Just don’t ever throw your anger at her first. Secure her in your arms and then slowly pry open the hurts or betrayal. It is in such perceived “safe” enironment that perphaps she’ll tell all.
Take care and do keep us up date, with good news hopefully.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mango
Thanks for the advise.
Personally, i am not angry, but disappointed. i feel like being cheated by the one i trust most. You will understand if you been throught the same thing. I love my wife so much, and i care about her. After I see the SMS, I feel lost, and still disappointment.
Sorry, i am not able to hiring the privited detector after her. Her ex is somewhere in KL, it is unlikely they will meet, unless he or she make some travel.
For the sexual sms part, there are like, which sex position they like, and how often of her sexual activities. and some more that I have no time to read. Do you think what if the gals take this way? If a gals you know from ICQ or IRC that about this, you will know you definately can get her into bed.
I dont hv the gut to raise this matter to her, I am so scare somehow if this will make a big quarrel between us. Since we know from the first day, we have never had a quarrel.
Ai…. sometimes, I think, i go HC, TN shop, Pub and flirt with tonne of gals, what big deal with the sms? Haha… if i really can accept this, problem solve
A lot of quarrels and misunderstandings are often caused by the lack of trust… She is definitely very close to her ex and this is a true fact in which you should have already know it even before you married… It’s just like your current wife may have lots of bfs before and they have relationship which is more than just holding hands… This is a matter of fact which cannot be changed… The past relationship with her exs will often make her feel comfortable to talk to them on sexual stuffs…. So, you mustn’t come into any conclusions just by the sms that they have been messaging each other… Some of the friends do called their good friends as Dear, Sweetheart etc.. It might be because they have gotten use to calling each other “Names”… The guy is her Ex and they have known each other for so long, perhaps even longer than you… So, it is perfectly normal that they feel more comfortable with one another and can talk on anything… I know it hurts to know that but this is the matter of fact…
I used to have the same feelings as well… The feeling of not able to be “more close” with my girl than her ex… And this results in suspicious and being paranoid… And it hurts a lot but no choice… But then you have to accept it.. And for your case, she is already your wife.. If you don’t even trust her, what can I say… She can leave her mobile lying around and not afraid of being seen by you.. What does that imply? That means she trust you and she knows that even if you see it, you should have understand her… Ask youself again.. Will you be stupid enough to leave your outside gfs messages in your phone and just let your wife to see, if she happens to get hold of your mobile?? If you won’t, so she won’t be so stupid as well…
I have very good female friends who are either married or attached… And we do talked on anything.. It’s because they feel comfortable talking to me on all stuffs… Certain things are very hard for them to talk to their bfs or husbands… They feel more comfortable to talk to their friends.. Be it guys or girls, most importantly is that they feel close to them and they trust them… And did I do anything to them besides just listening and giving them my opinion? The answer is NO… And I do know their husbands and bfs in person…
If you truly loves her, will you still “eat” the “wild flowers” outside??? What have you done yourself outside compared to just the sms that she and her ex is sending to each other… Ask youself this… And I can’t imagine that you are so worked out and you doesn’t even trust her…. If you do treasure the relationship, try to talk to her and treat her even better… She will appreciate it… Of course not up to the extend of questioning her in an “Interrogating” tone… Just casually chat with her and can ask something like.. “Do you still have contacts with your old friends. It’s been a long time since I have seen you going out with your old friends.. " etc.. kinds of stuffs… And from there, you might be able to find out some info… I am not sure how’s the way you communicate with your wife.. But you can always find something to chat about… Even if you are not able to find out info on her Exs, at least she will apreciate that you are still concern about her and her friends…
If she really was to have outside affairs, you won’t be able to find out so easily.. And nowadays, the society has evolved… If she wants to leave you, she can find millions of reasons to justify her actions…. So, why not just trust her and continue loving her…
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Libra
so my advise is date your wife out to a really nice cafe/restaurant for dinner then get the mood relax etc, then slowly express your feelings for her all over again. then slowly introduce the fact that no matter what she did, you will forgive her and love her the same. And then try slowly to probe whether she’ll tell you what’s going on between her and her ex. My gut feeling is she is just plain bore and sms(es) her ex for some mental entertainment.
Take it easy bro. Just don’t ever throw your anger at her first. Secure her in your arms and then slowly pry open the hurts or betrayal. It is in such perceived “safe” enironment that perphaps she’ll tell all.
Take care and do keep us up date, with good news hopefully.
Bro, You are a typical Librian…
Me too…
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Mango
Now back to home. everything seems like normal to her, doing what she did usual. I also act normal, but my feeling is boiling inside. I hv to figure out what should i do next step. Of course, i wanna to keep this family, we have been marry for 2 years, FYI.
In my opinion, you have to ask yourself a few questions…..
for questions 1 n 2, they are more for you to work at it…..improve your communication with your wife, i mean talk to her more……tell her your feelings and ask her about hers………have a good sex life……..if you can answer these 2 questions with flying colours…you should be able to reduce other ‘issues’ like extra affairs, or even flirts….
as for question 3, use them to create a unbreakable bond…..go out more often together, have meals together………spend more time together whenever possible…….
I believe she will have no time or mood to sms that guy if you can keep these in tack……………..
just my two cents worth……….cheers!
hey mate, keep your cool…I was in your position too….but please, please please dont use violent against the person you love or once loved. Take afew hours away from thinking about such thing and it will go away for awhile (at least it cool you down). Never resort to violence, i did that and i regretted it. Don’t follow me and end up lonely in this house.
Just act normally, once you have the chance to be with her, ask her casually about her work, her ex-BF then other matter….at least you know bit by bit without directing to the subject. But if you must, just try asking non-sensitive quuestion…like “how’s your ex doing?” or “you guys still keep in touch”..maybe from here you could understand you wife better.
and once again.. i am humbled by mdx greatness.. even if Confucius were to walk the earth again, delivering his supremely authoritative and grand teachings, he could not have surpassed the manner in which mdx did..
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Wannabeone
as for question 3, use them to create a unbreakable bond…..go out more often together, have meals together………spend more time together whenever possible…….
I believe she will have no time or mood to sms that guy if you can keep these in tack……………..
just my two cents worth……….cheers!
I agree with you the most on this point… Love her and pamper her more and she won’t even have time to sms that guy…
Mango, trust youself and trust your wife… She has already chosen you…. So, be more confident and treat your wife even better instead of starting to neglect her… If she ever leave you in the end, it might not be because of her having outside affairs.. But it might be because that you have been neglecting her…