Wah liao, for all those who click on because of the “chim” word “Chronicles” in the title and thinking that this will be well written story thread, I very the sorry.
This thread will not be Grammar masterpiece. I am one of the F-Up sinkie whose Engerish and Jiang Chua ji (华语) both also cannot make it! I purposely use the word Chronicle because I want a “sart” and “Kilat” title and I happen to see the advertisement for “Chronicles of Narnia” which so steady sounding.
BTW, if you ever pronouce or pun on the word “Narnia” as “Ni Na Hia” like I do….. you must face facts – you got a bladdy Chao Ah Beng sense of humour! (High Five!)
I will now tell you the background of my story and why I start this thread, starting with the very defintion of a Lao Hero.
Definition of a Lao Hero:
I got the my nick name Lao Hero in my work place and somehow it stuck.
A lao hero is one who is simply daring - almost foolhardy. He can’t be assed about what others’ think of him. Most probably the lao hero is so densed that he doesn’t even know or care that others are laugh AT him anyway!
At work, when the boss gives an unreasonable order or made a stupid comment - you can bet that Lao Hero will open his CB mouth to pass a remark or suggestion. And you can bet his remarks -suggestions will be even dumber than the bosses’ comments. (The Lao hero thinks that the shaking of one’s head, or slapping of the palms of the forehead and chorus of “wah lan-wah liao” are analoguous to applause)
Other derring do of a Lau Hero involve simple things. Such as like during ‘mah-jong’ when got “Kou-cheong”, the lao hero is expected to discard the the ‘forbidden mahjong card’ and has to pay for everyone game.)
The Lau hero is also the aging romeo. It is particularly funny if he plays the romeo on a “lau hiao”. Lao Hiao is a aging aunty looking bitch who still dresses provocatively.
Good luck to you if you happen to catch a zaogeng, upskirt or peekaboo of a lau hiao. Its dam disgusting and a nightmare. (Even Lao heros are advised not to throw the “forbidden mahjong card” if he accidently see a Lao Hiao’s panties.Its that suay (bad luck))
The Lao Hero is also famous for his fashion faux pas. For example , this uncle’s Fashion sense so lao-yah, tat even ah soh at market comment my colour combination.
I once wore an Orange T-shirt with Green Bermudas and blue slippers which invited an ah soh to remark tat my dressing “cannot match”.
What is ridiculous is tat the ah soh who made this comment thinks tat to douse oneself with hong u is the same as spraying yourself with perfume. The bitch actually thinks tat “hong u” is like Chanel No 5 perfume - she literally doused herself with “hong u” and think she smell good.
Anyway I am cheapskate. I thot if got headache, i need only to go near her and smell her - save money as no need to buy hong u medicated oil. But KNS (which means “Kan Na Sai” or “like shit” literally) …. what I didn’t realise is tat everyone got personal bawu - and that when combined wrongly (with hong u) emit a smell worse than shit. The first time i sniffed the aunty because I want to save money on Hong U, I vomitted.
Now that you know what a lau hero is, I will tell you about how i lived up to my billing as a lau hero……. stay tuned folks!
Ai say … barely two posts and already I did a “Lao Hero”:
The definition of Lao Hero above is something I wrote long ago. That was when I kept a blog. I just copy and paste.
BTW I used to think that keeping a blog will get chicks’ panties wet as writers (or any creative persons) is seen as sexy … but apparantly this is not true. Blog or no blog, my didi have interfaced more with my own hands than anything else.
This could also be because of my looks and my cheapskate nature. I use to look like pui pui like Wayne “shrek” Rooney and equally butt ugly. But since I suffered some digestive problems, I have lost weight drastically. Unfortunately I still have pot belly
… when I stand sideways in profile, I look like a small letter “b”.
Talking about Wayne Rooney, when he did his hair transplant, I also did the same. But I being cheapo and Lao Hero go to all Hair Treatment Shop - your beijing 101, fa bao, yunan and don’t not what other China province hair treatment name … I just get free sample and trial but never sign any package!
….. I know what some of ya are thinking, so much lan cheow talk but where is the sex?
coming lah, please be patient …. you think its like how I make love is it? Foreplay one minute and the next thing its the pum pum ….. and after another one minute its the cum cum!
wah… till now the show haven started. the ads very long ler…
i go ‘bomb tokyo’ 1st then come bk, the timin shld b jus nice.
Dun wori lao hero, we ah beng ah lian wil support u gao gao
Cum meh lo, mai tu liao start the bola rolling!
Good combination of Engerish and Hotkein. Laughing my way through as I read along.
Tell us the Lao Hero way!
Wah… this is really like going to the cinema… Lots and lots of commercials before the show proper starts. Lao Hero!!! Where are you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ansonsohna
….. I know what some of ya are thinking, so much lan cheow talk but where is the sex?
coming lah, please be patient …. you think its like how I make love is it? Foreplay one minute and the next thing its the pum pum ….. and after another one minute its the cum cum!
Kum Siah (Thank you) for all your sappork, I appreciate it very much ….. btw talking about my love making prowess, actually I flatter myself, sometimes pum pum as in only two strokes, “in-out, in-out” then habis liao!
Thankfully, I am quite good at “painting”. I’m taught in the finer arts of oral sex by my fantasy girl, the story of which I (ahem!) ‘chronicle’ in the below thread. If you are not familiar with this story, kindly read it … like star wars pre-quel mah!
This thread will be something similar to my previous one.
http://sbfsg.world/showthread.php?t=190910
Totally Real Time - with back stories and bo liao current events to fill up the gaps. It will be Real Life and based on my perspective.
If got things to Hao Lian, I will boast. If got cock-up and sibei Low Class things, i also say it straight. Hero what …
For example, I recently tried to make my GF, Olive squirt. I read that to locate a women’s G Spot, you must crock a finger and make a “come here” sign. And that the G Spot feels like a walnut!
I think I took the walnut bit a little too seriously. I korek (dig) here, I korek there … still cannot feel anything walnut. And the next thing I know, my CB mouth open and say: " …wah liao, where got walnut, kachang puteh also cannot find …."