this is the final instalment that will bridge what happened after the breakup till now.
4 following Fridays after that faithful saturday, J did not join in the weekly dinner. i was really hoping to see her. she wasnt online as well and i believe i was blocked from her msn.
On a friday one month later, J finally decided to join in the dinner. i was really glad to see her but was filled with so much emotions again. she ignored me completely.. throughout the entire 3 hours, she did not make a single small talk with me even. i didnt want to initiate as well. i tried many times to catch her eyes, but she intentionally avoided it. throughout the entire dinner, she didnt speak much.. only at times to her sis and mum. i was like a transparent piece of material. i felt helpless but.. what can i do?
Dinners went on for another 1-2 mths being the same. however, smiles were slowly returning to J’s face. she was laughing abit with her sis and mum. at times, she even started little jokes here and there. i tried my best to engage her in conversations, but to no avail.
as mentioned previously, i was hitting the pubs alone and drinking everyday for 4-5 months. i slowly brought myself back to life but diving hard into my work. it paid dividends and 3 months ago, i was ear marked as one of only two persons to be promoted to higher levels. i was climbing up the ladder in a ranked and filed world.. but i was still rather pleased with myself in terms of career.
i was also beginning to be more comfortable with friends around for drinks. life was slowly going back to where it was before J. however, quite often, i find the urge to be alone with my thoughts as i couldnt really forget J. until i started this thread last month.. and the rest, as they say, is history..
so there u go.. i have taken 1 over month to update all these and also to bring u back to present day 14 Sep 2011.
i dont know what is ahead of me.. i thought i was moving along fine.. till this dinner thingy this sat. i will update u all after the dinner if i can. im suddenly a little jittery and uneasy again..
yours truely,
sl
PS out of a meeting now and back in afternoon.. hope to hear from u guys.. cheers
Quote:
Originally Posted by
garyj5
Anyway, i better sign off these comments now or the brothers will find my lamenting boring and a waste of time.
" Live your life as if it’s the last day of your life but plan for your life as if you will live forever"
No bro.. im quite sure that any person still reading this thread now are not those they will say such things. chances of those saying such things would have skipped this thread long ago when all the ‘actions’ stopped
sorry to hear that you have already tried all that i have said but still it didnt help. however, from your earlier post, it seems there is no one in your life now. so, keep trying if possible.
i dont mean to scare you whatsoever but statistics of those in my circle we have remarried aint very encouraging. i personally know 4 friends who entered into their 2nd marriage. only 1 is still happily married after 5 years. of course this does not preclude u from trying. dont mean to dampen your spirits in anyway. just sharing what i have seen.
my thoughts are with u. take care bro.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hardcoremayhem
Bro, thank you for your compliments and if it help, then i am glad. Although i know that my words are of little comfort to you.
Yes. I believe that it is primarily the Ego. Of course, there would be other minute emotions at play as well but primarily the Ego is affected. Pretty much, we would like to be the Only One that our objects of affection think of and feel that we are the Best. The truth is, people are not irreplaceable and that fact, brought to the forefront by J’s new partner, would affect our ego that way.
No doubt, you wish for J to be happy and to move on. Focus on that and convince yourself that if you really love her, then her happiness is all that matters. Convince yourself also that there are things which you provided which are irreplaceable and take comfort in that.
after reading through all your sharing, i realised that you really did not get a chance to tell her your side of the story. The closure was a forced one imposed by her and enacted by her. Perhaps that is why you were affected and still are until today. As i said, maybe you can try acting “normal” at family dinners with no expectation of her reciprocating. Just be yourself.
Also, did it occur to you that she was “punishing” you all this while, know what i mean?
Bro, i was out of office for several hours and this ego subject kept entering my mind all the while. i think u r right.
your statements are so chillingly reflective of my thoughts. i guess i sincerely want her to find someone, no doubt. but also, i hope i will always stay as the numero uno in her heart. this is something i have never said out but when u mention it, it struck deeply. i think u r right, again.
and most of all, u r the first and only one till now to realise that i had no closure, as in no chance to really tell my version of the story to J. that ending msn chat wasnt sufficient of course. furthermore, what i have explained in this thread would likely surpass even how much J knows about me as a person. my emotions (which i seldom share with anyone) before and after the relationship, and why i fell so deeply in love with her.
i wouldnt consider her acts as punishing per se, but it hurts.
the melancholic mood is looming again. gotta get my acts together and try to be normal this sat.
Bro, thanks alot for your advices. i really really appreciate.
sl
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hardcoremayhem
hickey bites, brother. Thank you for the uppz.
holy jexxx cxxxt!!! and i thought only 2 women had posted here. it finally took a woman to really understand a man.
thanks sister.
Sis, i really appreciate your detailed explanation. it is really more than a spoonful and i have never seen it this way. give me some time to digest all these.
but seriously, i really appreciate your analysis and intepretations.
i think i need some whisky.. again..
talk more when im done with thinking abt what u have said.
yours truely,
sl
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hardcoremayhem
hickey bites is a woman?! woh.
erm, bro. i am a 101% bro, btw.
oops.. bro, im sorry. pls dont take it in a derogative manner.
hickey bites is a lady. wont go into details except she consoled me via PM. so i thought she has 2 IDs!!!
My bad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
FarAway
I think bro hardcoremayhem brought up many good points, but I have some thoughts to add as well.
What is the intention of your message? To say you treasure the moments spent, know it’s not right.. sorry to have hurt you.. you will find a better person than me.. hope things can be back to normal during family gatherings?
Cheers, my 2 cents, let me know what you think.. sorry for this long essay it took quite a while to pen down my thoughts as well, hope it helps
sorry was busy at work.
hey bro, u r one of the first to reply in this thread and u r still around to hear abt my problems after more than a month. thanks alot.
while your views are alittle diff from bro hardcoremayhem, i thought i would like to add my views on why a ‘proper’ closure is needed. yes, u r absolutely right to say that no matter what i say, it will not change the fact that parting is the best solution. Agreed.
however, allow me to give u an analogy (i know u r saying, wtf, why so many analogies! paisay lah) suppose J is my business partner in a mama shop for years. now we all know that with the Giants, NTUCs and Carrefours, mama shops will be out of business anyway, its just a matter of time. As a partner, i would expect J to tell me when is the date we should close the shop and prolly have a farewell meal to thank each other for the efforts we put into setting up this shop. But what i got was an sms from my partner to say: partner, lets close it. u know its not gonna survive anyway. lets close before we lose till we are bankrupt. and lets do it today. i dont really want to hear from you bcos i will get emotional too and cry." i wasnt even given the chance to set the date, nor a farewell meal or even a chance to visit the mama shop one last time. it was a decision made by one partner on behalf of another partner without talking it out. period.
now, im not sore about it really. J did it for our good. but maybe im a sentimental guy. i really cant accept without a proper closure.
u know what i mean?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hardcoremayhem
Thank you for your kind compliments, dude. After posting all that i did in empathising with the TS, i realised that SBF has relly evolved over the years. I had been with SBF since the late 1990s (with a defunct nick) til now and had surfed it rather regularly. Previously when i posted similar things, i usually get ridiculed by others. Nowadays, it is truly different. Honestly, compared to some of the more mainstream popular forums, SBF appears to have a much more matured base of users.
I agree that it has changed. i really wasnt expecting anyone to give two shits about me and my problems after the juicy part is gone. but was pleasantly surprised that many many ppl still post to talk to me and even think hard and analysis my problems. much like u and bro Faraway.
to be honest, there wouldnt be another more appropriate forum for me to go to. my subject alone would have caused an article or even a headline in The Newpaper. however, what i was surprised was it still has so many ppl willing to talk abt topics outside of sex.
it may sound too altruistic but i do believe what goes around comes around (in a good way.) i geniunely enjoy helping ppl and now that im in the biggest shit of my life, im receiving help here. thanks!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hardcoremayhem
With regards to the “punishing” part, allow me to elaborate a little. What i mean is that the things that she is doing - cold shoulder, willful ignoring - is spiteful. yes, Spiteful. The rationale is that she is feeling bad about all of these and she has to take it out on someone and it cannot be on any one but You. Why you? Because you are the cause of her pain. Her heart break. Her betrayal of the sister she loves. And seeing you also constantly reminds her of what she cannot obtain. Frustration, Pain, Confusion, Sorrow, Self-loathing are all warring and rife within her. So she takes it out on you. Seeing you suffer is a good way to tell herself that you were (partly) to blame because your mute sufferance of her spiteful behaviour is justification that you are guilt as charged (in her mind). Because if you weren’t, you would not be suffering.
That is why i said, to move on; to appear as you were prior to this incident. Put it behind you. Make her feel a little bad. Throw the ball back into her court. After she sees you like this, she may become even more mad but seriously, who the fxxk cares? Eventually, she will come to her senses and will either talk to you and provide proper closure or be forever estranged from you. Either way, you have nothing to lose.
Remember, hell hadth no fury as a woman scorned and we will only hurt those whom we really love (and feel hurt by those whom we truly love).
Be well, brother.
Bro, been thinking your statements for last 2 days. till now, i dont know if what u said could be correct. i always thought that the abrupt and inadequate ending was largely due to her disability to control her emotions, fear of me not agreeing to her decision and most of her, her age. i guess she is too young and immature.
i would be very hurt if she is doing all that to take it out on me.
nonetheless, im trying to attend the dinner with an open heart as what u suggested. I agree thats the best thing to do regardless of how she feels in both extreme scenarios.
u have a great weekend. tgi
F
f!
cheers
sl
Quote:
Originally Posted by
sensit32
Mayb u can try kick boxing,muai Thai n other mma(mix martial arts) the gym is at china St far east
thanks for yr suggestion dude. not really keen on martial arts.
other then drinking, i do vent my frustrations in the gym. not as often as i would like though.
there are really more pubs then gyms near my workplace. thus, its really more convenient to drink.. =)
cheers
sl