my affair with my sis in law

Quote:

Originally Posted by

gottosam

Bro seowlang, hope u r moving along fine and recovering well.

I was chatting with a close buddy of mine and relating to him your story.

He told me that one of his close friends (let’s call him T) also went thru a relationship like yours which lasted for a couple of years…this happened during the first few years of his marriage when T and his wife didn’t have kids yet and wife was busy with her career.

After the relationship with SIL ended (T was the one who initiated the break and SIL was heart-broken but accepted as it was not going anywhere), T still have to see her 2-3 times a week as his in-laws were very insistent of having family dinner together. Initially, it was still ok until when the SIL found a boyfriend later, T fell bad as the boyfriend was very nice to him and even helped him in a couple of situations. SIL and boyfriend married 2 years ago. T’s relief came last year when SIL followed hubby for overseas work posting for 3 years.

How’s your current situation with J…hope it’s ok.

Waiting patiently for your next installment. Cheers!

thanks. i think im moving along pretty well, ever since i shared this story. i wont lie to say i have fully recovered. i guess a part of me died.. seriously.

before J, i was always the life of parties/gatherings. the one also making the jokes and teasing everyone in the group. but since J and i ended, i mellowed down alot. to the extend that a friend whom i havent seen for a long time noticed that i have quietened down alot. i guess its inevitable.

anyway, there were some request for me to reveal how is J and my life after the breakup, esp when we meet. i will go into that when i have some time.

cheers

sl

Gee, i actually have a female samster who created an account just to write to me. she was troubled like me but not with a relative. i hope i can coax her to come out and tell her story. we badly need some female voices here.

someone just up my rep and now when my cursor points at the green cards at the right hand corner, its says:

“Seowlang is a helpful and caring samster.”

wah, a very nice tagline to who ever had created for me. can u identify yourself pls? and how do u change someone’s tagline when u point to their green cards?

this rep doesnt serve any purpose for me but i guess its appreciation for my sharing.

thanks and cheers

Quote:

Originally Posted by

aseandude

Bro Seowlang,

Still envious of your affair story with your SIL.

Getting such unforgettable moments without being caught with unthinkable outcome is something desirable.

A decade ago while attach (gf only, not married) was discovered by gf friend while in a cinema with another girl just holding hands. Something was supposed to happened later but a phone call from my then gf questioning shrunk my balls. Ditched the girl as soon as possible and had an endless night of face to face interrogation that turned sour.

Also an unforgettable memory in a negative way.

Conclusion,

1. Eat forbidden fruit and not discovered = best

2. Eat forbidden fruit and was discovered = bad

3. Before eating forbidden fruit but discovered = worst (like my case!!!)

Its like something you ordered and before eat had to pay and leave immediately.

Considering it looks pretty delicious and the bills expensive!

Biggest regret!

Luckily I wasn’t married or with kids then. Otherwise… It’ll be like not enough money to settle the bill!!!

Hahaha! Sorry bros, just my sense of dark humour to ease the sadness here. But its a true story!

lol

i share yr sense of humor =)

Hi loneyheart,

I appreciate your msg and how what i have experience is prolly just another story that has happened time and again. well, i agree with u.

maybe i will start of with saying that im truely a very emotional person (hope u dont mix it up with a man that likes to cry. thats far from the truth!). i dont really like to talk about my emotions with anyone.. but since this is a forum.. let me share then..

i am always a person with very high expectations of myself. since young, i have always have this inner voice that acts as my strongest encourager as well as critic. i would say most of the time, this inner voice is helpful.

however, it can be the harshest critic, harsher than anyone that i have met before…

for example, when at work

when i fail to clinch a deal, my inner voice will be saying things like: “oh what the fuck went wrong? simple task and u cant even do it!”

when i make mistakes, i often hear within me “XXXXXXX (my name), that is too fucking elementary for u to make such an error!”

that night when i had suicide thoughts for a brief moment, the inner voice was extremely angry, harsh, punishing.. raining blows after blows at me..

“XXXXXX (my name) u r a fucking piece of shit”

“u had to ruin a young girl’s live”

“u are such a pussy that u cannot even hold yr wedding vows”

and it went on for a long time.. i was crashed, devastated, i cried.. but the inner voice wasnt intending to let go.. and then the inner voice finally said:

“XXXXXX, why the fuck are u still here? u may as well fucking jump off and die.”

as i have said, for a brief moment.. i thought abt death. then the scenarios of J and my wife started playing in my mind and my inner voice stayed quiet for a while.

then the next thing that happened was the one that shut the inner voice out for the night..

all of a sudden, my mind had graphics of a funeral. yes, it was my funeral.

i started seeing images of my wife and J kneeling beside my coffin and crying.. and my parents and bros were behind weeping unconsolably. soon, i was seeing scores of ppl whom i have rubbed shoulders with coming in to pay their last respects. my best friends from sec sch, poly, uni days. my army buddies.. my ex colleagues, customers, suppliers, present colleagues and several close friends whom i have met in my life.. they were all feeling extremely sad and many were red eyed. the mood was somehow the same amongst all: “why did XXXXX die? he is still so young.”

i felt i have let everyone down.. but dying would made it even worst. i had to live.

hmm.. that was what was going through my mind at the multi storey carpark that night.

dont worry, i dont have suicide thoughts anymore.

anyway, i hope this is not turning into a “chicken soup for the broken hearts” lol

cheers

Quote:

Originally Posted by

multiverse

my mind is truly my worst enemy.

Paiseh for the boring bits..

your mind can be your worst enemy but sometimes yr best friend as well.

i am just slightly baffled by your post because what is holding u back when your bf is ‘cleared’ for u to be together? he is just performing his responsibility for his previous relationship and there is nothing stopping him from being with u. so why are u insisting on breaking up and making life diff for yrself? unless the reason is that u cant accept his past.

dont worry, it doesnt bore me.

cheers

Quote:

Originally Posted by

garyj5

Bro,

I would like to open and share as well for i have been in very similar situations where marriage has moved from one where i feel that its my duty to be around even though true happiness is no longer there.

bro, im really not sure if im in a position to comment because yours is one that i have not experience before. however, from what i have gathered from your summary, u r unhappy with the lack of physical intimacy (and attraction to yr wife) and happiness. i dont know if both are inter-related but i guess in a way there are. u seemed to be staying on in the marriage just for your kids and that alone is admirable too. u r responsible.

no matter how bad it sounds, a 3rd party should never encourage ppl in the situation to get a divorce of separation. likewise, the same for me. can u ask yrself this 2 questions:

do u still love your wife? what attracted her to you in the first place?

for the 2nd question, take time to actually write down on a piece of paper all the things that made u decide that : hmm.. this is the woman i want to marry." are they still there? if not, what can u do about it?

its common to just keep blaming your wife/partner and not point the finger at yourself. since u already shown some great responsibilities of a father, why not try harder to solve the marriage? ever thought of a marriage counsellor?

pls, no matter what, dont ever be to proud to ask for help.

the lack of physical intimacy is something i can relate to though. try speaking to your wife abt your needs.. be frank but tactful, after all the truth will hurt her.

pls bro, dont try to abandon this marriage and really think u will try your best to find happiness else where. try to solve the problem at hand. having u say that yr wife and u are like great friends talking is already such an encouragement that your problems appear solvable. really.

good luck and hear from u.

cheers

today im on leave so no worries. i chose not to go out and rest at home. so, let this uncle be yr uncle agony. =)

your case is one that has all the alarm bells ringing all over.

1. religion

2. age gap

3. stealing from u

for 1, he is a muslim and that means u have to convert. are u ready? no right or wrong answer. but before u even attempt to answer that, pls find out what a muslim woman has to do. u being a chinese may or may not be able to accept. of cos, we have seen our ever lovely wendy jacobs doing that to fandi. kudos.

2. age gap

that is one bloody huge age gap. one that may be too big, even for myself. J and I has an 11 years gap and i already think its way too big. i cannot imagine yours. say u all overcome everything to be together.. when u r 50, he is 76. should he past on earlier, u r going to be very lonely. that is a bit selfish to think but then again, why shouldnt u think for yourself since there are so many problems in the relp?

3. stealing from u

this has to be the one that says it all. a man, no matter how desperate or indebted, how poor, will never never, ever, steal from within. if that happens, i think this person is almost close to a goner. sorry for the harsh words. i say that bcos i know a very poor man (ex neighbour years ago).. so poor that he has no money for food. and he stole food not for himself, but for his family. he remained hungry. what im trying to say is that no matter what, if u consider the person to be a family, u will never steal from him/her. u may prolly steal for them, but never from them.

being in debt is not an excuse. if one day i will to be bankrupt/in debt for whatever reason, i will not steal from my family. in the worst case, i may be tempted to commit crimes outside to solve the situation but maybe thats the worst that can happen. this is the core characteristics of human beings and especially a man! to protect his family.

u r still young. easy for me to say to u that u should forget him. but u should u know? this man is not for u. i dare say that just based on what u said.

as for crying, i dont know. maybe some men can fake it. but in the first place, do u know why he cried? he could be crying for the fact that he was sorry for himself that he was careless and regretted being caught, not bcos he stole from u. u will never know the real reason why he cry.

every man deserves a chance. that i agree. but since u r not married to him, u have a choice. the choice is yours to make.

cheers

sl

thanks for the messages. by the way, im born in the year of the horse and my zodiac sign is cancer. not really into these things but who is compatible and who is not? =)

Anyway, something really interesting happened last night. i was out drinking with the boys and came back before 1am. my wife was still awake and told me not to make any plans this sat. dinner at my inlaw’s place has been changed from fri to sat. i asked her why and she told me J is bringing a friend.

A FRIEND?!

i asked if its her boyfriend and she said dont know but think most likely. so, im gonna be meeting J’s ‘friend’ this sat. my initial reaction was one that is more of being excited mixed with some happiness that she has a date/bf/partner or whatever it is. on the other hand, there is this strange feeling.. i just dont know what this strange feeling is the entire night..

this morning i woke up and realised what it is.. it was a little bit of jealousy. i know its shouldnt be this way but.. cant help it.. guess im not as magnanimous as i thought i am.. quite dissappointed with myself for having such a feeling actually.

Quote:

Originally Posted by

hardcoremayhem

The first step of recovery is, usually, to admit and face certain facts and then, once the issue is identified; one can move on thereafter.

simplify matters by internalising the entire situation as a break up with a partner and things should fall into place. Yes, i know that it may be an oversimplification but hey, sometimes, the simple solution is the only solution.

PS. i know how you feel. I feel that way when an ex of mine tells me of her current partners but i rationalise it as just my ego not being able to take it.

Hey hardcoremayhem,

thanks for your quick reply. really wanted to hear from another person badly.

i had already admitted and faced all the facts. some bros here even made some statements which make perfect sense to this numbed skull of mine. i thought i was moving along fine. or so i thought..

you reckon its my ego in the works?

A confused and affected Seowlang