Originally Posted by 8387
it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
yang punk
Second that! Bros in sin
it is also better if the other party wants to break-up with you than you with them. Less guilt and just remember you are lucky to have a share of someone who didn’t ‘belong’ to you.
Something is better than nothing! (Console yourself with that!)
Bro Yangpunk,
like i said, together with bro 88387’s statement, yours made this numbed skull thought for quite a while. i kinda of agree with u initially but after much thinking, maybe not.
the best scenario was seriously to have done mission impossible (to be at least) ie. to have rejected J and never started this. It would have just stayed the way it is: she having a crush on me and me fantasizing about her. period.
it is a very different case if J was married. if that was the case, probably it could only be lust between us. had it ended, it would be less unpleasant and sadness as no emotions were involved. ok, let me amend that to LESSER emotions involved. I totally agree with Bella’s take that as long as its an affair, emotions and feelings are involved. its total bollacks if someone says no. those who dont know about Bella, go read her thread under “a woman’s perspective”. great insights from a woman’s point of view.
anyway, what happened has already happened. u r absolutely right to say that i had someone who didnt belong to me in the first place.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Bellatan
Haha, I saw this. you quote me? Gee so honoured but let me add, having a fb, fwb, lover when you are married, if the other partner is not “happily attached” the risks are doubly high. Always remember that. Can u handle it? Guys think they can but not with their big heads but with their small heads
Seowlang, as much as I want to comfort you, you’ll move on fine… It’s either becos u r in the phase you don’t have “someone now” or becos u still have to face her now and then. U knew it was never meant to be for have you seriously considered swapping the status of the sisters?
Good night,
Bella
my friend,
Can I handle I? i would honestly like to answer u *in my most macho voice that i can muster* “yes i can”. but the truth is, i cant. my prob with J clearly spells it all.
I am really surprise at how writing it out helped me alot to clear up fustrations and pent up feelings. i would say that i am recovering alright and if i have to rate myself from 1 to 10 (with 10 being totally recovered), i would say i was a 4-5 before writing and prolly a 7 or maybe even 8 now? I cant really say the same for J though but she is progressing along fine. On hindside, maybe i should have started the thread earlier and would have the courage to meet samsters here for drinks when i needed someone to talk to most. drinking alone in a pub (and belting out songs) really made me seriously looked like a bloody loser but i didnt had a choice back then.
you last question was something i asked myself and also posted earlier in the thread.. let me repost what i wrote..
quote
I shudder to think if one day my wife were to grab my shoulders, ask me to look into her eyes and ask: am i the person u love the most in your life?
unquote
from above, im sure u know my answer.
have a great day ahead!
cheers
seowlang
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hardworking48
You better be prepared! I’m not a sicko but just telling you whats coming soon…akan datang….
Bro, no way are u a sicko. but i disagree with yr views that i’ll be hurt when i imagine her husband making out with her.
using a phrase i have learnt from bros here, i had someone that doesnt belong to me in the first place. therefore, why on earth am i unhappy if she can find happiness with another man? i have mentioned that one of the reasons why im sure protective over J is bcos she is a very vulnerable girl that may be too fragile for this cruel world. i just dont want to see her being hurt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
FarAway
I think it’s a blessing in disguise that the SIL found the courage to call an end to the r/s, because my guess is it’s very difficult for TS bro to stop it himself.. because the fact is there will be no good ending or happily ever after… the process is just so sweet to want it to end. Well, in this light, casting all irrational thoughts aside, it’s a good ending in itself. Imagine what disaster it will be if wifey found out: - Family mayhem -
bro, you hit all the right spots.. except one point.
“the process is just so sweet to want it to end.”
process was bitter sweet and also, i was living day by day, not knowing how to end too.. its totally different from what u said.
still, u summed it up very well. cheers
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Hundred Plus
两个对的人，却在错的时候，爱了一回。[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B]
this is so true. one line to sum up the whole thingy.
cheers bro
Quote:
Originally Posted by
loneyheart
Respect her …Dum make her suffer anymore … u hv a family but she is frighting alone
If u really love her … let her go … u cant give her anything … just pain of wanting u … n keep waiting for u
[/COLOR][/SIZE][/B]
bro, i do respect her alot.
to answer you, if i may summarise my detailed explanation in post #354.
had J not been such a fragile and vulnerable girl, i would have broke off with her way earlier… before i developed feelings for her. after feelings were involved, it was a case of living day by day, not knowing when and how to pull the plug.
[QUOTE=GrieGzEters;6324921]Hi TS, so I presume your story on this post have been concluded? QUOTE]
the relationship ended there. but there is just a small part to add when i finally manage to communicate with her after that letter. i have been really busy with work. will do so asap. tks for yr well wishes..
I didnt cry after reading the letter, i wept.
tears flowed freely.. i was an emotional trainwreck. Afraid my sleeping wife could hear me, I left the house. I went to my car and wanted to go somewhere but didnt know where to go. In the end, i just drove to the top level of the multi storey carpark. I felt some much like texting J but decided against it to respect her decision. I am damn sure she was crying at home too..
My mind was working like a DVD player… everything that happened between J and I started flashing in my mind.. except that the timing of the events were not in sequence.. bits and pieces were all jumbled up..
Cowardly suicide thought flashed across my mind for just a brief moment that night. But knowing how incapable J is of handling her emotions, what if she commits suicide as well? Or even worse, what if my normally rational and pragmatic wife, at the spur of the moment, commits suicide and J follow too out of guilt after that bcos she lost her BIL and sister? I couldnt do it.. i couldnt risk any of those scenarios.. that night was extremely chilling and being alone in such a state just made me even more alone.. it was perhaps the lowest point of my life i guess..
i dont know what time i went home that night except that its very late already. That Sunday was equally awful. i just wanted to get out of the house to avoid letting my wife see me in such a state. i was thinking about J all the time, how she is coping with the situ.
When i left the house, I wanted to call ah Keong but decided this simpleton wouldnt know what im talking about even if i were to pour my heart out and told him everything. I was even more tempted to call a very close female friend of mine, one whom i have known for a long time. Just for the record, she is a very attractive looking lady and i have fantasized about her too.. but never ever once have i touched her in a sexual manner, even when we were drunk together many times before we were married. some friendships are too dear for me to risk giving my small head even a chance to think. But i hesitated.. how would she think of me? even thought we share very intimate secrets (till today) but humping my sister in law is so wrong and inhumane. would she even see me in the same light again? i was afraid to be judged by one of my best friend. in the end, i decided not to call anyone..
i knew i wouldnt be able to perform at work and took urgent leave for the next 2 days. my wife knows im not a person that will take leave out of a sudden without a reason so i didnt tell her i was on leave and chose to pretend and dress up for work for those 2 days. I drove to my workplace in town and just sat in a coffeehouse, completely dazed. my mind must have overworked for the last 48 hours. i was staring blankly at passerbys, occasionally tearing and of cos quickly wiping it off before anyone saw it. when i returned to work after that, i was still not in the right frame of mind. by Friday morning i couldnt take the wait anymore.. i had to meet J and asked for her to give me a chance to talk it out. I sms her to arrange for a meetup and the reply was a no. after several exchanges, she finally agreed to msn me. (i am sure J blocked me from msn as that day was the first time i saw her online after the email.)
I: can we only talk on msn?
J: i know i will cry if i see u face to face.
I: r u ok?
J: im fine dont worry.
she went on again thanking me about what i have done for her and all.. but i just wanted to be doubly sure those reasons she gave on the emails were the only reasons. i asked if she has a boyfriend but she replied no.
I: i respect yr decision. i just want to tell u that the past months had been one of the best times of my life. and i want u to know that it was spent with u. thanks for everything. i really only have one request.
J: what is that?
I: can u pls treat me like before? of cos i know it takes time.. and that i will give u. i just want to be like what we were in the past. i want to enjoy going back to your place on fridays and we spend time together.
J: i’ll try.
with that, the chat ended. we said our goodbyes like lovers do for the last time. somehow the last line of her message to me just appeared in my mind again and again immediately after that.
quote
We may not have a chance to be together this live but if people do get reincarnated, I want to marry you and be with you in all our future lives… for better or for worse… I love you.
unquote
I couldnt help having tears welling up in my eyes again.
Have u guys/girls even been so busy in a relationship with activities and things to do together, only to find yourself very free and not knowing what to do when the relationship is off? i was in that situation. not wanting to call anyone and not knowing what to do, pubs near my office became my home after work for at least 4-5 months. i sat alone and drink.. almost singing our favorite song everyday, ai heng jian dan.
I remember when i was in my teens and early twenties, i do see uncles (i use to label those in their 30s or 40s as uncles) sitting alone with a bottle and singing occasionally. i would often comment to my friends: “wah, see that uncle.. very cham.. no friend and everytime come here alone. but knn, he is rich.. everyday can see him open a bottle.”
Now, i was that uncle. its funny how life can be so ironic… seriously… So, in case there are some young readers here reading this…
Yes, uncles are often alone bcos they have big problems which they sometimes cannot share with anyone. its not that they do not have friends. and oh yes, financially they are much more stable after working so many years so opening bottles is not such a burden to the pocket. they dont need to wait till birthdays to open a bottle. i have been there, done that, guys and girls. pls dont laugh or make fun of uncles. they can be quite pitiful u know???
So, here ends the story of me.. the happiest and the saddest part of my life.. it took a month to tell all these.. i would sincerely like to thank all readers. i accept all comments and criticisms and if i look back at this thread i was never once sore about negative comments. well except for a certain Realestateguy. i think u guys know him better than i do since im new in this forum.
last but not least, i really appreciate those who offered to want to meet me. prolly the skeleton in my closet is so big that i dont have the balls to meet ppl here. pardon me.. i would really love to meet u. from the bottom of my heart. So, one day, maybe just one day, i can muster enough courage to call u out for coffee or maybe something stronger?
i already had a bro who told me that his offer to meet me will stand till im ready. I am very touched bro. u know who u r. cheers and all the best to u.
signing out for now,
Seowlang
Quote:
Originally Posted by
cunninlinguist
btw, after the 2nd breakup, i have plenty of opportunities to fool around. but i made a promise to myself that i will never go into another underground relationship again as long as i’m with my wife, no matter how tempting it is. partly because of the guilt of betrayal, partly because of the pain of another breakup. another part is of the fear if my wife discovers and my whole family falls apart if it ain’t manage well. if anything, it’s commercial sex - pay & fucked off. no emo, no feeling, just shiok. big head over little head.
Cunninglinguist, i kinda of love yr pseudonym. =)
you sounded very much like me. it will be very interesting to hear more from u, perhaps even in this thread. no worries, i wont accuse u of hijacking my thread.
i know im incapable of handling a fb or fwb ever since J. and i was presented with another opportunity this year, this time with a customer (wont go into mundant details.) we were flirting like nobody’s business but i must say i was doing it partly bcos my job calls for it. she was a divorcee and can tell she is yearning not only for a friend but a partner. she dont mind me being married even. BUT, i drew the line. nothing happened even after many sessions of drinks. i know im incapable of not involving feelings and i cant proceed into this again. plus, i really dont want to betray my wife again. this customer has been a rather close friend ever since. she knew i was not going to go anywhere else except being a confidante.
hope to hear from u dude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
jjjr
Bro seowlang, certainly can relate to that. Got involved in a relationship that should not have started just because she opened up and cried. I wanted to protect her and give her a safe harbor then. As in all situations, there will be 2 camps. I am in the “sympathizing” camp and feel for you. J’s letter brought a tear to me and I am not even an interested party. You have many bros supporting you here. Heal and move on, bro.
thanks brother.