Quote:
Originally Posted by
seronok
Bro this is such a sad part of the story. I didn’t know that I can tear while reading something in this forum. If it makes me tear, I can imagine how hurt or sorrowful you felt at that time. Time heals all wounds so hope you are better now.
Bro,
till this very day, more than a year later, i still get very very emotional when i read it. guess i need a whisky now..
im continue again soon..
Life has to go on. Or has it? I had suicide thoughts for a brief while after that day. Wasn’t just J but the betrayal of my wife and all that has happened when I sat alone to run through all the events during that few months.
Anyway, I sincerely appreciate all the kind words. I read every post and pm like a person taking advice from a friend. U guys have been excellent companions and listening ears, especially to a person who can’t turn to anyone with this problem for over a year. Never thought I would share to another person, let alone to many in a forum.
Next 2 days will be busy at work. Will be back to wrap up if I can.
Cheers
Seowlang
Thanks Bro hari2mau and Mariswar for yr offer.
Bro yangpunk, ur perspective did bring an added dimension to my thoughts. The numbed skull hasn’t been thinking very well several months after that. I will elaborate later on when I am done with work.
There r also several thought provoking posts from a few Bros here. Let me come back to u later.
[QUOTE=oLdMaN68;6318552]what a good saying, and a good excuse.
How about 早知如此，何必当初？
TS see it coming, and can do nothing about it? Nope, he could had divorce his wife, and have a hard time from her family, also jeopardizing sil’s live. But he choose to have a easy way out, choose to have the best of both world, quote from the e-mail ‘both of us often refuse to accept reality’, so he just have to bear the consequence.
QUOTE]
sorry guys for taking awhile. been really busy at work. finally found some time and would prefer to reply to earlier questions posted to me but thought i would like to answer oldman68’s one first.
i think there are quite a few who empathize with my predicament while several comdemning what i have done. for those who empathize, i believe its not so much condoning my actions but rather, felt for someone who fell, right or wrong aside.
like i said way earlier, i have my reasons for posting here and getting sympathy is definitely not one of them. let me repost what i have written earlier:
quote
Mine is to share this very dark inner secret of mine for 2 reasons. The first reason is bcos I wanted to release what is being penned up in me. I freely admit that I really enjoyed the physical intimacies that J and I had. In the last 2 weeks that I was writing it, I actually relived those moments and no surprisingly, they are still so vivid in my mind. She was perhaps one of the best woman I have ever made love with. I still think about it very often till today. However, the emotional baggage, the trauma, the heartache and the pain that come with it bcos she is my SIL hurt both of us very badly. I have not revealed this relationship to anyone for the last 2 years (except my best friend whom only know the tip of the iceberg.) and writing it actually was like a way of letting and releasing it out.
The 2nd reason is to share with bros here. Many, including me, are highly charged hot blooded men who may be tempted to commit acts that they may live to regret forever. I am not condoning commercial sex but what I have done is worst than that because it involved feelings and a next of kin to my wife. I aint no saint (i have already given a bare it all account), and it was a painful lesson especially for my SIL. After what we had gone through, I really hope no one will ever need to suffer from such a situation.
unquote
as you can see, my objectives are rather clear. i take heart that there are several bros who are close to committing what i have done but have now taken a step back and think. NO, its not a noble act coming from a SINNER but if i have learnt my lesson, wouldnt i hope that no one will go through it again?
i have fallen into a manhole and crawled out battered but alive. looking over my shoulders, i see ppl walking along this dangerous path. i would still do what i have done.. to warn others even though they are perfect strangers to me.
suddenly thought of an analogy that came to my mind.
i suppose i was a pedestrian crossing a busy street. there is a traffic light ahead (the right path) but i chose to jay walk due to laziness (lust in my case).
unfortunately (for those who empathize with me), i got knocked down by a car and lost both my legs permanently. yes, i didnt obey traffic rules (morality) but somehow its a real pity that i lost my limbs due to my laziness. many (the ’empathizers’) would feel for me even though i was wrong to Jay walk.
However, i am sure there are a group (pardon me if i group it as the ‘condemners’ now) who think that laziness (lust) is not a freaking excuse. therefore, losing my limbs is the result of my action and therefore, doesnt deserve anything more than condemnation.
no worries. of course, there are also people (neutrals) that take such accidents as part of the statistics. nothing wrong with that. cheers
Quote:
Originally Posted by
niceboyatsg
Hi TS, ur SIL really a nice gal.
Btw, got question on my mind, is your wife helping your SIL in all her expenses in school? or your mother in Law does? Or you give financial supports to your SIL and that’s the reason why she really loves you just in return. or maybe your affair with your SIL really real? and no money involves as she still studying.
my MIL is helping in her expenses in school back then. i dont have to support her studies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
randyboy73
I cried while reading the email from J…….
Was awash with emotions, having felt the pain and suffering communicated thru her words. Listening to the song heightened the heartfelt emotions. I am sure you would have wished to have reach out to her as you were reading it….
Bro, u know what? your signature is the post that brought a smile to my face today. glad u found the one. cheers
I just want to dwell on this topic again since its one of those points brought up many times. “Why commit when u know it will never have a good ending?” or “u should have exited once u see yr sil having feelings for u”.
somehow, i was trapped bcos i started putting feelings into the affair and i couldnt exit. that probably begs the question: why enter in the first place???
i hope u guys can really touch your heart and answer this question if u were in my situ. can you really resist if someone you have fantasized, moves up close to you and caress you? will u be able to push her away and say no?
ok, u guys know my answer. I cant fucking do that. i recently read about Sex and Zen II (the HK 3D R(A) show) and understand that one part of the show was censored. it was the part where a monk, who maintained his celibacy for 50 yrs, was seduced by a demon and gave in to lust. Sorry, no offence to buddhists here (and i am not pulling religion into this, trust me), but it kind of struck a cord within me that even the holiest men on earth fall for human sins. of cos the show was a fictional one but i think u get my point.
i was filled with lust for J and initially, i really thought that my friend, ah keong, was right. probably she needed sex and she looked for me. thus, for that initial period, i went IN, literally, not thinking much except sex with mutual concensus.
Now, alarming bells should have rang the moment she poured out her feelings and cried isnt it? (to those who hasnt read the whole thread its at post #168.) i dont know if anyone of u has ever experience having your partner crying out loudly within 10 mins after having sex. it scared the shit out of me. those words spoken were human feelings. it didnt help that my weakest point is to see a woman cry. call it whatever, but dont u always wanna protect a woman when they show u their ultimate sign of weakness ie tears? not only lovers, but even your mother, sister or even a good friend. u would want to lend your shoulder. at that point, it was probably the best to pull out as i wasnt giving any feelings yet. but i wanted to make sure that J would be alright, minimum damaged/hurt inflicted and do well for her exams.
I can tell you that several parts of the conversations i have given here are very very much exactly the words she said to me bcos those words were so genuine and real that its hard to forget. especially in post #168 when she told me why she still wanted to come my place even though she hesitated several times. and at the pub when she confessed to me when she started having feelings for me.
in my life, i have never met a woman who is so open in her feelings (no even my wife). this is not always a good thing. we humans also have a defence mechanism working inside us. Its akin to never truely revealing your savings/cash to your spouse. not because u wanna do something that u do not want her/him to know, but u want to have something to fall back on in case the relationship doesnt work out. probably we learnt it the hard way from past experience and this leads us to be defensive. we always keep a certain part of our thoughts/words to ourselves and not tell our partners/spouses. bcos we do not want to be hurt and have something to fall back on later should something unfortunate happens.
however, in J, she is one that doesnt hide her feelings and expresses it out so willingly and clearly. its in this vulnerability within her that i really want to protect her. this of course contradicts since im married to her sis but its a case of wanting to guide her to safely onto the shores but in the end, swam deeper into the ocean.
the point of no return was probably when she sang that song to me at the pub. it was really very touching for a girl to pluck up her courage to sing in public. for me at least. when i breached the point of no return, i really wasnt thinking except to live day by day. i have never been so myopic in my entire life, but such was the power of love.
Bro Randyboy73,
I am sorry to hear about the divorce. 15 years is a long time.. how many 15 years do we have in our lives?
nonetheless, i wish u well and hope u can find happiness in your new found love. not sure if u have kids but it will be even harder if u have little ones.
cheers
seowlang
PS. yr ending with ‘i only wish the best for u’ reminds me of a song i love to bits.. heard of this one??