My previous post took place in 2017. In 2018, J and I watched a show called “A star is born” and in it, one of the songs is titled “I’ll Never Love Again”. She said she felt like the song was specially written for her when we broke up back then.. except it was written almost 10 years later. I thought I insert this in since J spoke about her pain and suffering, a part where I don’t have the details until 2017.. Below is the link:
I’ll Never Love Again
Wish I could, I could’ve said goodbye
I would’ve said what I wanted to
Maybe even cried for you
If I knew, it would be the last time
I would’ve broke my heart in two
Tryin’ to save a part of you
[Chorus]
Don’t want to feel another touch
Don’t wanna start another fire
Don’t wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don’t wanna to give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won’t even let the sunlight in
No, I’ll never love again
I’ll never love again
Ooouuu ooou oou
Oh
[Verse 2]
When we first met
I never thought that I would fall
I never thought that I’d find myself
Lying in your arms
And I want to pretend that it’s not true
Oh baby, that you’re gone
‘Cause my world keeps turning, and turning, and turning
And I’m not movin’ on
[Chorus]
Don’t want to feel another touch
Don’t wanna start another fire
Don’t wanna know another kiss
No other name falling off my lips
Don’t wanna give my heart away
To another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won’t even let the sunlight in
No, I’ll never love
[Bridge]
I don’t wanna know this feeling
Unless it’s you and me
I don’t wanna waste a moment, ooh
And I don’t wanna give somebody else the better part of me
I would rather wait for you
Hoooo ouuu
[Chorus]
Don’t want to feel another touch
Don’t want to start another fire
Don’t want to know another kiss
Baby unless they are your lips
Don’t want to give my heart away to another stranger
Or let another day begin
Won’t even let the sunlight in
Oooo I’ll never love again
Love again
I’ll never love again
I’ll never love
Again
I will be back asap to wrap up everything between J and I within the next 2 posts… right up to present day
cheers
Quote:
Originally Posted by
mdsalah
bro, ur story damn tear-shedding one. so much emotional rollercoaster, from highs of together with J, to lows of breaking up with J and then divorce with ur ex wife. and then happy again with u for finally doing it again with J, and then sad again as J broke down after that due to coming back to reality of family conforms. too much for me to handle, bro. i dunno how u manage to go through all of this within span of few years.
you are right.. i dont know how i managed sometimes cos i cant tell my problems to anyone. well, except being a keyboard warrior but that helped quite a bit actually.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ImWithKuli
That was an incredible story. I’ve always known that affairs are complex with lots of mixed emotions and feelings. But that really came to light when I read the part about you waiting for her at Dragonfly.
We always want what we can’t have. On the surface, affairs seem fun and exciting. You’ve shown us the emotional burdens that come with affairs. Even though you did not initially plan on loving her, you did. Her long letter to you at the end broke my heart, for you and for her.
I came in here expecting to read a story about a quick fling. Little did I know you would take me on an emotional roller coaster ride.
Thank you for sharing your story and take care of yourself bro.
ON the topic of affairs, lets not sit on the iron throne to talk about morality. But that aside, it is a complicated messy relationship if its a next of kin or when the other party is in love with u or in an unhappy marriage/relationship. it makes it all the more dangerous.
Most affairs start with both parties thinking they are in control. But often, feelings will sip in and thats when things start to go messy
I: Can I speak now?
*taking her silence as a yes, I continue..
I: I hear everything you have said dear. I really do. Even if you think you are more hurt than me, do not for a second think I had it easy. It was the worst time of my life… much, much worse than my divorce with your sis. That night you sent me that email to breakup? I cried the whole night too and even had suicidal thoughts.
(Note: For those who don’t know what breakup letter I am talking about, I had posted it years back
https://sbfsg.site/showt...248700&page=20
page 20, post #291 of this thread)
The pain, suffering and agony I had put you into.. the disappointment I have caused… and most of all, the mental torture I had delivered and yet unable to console or help us both. I have read the letter more than a hundred times since that night and every time I read it, I am overwhelmed. The months that followed was equally painful too since it’s a secret so dark that we won’t be able to seek solace or have a listening ear from anyone. You dived into work to numb yourself.. while I largely drank every single night.. to the extent that I cannot sleep without drinking back then. I was crashed like you…
You asked what if there was another woman that comes along? Truth is, I didn’t have any woman in my life after divorcing your sister. I swear. Yes, I do know lots of women and have lots of female friends. But no one is like you. No one. I did go on some dates after I ended with your sis but nothing more than that. Didn’t get into any relationship at all. I never truly gotten over you too. Really, believe me.
Thus, it is very hurting to hear that you questioned why you had to bump into me of all people. Because to me, it was the best thing that happened in a long time.
J: Sorry, I don’t mean it that way but..
I: You know why it’s the best thing? Because I have never loved another person deeper than you. I sometimes curse the fact that I actually know your sis before you. Why didn’t God let me meet you first, fall in love with you and go after you? For all we know, we could have gotten married with kids already. Why did we have to go through those pain and sufferings.. like heaven is out to get us and play a terrible, horrible game… like some kind of sick joke… by making fools out of us… What have we done so damn fucking wrong in our past lives that we have to suffer like we have?
But you know what? We can continue living in misery.. or try to change all that now. Perhaps it is a good thing that your sis and I got divorce. So that we can be together…
J: It is easier for you to say but my sis and mum are still family to me.
I: I know I know…
J: No, I don’t think you have really thought about it. Even if you can accept them, can they accept you? I don’t even know how to tell them..
I: Even if they can’t accept me, can’t we just live in a world of our own?
J: How? You tell me.. Have you thought about my feelings? Ok fine, take it that I can accept that we live in our own world away from everyone.. but we can never be married or have kids.. we won’t even have extended families.. I am not able to give you what another woman can.
I: I don’t care about another woman! I only want you! Why can’t we get married and have kids?
J: And have them growing up not being accepted by their extended family? Not have aunty to love or cousins to play with, no grandparent to dote on them…
I kept quiet.. its true I didn’t think THAT far on the children part.. probably because I have never been a father before.
I: We can secretly get married but don’t need to have kids.. its not like we love children soooo much… Look, I do understand our relationship is unlike others. Its complicated no matter which angle we look at it. But remember how I always tell you the best solution to solve a complex problem at work?
J: Solve one issue at a time.
I: Exactly, my dear! Best way to attack a complex problem is to solve a problem one at a time, solve issues one at a time. It’s the same for our personal lives. Don’t cloud your mind with so many problems and permutations that come along. The seven stars will never be aligned for you to make decisions or develop a string of clear solutions to solve a complex issue. Go with your heart; your gut feel, your instinct and do it! If both of us are reasonably successful in our careers, why can we apply it to our personal lives as well?
J did manage a weak smile.
J: I didn’t know you moonlighted as a life coach
I: I am not a life coach although I have been through a lot in life. I am quite a lot older than you and have been through a little more too. This year is the year I turn 40… and I would consider the midpoint of my life. Old enough to have seen and experienced many things, fell and stood up after many falls; and smart and clear headed enough to know how I want to spend the rest of my life.
J: And how do you want to spend it?
I: Answering the “hows’ will probably take a couple of hours.. but I can answer who I want to spend the rest of my life with right now. I want to spend it with you. *pinching her nose* See, step one of the bigger problem… solved.
J couldn’t resist leaning over to kiss me on my lips.
I: We will get there dear, we will. Yes, we have had good and bad times previously.. but I promise that if you give me a chance to spend the rest of your life with me, I will make amends and we live our lives to the fullest till the end of our times. I want to ride on a gondola in Venice with you, view Paris from the top of Eiffel Tower with you, party in Ibiza with you, admire the waterfalls in Niagara Falls with you, see the Fjords in the Nordic cities with you…drinking the best whiskies and wines and sampling the best cuisines.. and do whatever that makes us happy. And come a time when we are too old to enjoy, I want to be there to massage your arms and legs if it aches, cook simple food for you, give you a helping hand when you have problems getting up, dye your hair when it turns grey and forever take care of you…. I love you.. I really do..
J: I love you too
I had won J over and she was clearly moved by what I said.
Finale – update to present day
We were a real couple again after that day… but we continued living in our own world, our little cocoon as I always call it. There were a couple of occasions we met some friends, but J was comfortable only because they were acquaintance that we knew fairly recently.. Our social circle remains extremely small, and we try to avoid most crowded places. Was it hard to live like this? Well, not really.. most of the time..
It was towards the middle of 2018 that J and I spoke about marriage in the near future. And she decided that she wanted to tell her mum and sis when it happens. But first, she has to let them know that we have been in contact before revealing to them how far we have gone. So she made an arrangement to meet up with them at her mum’s place. J was of course very nervous and uneasy. She had spent the whole week thinking how to broach the subject up. When they met, she mentioned that she bumped into me near her workplace and we went out for dinner together. Atmosphere was very awkward, and both her sis and mother didn’t make a comment nor say a single word. She felt so uncomfortable, she just couldn’t continue telling them anything about us, let alone allowing this conversation about our chanced meeting to build up into more occasions to mention my presence in her life. So, the idea of the family accepting me died… before it even began.
Was I really troubled? Not exactly. Was J? Yes to a certain extent. However, away from all these distractions, we were very happy together. I asked J to move in with me but she didn’t want to because her family visits her once a while. But other than that, its either J stays at my place or the other way round. We have dual income with no kids, hold very good jobs with good package, drive quite a flashy car, wines and dines without much thoughts, travels frequently and most important of all, we were still madly in love with each other… well, most of the time unless we have the occasional squabbles.
Is this what we call a happy life? Hmmm.. depends on how you see it and what you value in life.
On one hand, J and I are like Mal and Cobb in the show, Inception (Starring Leonardo DiCaprio). Why? We are in love, so happy and comfortable living in our own ‘constructed’ dream world that we do not want to return to the real world called reality. Because in the real world, they are people who cannot accept who we are because of our past relationship as brother and sister in law. In the real world, we cannot truly be ourselves. In the real world, we are judged and scrutinized. So Mal and Cobb didn’t want to leave the dream world they created. Likewise, J and I continue to live in a dream world of our own… even though its not normal.
Which surely begs the question, what’s normal? Is only being accepted by others normal? Is living a life based on something you cannot control normal? My answer to both is, fucking hell, I don’t give a damn. So yeah, I do continue to lead a hedonistic lifestyle, just that its all with J now. And we continue to be like Mal and Cobb… living in our world… or are we still living in our dreams? It’s a blur sometimes to be honest… but who cares so long as we are happy aye? Almost exactly like Mal and Cobb in Inception isn’t it? Only J and I are luckier, we don’t have kids to hold us back…
So once again.. there you have it. from page 1 till here, its been a good 10 years of my life’s ups and downs with J (we started in 2009 and I created this thread in 2011). I thank everyone that was interested in J and me, especially some of you that have been following this thread since 2011. There is also a good number of people that didn’t like what I shared, and I got zapped here quite a lot of times.. well, that’s life…
Anyway, I disappear for quite a few years at a stretch and came back to finish it as my life journey unfolds. I have received quite a lot of messages here and also private inbox that I didn’t reply personally. To that I am sorry.. please forgive me will ya?
A while back, there was a samster that enjoyed following my past and wrote a very long private message to ask if I can share my love/sex life before J and my ex-wife. I honestly find it pretty amusing.. why would a person want to hear old uncle stories in his younger days huh??? Although truth be told, I did have quite a colorful past before J and her sis.. love/ sex/ fuck buddies/ gangs/ chiong discos/ school/ brotherhood/ family/ work etc. Been there, done that. Ahhh… the silly things we do when we were younger… I will consider sharing because I came to realize that writing is an excellent way of reminiscing the past and keeping memories intact… if I can find the time to write that is…
Till then, take care bros and a small number of sisters out there.. the pleasure is mine to have your ears and advice.
Cheers
SL
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ml1138
if I can find the time to write that is…
sure you have the time, but enjoy your love life with J for the time being, and don’t forget to update us with with your nice and juicy story…take good care of J..
thanks! i will take good care of her
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Siriusam
That’s a fitting closure to the episode. I wish you and J all the best in the future. Maybe you should consider moving abroad where you can keep all the noise out from your life.
Thanks! both of us have regional jobs so we are overseas quite often… not that much diff from changing our nationalities
Quote:
Originally Posted by
sexcision
Thank you for sharing your story, certainly enjoyed all the ups and downs and wish you a fairy tale ending in the near future.
You are right that many ppl would not accept your current relation ship with your SIL. But than again I fully agree with what you mentioned about solving a big problems with small problems one at a time. Even if ppl get to know your current status, the gossips and commotions will die down sooner or later.
There’s nothing to worry about, the generations are getting more and more open minded. People will accept it, it’s not as if you are blood related.
Moreover, you are already officially divorced and she is single.
I think when you ‘show hand’ whatever you have in exchange for something, you tend to value that something more. In our case, we forgo to a certain extend, kinship. which is quite painful for J.
So i think we treasure each other even more. Hopefully its a ‘fairy tale’ ending too.
As to being open minded, Asians being Asians.. I think it wont be acceptable, at least in our generation..