Part 3 That biz trip to London
This is probably about 2 years plus after my papers were signed and I have lost contact with my ex-wife’s family..
It was my company’s annual global leadership meeting and that year, it was in London. Although excited, the annual meeting was my first in a top management role and that did churn up my stomach in a way. In additional to presenting the regional updates there was also a budget presentation to the board of directors. My peers told me to expect some ‘satay grilling’ for first timers. I worked extremely long hours especially the week leading up to the big event. Departing out of Singapore, I was prepared to work throughout most of my flight en route to London. I was ushered to my seat next to the window. Wasting no time in taking out my notes and going through my presentation slides even before the plane took off.
There were lots of movements as more passengers were boarding. I put on my headphones and buried myself into work, doing some last minute amendments and checking. The flight took off and after what seemed like an hour or so, meal was served. As I took off my headphone for the first time, I heard a very distinct and familiar voice in a chatter between 2 ladies coming from in front of me. For a moment, my heart skipped a beat. I knew it was J. There was an urge to stand up and walk in front to make sure I was 100% right but I decided against it. I strained my ear to try and catch more of the voice but the conversation ended. I roughly figured it was likely 2-3 seats ahead of me in the centre aisle. My eyes must have trained in that direction for 30 minutes ago.. until she finally stood up. It was indeed J. I froze.
As she made her way to the toilet at the back, I regained my composition and waved at her and let out a soft ‘hello!”
J was just as stunned. We must have stared at each other for 2-3 seconds before she spoke.
J: Hey, how are you?
Me: I’m good. How about you?
J: I’m good too. Traveling for work or holiday?
Me: Work lah. I wish it was a holiday! You are travelling for work too?
J: Ya. Talk to you later, heading to the toilet.
I almost wanted to walk her to the toilet but decided it was rather awkward and stupid. I was staring blankly at the screen all the time while waiting for her to be back. Moments later, she stopped by my seat.
J: How long will you be in London?
Me: Till Friday. When are you heading back to Singapore?
J: I will be here for the entire week. Leaving Sunday morning.
It took me an instance to ask if she is free to meet up during one of the nights.
Me: You free to catch up on Wednesday or Thursday night?
J: hmmm.. my schedule is rather packed. Let’s play by ear.
Me: Ok, I will whatsapp you.
She didn’t say a yes or a no. Just smiled and walked back to her seat. I took it as a negative. Felt dejected but at the same time, knew that had to be the answer. What the fuck was I expecting?! For the entire flight, she must have gone to the toilet another dozen times or so. But we didn’t speak a single word. It was a strange feeling seeing J. So familiar but yet so distant. I believe we have both moved on with our lives and perhaps, the end of the marriage with her sister gave us some space to grow, rethink and rebuild our lives.
Besides diving into my notes and a snooze here and there, my eyes were fixated in J’s direction and whenever she walked past. There were quite a few times she walked past without even looking at my direction. I was a little affected but also figured that it is getting awkward to look at me every single trip to the toilet without a word. Our short conversation lingered in my mind the entire flight. God, how J has changed. She had so much confidence oozing out of her; the way she speaks, her appealing smile, her hair, neatly manicured hands, her professional outfit, her overall demeanour. I was smitten once again.
But do I really know this woman now? My heart says yes, but my mind tells me no.
We arrived in London and didn’t get the say goodbye up close. As she was seated in front of me, she turned and waved a goodbye as we proceeded to disembark.
The next 3 days passed by literally like a whirlwind; fast, chilling and mercilessly cold. I managed to survive at work by the skin of my teeth. It was only a Thursday morning after my presentation was over that I had time to take a breather. After 3 nights of socializing with other colleagues, it was finally a free and easy night. The first thing that came to my mind… J.
Whipped out my phone and whatsapp the following just before noon:
“Free for dinner tonight? My last night here so it’s my treat.”
The message had 2 blue ticks almost instantaneously. But no reply. She was constantly online for the next 3-4 hours but still my request went unanswered. Until finally, I received a ping.
To be continued…
It was J.
J:“I can only make it late. Maybe 8ish.”
Me: “that’s fine. You pick a place, im not familiar here.”
She texted the restaurant’s details and suggested meeting at 9pm.
I met a reservation and arrived almost 30mins earlier. J arrived just before 9pm. She still looked as stunning as she was on the plane. We ordered soup, appetizers and entrées. Over dinner, we spoke almost entirely about work and little personal stuff, but never about her sis. I could feel that she was glad that I was doing well and the feeling was mutual. She has risen very fast and was recently made SVP in her firm. Very impressive indeed, considering that she has only been working less than 10 years. As we chatted, the slight awkwardness eased a little. There were too many things I wanted to know but one stood out constantly in my mind. However, the whole night I didn’t muster the courage to ask.
After finishing our food, I wanted desert. J was full and declined. I knew chocolate lava cakes are her favourite and it was on the menu. I ushered the waiter over and ordered the desert and told him its to be shared. J nodded in agreement and smiled. For the first time that night, I saw a familiar grin in J, one that I knew and was familiar with. One usually only shares food with people they are comfortable with.. so her acceptance consoled me. Desert came, and we tucked into it slowly.
Me: I am so glad we had time to catch up tonight. We live in Singapore and never bumped into each other all this while. Never would I have expected to catch up with you half a world away. Let’s do this more often ya.
After I settled the bill, I offered to give her a ride back to her hotel in my Uber. She declined and insisted on getting her own. Both of us managed to book our rides pretty quickly. While waiting for the ride outside, I couldn’t resist the urge anymore to ask that one single question that’s being playing in my mind the whole bloody night.
Me: J, are you attached now?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
diputs1269
I think J is still single becoz she just buried herself in her work, therefore she had risen to svp in short span of time. More updates please.
Since we parted 10 years ago, she only had one boyfriend.. And they were together for less than 3 years
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Zax51
Or maybe short cut her way to SVP? 😏😏😏
If you work hard coupled with working smart, I think you will be successful in any field.
Then again, of course there will be ppl doubting her accomplishments just because she is rather young for a SVP and also quite attractive looking.
Just like… not all young ppl they drive a merc/bmw/porshe etc. are taking handouts from their parents or comes from rich background.
There are many young and successful ppl who worked their ass off to get to where they are.
Part 4 Back to Singapore
J didn’t answer my question even though I was quite sure my voice was audible in the silence of the night. I repeated a second time. She finally replied that she is single without looking at me.
I stifled my reaction and acted nonchalantly. We said our goodbyes and parted ways. The flight back home was a long bitter sweet one…
Its ironic and in a cynical way, how life will always throw curveballs at you. Memories do fate and pain eases.. out of sight, out of mind works to a very large extend. But when I saw J again, my clock turned backwards, and I was stuck in that limbo state for a while. Except that this time, I felt free and not bounded by any restrictions since I was already divorced. I was able to function as normal at work, not think about it in the gym… but against the breeze at night in my balcony with a drink on one hand and a cigarette on the other, my mind went into overdrive. Flashes of good times came flooding back fervently, as my mind selectively sensor out the unpleasant stuff and only savouring the good ones. Do I still have feelings for J?
Yes.
My mind, as usual, played the devil’s advocate. “One dinner and you are infatuated. How many times does it take to smack oneself in the face to wake the fuck up?” Crowded Houses’ “Don’t dream its over” reverberated in my mind, my head singing the 1 st verse of the chorus.. “hey now hey now, don’t dream its over..”
Then, as if in protest, my heart sang the next lines of the chorus in retort…
“Hey now, hey now, when the world comes in.
They come, they come to build a wall between us
We know they won’t win”
My heart still had the final say. I decided to ask J out for dinner about one week after I came back. She outright rejected me 3 times within the space of 2 weeks. I wasn’t about to give up though… One night after several drinks, I decided to send her a message.
Me: Do you only eat when you are on biz trip?
J: haha of cos not
Me: Dinner tomorrow?
J: tomorrow I can’t. I have con call at 8pm
Me: No worries. I will wait for you
J: It will take more than an hour
Me: One day you will run out of ideas to reject me
J: its not that
Me: I take that as a yes to meet up tomorrow then?
*She read the message and was online but took a long while to reply
J: Why not we just do drinks? I have a watering hole just a stroll from my office
Me: Sounds like a plan. I will be there at 8pm. Join me when you are done
I was still in awe that she finally agreed to meet up with me!
I couldn’t wait for the day to end even before it started. We are supposed to meet up 8ish at the earliest, but I arrived at 7pm and ordered a bottle of scotch. Nursing drinks for at least 2 hours before J arrived.
J: sorry, I am late. And I should have told you to start with my left-over bottle first.
J spoke to the waiter and asked to serve the left-over bottle to us. She was still chatting to the waiter when the bottle came. I picked it up and read the label. The bottle was reserved not under J’s real name but a variant of her name in her own hand writing. This nick name was given by me when we were together, just like she had also given one to me. My hair stood on ends and I had goosebumps as I placed the bottle down. We had made a pact back then that the nicks shall never be used by anyone. Nobody, except ourselves. Why would J hang on to this given name after so many years?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Zax51
True that! Sometimes working hard and smart is all that matters. Din mean to doubt, just meant a joke since we’re in this platform. 😬
No worries mate
Part 5 That long night
I stared at the name J wrote on that bottle for quite a while. I was heartened and at the same time, inundated with emotions. I turned and looked at J. The manager of the establishment came over and was having small talks with her together with the waiter by then. Somehow, I was staring at J unknowingly even after they have walked away from the conversation. J snapped her fingers in my face to catch my attention.
Me: You are still so beautiful..
That caught both of us off guard. My mouth moved faster than my brain.. one of those times….
J: Sprouting nonsense after drinking too much is it? *rolling her eyes
Me: No, I mean it. You still upkeep so well with such a big portfolio, regular travelling plus irregular and long working hours
J: I know right. I hardly eat or sleep well because work is ridiculously heavy. Frankly I have no time left for anything else
Me: Not even time for a relationship?
J chose not to answer my question and swirled her glass without looking at me.
J: Don’t just talk about me. What’s up with you besides work?
Me: I am swarmed with work only. My life only revolves around work and exercise. Nothing else. But what to do? Life hasn’t been the same.. Hows your sis?
J: You all don’t contact each other at all?
Me: Not really
J: She is doing ok. Got married earlier this year, not sure you know about it?
Me: Really? I don’t know
J: It was just ROM and a small luncheon for the immediate families
Me: I am glad she found her happiness. From the bottom of my heart. We may not have ended amicably but at least one of us found happiness after going separate ways.. rather than both of us staying unhappy in a marriage forever
Somehow, I could feel J simply refused to ask anything about my relationship or love life. I decided to volunteer info myself.
Me: Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I never once regretted the past. Have you?
Again, J didn’t want to answer this leading question. I decided to excuse myself for a smoke outside and came back after a while.
J: I don’t remember you smoking so heavily in the past
Me: You know what they say about cigarettes? It meant for people who thinks the world is moving too fast.. and that 5 minutes put everything at a standstill
It was a long pause before I continued.
Me: While your sister has moved on, I have not. I am trapped. Every time I take one step forward, I would take 2 steps back
J finally asked: You seeing someone now?
Me: No. I wasn’t in a relationship all this while. I guess I will never fall in love again…
J: you have to move on
Me: Move on? Then what about you? Have you moved on all these years? If only..
J: Stop it. Please. Can you? I don’t know what you are trying to drive at but whatever it is…
Fuel with the alcohol on an empty stomach, all these years of pent up emotions suddenly surged through me. I could feel my eyes reddened and the whole upper torso heating up. I caught J by the wrist and pointed my finger at the bottle with her nick given by me.
Me: Then what is this?
J: please stop. Please. You know why all these while I try not to meet up with you alone face to face? Its because I know you only too well!
Me: Ya, you know well my feelings all these…
J: Lets stop this. I wanna go home now
Me: that’s the problem with you! Why are you avoiding problems?
J: The only problem is you. I gotta go
Me: Look, I am sorry for bringing up the past. Can you stay with me?
J: No sorry, I have to go
Me: Please, J. I will stop talking about the past. I promise. Please sit here with me for a while. Its been years since I have a close friend to talk to.. (playing the sympathy card)
Some how I think J took pity from my words and she decided to stay. We didn’t speak for a few minutes before she spoke again.
J: You have to move forward and think about the future. You can’t be on this downward spiral. Get a grip of your emotions
Me: The past doesn’t define the future. But the past shapes a person’s view of the future. Experience is the hardest teacher; it gives the tests first and the lessons later
J: you told me this before
Me: I am not in such a bad state as you think. But it reaches a stage in your life where you have been through highs and lows, ups and downs.. and you finally come of age to know what you want, what you need… and what not to give a fuck.
J: And your point is?
Me: I care about my future and I know what I want. I want you to give me a chance
J: I warned you already, I will walk out right away if you…
Me: Come on J. your sis and I have already ended. Why can’t we think for ourselves and not lead a life defined by others? I am only asking for a chance, nothing else
J: Shut up!
J stood up and left. I didn’t want to stop her as I felt I have finally made my feelings known and my points across to her. There was a certain closure I was seeking all these years.. and that night, I found it to a large extent.
I snapped a picture of the nick on the bottle and left.
One thing is quite certain, I know she still has feelings for me…
Part 6
The courtship I
That same night, I decided my outburst may be a relief for me but ultimately, it could also be rather damaging for us. And I was right.
I sent a simple “sorry about last night” message that very night without a reply. It wasn’t 3-4 days later that I sent her a greeting message. All read, no reply. For the next few days, I sent some more forwarded messages to her. Again all read, without a reply. After almost a week, I wrote a message over whatsapp and sent to her. It goes:
“J, Im very sorry. I went way overboard that night and you have every right to be upset and angry with me. Sorry alone isn’t enough but its the least I can do now till you give me a chance to make amends. Can we at least be friends? Nothing more than that. I don’t want us to remain as strangers for the rest of our lives. Let’s buried the past between your sis and me, shall we? It shouldn’t be the reason for you to be uncomfortable. Whether seeing me or not isn’t going to change anything. Your sis has already moved on. Then why are we holding on to the past?
Meeting up with you in London was the best thing that happened to me in a long time. It brings me so much joy just hanging out with you. I really enjoy the companion of a great friend and I don’t want to lose one when I see one. I treasure this friendship a lot, believe me. Can we be friends?”
I must have written, re-written and corrected the above message over 10 times. Not to be too pushy, to be as straight forward as possible and more importantly, to sound sincere that I only want to be friends.
Everything was true, except one thing: I wanted to be more than friends with J…
The message was read but no reply. The next morning, I sent a simple “good morning” and voila! She replied good morning to me too! Having found my head above the water, I knew very well I had to thread very carefully.
I chose to control my urge to contact her for about a week. One week later, I sent a request for dinner and was rejected. Couple of days later, sent a request for drinks and got rejected as well. This was followed by another 2-3 rejections. I was getting no where and felt a little antsy and lost.
I thought to myself: am I reading just too much into that nick on the bottle? Could it be that she just loves the name given by me and not the giver of the name? Has she really moved on without feelings for me? Does she just said we can be friends to appease me? Or am I stuck in this friendzone that I have ‘nicely’ set up for myself forever? Fcuk
All the self-confidence and made beliefs slowly evaporated every single time I got rejected for a catch up. The fear of facing more rejections set in and I was more melancholic with every passing day without seeing her. Have I read too much and lost the plot?
I was helpless but I wasn’t about to give up. I continued messaging J every couple of days. There were a couple times she gave a smiley emoji for funny forwarded messages but nothing more. All date requests were turned down for the next 1 month or so.
Then one day, I struck gold…
I remember it was a Friday night and past 9pm. I was at home trying my nth time asking J out over the weekend. The exchange goes..
Me: “J, I have free movies passes tomorrow given by one of my company sponsors. Wanna catch it together?
J: “Sorry I can’t. I made arrangements already”
Me: “any dinner plans?”
J “ya it’s the whole day. Can’t make it.”
Me: “no worries. you have a great weekend”
I throw the phone to the furthest corner of my bed and was prepared to go to bed early. Another rejection, I thought to myself.
It must have been 15mins later that I got a ping on my phone.
J: “are you free now?”
Me: “of cos. Wanna catch supper or something? Im game”
J: “Nay, I just finished a function and I cant get a cab or Grab for over 30 mins. If its convenient, would you come and pick me? Its raining very heavily here”
I was smiling when I call her to tell that I can reach in 10mins or so. I arrived and spotted J in a distance. I turned on the hazard light, took the umbrella and run towards the building. J only saw me when I was almost approaching the shelter she was under and her face lit up to give me the sweetest smile I haven’t seen for ages.
J: you don’t have to walk over.
Me; I don’t want you to get wet
J: I am already drenched running from the function room to this place so that its easier for you to pick me up
I sheltered J with the umbrella, one arm over her shoulder as we scurried back to my car. I haven’t been this close to J for years..
She went on to apologise for troubling me but I brushed it off. I was heading towards her place when she told me that she has been living on her own for over a year. She had rented a small unit in a condo near her workplace. the journey was so short and before we know it, we reached her condo. It was still pouring heavily.
J: “thanks for the ride. Lets catch up soon.”
I kept quiet and refused to reply, just giving a weak smile. J opened the door and just as she was able to close the door, I stopped her.
Me: “Hey, can I self-invite myself up to your place for a coffee?
J must have found it too hard to reject me this time. She nodded.
J’s place was a small one bedder. She excused herself for a shower as she was rather wet. I made myself a drink in her kitchen waiting for her to be out. She was soon out with an over-sized T-shirt and shorts. It was only at this point that J noticed that the entire left side of me was drenched while sheltering her.
J: Gosh you are so wet too. You want to take a shower or change to something?
Me: I don’t mind changing but I doubt you have a t-shirt that is big enough for me.
J: ok, the biggest I have is the one im wearing. I will change to something else and pass this to you
I agreed. J walked to the bathroom with another t-shirt. She closed the door but didn’t remove the toilet door stopper, leaving a small gap visible from the sofa where I sat. From the gap, I could see the clear mirror reflection of J taking off the T-shirt. It must have only been less than 5 secs of seeing her only in bra, but thats all the time it needed for me to have a full hard on…
Quote:
Originally Posted by
otamay
Waiting for J to make the next move, right sl?
Unfortunately, I hardly had any luck in women making the first move on me all my life.
But I am a hunter.. if I spot a prey, I won’t let go.. but thats my younger, wilder days. Can only reminisce once in a while lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by
otamay
Do you consider J making her first move on you? hehe?
Yes once a prey is spotted must be able the sign and grab the opportunity or else will live with regret.
I have to say yes, she made the first move. But she deeply regretted it especially when we journeyed to a point of no return. I have described in detail in my earlier posts of yester years