Its not that I totally didn’t see it coming at all. I have suspected something wasn’t right when my wife began to go out with her colleagues very often after work since the beginning of last year. As we spend lesser and lesser time together due to our heavy work commitment, I do admit that things were going a little stale. We hardly talk even when we have the chance to be at home together. In the last few months, we have been quarreling over minute stuffs and her recent heavy spending on clothes and bags, something which she didn’t use to do.
Since our tiff last Saturday with her saying that she has lost feelings for me, I began to strongly suspect she could be seeing someone. Or am I thinking too much?
I sent a whatsapp msg to J on Sunday morning.
Me: “Your sis asked for a divorce last night. Do you know something that I don’t?”
J: “What!!! What did you do to her?”
I was infuriated by that statement.
M: “Is that how you always see me?? That I am always at fault and if anything goes wrong, it must be me?”
J: “ok ok.. I am sorry. Didn’t mean it that way. Was just shocked. I see if I can meet up with her later to find out”
J and I have been back on regular talking terms since the end of last year. I guess she has finally put our past behind. I even bumped into her once after work and we were for supper together, just the two of us. She has been very focus on her work, so much so that she didn’t even have time to be in a relationship after her breakoff with her boyfriend middle of last year. About an hour later, J whatsapp me again saying she is meeting her sis for dinner. J msg me again later that night before my wife came back.
J: ”Doesn’t look good. She said there is no love left in the marriage.” I was dumbfounded. This is absolutely crazy coming from my wife. She is the one that changed, not me. I continued providing for the family. I gave her everything she wanted. Why is this happening? Is this karma?
Not sure if it’s still of interest to anyone but I signed on the divorce papers earlier this year.
Did I hear u say karma? Maybe u r right
Thanks especially to bakaas and lambada88. Appreciate your kind words.. Now where do I start?
For my wife, she finally called it quits because she decided she couldn’t stand my free spending, hedonistic way of life. I do not give her financial freedom and worse of all, totally dropped the idea of having kids of our own any time soon. She thinks I’m boyfriend material but definitely not husband material. This actually made me want to laugh and cry at the same time cause that’s the exact opposite of how I think of her.
Anyway, i am dreally surprised that I took it not too badly and started going back to my normal life and spending much more time at work. It’s only at night when I’m all alone that’s where it gets really really lonely sometimes Mo
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Tai_zi21
Well for ur ex wife and you,maybe tat the best choice!
How are things btw u and j? Is she there for u at ur lowest period in ur life?
J wasnt in spore because she was posted overseas for several months and only came back few weeks back. I have been wanting to meet her but she rejected me several times. It was only earlier this week that she agreed to meet up this long weekend bcos her boyfriend is ’travelling’. I feel kind of like someone requesting to meet an ex and that ex can only meet when the current squeeze is away.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
henabi
Kinda feel that you don’t wish to commit into another relationship.
A part of me died when I signed the divorce papers. But somehow, deep down inside, I just could never forget J even though it has almost been 5 years when it all started. I know nothing can come out of this even though I am divorced from her sis. I am just clinging on to the past and unable to let go. Our meetup over the weekend really didn’t help. I had a hidden agenda to meet up with her.. I just wanted to see her…
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Shawning
Anyway, how i relate to the story of our brother here is through the simptoms that is similar between J and my sister G.
That J confessed she wished her boyfren to be more like her bil. And how she was impressed when her bro in law brought 60 roses for her sister. She never seen so much roses and along with other things that our bro here did that made J wished to have someone like him. She secretly wished for what her sister has. That explains why she purposely touched his bro in law down there when they were on the motorbike. I relate to that because my sister kept asking me how do i service my husband. What i do to him and how he handled me. Of course i wudnt tell. Thats my secret. There was once, she told me and A about her boyfrens dick. How big and long it was and that she liked to do this and that. I mean come on.. yes we are sisters but i m not interested in ur boyfren. So keep that information for yourself. So at that time, yes, it crossed my mind that she is curious about my love life. She wants to know how its like to have sex with my husband. And at times it was almost obvious that she thinks, what i can do to my husband, she can do better..and i think that is why J did what she did to her bro in law. She wants to know, she wants to feel what her sister gets from her husband.
And.. why did she send the letter for break-off?
For the simple reason she realized, though she can beat her sister in the attention her bro in law is giving her. The fact that she can have sex with him and now taste what her sister ia getting from him.. even getting him to think that he loves her. Remember, girls use sex to get love. Boys use love to get sex. But anyway, there are major things she cannot beat her. Like making decision on the colour of the car her bro in law is buying. And that she cannot pick him up from the airport because her sister is coming to pick him up. From there she knows she cannot beat her sister. And for that pain, she shut herself from him. She is suffering from the pain of defeat and the pain of facing the reality that what she wants will never become reality. If.. if only,,our bro here, managed to manipulate his wife’s wish of black car and follow Js preference for white car and if he again, find excuse from the wife to not pick him up from the airport and not to go on the road trip and fulfil Js wish, i m pretty sure J wont end the relationship yet. But then, this is just my theory. Based on my experience with my sister G. Only that i managed to stop things from going into that direction. I m sure had i not learned of Gs feeling against me from A, i might believe it is perfectly alright for my husband and G to go out together and go business trips overseas.
Appreciate yr sharing but nope.. J isn’t such a person. She is really a simple girl. Somehow, both sisters have moved on in their lives.. Except this fool here who is still clinging on to the past.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
yang punk
Btw TS, I am not sympathetic towards you! We only heard your side of the story which is obviously skewered in your favour. By your own admission you led a hedonistic life after breaking up with J. You probably made no attempt to salvage your marriage with your wife.
When you told J your wife proposed divorce and she went to talk with her sister but you did not elaborate what she found out and whether she reported back to you. J is no longer a young naive schoolgirl she can probably digest what her sister told her and judge for herself what you are worth.
If you truly love J let her decide for herself what she wants…do not bug her. If she is fated to be yours she will come back to you.
Hey YP,
I remember u and yr advice given to me a couple of years back. Anyhow, many things happened and somehow I’m too tired to write. Sorry to disappoint those who wanted to know more. I have to say my aims to share this secret had already been accomplished. I have seen a great deal of guys who will now think twice before doing something silly.. And also my previous pent-up frustrations were also aired..
Maybe when my company grants me a sabatical of 3 months, I will have some time to pen down all the missing gaps
Till then, take care guys and gals!
Yours truly,
Seowlang
havent posted anything for a long time but in reality lots of things happened in the last few years. J and I have given up both our families to be together. For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part..
they say love is the reunion of 2 ppl. is it really that simple? really? not in our case. And our past is too messed up (as quite a lot will classify as that) for us to be recognized by most ppl.
I hope i have some time to fill up the time gap, if there are still ppl willing to listen.. hahaha.. too long a gap for ppl to be bothered anymore. attention span of ppl are very short these days
till then, thanks for the space and sharing.. its been a pleasure of mine.
its Seowlang out
I will continue one very heated exchange I had with my ex-wife not too long after things started turning sour. it was at our matrimonial home.
I: We have already come so far together. We made that vow to stay together, for better or worse… Why do you want to end this marriage so simply? What have i done wrong so much that you there is no way out?
W: The problem is me, not you. There is nothing wrong with you.
I have heard of such reasoning a thousand times. Ppl say that because they do not want to reveal the real reason. I could feel it. At that point, I was thinking whether the past with J had caught up after several years? If not, I couldn’t find any reason for her to end our marriage. I dont really have bad habits that she dislikes nor did things she disapproves of. I then became the aggressor.
I: then what is wrong with you? Let me help us to solve issues if any.
W: there is no issue. I am just tired.
I: tired of??? come on, you are not making sense. What have i done to make you tired? or rather, what have i not done to make you tired? Financially, i have provided for the family. I have never stopped your social life. I gave you freedom to have your own me time and time with your girlfriends. Whatever handbags you want, I have gotten most of them for you. you wanted to go Italy, France, Switzerland… I have brought you too. what have i not done that you find no way out except to end this?
I was increasingly getting vexed and angry. It was not making sense to me. I have put in lots of effort during the last 2 years into the marriage besides work.
Long silence.
I: tell me! what did i do wrong?!
W: You are just giving me material stuff. I need more than that.
Sorry, don’t mean to go into hiding and not update. Work and personal life has sucked up so much time and energy. I hear many of you still asking between my ex-wife and me…
It felt so long ago.. so allow me the brevity. For my ex-wife, the reason she has no more feelings for me was because there was indeed a 3rd party at the end. However, the reason given by her was that it was my inability to give her things money cannot buy: the emotional support, the security, a listening ear, time and care/concern. So when there was another man who did, she was swayed eventually.
Frankly, I am more angry and bitter than sad. Ya, quite fuck up and prideful inside of me I know. Because if the reason was because I was caught for the affair, I have nothing much to say. But since I wasn’t, her reasoning wasn’t acceptable to me. She didn’t give a chance or in her opinion, I didn’t see the signs. Yes, my argument is flawed. I somewhat agree. Anyway, the ending wasn’t really amicable though we are on talking terms.
As for J and me… seriously, should I even continue here or start a new ’love’ story?
Yours,
SL