Quote:
Originally Posted by
trid
nice story bro..i feel u..am also a divorced. first few mths after separation was hell for me..keep yourself busy with works or friends. tat will definitely helps. btw up u already bro. cheers
That’s what I’m doing & it does help, although not in the weekends. But I hope I can move on to something better in the near future. There are greater things in life to look forward to than just this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
taokee
Bro nice story well written take ur time hopefully ur family issues will be settle cheers take care
p.s i am in a worst position compare to you she had shifted out for more than two years liao sigh
There is no way to settle my family issue. The questions that I have will be left unanswered for good. I have also just discovered that I have a pair of elder siblings. It is complicated…
It is really sad to see that many of fellow members sharing my plight. But I still believe the problem does not only lies on 1 party. Perhaps just a lack of willingness to compromise. Maybe everyone thinks that they deserve someone better…
We rode up to Kent Ridge Park where there was a tank on display. There were 2 coach buses around with plenty of kids & a few adults, probably teachers. I didn’t know school excursion hours extended till close to 5pm. Anyway I turned around & stopped further down & we walked up a slope where there was a small pavilion.
I did not say anything but lighted a cigarette & took 2 long puffs while looking at her. Her eyes had sunken in & there were dark rings around those once beautiful eyes. She was looking frailer than I can remember. I reached out to hold her hands & we just continued looking at each other. Just as I was about to open my mouth, she spoke first.
D: Did my dad tell you something?
I kept quiet & just nodded my head.
D: Is that why you avoided me for the past 6 days?
So D did not know what had happened to me. Since she did not know, I had no need to tell. As much as I wanted to let her know that I was locked up because of her dad, I see no point in making them quarrel over me. She has been sad enough & turning her against her dad would only make her feel worse.
Again I nodded my head. She gave me a very sad look.
D: So are you going to leave me? Is this how it is going to end?
Me: No. I don’t want it to end. We have barely just started! But…
I didn’t know how to continue. I didn’t know what else was appropriate to say.
D: Can we just ignore him? I really like you a lot!
And she reached out her hands for me to hug her. I dropped my cigarette & just held her tightly, squeezing her hard against myself. We didn’t let go of each other while we spoke.
D: So where did you go these past few days? I was worried when I did not see you after I came down.
Me: I had some work to be done elsewhere so I had to leave. (I lied, but fortunately we were not facing each other & so she could not tell from the look in my eyes)
D: Why did you not return when you were done? My grandma left & you left too. I was so lonely those few days & all I wanted was to have you with me.
Me: You know that I’m not a good person. Your dad knows too. He wants me to leave you.
D squeezed me hard before saying
D: Don’t bother about him. I have already grown up & he has no say in my life! I choose who I want to be with!
She made me feel good by saying that but I also knew the road ahead would be rough, very rough & paved with uncertainties.
She moved from the concrete stool that she was on to sit on my lap & we continued hugging each other. Words were no longer necessary.
A thousand thoughts went through my mind while seated there. I did not know where this would be heading to and I was very much afraid to lose her. In my heart, I cursed & swore at her dad for putting me through hell & making D worried. But he was still her dad and all parents only want what’s good for their children. I knew it was my job that was tearing us apart. But giving it up in exchange for a decent job would only mean I would become financially tight, unsure if I would be able to sustain my family commitments. Subconsciously, I knew I couldn’t stay in this line forever. Eventually the law would catch up with me & it seemed to be coming true soon. But I did not want to make a decision then. I needed time to think it through. I guess I was just being selfish.
We sat there for about an hour or so, only the occasional light kisses on the cheeks & lips but nothing hardcore. I wasn’t really in the mood for any hanky panky then. Eventually I got her off my lap as I couldn’t feel both my legs anymore. It seemed they no longer belonged to me. She helped to massage some senses back into my legs. We did not speak but was just contented to be in the company of each other. We hung around till the sun went down & left only when mosquitoes bit us. Damn those mosquitoes!
I took it slow back to her place, with D behind me like a vice clamp. I liked that feeling although it sort of restricted my movements as our helmets constantly knocked against each other.
Sad yeah … but that’s part of life … the daily struggles … there is only so much 1 can take … it’ll eventually snap … compromise or not … perhaps the other party always feel they could do better or deserve better … this resentment kinda eats away the heart.
oh well … life continues doesn’t it ?
I can handle the working life but emotionally, I suppose I am a total wreck. I’m not putting myself down though. Some day I will pick myself up again & move on from there. I guess I just need more time to bury the inevitable loss.
well … alcohol/sex/drugs helps … but it gets stale after a while I guess … the plain fact is that you still have to deal with the reality of things. Hope you hang in there dude …
Keep posting while you can … perhaps it’ll be some kind of therapy as you go along the way.
Not quite sure if I’m dealing with it the right way but it beats doing nothing at all. With the changes & surface of new blood kins, I’m not sure where all this might be heading. I’ll just have to take things 1 step at a time. As the saying goes, 兵来将挡，水来土淹！
yup … you do the best you can in and out of the marriage … little victories will carry you thru.
Something to keep your spirits up
Ah Koon was drinking by himself with the beer auntie sitting with him. I hesitated on joining them but I had to return him his helmet. The beer auntie stood up & moved away when she saw us approaching them. At least she was on automatic mode, but Ah Koon didn’t look too pleased.
He pulled me to a corner just as D sat down.
Ah Koon: Boss wants to talk to you in person. He is in office now.
I turned to look at D. The sight of leaving her again ache my heart. I pondered.
Ah Koon: You stone simi? Quick go over lah!
My eyes were still on D. I really wanted to stay with her, at least till it was time she went home. But I suppose I had go.
Me: Just let me talk to D first.
We exchanged places. I pulled D aside while Ah Koon went back to his beer.
Me: I need to go now. My boss wants to speak with me in person.
D: Do what you have to. Just text me later will do.
We hugged one last time before parting. I watched her step into the lift very unwillingly. Why does it always have to be so sad when we part?
I sped down to Beach Road & found boss alone in office having takeaways. I can’t recall the exact conversation but he questioned me about what happened. Based on what he heard from Ah Koon, he already knew almost everything. We had a long serious talk about his plans to go straight & he asked about D. I told him I had never been more serious with D than any other girls. I remembered he took a long break to think. The last thing he said was to take a holiday first. Huh??? He said all of us should take a holiday together. More question marks from me but I kept my mouth shut. Boss said he will make the necessary arrangements & asked me to inform the rest not to hang out at the usual spots till he contacted us. I really had no idea what he had in mind.
The gang was ecstatic when I told them of Boss’s plans. They were thinking of beaches & boozes & of course the women they would get to bonk. While they were busy exchanging experiences of which place they might go, I just sent a text to D informing her that I will be going away for a few days with the gang & would probably be leaving in a few days time. I also mentioned that I would like to spend the next few days with her before I go. She said she needed to concentrate on her studies & would be best to meet up after I returned.
It was too deep for me to comprehend. 1 moment she only wanted to be with me but in a few hours time she did not want to see me anymore. I did not know what she was thinking & I dread to ask.
That night itself I slept soundly. I thought I would be losing sleep over D but that did not happen. I sent her a good night text when I lay down on my bed & she seemed to have forwarded my message back to me. It felt cold. My brain tried vaguely to decipher the codings before I fell asleep.
I woke up early the following morning feeling fresh. I don’t think I had ever slept that well before. Although I had nothing to do for the next few days, I still got up & I spent the day with my parents. After cooking lunch I also did grocery shopping & actually cleaned up the house. I had not spent that much time with my parents & I felt guilty neglecting them for the past few weeks.
Later in the evening, I received a text message from Ah Koon as I was preparing dinner. We were to meet at the usual club at 11pm. I knew then Boss had finalized the arrangement for the trip.
I tried to keep D out of my head the entire day but it was difficult. I really miss everything about her, even the text messages. But I refrained from contacting her as I think she needed time on her own too. I told myself that unless she text or call me, otherwise I will just leave it till my return.
Just curious, what happens when the roles are reversed? If D is your daughter and she hangs out with a guy who ‘works’ in the coffeeshop like how you used to do. How will you react to the situation then? Will you stop D from seeing the guy (who is basically u) again?
I think after raising a daughter from birth to adulthood for 10, 20 years… your views may be interesting to hear from. Just curious.. Great story by the way. More episodes!
Funky-kuku, precisely so! Which was why eventually he agreed to our marriage because I could see where he was coming from & I changed myself for the better, although poorer…
Had I been put in his shoes, I would have ensured that guy would never see daylight again! Hahaha!