- Accept certain inalienable truths
-
Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
we want more! we want more. noticed that you have continued to post elsewhere but didn’t continue your story. very refreshing to hear your views…
Been pleasantly distracted lately
& swamped with stuff…
Looking forward to at least finish that one encounter with
B
when things settle … will update soon!
Re-watched one of my fav movies “Team America” last night… damn un-PC & hilarious (the sex scenes are pretty wild too! for puppets.. hahaaha)
Something to tickle our “rone-ry” bones on this dreary Saturday morning… no offence to any Kim Jong Ill’s supporters ~ just a spoof!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hickeybites
Been pleasantly distracted lately
& swamped with stuff…
Looking forward to at least finish that one encounter with
B
when things settle … will update soon!
Thanks. Looking forward to reading more. Pleasantly distracted? Hubby’s been naughty recently yes?
Back from a mini-hiatus. Bear with me as I ramble on … several things on my mind. Let me at least complete from where I left off the last time …
Picking up from… me daringly kissing B in his room… actual bonking on the cards?
The phone kept ringing & soon I heard my preset alarm on my mobile phone ringing too. My eyes felt heavy as I struggled to get a sense where I was…
The room was bright with sunlight streaming in with no curtains drawn… It was morning already?!
I pushed myself up & belatedly looked down to see that I was still fully clothed (shit!).
Glanced to my left to see that B was stretching himself out with crumpled clothes too… I struggled to remember what happened the night before.
As B rubbed his eyes & answered the wake-up call, I realized that all we did was just kiss & grope each other before collapsing drunk on the bed - shoot! What the hell?!?!
It was so awkward… I was part vexed that we didn’t bonk but also part relieved cos I didn’t want to just have drunkard sex.
However, I was soon panicking. Was B going to avoid me like a plague from now on? Or would he tell others & get my name shredded by the Gossip Vultures?
B sidled up beside me, wrapped arms around my waist as I kept rubbing my temples… an immense headache forming quickly.
B: “Hey morning.. wow we both look like shit”
Me: “Yah…” (I was just panicking & at a loss for words)
B: “Hey…hey… u have this weird look. U ok.. do u feel like puking?”
I decided there & then to just be upfront & expressed my feelings & concerns. I was honest that I was very attracted to him but I didn’t want to be at
the mercy of the gossip mill in the office & seen as someone promiscuous. B smiled & told me that he felt the same way too…
amazingly, we were in sync & agreed that keeping it discreet would be best course of action then.
B: “Let’s do this. Once we get back to our offices, I’m going to email your boss, cc you about you needing to fly to my office - so that we can collaborate & follow through with the action plans lined out. There’s nothing suspicious as I’m mentoring u in a way & this is common practice. Anyway it’s just 1hr flight away - not like some major biz trip. We’ll just play by ear & let things develop ok?”
We quickly straightened ourselves up as we had one more final wrap up meeting to attend. B accompanied me back to my room…
this time we really stealthily made our way thru the resort - quite ninja-like. Luck was on our side - we made it back to my room & met no one.
I was happy when B gave me a quick kiss - any remaining awkwardness was swept aside as we both grimaced & laughed at our bad/beer breaths
(gross but kinda sweet lah
). Rest of the retreat ended smoothly. We acted normally & Mr Y/Gossip Vultures did not swoop down on me for rest of trip.
Once back to our respective offices, B & I got my biz trip sorted & confirmed; & I was able to fly over to his office about a week after the retreat.
Days couldn’t pass fast enough before I flew over. I was super happy to see B but managed to keep a poker face & concentrate on making my rounds meeting the other team mates. We left office separately & arranged to meet at another location far from office for dinner.
After dinner, he brought me to a club & winked “Let’s dirty dance” - he remembered!
I had specially worn a red sleeveless, wrap around knee-length dress for that night.
The club had nice mellow jazz tunes, no dance floor actually but it was cozy & only a few people (Thursday night if I remember correctly).
We moved to one dim corner & slow danced. B held me close & at times, would graze up my arm with his fingers,
run down my back before resting his hand to the back of my spine.. we started kissing & i could feel his hard-on pressing against me.
We didn’t dwaddle long at the night club & decided to take a cab back to his apartment. In the cab, we were quite calm & collected…
all he did was to hug me tight while I rested my head on his shoulder & tried not to breathe too loudly(!).
However once we stepped out of the lift on his floor, B suddenly stood in front of me, knelt down,
grabbed back of my thighs to hoist me up on his shoulder - fireman’s hold style! I yelped out in surprise & part-fear while he walked.
Laughing, B strode down the corrior balancing me on his shoulder & quickly opened his main door.
Once inside the apartment, he slid me down his body & I wobbled on my heels. Blood had rushed down to my head & I was a bit groggy after he put me down.
Dimly lit from the street lights outside the living room window, I could make out that his apartment was rather small with the kitchenette
just next to living room & there was this small Ikea dining table.
The lights were left off. I was a bit woozy & reached out to hug B. He lifted me up & sat me on the edge of the table, bent his head down
& we started kissing hungrily. My hands kept roaming his shoulders & down chest…
As he nuzzled my neck, he gave the dress sash a sharp tug, & pushed my dress apart to reveal my black bra & black bikini thong.
B pushed me down to lie on the table & ran kisses down my neck to my cleavage. The cups of my bra were pushed down expose both breasts but he left my bra on.
Soon he was suckling each breast - leaving them wet with saliva. I gasped & moaned as B licked & suckled my nipples.
His long fingers stroked down my torso & inched towards & into my black thong. Placing my hands on the table,
I balanced & arched my hips upward thinking that he’ll pull my thong down. Instead he just pushed the thong aside to massage my clitoris.
“Let me get a condom”
I remained prone on the table breathing hard… B strode into his bedroom & rejoined me quickly. I sat back up to help unbuckle his belt & pull down his trousers…
His cock was very hard & errect… I couldn’t wait…
“Please… I can’t wait anymore”
B quickly capped himself as I laid back down on the table, scooting forward & pushing my butt slight up & off the edge of the table;
before spreading my legs further apart with heels against both sides of table … With one hand on his cock, he stroked my pussy lips up & down many times
(with my thong still pushed to the side) until I whimpered for him to stop the torture & just enter me.
I had not bonked for months - it felt so tight that I almost gasped in pain. However B continued to thrust in deliberately & rammed in in all the way.
As we became fully connected, I then realized how wet I had become.
As he continued to rock inside me, my legs wrapped around his waist.
As his thrusts got deeper, his hands held onto both sides of my waist pulling me tight to meet his hard thrusts… He felt so deep, so good…
Admist our moaning & groaning & rocking, the table was moving violently beneath me… I didn’t care if the table legs gave way.
One of my hands was gripping the side of the table while the other was squeezing my own breasts…
Suddenly I was gripped with orgasm as his cock hit me deeper… I arched my back up as I groaned.
Spent, I tried to keep my legs wrapped around his waist as B continued to thrust inside me. Soon he came & collapsed on top me.
We laid there for some time before we could gather any energy to properly take off all our clothes & made our way to his bedroom to continue…
We didn’t sleep much that night & staggered to office (separately of course) the next day… *
sighing in recollection
*
Afterword on B:
Nope - B’s not my bf either… I mean it’s not possible. Therefore I guess he’s my dear friend (with benefits?)
~ with youth on my side then, I wasn’t that concerned with labels at that time … *
haha… I miss that youthful confidence
*
We were based in 2 different countries & although it was only 1hr plus apart, it’s not realistic.
We were both quite ambitious at that time & we both had kinda different goals that we were striving towards for.
I was super cautious of those bloody Gossip Vultures & didn’t wish to have them know at all that I was bonking anyone/someone in the office -
I couldn’t afford any gossip to follow me back to the S’pore office. B at that time was aiming for a promotion & he wasn’t looking for a relationship.
Thankfully we actually had many projects together (either just 2 of us or with other team mates) -
so there were many chances for either one of us to fly to the other office and we would hook up for 3 to 5 days each time.
Sometimes we’ll just fly over the weekends. This way we could meet say maybe every 3 or 4 weeks. Each time, we really fucked like rabbits…
ah ~ good times
Of course we were discreet & very careful… we’ll make sure that we booked the hotel to stay & at least make our way back to the hotel room to sleep for couple of nights (for show). We made no promises to each other and we were sane & mature enough to not profess any declarations of love.
I mean we knew we liked each other, sexually attracted to each other & we could talk & communicate.
And B was a fantastic work mate/mentor - I really picked his brains & learnt fast on the job.
However with no commitment, I did not kid myself & also dated/hung out with other guys (outside office) whilst back where i was based at –
but I couldn’t/didn’t sleep with any of them.. only B at that time. While I wasn’t too emotionally invested in B,
I was definitely not cavalier about sex - connection must be there after all (i still believe in that)
For what it’s worth, I think I met B at the right time, right place… it “worked” cos I wasn’t exactly looking for commitment at that point in time.
Even after my return back to S’pore, we continue to keep in touch as friends right through my marriage with H.
B’s a true gentleman & remains my friend till this day… I know that I can trust him & he in me as well…
And now - a confession if u will… I’m just going to spill my guts…
I re-connected with B… just happened this week itself (present time sigh).
We didn’t seek for it to happen. Of course, it was no accident… the opportunity came up for us to meet.
The last time we met was some time back when B had flown down here to check on me:
he had flown down once to comfort me & I almost had revenge sex with him (but didn’t/couldn’t); and once more few months later again for biz trip + check on me.
This week we met up as I was on project/business trip - I had travelled up for meetings held at his office.
It’s really good to see him again… this time at least I’m no longer gaunt, skinny & haggard from grief after H’s affair;
I’m more cheerful ~ more like the me that B knew years back.
I’m not going to lie - I’ve wronged H & kid in more ways than one. I’m not proud of what I’ve done & this is my cross to bear.
I had to meet up with B cos of work but I was also aware of the risks that it would lead to more.
However I definitely did
not
cheat because I wanted to get back at H for his affair.
No No No … H has already repented & I have forgiven him. This is my own transgression/sin/weakness.
I still stand by what I’ve posted before: As H’s wife, I’ll always try to submit to him & will stand by him …
my marriage & family remain first… I do love H & kid; and will die for them.
I never really think hard or want to delve too deeply into what I exactly feel towards B.
Therefore I am not going to say that I love B or he’s my soul-mate ~ I don’t believe in the concept of soul-mates.
I choose to see B as a dear friend - someone who really stood behind me at my lowest and who happens to be a wonderful lover as well.
I can trust him & we understand each other. Many times in the past, I did wonder is it really cos of my love for H & my grief that stopped B & I
from actualizing the “revenge” sex at that time? And then why now/this week?
For the past couple of weeks, I had a memorable encounter - it recently happened before I met up with B this time.
To a certain extent I think it helped me regain a measure of my confidence & my sense attractiveness/composure.
In spite of what I may have posted before - truthfully H’s affair (and his affair partner’s actions & words) shattered my confidence & smashed my sense of self to the core;
I would look at the mirror & doubt if I was even worth loving at all. For the longest time, I cannot believe it when people tell me that I’m attractive.
I dunno - maybe if not for this encounter, I would not have dared meet up with B at all & may have chosen to screw up my work/project just so that
I can avoid meeting people in the other offices. When I finally saw & met up with B on Monday , I actually knew/felt/sensed that I am confident, gorgeous even …
I’ve not felt this way for so so long … at least for this past month I did not feel the weight of the shadow cast by H’s affair
(the reminders, which are honestly
not
of my doing, can really crush at times…)
B & I remain as friends and we are not carrying on further. He knows & respects that my priority is & will always be H & kid; he’ll always be there for me just as my friend.
Look - I’m not saying that I needed to cheat in order to restore my tattered confidence.
After feeling the excruciating crush of betrayal, the last thing I wanted was to be involved in another betrayal.
And I think it’s scary.. really scary how at times, especially of late, I’ve allowed my sense of self-beauty to be swayed by perceptions of men…
I’m just relating how things have taken place & how my emotions fit into the picture. Nothing justifies what I’ve done…
Posting this, I know, will earn me cyber-stoning & much derision here …
Although this is a sex forum, married women who cheat are not really tolerated & often scolded/ criticized/ zapped till kingdom come …
Nonetheless, this is a cathartic exercise for me - to pour out somewhat “freely” …
I’m not asking for any empathy or understanding – nothing. I know where I stand ~ in hell … sigh….
As I came back home on the plane today, I cried … tears just welled up as I huddled against the window seat.
(Good thing it wasn’t a full flight & my neighbour was a kind lady who just passed me tissues silently)
I can’t exactly put to words the flurry of emotions - maybe enlightenment/empathy/sadness/shame/resignation ~
I think I understand somewhat perhaps H’s position & feelings during his own affair (?)
Anyways, B & I have somewhat similar tastes in music & one of our fav bands is the Dave Matthews Band… we both love this song… “Crash into Me”…
sigh… it’s been a long time since I’ve had such a pounding headache & my fingers do ache from typing so much at one go…
for those who have read thus far - thank you for reading all this dribble… will just stop here…
A little something for you… From you. I just refurbished the advice…
Quote:
Originally Posted by
hickeybites
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat/
unattractive
as you imagine.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
You have done it, you repented.
Sing.
Or listen to music… It helps.
Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.
This is the most important thing that your post taught me.
For all it is worth,
we are not saints
. You have to understand that. Not that you are right…. You are very wrong. But as humans, we err… As humans who repent, we do not repeat our mistakes made. We learn from the incident that life throws at us. You are brave in laying it out for flaming… This I credit you. What you need to do now is to pull yourself back up from the pits of remorse, and be a stronger you that will not succumb to weakness again…
I am in my early 20s and, expectedly, unmarried. I am hardly the ideal source of advice, but i hope my words and beliefs offer some consolation.
To hickeybites: You know, as birthdays pass and the responsibilities of adulthood sink in, i shudder at the mere thought of marriage. Not because i am an adversary. In fact, i always aspire to be the best partner, expecting nothing less than fidelity from her. But, you see, the issue lies with me. I am not sure if i can keep my end of the promise, especially when cheating is so convenient and pervasive, short of presenting itself to us gift-wrapped. So, my point is, feeling bad about the mistake you’ve made and repenting is the one giant step towards redemption. Infidelity is a very slippery slope and many people head downhill without ever going back up. I may, one day, find myself facing the same predicament as you have now. But then, I’ll remember you and your stories of a wild and spicy marriage sex-life and feel comforted. I sincerely wish you all the best in road towards recovery. Cheer up!
You write well. Will you be telling us more about your recent encounter that helped you regain your self-confidence?
Thank you to the sis & bros for kind PMs & posts plus all the various insights & opinions - pretty interesting & enlightening to say the least.
And let me say I’m surprised & touched by the extension of genuine empathy by few of you - thank you.
Erm - I’m not so sure about posting any “FR” on my recent time with B or any other encounters.
Personally I feel it seems ok to recollect past sex-periences with
ex
-partners; and pen down recent times with H.
But somehow I do think it treacherous to delve deeply into something which I should not have done … well given my current status.
Who knows? If I’m still active in sbf couple of years from now, I may post about B & other encounters/stuff of 2011.
Personally I like recollecting smutty experiences of yesteryears.. hahaha…
Hindsight coupled with my perceptual soundtrack-blasting brings such clarity akin to a GVmax movie experience in my head
Recently I had a bad scare. It threw up several questions & aroused a mulitude of emotions in me.
I felt concerned, guilty, worried, wary, sad, disappointed, weary, suspicious, isolated - all at the same time.
Questions that went through my mind over & over again:
- Did I cause harm to someone & how could I? Even if unintentionally so, the guilt that I had possibly caused someone hurt was terrible…
- Could H be cheating on me? Has he reconnected with his previous affair partner or had he embarked on a new tryst?
- Is B really a good friend as I’ve assumed him to be? Would he put me in harm’s way? And if not, would he still remain my friend should I unknowingly let him down myself?
- Is it ever safe to let my guard down?
I did not walk around with dark clouds over my head… I don’t have the luxury to - we are after all not living in a comic strip.
In spite of the scare & resulting emotions, I know that I’m much more blessed than many people out there.
Sun still rises from the east, life still moves on, we’ve got to pick ourselves up. I rediscovered running & new/ cool exercises.
I had kinda slacked of late. And dear friends whom I’ve trusted before really came through for me…
And it so turns out that…
- It’s not likely that H’s cheating - couple of checks came up negative. However,
I
too have erred … so who am I to say/judge right?
All I can, for now, is to pray/hope/keep the faith but be prepared. Still, I was so relieved that I was close to bawling my eyes out.
After all this time, it sucks that I’m still not totally impervious to the fear & pain of betrayal. Sigh… I can be such a “black pot”…
- B is a true friend … he really came through for me when he really didn’t have to.
Am surprised & touched by depth of his care & support - what he chose to do for me this week really blew my mind.
Whilst we were standing around, in my state of immense relief I suddenly blurted out/ sang to him the first couple of lines from 情與義 whilst crying & laughing at the same time.
(
Think Karen Mok in 食神/God of Cookery - except that I don’t have buck teeth, crazy hair; and I wasn’t carrying a cleaver either
)
B’s expression = amused incredulity… hahaha… Luckily he’s familiar with my weirdness & propensity to sprout crazy stuff!
I’ve been blessed with a few good & caring & true friends – I think B is one of them. In response to couple of PMs - why didn’t I ever pursue anything more with B?
It’s simple - he does
not
believe in marriage & kids; I did & still do today (in spite of own experience & failing marriages around me.
Does this make me an incurable romantic or just a sucker for pain?!?!).
Anyways, we accept each other for who we both are & even with the recent episode, we continue to respect each others’ stand & viewpoints.
- Keeping my guard up seems like the safer option. I’ve been told that I’ve trust issues but I also am of viewpoint that trust has to be built/earned
& passes the test of time; not something that we just bestow upon carelessly. And it is as much as
my
reponsibility to prove that I can be trusted as well -
since I’m NO saint, queen or goddess myself. Trust goes both ways after all.
Apologies for a sex-less post (again)
Perhaps with in time & when things get more settled, I may post this one memorable past encounter with B (it happened few years’ back - serious!).
I don’t remember a lot of important information but sexual encounters – yep I’ve an elephant’s memory for those!
And I guess I’ll always reminisce
that
encounter as it truly encapsulates the qualities that I love & realize are in my partners so far:
eloquence & wit & certain degree of alpha-male-ness
A good gf, who also flew down to cheer me up, plugged in her iPod & at the top of her voice as we drove down ECP - her way of KTV-ing & cheering me up!
I like this song. This is turning out to be a pretty good week after all …
Sorry to disappoint any folks out there - B & I have not & will not likely bonk while he’s in town.
He’s a gentleman & I’m a lady (well - I am most of the time anyways…). I’m just going to hang out & enjoy the company of these 2 good friends.
And no.. sorry… no MFF action either (haha.. my own skewed thoughts racing far ahead of some sammsters here!)
Cheers!