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Tele-fax
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Tele-phone
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Tell-a-woman
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, jackasses, and pigs,
the wife asked sarcastically,
“Relatives of yours?”
"
Yep," the husband replied, “in-laws.”
MAN THING
Man lying in bed after sex with his new Thai wife,
……and……she starts stroking his cock.
he says do you like my cock that much?
She says " No I just miss mine"
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Well, John, when you got married was your wife was a virgin?
I don’t know, some of my friends say yes,
others say no!
A Guardian Angel
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice.
“Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step,
a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.”
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.”
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
“Where are you?” the man asked.
“Who are you?”
“I am your guardian angel,”
the voice answered.
“Oh yeah?” the man asked.
“And where the hell were you when I got married?”
.
Two friends talking:
Hey i got married!
Oh, thats good!
No, thats bad, shes ugly!
Oh, thats bad!
Oh, thats good,shes rich!
Oh, thats good!
No, thats bad, she dont give me a cent!
Oh, thats bad!
No, thats good, she bought me a big house!
Oh, thats good!
No, thats bad, the house burnt down!
Oh, thats bad!
No, thats good, she was in it.
An elderly couple,
who are both widowed, had been going out with each other for a time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
“How do you feel about sex? he asked, rather trustingly.”
“Well, she said, responding very carefully,
I’d have to say,
I would like it ‘infrequently’.”
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment,
then, looking over his glasses, he casually asked:
“Is that one word or two?”
Parents going to Divorce after 45years
A man in Chicago calls his son in New York the day before Christmas and says,
“I hate to ruin Christmas this year, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing;
forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says.
“We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Atlanta and tell her.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
“Like hell they’re getting divorced,” she shouts,
“I’ll take care of this.”
She calls Chicago immediately, and screams at her father,
“You are NOT getting divorced.
Don’t do a single thing until I get there.
I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow.
Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
“Okay,” he says,
“they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own way.”
Q: What’s the difference between love and herpes?
A:
Herpes lasts forever.
Q:What’s the quickest way to lose 200 pounds of ugly fat?
A:
Divorce her.
Q: What is Love?
A: Word, 4 letters, 2 vowels, 2 consonants and 2 idiots;
Q: Well, John, when you get married, your wife was a virgin?
A: I don’t know, some of my friends say yes, others say no!
Marriage, then and now
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago,
the wife asked the husband,
“When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”
The husband replied,
“All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked,
“What are you thinking now?”
He replied,
“It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”
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Please also support my other threads:-
Brown Sugar at Petain
Tell A Virgin by looking at her backside
Share some true experiences
GIRLS NIGHT OUT
Two women friends had gone for a “girls night out.”
They both were very faithful, loving wives… however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Margaritas at the Club.
Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery.
One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them.
Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn’t want to ruin them…
….luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it
…… so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls completed their “business” they continued toward home.
The following day, one of the husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over.
He phoned the other husband, and said
“These girls nights out have got to stop!
I’m starting to suspect the worst!
My wife came home with no panties!”
“That’s nothing!” said the other husband, “mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read:
“FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION… WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!”
In a tiny village lived an old maid.
In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it.
She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:
“Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin.”
Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said.
The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long.
They simply wrote: “Returned unopened.”
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The 3 fastest ways of communication in the world are:
Need it faster? Ask her not to tell anyone!
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A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.
They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation.
The Gorilla grabs her and yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen.
There he ravishhes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.
Her friend visits her the next day and asks “Are you hurt?”
She replies:
“Of Course I’m hurt, He hasn’t called! He hasn’t written!”
I hope you enjoyed this as much as I have, hopefully you could find the time to rate this thread. Thank you.
Please also support my other threads:-
[LIST]
Brown Sugar at Petain
Tell A Virgin by looking at her backside
Share some true experiences