- She flooded my kitchen – she told me that the drain pipe has blocked (she was supposed to clear it once a month but didn’t).
- She didn’t close a window and my terrier dog escaped. I was so worried cos he is dangerous and could bite lots of people.
- Without consulting me, she has been bringing in strangers for my house’s maintenance work.
- When she first came to work for me, I instructed her to clean the different parts of the house at least once a week.
Hi guys, I found
Another BEST Divorce Letter ever , so hope you like it as much as you did the last one.
………………………………………….. ……….
Dear Wife:
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good.
I’ve been a good man to you for seven years, and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today, and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut,
cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You came home and ate in two minutes, then went straight to sleep
after watching all your soaps.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t want to have sex anymore
or anything.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore.
Whatever the case is, I am gone.
Your EX – Husband
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It is true that you and I have been married for seven years,
although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining
and griping.
Too bad that doesn’t work.
I did notice when you got a hair cut last week.
The first thing that came to mind was, ‘You look just like a girl!’,
but my mother raised me not to say anything, if you can’t say anything nice.
And when you cooked my favorite meal - you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped eating steak seven years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those silk boxers on because the price tag
was still on them.
I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars
from me that morning and your new silk boxers were $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So, when I discovered that I had hit the lottery for Ten Million Dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica .
But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that with your letter you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Rich and Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carla,
my sister, was born CARL.
I hope that’s not a problem.
………………………………………….. …………………………………..
Please suppport my other threads:-
Brown sugar at Pertain
Tell a virgin girl by looking at her backside
share some true experiences
Best divorce letter ever
One of the funniest things I’ve read recently. Enjoy it.
Which maid to choose?
By Ming Lee Lim on Monday, April 25, 2011 at 6:16pm
I need your urgent advice about employing a maid. As a busy mother, I need someone reliable to help out at home.
My maid is from Profits Agency Pte (PAP) and she has worked for me for a long time.
Her mother worked for my parents and did an excellent job, so I had faith in her.
For several years her performance has been very good, but recently she has become arrogant and insensitive, and is making lots of mistakes.
For example:
Then she assured me that it is very rare and won’t happen again in the near future. Guess what? It flooded again within a year!
After the incident, she didn’t apologise and just shrugged her shoulders saying “What to do, it has happened.”
Fortunately my neighbor found the dog and we locked it up again.
She says they charge low wages and keep costs down, but they eat my food, make a lot of noise and rest on my bed.
I think they even tried to seduce my husband. It stopped feeling like my home, more like a cheap hotel, and I don’t always want to come back at the end of the day.
But for some time she has stopped taking care of the bedrooms of PP and H; they are now dirty and messy.
I asked why and she told me that the kids had been disobedient, so she was neglecting their bedrooms as a punishment
(she has forgotten that she is paid to clean all the rooms).
Even though my maid has worked for me for many years and I value what she has done in the past, I think she is now getting complacent.
Her attitude is imperious and dismissive. She ignores my comments and basically treats my feedback as “noise”.
I wrote to the agency about her behavior; they assured me that they are the best agency around and all their maids are “Committed to Serve”
– but I think it is just rhetoric and I don’t see that in her actions.
Her salary is much higher than maids in other countries, but the agency say this is to keep her honest and stop her moving to another employer.
They say there is a limited supply of maids, and Singapore isn’t big enough for more than one good maid agency, so I should not trust their competitors.
I have to decide whether to renew my maid’s 5-year employment contract.
When we discussed this she said that she is now part of a team, and if I want her I must also accept her friends doing part-time work for me.
One friend is very inexperienced, can’t do basic tasks or explain what she intends to do.
I suspect that she is actually underage.
When interviewed, she only seemed interested in her days-off and visiting Universal Studios.
When she couldn’t answer my questions she stomped her foot and exclaimed, “I don’t know what to say!”
But I am still expected to pay her a high salary.
Now there happen to be a few other maid agencies - Workhard Pte (WP),
New Solutions Pte (NSP),
Super Personnel Pte (SPP)
and Star Domestic Pte (SDP) - that offered me some helpers who seem sincere, genuine and intelligent.
They are keen to work, willing to assist me and have a good attitude. I know that they may take a bit of time to learn how everything works, but frankly I am inclined to give them a chance.
People say that the devil you know is better than one you don’t. But I feel that I can’t tahan my current maid anymore.
Do you think I should sack my current maid and try out a new one? Appreciate your advice.
Footnote:
I live in Tanjong Pagar GRC and it seems like I have no choice about my maid agency after all - I will have to stick with my current maid.
For those of you who are fortunate enough to have a choice,
celebrate your blessed privilege and exercise your choice wisely.
My best wishes to you.
Elections are coming ………………
While walking down the street one day a MP is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
The MP’s soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter .
“Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.
We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” says the MP.
St. Peter says, “Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up.
What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven.
Then …..
you can choose where to spend eternity.”
“Really, I’ve made up my mind … where I want to be in? It’s easy …
Heaven !!! " says the MP.
“I’m sorry, but we have our rules”, replies St.Peter.
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle …. of a ….
green golf course.
In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.
They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich ……
at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him.
“Now it’s time to visit heaven,” St Peter s ays.
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.
They have a good time and the 24 hours in heaven passes by and St Peter returns.
“Well, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven.
Now which will you choose for your eternity?” St Peter asks.
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers, “Well, I never would have thought it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be happier and better off .. in hell.”
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The Devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
“I don’t understand,” stammers the MP.
“Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.
Now there’s just, …….
a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened ?!?!?”
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, ………….
“Yesterday we were ………. campaigning ……… !!! "
" But ………… Today …………. you voted !!!.”
-————————————————————————-
Funny Quotes about backstabbing and ex-friends.
-I’m sorry did my back hurt you’re knife?
-Never turn you’re back on a friend, that’s the best target.
-While you’re stabbing my back, you can kiss my ass too.
-All the mistakes in the world couldn’t measure up to the day I thought I could trust you.
-Yeah, being apathetic is a pathetic way to be…
but I don’t care, what matters to you does not matter to me
-When you’re up, your friends know who you are.
When you’re down, you know who your friends are.
-You can’t laugh last if I stab you in the throat with…the knife you left in my back.
-I was the one who said things changed;
you were the one who proved it.
-Friendship is not capable of ending
For if it ends it is only because it never existed.
-I’ll never forget what you did to me, but I’ll never let you know I remember.
-In dealing with backstabbers ………..
There’s one thing I’ve learned, that Those bitches are only powerful
only when your back is turned.
-If you’re having doubts about whether you can
Actually trust a person…chances are you can’t.
-———————————————-
Thanks for those you shared their precious points with me !
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse.
Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant.
Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and
asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
“But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked.
He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write “spaghetti” on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.”
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and said, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t
understand what it means.
" The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you”.
Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack.
Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read,
“Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.”
WOMAN WANTED
[/SIZE]
A tall, well-built woman with good
sense of humor, who can cook frog
legs and who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1,3 and 5.
Real Meanings of words you wont find in a dictionary
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he, “made the dinner.”
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See “Magician.”
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn’t coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say “focus,…breath…push…”
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear…!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck.” After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also “tranquilizers.”
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine’s Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
A man dies, and he’s looking in the gates of hell.
There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl.
The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this
hideous looking person.
The Devil replies, “Well, John has done some bad things
in his life and that’s his punishment.”
The man looks around a little more and sees Bill Clinton with a beautiful model.
The stunned guy asks “What’s Bill Clinton doing with that model?”
The devil replied, “Well, that model did some pretty bad things in her life.”
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the backside by a rattlesnake.
“I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says.
He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
“I can’t leave,” the doctor says.
‘But here’s what to do.
Take a knife….. cut a little X where the bite is……… suck out the poison
……. and spit it on the ground.”
The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony.
‘What did the doctor say?” the victim asks.
“He says you’re gonna die.”
THE TENT
The following joke was voted the World’s Most Funniest Joke by Reader’s Digest.
Watson and Holmes Go Camping
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip.
After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petrie wine, they retire to their tent for the night.
At about 3 AM, Holmes nudges Watson and asks,
“Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?”
Watson said,
“I see millions of stars.”
Holmes asks,
“And, what does that tell you?”
Watson replies,
“Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially
billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are small and insignificant.
Horologically, it tells me that it’s about 3 AM.
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes retorts,
“Someone stole our tent.”
.