Quote:
Originally Posted by
mentholfresh
TS, how are you lately? Are you on 2nd term as a regular?
Reading your updates with 2 big packs of potatos chips.
If your story, dramatised by HK TVB, high chance best drama of the year.
I think to most readers, Shirley is an important character in your story, and she’s back! Hope everything fine.
I’m on the premium plan bro. Haven’t been offered the new through-train. Probably due to my injuries and performance.
Health-wise, I’m getting back on track.
Heart-wise, wait for the updates.
Shirley’s back. But it’s slightly complicated…
Stay tuned.
Me: What if I don’t want closure?
J: Everybody needs closure. Don’t you want to figure out what went wrong and make amends? Even if it doesn’t work out, at least you tried.
Me: What about yourself?
J: I’ve got all the closure I need. For now.
Me: Why did you split anyway?
J: He saw my tattoo.
Me: And?
J: And I told him everything.
Me: And?
J: He got a shock, called me a slut, then left?
Me: Hmmm.
J: What?
M: And you’re ok with it?
J: Not really? But what can I do?
Me: Fight for what is right?
J: If you can’t change a person’s mind you can’t change his heart.
Me: If he changes his mind and comes back to you?
J: I won’t accept him.
Me: Why not?
J: Er. I just won’t.
Me: What happened?
J: Not gonna tell you.
Me: Why?
J: Don’t ask.
Me: What did he do?
J: Stop asking please.
Me: Why?
Suddenly she flared up.
J: JUST FUCKING STOP ASKING!
Despite my initial shock, I pulled her towards me for a hug.
Me: What happened?
She struggled to get out of my embrace but gave up after awhile, hugging me back while holding back her tears. I stroked her hair.
Me: It’s ok. You can tell me.
J: He hit me.
Me: What?!
J: A few times.
Me: Where?
J: Mostly slaps.
She pulled down her sleeve to show me bruises on her shoulder.
Me: Where is he?
J: Why?
Me: This is abuse. Voluntarily causing hurt.
J: Just forget it.
Me: No.
J: You’ve got Shirley to worry about. Don’t worry about me.
Me: How can I settle things with Shirley after knowing what happened to you?
J: I can take care of myself.
Me: You let him hit you? You didn’t fight back?
J: It’s my punishment.
Me: For what? Making wrong choices? Give me that ballless coward’s number.
J: No. Go and settle Shirley.
Me: I will. After I settle this.
J: And what are you going to do? Beat him up?
Me: No. But I’ll make him regret it.
J: Drop it please.
Me: Did you even make a police report?
J: No. I already told you it’s my punishment.
Me: Are you crazy?
J: Maybe. Now go settle Shirley. We’ll talk about this later.
Me: I won’t let him off.
J: Whatever.
I sent Jenny back into the house and went to the coffeeshop to grab brunch for her. Coincidentally, Jason was there as well.
Me: Bro.
J: What the fuck. Where did you come from? You’ve been sleeping with my sister again? So quickly after she broke up?
I knew he was joking but I was still pissed off with the situation. I grabbed the cigarette out from his mouth and stubbed it out.
Me: Fuck you. What kind of a brother are you? Do you even know what happened to her?
Jason was taken aback by my aggressive stance.
J: Chill bro. They broke up. Right?
I sat opposite him and grabbed his kopi-o, downing the balance of the glass which was half-full, not bothering whether it was hot or not.
J: What the hell? You want a coffee I can buy it for you.
Me: He abused her bro.
J: He what? Wait. Who? Matthew?
Me: So that’s the losers name?
J: Slow down. What did he do?
Me: He hit her. You didn’t know?
J: Jenny just seemed rather upset but she didn’t wanna tell me what happened…
Me: I really wonder why.
J: Ok. I admit. I probably haven’t been a very good older brother to her.
Me: Glad you realised.
J: What did he do?
Me: Let’s go back and I’ll ask her to show you.
We headed back to their house. Jenny answered the door.
Jen: Thanks for the food. Are you going to meet Shirley now?
Me: No.
Jen: Back so early Jason?
Jas: Jen, what happened?
Jen: Nothing.
She turned to me and gave me a cold stare.
Jen: What did you tell him?
Me: Show him.
Jen: What? No!
Me: Don’t make me force you.
Jenny retreated back to her room, dumping the food on the dining table.
Jen: Go away! Both of you.
She slammed the door and locked it. Jason knocked politely. I could hear her sobbing inside.
Jas: Jen, open up.
Me: Don’t you have a key?
Jas: Oh yeah.
He went to look for the key.
Me: Jen, come on.
Jen: Fuck off!
Me: Jen. Trust me on this. That guy needs to be taught a lesson.
Jen: I asked you to drop it why couldn’t you?
Jason returned with the key and unlocked the door. I entered first.
Me: Jenny?
Jen: Go away!
Jas: What did he do?
I hugged Jenny to calm her down.
Me: Show him.
Jen: NO!
I held her tightly.
Me: Jason! Her left shoulder!
I pulled down her t-shirt slightly. Jenny initially considered struggling but gave up.
Jas: My god.
Jason looked on in horror at the purplish bruises on Jenny’s shoulder.
Jas: When was this?
Jen: The day we broke up.
Jas: That’s like a week ago.
Jen: There’s more.
Me: Where? You didn’t show me.
Jenny broke free and and removed her t-shirt. I wondered how I never noticed her bruises when she was wearing the tank top. I mean it was dark, and no wonder she was wearing t-shirts in the day.
Jason, normally uncomfortable with seeing his sister naked, was growing more and more incensed by the second. The whole of Jenny’s upper and lower back all the way till her buttocks were covered in scars, as though someone had whipped her with a leather belt. Her ribs appeared to be slightly bruised as well.
Me: What the fuck.
Jason clenched his fists and left the room, slamming the door.
Jen: Jase!
I heard a shout and a loud noise that sounded like wood breaking.
Me: Now what…
I left Jenny to get dressed and went in search of Jason. I didn’t have to go far.
Jason stood outside his room, holding his right fist. He hand punched a hole into his bedroom door. I wondered how that was even possible.
Me: You ok bro?
Jas: I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch.
I had never seen Jason so angry before. Not even the time in JC when he found out that his then-girlfriend had been cheating on him with another of our classmates. At least it proved to me he did care about Jenny. I examined the hole in the door.
Me: Nice one. I think you got cheated. The door ain’t solid.
Jas: Yeah. I figured that out when my fist went through.
Me: Lucky you didn’t get cut.
Jas: I hope nothings broken.
Jenny came out.
Jen: Jase! What the fuck!
Jas: Jen, I’m sorry.
Jen: It’s not your fault.
Jas: I should not have introduced him to you.
Jen: Forget it.
Now I knew why Jason was so angry. He had indirectly caused Jenny to get hurt.
Me: Well, now what?
Jen: Let’s forget it please.
Me: At least make a police report.
Jas: No. I’m gonna find that motherfucker-
Jen: Revenge never solved anything… Violence begets violence…
Jas: Sorry. He went too far.
Me: We’ll find him to talk, then turn him over to the police.
Jen: Please don’t.
Jas: I’m sorry. You have no say in this.
Me: Well, where’s he now?
Jas: In church.
How apt. We were going to make the fucker repent for his sins…
I drove Jason to the church and we waited outside for the service to end. While waiting he chain-smoked stick after stick, all the while staring in the general direction of the building. I had never seen him this agitated before.
About half an hour into our wait, people started streaming out from the exits. I wondered how this guy looked like and scanned the crowd looking for potential candidates.
Jason kept silent, intently staring in the same direction. Suddenly, he got out of the car and ran to the building.
Me: Fuck.
I wound up the windows and took after him.
Unfortunately for us, Jenny’s taste in guys hardly deviated from what I knew, despite this guy being introduced to her by Jason.
Matthew was about half a head taller than me and Jason, and he looked like he hit the gym alot. Way more than me now anyway.
Matthew noticed Jason approaching stopped to greet him.
M: Hello my brother-
He was stopped short by Jason’s fist connecting with his gut, the same fist that created a hole in his bedroom door. I had never seen Jason fight before, but it seemed like he was a smart one, and knew how to take out this giant. Or maybe he learnt some sort of martial arts sometime along the many years I knew him. Jason then stepped around him and swept his feet out from under him, while pulling his shoulders back, sending Matthew crashing to the ground.
The couple of girls with Matthew started screaming and probably ran off to find help. There were three other guys there but they seemed in two minds about helping Matthew. Either they did not really like him, or the wrath of Jason was too much for them to bear. I grabbed Jason and stopped him from viscously stomping on Matthew.
Older Church Guy: JASON! STOP WHATEVER YOU’RE DOING!
A man with silver-grey hair, wearing a long-sleeved shirt and trousers, bible in hand, came up to us. Probably a pastor. I half expected him to open his bible and start reading a passage on how violence was wrong or something.
By now, a couple of other guys arrived and stood between Matthew and us, as if challenging us to proceed further.
OCG: Jason, what is going on?
Jason refused to speak. To my knowledge he was not a frequent church-goer, but this guy seemed to command a sufficient amount of respect from him.
The other guys helped Matthew to his feet. For someone who looked this fit, he sure was weak.
OCG: Matthew are you alright?
Matthew remained silent too.
OCG: What’s going on here?
He turned to me, extending his hand.
OCG: I’m Benjamin. You are?
I did not shake his hand and he wisely retracted it.
Me: You don’t need to know who I am.
Ben: Could you at least explain what just happened?
I looked at Jason.
Me: Why don’t we let Matthew explain?
M: I didn’t do anything, Ben. I have no idea what’s going on.
So he decided to act dumb. Bad choice. Jason broke free from my grasp and struck him with a swift side kick to the chest, knocking him backwards. He attempted to follow up with a roundhouse to his face but Benjamin, wisely, or rather stupidly stepped in between them.
Ben: Jason! Stop this or I’ll call the police.
I grabbed Jason again, this time rather reluctantly.
J: I’ll speak to you in private.
Jason left with Benjamin while I stayed behind eyeing the confused crowd. Matthew found a bench and sat on it. I stood there and folded my arms, trying to make myself look tougher than I felt. I doubt anything would have happened, and I was pretty sure I could take on any of those guys if I channeled the rage Jason felt. Sure, I was angry at what he did to Jenny, but was I angry enough to kill or severely injure him? I guess not.
The other guys were talking amongst themselves, no doubt putting two and two together and figuring out that Matthew probably did something to Jenny. One by one, they moved away from Matthew and stood around me instead. I wondered if it was a deliberate action.
Jason reappeared with Benjamin.
Ben: Matthew, I would like to speak with you.
Matthew got up and turned to run.
The other guys wondered if they should stop him. In the end, they did not.
Ben: Let him go. We’ve lost one of the flock.
I almost burst out laughing. (No disrespect to the Christians, I’m one myself).
Ben: Jason, I’m truly sorry for what has happened. God sees such things. This wrong will be made right. As advised, please get Jenny to file a police report. And I hope to see both of you back in God’s family.
Jason ignored him and turned to me.
J: Let’s go.
We proceeded to the car and got in. I started the engine.
Me: Where did you learn how to fight like that?
J: Tekken.
Me: What? No, seriously.
J: Seriously.
We had an inappropriate laugh before I drove him back home.
Upon reaching back at Jason’s place. We wondered how we were supposed to convince Jenny to make a police report. As expected, she was still reluctant to do so.
Jen: I thought you were supposed to meet Shirley?
Me: Oh yeah. It slipped my mind.
Jen: You mean you wasted the better part of the afternoon trying to settle my problems?
Me: I don’t see it as a waste.
Jen: You’re a real idiot you know?
Jas: He meant well.
Jen: I told you not to do anything.
Jas: Since when do I have to listen to you?
Me: Erm.
Jen: I hate both of you!
She retreated into her room and locked the door again. I looked at Jason.
Me: What did we do?
J: Beats me. PMS again?
Me: Unlock the door. I’ll talk to her.
J: Shit I left the key in the keyhole. I think she took it.
Me: Right.
I went to Jenny’s room and knocked.
Me: Jen. Let me in.
J: Go away.
Me: Come on Jen.
J: Go to your Shirley and leave me alone!
Me: Jen, let me in and we’ll talk. Or I’ll break down the door. Jason needs to replace his door, I bet the contractor will give a discount if there’s more than one door to replace.
I waited for awhile before she unlocked the door. I entered and saw her jumping onto her bed and hiding under the covers. I sat next to her.
Me: Jen.
J: What.
Me: We had your intentions at heart.
J: So?
Me: You don’t think he deserves to be taught a lesson?
J: Maybe.
Me: Are you going to file a report?
J: No.
Me: Why not?
J: I just want to forget about the whole incident.
Me: What if he comes back to harrass you?
J: What if he reports you guys for beating him up?
Me: Hmm. Never thought about that, not bothered anyway.
J: You’re both civil servants, a police case won’t do you any good.
Me: He can try to report us. When the police find out the real reason, what do you think they’ll do?
J: That’s not a good enough reason.
Me: We care about you.
J: I know.
Me: Then?
J: I don’t want any of you to get into trouble because of me.
Me: Don’t worry about us. We know what we are doing.
J: So what happened?
I recounted the entire incident to her.
J: Tekken?
Me: Yeah. Jason’s still as lame since the first day I met him.
J: Now will you find Shirley?
Me: Truthfully, I’m a little reluctant.
J: Just go.
Me: I’m thinking. She never called me back.
J: Maybe her phone’s dead.
Me: I don’t know.
Jenny crawled out from under the blanket and gave me a hug.
J: Thanks for everything. Now go settle your own problems.
I hugged her tightly. I could not describe the feelings that overcame me. Maybe one day in the future we would truly be happy together. But right now, I had to find Shirley.
By the time I left Jenny’s place to go look for Shirley, it was nearing dinner time.
I did not think of calling first, but I guess the visit could not be considered unannounced. After all, she did want to meet me.
After parking my car I walked briskly to her place, all the while wondering why she wanted to meet me, and whether her boyfriend was going to give me any trouble. He was, after all, a policeman, and the slightest mistake by me could land me in a whole lot of trouble, regardless of how minor the altercation may be.
I entered the lift and a sense of familiarity swept over me. It was as though I never left. Stopping at her floor I glanced around furtively before fully stepping out of the lift. Truth be told, I was probably acting like a criminal, in particular, a loanshark runner. Thankfully I did not have any permanent markers, paint, locks and chains or pig’s heads on me. I made my way to her unit and took a deep breath before ringing the door bell.
The house looked dark, even though it was barely 7pm. I wondered if anyone was home. No one was answering the door.
After another 5 minutes of ringing, I gave up and went to the staircase landing to smoke. Maybe I should have given her a call before turning up.
Barely a few puffs into my stick, the door and gate opened and Shirley stuck her head out for a look.
Oh my god. She really looked haggard. Her hair was uncombed and she was wearing a crumpled dress. Even from where I was, I could see the dark rings under her eyes. Or maybe it was her eye shadow. I still could not tell if she was pregnant. She caught sight of me at the staircase.
S: Kor!
She ran/jogged barefooted towards me.
Me: Hi.
She tried to hug me but I was hesitant. What if her boyfriend came back? She looked disappointed.
Me: Long time no see. How’ve you been?
S: Come in and we’ll talk?
Me: It’s not convenient.
S: Why not?
Me: Where’s your boyfriend?
She started sulking.
S: Kor, please come in and we’ll talk.
Me: Why are you still calling me Kor? I thought I ceased to exist in your life?
D: That’s not very nice.
Out of nowhere, Diane appeared, carrying packets of food.
Me: What are you doing here?
D: Having dinner with my best friend?
Me: Right.
D: Now get your ass in there and we’ll all talk.
Me: Fine.
I stubbed out my cigarette and tossed it over the ledge, not caring if I was going to be the next person to be fined for high-rise littering.
As I entered the house, it somehow felt different. The furniture looked the same, but there was a different air about it. I sat down on the single seated couch while Diane and Shirley sat on the one we used to fuck on.
D: How’ve you been?
Me: I’m fine. You? Both of you rather.
D: I’m good. And let’s just say I’ve been having very interesting conversations with Shirley about you.
Me: What?
D: It’s nothing bad really.
S: Kor, I’m sorry. I should have realised that you needed to be independent. To be allowed to do your own thing. Diane sort of convinced me on that point.
Me: Erm. So you know we dated?
S: Yes.
Me: And you don’t mind?
S: No.
D: I never got to see how good or bad you are in bed.
Me: That’s besides the point!
I caught sight of a faint smile from Shirley. No doubt she was reminiscing on the times we spent together.
S: Anyway, I hope that we can be friends again. You’ll always be my god-brother even if we can’t be together.
I thought about the pack I made with Jenny.
Me: I suppose that’s fine.
D: Are you still living in camp?
Me: Yes.
D: Haven’t found a place to stay yet?
Me: No.
D: Well, Shirley says you can move back if you want. You haven’t cleared your things anyway.
Me: Can you let her speak for herself?
S: I would like you to move back.
I more or less figured what was going on and decided to ask the question I was dreading to ask.
Me: Where’s your boyfriend?
D: You mean her ex?
Me: Ok that answers the question.
Shirley remained silent, as though she had taken some anti-depressants and was stoning.
Me: Is there anything else I should know?
Suddenly Shirley got up and sat on my lap, burying her head in my shoulder, tears streaming down her face.
S: Kor, I’m pregnant.
I almost asked who the father was before realizing it was probably a very stupid question. I stroked her hair.
Me: Shit.
D: Bastard packed up and left when she told him.
Me: How long?
S: Six weeks.
Me: You’re keeping it?
D: You can’t seriously be considering asking her to abort it?
Me: Just a question.
S: Yes I’m keeping it.
Me: Ok.
D: So you’ll move back?
Me: I’ll think about it.
D: What’s there to think about?
Me: I said I’ll think about it.
Shirley released herself from the hug and went back to the couch.
S: Kor, I know it sounds wrong, but I really need you around.
Me: I’ll think about it. Anyway I have to go, need to go back to camp.
D: So fast? You barely warmed the chair.
Me: I didn’t expect to come this late. Something cropped up just now.
D: Well, let her know then. Offer’s on the table.
Me: Right. Goodbye and take care.
As I left I thought I heard Diane telling Shirley that it did not go very well.
As I walked to my car I wondered the real reason why Shirley wanted me to move back.
My thoughts were in a mess and I could not think straight.
Instead of heading back to camp like I said I would, I did the next best thing.
I went back to Jenny’s.
Jenny did not seem the least bit surprised when I told her of Shirley’s unusual request.
Even though it was not explicitly stated, I was pretty sure that Shirley wanted me around so her kid would not grow up without a male figure in his or her life. Or maybe she already knew it was a boy. But wasn’t it a little too early to tell the sex of a foetus?
In any case, whatever her intentions were, I was apprehensive of the situation.
What if the father returned? I was pretty sure the cop would be a little more responsible. After all, it was his child.
How would Shirley’s parents react? Would they be able to accept a child out of wedlock? Were they even going to return to Singapore? Or was Shirley going back to Australia?
What was Diane doing there? She seemed a little too enthusiastic about convincing me to move back in. Was it all a trap to punish me for the way I treated them?
Moving back did have its merits of course. I would have a proper roof over my head, access to the Internet, someone to talk to etc..
But what would I be getting myself into?
Was I ready to be a father to a child who was not mine? A child who was conceived under circumstances that was indirectly caused by me?
Would I have to marry Shirley so that at least the child would not be illegitimate?
Jenny’s point of view was different though.
In her opinion, I was the closest thing to family Shirley had at the point in time. Despite our arguments and history, I would still be the person she would turn to. And, according to Jenny, I am a good person, at heart anyway.
Somehow I sensed that Jenny was a little jealous. She did mention before that she wanted a child of her own, and now that Shirley was having one, maybe it hastened her own biological clock. Furthermore, Shirley would be taking me away from her, assuming I did move back in with her.
Maybe I could be with Shirley for the next 6 years then return to Jenny when the child would be old enough to understand what was going on. At least I would be fulfilling our silly pact. But what if Jenny found someone in the time being? Then I would be all alone again. Not that I crave the companionship, but at some point of everyones life I guess it would be good to have someone.
I applied for 2 days of urgent leave to think things through. My CSM decided not to probe for the reason, but I was pretty sure I would be questioned when I returned.
After dinner with Jenny, we headed down to the beach to chill. She was between jobs so she did not mind hanging out till late. Maybe she was even secretly glad that I would be able to spend time with her.
I guess we both needed to be around someone we cared for at this time.
I was really unsure about my feelings for Shirley now. It still pains me to look back on the good times we shared, and the bad times I would rather forget and wish they never happened.
Could I still be happy with her knowing that she was carrying someone elses child? Even though she did not get pregnant while cheating on me, it still hurt that she wanted me back in her life after all this. It felt like she was settling for second best.
But maybe Jenny was right about me being the closest thing to family. But what about Diane? I really wanted to know why she was suddenly in the picture. Even though our breakup was not nasty, I sensed that she was bearing some sort of ill-will towards me.
Or maybe I was being paranoid.
We sat on the breakwater enjoying the sea breeze in silence till it was almost 3.
J: Hey, I know you’re on leave and all that but could we head back? I’m getting really tired.
Me: Sure, I’ll send you home.
J: You’re staying over right?
Me: Erm. Your parents back yet?
J: Nope. Not sure when they’ll be back though. But it’s ok. I’m sure they don’t mind having you around. Haha.
Me: I still think your dad will kick my ass if he found out about us.
J: Nah. He won’t. My mom might though.
Me: Great.
J: Come on la. I’m way past being an adult. And they know I used to have guys in my room.
Me: Well…
J: Stop being wishy-washy. You’re on leave anyway. You wanna be and leave but still in camp? Or are you going to be with Shirley?
Me: Frankly I can’t convince myself about the whole situation.
J: It’s weird all right. Take the time to think about it. Don’t let me or anyone influence your decision.
Me: I’m very tired of all of it.
J: Then let’s go home. Sleep it off.
Me: Ok.
We headed back to the car and I literally sped back to Jenny’s house. After a quick shower, I settled down on the couch but was dragged by Jenny to her room.
J: My beds more comfortable.
I was too tired to disagree.
I felt myself getting slightly aroused by her scent as she snuggled up to me under her blanket. I think she felt it too and pressed her ass onto my groin. I brushed her hair away from her neck and kissed it. She let out a soft moan.
Me: Good night.
J: Night.
I spent the majority of my leave with Jenny. Merely being around her made me feel comforted. I wondered if she felt that same way.
On Monday night Diane message me to ask if I had decided. I chose not to reply. After all, why was she so interested in whether I moved back in with Shirley? What vested interest did she have in the entire situation?
I continued to enjoy my time spent with Jenny just lazing around the house, watching TV, going for dinner at the coffeeshop. I thought I really felt content with life and could live like this for the rest of it.
And then it came.
A message from Shirley came in close to midnight just as Jenny and I were cuddling in bed.
S: Kor, I have a gynae appt tml, can u bring me? Diane not free.
I showed Jenny the message.
J: Go lor.
Me: What does she think I am?
J: Can you not think of it that way? You’re her god-brother and she needs your help.
Me: This is absurd.
J: If I was pregnant and no one was free to bring me to the gynaecologist and I asked you, would you do it?
Me: It’s different.
J: It’s not. You’re being mean.
Me: Maybe I am.
J: You left her all alone when all she wanted was some commitment. Now she needs you and you abandon her? Some god-brother you are.
Me: At this point of time, I like you a lot more. And I’m very happy being with you.
J: That’s nice. But you’re forgetting a lot of things.
Me: Like?
J: She’s special to you to. You probably misplaced those feelings somewhere in that heartless mind of yours. You never know how much she’s suffering because of this and you aren’t doing anything to help. I thought you were a nice guy.
Me: I really don’t like the situation I’m being placed in.
J: Do you remember when I had a high fever and you rushed over and took care of me even though you didn’t have to? What happened to that guy?
Me: It’s not my child she’s carrying.
J: I did not expect you to say that.
Me: Sorry.
J: Stop holding me.
Me: Why.
J: You’re a horrible person.
Me: But…
J: After everything you’ve gone through you still can’t find it in yourself to be a better person?
Me: It’s still not my child.
Jenny slapped me. Hard.
J: Wake up will you? She’s a girl in need. You would help me. She’s your god-sister! She gave you a roof over your head! She attended to your needs! You probably had more sex with her than me!
Me: Er.
J: I should have never had sex with you in the first place. And carried on even though you were with her.
Me: It wasn’t an exclusive relationship.
J: Can’t you see?! She gave you her all and you just took her heart and crushed it! You pushed her to the guy who made her pregnant! You’re the cause of everything!
Jenny was pretty worked up by now, and she alternated between crying and hitting me.
Me: Will you stop it?
I grabbed both her hands and pulled her close to me. She was crying uncontrollably by now.
J: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.
Me: Huh?
J: I thought I was stronger than this. I’ve been keeping it all inside.
Me: I don’t get it.
J: Nevermind.
Then it struck me.
Jenny was probably feeling responsible for what had happened. Coupled with her recent heartbreak, it was probably too much for her to handle.
Me: Do you want me to leave you alone?
J: No.
Me: You sure?
J: Look. I can’t explain my feelings for you the same way you can’t explain your feelings for her. Now’s not the right time for us to be involved in anything deeper than what we currently have. I’m happy with this and I think you are too. But right now I hope you do the right thing and be with the girl who needs your support more than I do.
Me: Sometimes it’s not about doing the right thing, but doing things right.
J: That’s the same.
Me: I must have phrased it wrongly.
J: Go to her. Please. I’ll still be around for you.
Me: Ok. I’ll go with her for the appointment.
J: Don’t come back to me after that ok? She needs you.
Me: I believe that’s my choice.
J: And I believe you’ll do the right thing.
When life decides to fuck you up, you can be certain that you will get fucked up.
Despite my initial reluctance to accompany Shirley to the gynaecologist, I eventually picked her up on that Tuesday morning.
Maybe I felt it was cliched or something, but she had chosen to go to Thomson Medical Center. I told her that I would wait outside when she went for her consultation.
Seriously, I did not know how I would react seeing the foetus on the ultrasound. Thus, it would be best if I stayed outside.
After her appointment we had lunch at this cafe near Thomson Plaza. Shirley was craving for hot chocolate and apparently the one served by that cafe was good.
I had the chicken cutlet with some sort of weird dressing and salad which I could not identify. But I have to admit that it was good.
After lunch I sent her home and made sure she was ok. I checked for groceries and toiletries and other stuff and made a trip to the Giant in Tampines to resupply.
Shirley looked pleased.
Before I left we had a short chat.
S: Kor, thank you for doing this.
Me: Uh huh.
S: Really. I don’t know who else I can turn to.
Me: Have you tried contacting the father?
S: Yes. He doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore…
Me: What?
S: It’s my fault really. I didn’t track the safe period properly.
Me: He got you pregnant in one attempt?
S: Well, yes.
Me: Impressive.
S: Kor, I know you’re angry and disappointed in me and this must be really hard for you.
Me: Why should I be? I was the one who walked out and drove you into his arms anyway. How did you know him?
S: He’s a school mate who’s been interested in me since sec 1. I never gave him a chance because of you.
Me: And yet you slept with him?
S: Well, he is a nice guy, until he left.
I decided not to ask who she preferred in bed.
Me: You’re really gonna keep the baby?
S: Yes. It wouldn’t be fair to it.
Me: You don’t know if it’s a boy or girl?
S: Still too early to tell.
Me: Are you hoping that the father will come back?
S: Yes. But I know that might not be possible. And it wouldn’t be fair to
get another guy to be a replacement. But since I’m carry the baby I’ll make sure it will grow up happy and have as complete a family as possible. I’ll give it everything I possibly can.
Me: Have you told your parents?
S: You mean dad? No. Mom won’t care anyway. I think she secretly
hates me cos my dad loved me more than her after I was born.
Me: You seriously can’t be thinking that…
S: I believe it’s true.
Me: Well you should tell your dad then. Will you be ok alone?
S: Don’t worry, Diane comes over quite frequently, but I can’t expect her to be around for me all the time. Which is why I wanted you to come back if possible.
Me: I’m still thinking about it.
S: You’ll always be welcome here.
Me: Thanks but I’ll think about it. Anyway I have to go. Let me know if you need anything else.
S: Thanks for today.
I said goodbye to her and went to my car, speeding all the way to Jenny’s house.
As she opened the door, I rushed in and hugged her. She was a
little surprised.
And for the first time in a very long time, I cried.
I seriously thought I was stronger than that. But the thought of Shirley carrying someone elses baby, and it being partly my fault, and that I probably had to bring her for her gynae appointments was all too much to bear.
I wondered if it was my retribution.
For the first time, Jenny was the one hugging me, comforting me, stroking my hair and telling me it was going to be ok. I wonder where my tears went all these years.
I did not know how I could bring myself to face Shirley anymore.
I was pretty sure that the pregnancy was unplanned, but not unwanted. She was not the type to terminate the pregnancy just because the father disappeared.
Jenny urged me to move back in with Shirley, so that at least I could take care of her and ease some of the guilt that I was feeling. But I could not. I did not know how I was supposed to look at Shirley everyday as she carried the baby to full term. I did not know if I could
bring myself to take care of her, and the unborn child, as though they were my own.
I half-contemplated searching for the father and making him take responsibility. But I only knew violence, and verbal persuasion, and neither were the answer to this problem. In any case, I doubt it would have worked on a cop anyway. He would probably just arrest me for harassing a public servant.
In the end, I told Shirley I did not feel comfortable moving back just yet, but I did leave her the option of calling me whenever she needed help. I guess that was the least I could do.
I spent another night with Jenny doing nothing. I still cannot explain the feeling of being at ease when we are together.
The weekend passed uneventfully and I went back to work for a single day on the eve of labour day.
Little did I expect the events that would unfold.
I was having lunch with Alex in the canteen, telling him all the stuff that had happened recently. He did offer an alternate listening ear but his advice was the same. That I should go drinking with him. I wondered how many alcoholic regulars there were in the armed forces.
Just as we were clearing our plates, a message came in. It was from Shirley.
S: Kor. I’m bleeding.
At first I paid no attention to it, as what could be so unusual about blood? Didn’t it happen every month to a girl?
Then it hit me. Women don’t have periods when they are pregnant. I messaged her back.
Me: Be home soon. Half-day today.
I did not get a reply so I assumed maybe she was taking a nap. I don’t know why I said I would be home when I had not yet agreed to move back. Maybe it was a natural impulse. Maybe I wanted a home to go home to.
After lunch, Alex and I supervised the mandatory area inspection before our men were allowed to book out for the holiday.
It was almost 2 when I finished packing my stuff and drove out of camp.
I arrived at Shirley’s place a leisurely 45 minutes later. I still had not taken the keys from her so I rang the doorbell.
Surprisingly, it was Diane who opened the door.
D: Shhh! You’ll wake her.
Me: Right. She sleeps like a pig.
I entered and flopped onto the couch.
D: Well?
Me: Well what?
D: Have you decided?
Me: On?
D: Moving back…
Me: Nope.
D: Why not?
Me: Been busy.
D: Why are delaying?
Me: I’m not.
Diane tossed her keys at me.
D: These belong to you.
I caught them and placed them on the table.
Me: Why are you trying to get us back together?
D: Shirley deserves a good man after all she’s been through.
Me: And I’m not such a man.
D: Yes you are. Deep inside you know it. But you refuse to admit it. You stick to your own ideals and principles too much. Be flexible.
I decided to throw her off the hook.
Me: Didn’t you want to find out how good or bad I’m in bed?
D: Well, yes.
Me: Then why try so hard to get us back together?
D: I see what you’re doing here. And I’m not selfish. She deserves you more than me. She’s wanted you for the longest time and yet you gave it all up and led her into this situation.
Me: Ouch.
D: Yeah it better hurt. You caused all this. If not for you Shirley wouldn’t be suffering right now. She wouldn’t be carrying the child of someone who doesn’t deserve her. She wouldn’t be crying herself to sleep every night wondering where she went wrong. She wouldn’t keep blaming herself for not being patient and understanding with you.
Me: So it’s all my fault huh? Then I better leave lest I make things worse.
D: You’re a fucking idiot you know?
Me: And so are you for interfering in this.
D: Do you know why she called me?
Me: No.
D: Because she couldn’t bring herself to call you herself. She was so torn wondering how to explain the entire situation. She didn’t want to get you involved.
Me: And?
D: And she realised that you were the best, and worst thing that happened to her.
Me: What that guy did should be the worst.
D: Fine. Whatever. Have it your way.
I could not resist.
Me: Why are you asking me to go to Burger King?
D: Argh!!!
Diane reached over and tried to slap me. She missed.
D: You think this is funny?
Me: Not really.
D: Then why the fuck are you making jokes?
Me: No idea. Maybe I don’t feel the same way about Shirley anymore.
D: It’s your fuck buddy right?
Me: We aren’t that anymore.
D: Then?
Me: I see things differently now.
D: Can you stand to see Shirley be a single mom? Raise a kid on her own? Your own godsister?
Me: I suppose I’ll help out here and there. But that doesn’t mean I have to be around all the time.
D: She needs you around. Imagine what people would say if they kept seeing me with her? They would think we’re some lesbian couple.
Me: I think only you think that way.
D: What do you think then?
Me: I think the father will come to his senses and come back to her.
D: Fat hope.
Me: Really?
D: Yeah. I tried to talk to him. He blew me off.
Me: He blew you off or you blew him off?
D: Not funny.
Me: Sorry.
D: I’ve said my piece. The keys are with you now. You make a choice. Goodbye.
And she left me all alone in the house, pondering my next move.