Foreigners in China will tell everyone that even after a decade or two in China, one still learns something new every year. And so it was, a year later, that I would learn something that would forever change the way I handle entertainment in China.
As a foolish young man, I was naturally at the top of the world. The textile factory was making loads of money despite our American clients complaining of the cheaper products in Indonesia. Most of our clients had continued to work with us because they preferred to deal with the English-speaking General Manager who understood how customs worked in the States. “We are value for money, and you want goods that arrive on time, with the best quality, rather than the cheapest.” That had been the pitch I put up when the contract was due. We only lost one client whose HQ wanted us to lower our bid. That client would return to us in three months’ time, but I could no longer do any miracles for them.
I stopped getting more “Xiao Wang” and was very happy with PA Shen serving me all these while. I did notice her starting to drop hints that “she was not getting any younger” and that her parents wanted to match-make her when she next returns for the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) holidays. I was not ready for further commitments, though I still remember what I told her previously on the journey back from the hospital. I must admit I found myself getting fond of her.
It was supposed to be another routine dinner, this time with the 民政局 Civil Administration Bureau, responsible for our licences to operate (and there were at least three of them to renew, handled by three different departments in the bureau – by now I can understand how China creates jobs). They were important people, and as such I took my middle managers with me – the Admin & HR Manager, the Chief Accountant and my Operations Manager. Only the Operations Manager was male. PA Shen came with me too, and we hosted a bunch of chiefs from the bureau for dinner.
As usual, lots of
baijiu
flowed freely during the dinner. We started teasing the female colleagues, and even got the Admin & HR Manager to do a 交杯酒 (a ceremony involving interlinked arms normally done by a couple on their wedding day) with a chief. It was unbelievable how much we drank, but I remembered passing out after possibly drinking a liter or more (2 bottles) of that disgusting stuff.
I woke up in a hotel room, with PA Shen next to me on my bed. The driver was also in the room, nodding off on his chair. I saw that the light was streaming in, and got up. I noted that both PA Shen and I were still dressed in what we wore last night, and with the driver around, were unlikely to have done anything more than sleep.
The driver woke up when he saw me me, and greeted me. I found out from him that every member of the delegation I led was drunk, with I being the first one out (anyone would, with rounds after rounds of
ganbeis
). I was puzzled. Why did the driver not send us back, even if we were dead drunk? Under probing, he told me that one of the chiefs had suggested we all sleep in the hotel, and had booked hotel rooms for all of us, even though the driver had protested. I did not like the sound of that, and alarm bells rang within me. I probed further, and the driver finally pointed out that the chief who booked the hotel rooms for us had escorted the Admin & HR Manager to her room.
With great dread, I woke PA Shen up. The driver had no idea of the room number but it was just two rooms away from us. It took a long time of ringing of the doorbell before the door opened to a woman wrapped only in a towel, her eyes puffed up and red. She had been crying. PA Shen immediately took over and I closed the door behind her as she went into the room to comfort the woman.
Half an hour later, the door opened again, and PA Shen motioned me over. She whispered into my ears, to tell me what had happened last night. I was very angry by now, what she said confirming my worst fears. I turned to my driver, telling him to get ready the van.
I had something important to do, someone important to meet. I dialed for the office of SUP Lin. I had promised someone to take him to Singapore for a visit one day. It was time to call on yet another favor.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
deepsing
bro,
i did enjoy ur post… looks like u have a good aptitude in writing… try to publish books…
Yeah, and who is going to buy them? We go for “free” stuff nowadays - music, literature, porn, even games. How many J K Rowlings or J R Martin can the world bear nowadays? And who is going to pay to keep a paperback “A Singaporean in China” in their home?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
jj_jj
I can’t help but agree on this, who these days would be willing to pay?
If such genre ( as in bros sharing their overseas experience) is readily available online, at least in SBF?
Heh, someone is able to see the harsh reality of things. It is possible, but I am not confident of becoming a celebrated author like those I quoted.
The conversation was short. I preferred to speak face to face, rather than over the phone. As expected, SUP Lin told me he would drop everything he has to attend to my sudden and unexpected visit. I was really moody throughout the journey. As a superior, I felt responsible for my junior manager, that she had been raped by someone because I brought her with me for a drinking session. I made a vow at that moment, a vow I would keep for as long as I was in China, never to bring female colleagues to drink in future.
SUP Lin ushered me into his office and poured for me a cup of top grade longjing tea as he sat in the sofa next to mine. After nearly a year of drinking and eating together, he already knew I do not smoke and had stopped offering me cigarettes. Like most Chinese at his age, he was a chain smoker. I had inhaled so much second-hand smoke in my year there, unfiltered by anything, that I suspect I could also be considered as much of a smoker as he was.
He listened intently as I told him of how the cad had taken advantage of my manager, raising his eyebrows when he heard of who that person was. It was clear that I was angry. I might be someone who enjoys women, and who would not think twice of bedding anyone, but to rape a woman? That was a no-no in my vocabulary. More so when that woman is connected to me in any way, like my employee.
“陈弟Chen
di
(a term for “younger brother”), you foreigners are really so different from us Chinese.”
I was surprised to hear him say that, “How is that so, 林兄 Lin
xiong
(a term for “elder brother”)? Which boss will allow his employee to be raped by anyone?”
“Chen
di
, such things are really very shameful for many Chinese, and especially Chinese women. And if officials are involved, it gets tricky. Most bosses will pay money, or give the woman a promotion to a subsidiary, just to settle the case. After all, the woman was a willing party when she went drinking with her customers or officials. Nobody will take her side when she says she is raped.
“She will have to face a lot of shame and pressure, and possibly lose her job, if she were to report the rape and go through the legal process. Not only that, but this will attract a lot of negative publicity to the company, and no boss wants that publicity. This is why we Chinese will simply settle it out of court. No Chinese woman will refuse a large sum of money or a promotion over her sacrifice.”
I had become very good at reading between the lines. The Chinese tend to talk in circles, and only an old China hand could understand the art of reading into what was actually said. SUP Lin was suggesting that my Admin & HR Manager was putting on a show in front of me, that while the rape had been real, she was not really that traumatized by the event and wanted to extract something out of it.
“SUP Lin, can you arrange for Chief Yuan to meet up? I will need you to be the witness and facilitator. If we can resolve the matter without going through the courts, then let us handle it that way.”
SUP Lin was visibly relieved at hearing me say that.
“You are the first foreigner I know who understands us Chinese, Chen
di
. I have not acknowledged you wrongly as a brother. It must have been the fact that we are both 龙的传人 descendants of the Dragon. The last foreigner I dealt with gave me lots of problems when he insisted on doing things so-called democratically. Chief Yuan is the brother of my sister-in-law. I am sure he will be very willing to meet when I tell him of the severity of the matter.”
I had suspected as much. All government officials are somehow related to one another, even if the relationship goes through three or more degrees. No wonder it is all 官官相护, government officials will watch out for each other.
A phone call was made, SUP Lin speaking and yelling in Shanghainese to the other party. A visibly trembling Chief Yuan popped by the office two hours later. I had understood enough of the Shanghainese spoken, to know that SUP Lin had told Chief Yuan that he was in deep shit, and that he had been trying his damned best to hold the fort. If Chief Yuan refused to come and resolve the matter, SUP Lin might have no choice but to report the matter, as “a foreigner” was involved. Amazing how being a foreigner gives one a special status in China.
As expected, another Chinese opera began to play out in front of me. SUP Lin began to admonish him, telling him that his actions had made a foreigner very angry, that his brother-in-law (twice removed!) could not protect him, because I would simply bring it up to the Embassy (goodness, this man could really spin stories – I did not even think of that, the Singapore Embassy was quite useless when it came to helping out its own citizens in any legal issues).
Chief Yuan explained, tears flowing freely down his cheeks (part of the drama that I had simply seen too much in China), that he really liked the girl and had drunk too much and lost control. He hoped to be given a chance to make amends and was willing to do anything.
I had found out previously from SUP Lin, before Chief Yuan arrived, that this man, though in his early thirties, had yet to marry. It was something surprising in China, where men and women got married in their late teens if they lived in the villages, and early twenties if living in the cities. I was also aware that my Admin & HR Manager refused to marry anyone in her village, because she wanted to be a city dweller, to get the coveted city
hukou
.
The Chinese
hukou
system came about to restrict mobility of the Chinese. Mao had envisioned a system whereby clusters of villages support a town, and clusters of towns support a city. Unfortunately, everybody aspire to live in cities in those days, as it was considered an upward move, and so the
hukou
system was created to tie everybody to their villages, towns or cities. One has to jump over fiery hoops and across the mouths of angry tigers just to get a city
hukou
.
I had struck upon the most ridiculous way out of this mess, something I would never have suggested were I to be in Singapore or in California. I told Chief Yuan that I would speak to my Admin & HR Manager, to see if she would be willing to marry him, as a means to resolve the matter.
I had expected an argument, and perhaps a denial of responsibility. I mean, we are talking about marriage here! Instead, Chief Yuan’s face lit up and he suddenly stopped crying. The Chinese must have taps inside their eyes. He bowed down repeatedly before me, thanking me profusely for giving him the chance to marry such a beautiful woman. I warned him that I could only try, but if she was not willing to marry him, I would still press charges.
I left behind a smiling SUP Lin and Chief Yuan, as I headed towards the waiting van. It has been a most interesting adventure in China so far, with a culture so different from the one I grew up in, and the one I had wanted to adopt in my university years.
Sometimes it is really funny how a story without much sex, and without much erotic stuff, can attract such a following! Well, I shall be leaving China soon, as I found myself on the wrong end of company politics, but hopefully shall have a chance to return one day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
pary
Have always enjoyed such writing: some erotic stuff, but also tons of how things worked in China..the police, the hospital, the factory workers etc. I’ve never worked in China, so it is really interesting to suaku me. Amazing! Please continue Bro Chenzong..
Much of what I described is possible back when things were wilder in Shanghai. Today, what I describe can possibly only happen in second or third tier cities. First tier ones have become closer and closer to what we would describe as proper governance, though it is still a far cry from (yeah, as if) squeaky clean Singapore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Niceoldman55
How I wish I can work in China……
Get a company that has plans to expand to China, or has Chinese branches.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
funfox
Do continue with this solid writing bro chenzong. I have dealt with many in my line of work and you precisely and accurately described how things work and are dealt with in China…. jotting my memory.
Thx!
我们都是老中国呀，兄弟！
Quote:
Originally Posted by
calleon
Wow.. This thread gave my many insider knowledge. It’s like nat geo…
Interestingly, Nat Geo is officially available in cities like Suzhou to foreigners (only) but I could not find Discovery Channel anywhere!
I had expected a 75% chance of my HR & Admin Manager agreeing to my proposal. With the wisdom I have today, I would have said that the chance is 95% (1 in 20 chance of a woman who does not fit the mold). The lure of a city
hukou
is very difficult to reject, for someone with a village
hukou
.
By then I had also become proficient at exaggerating and embellishing events, the way the Chinese like to do. I spoke of how Chief Yuan was a shy man who really liked her but did not know how to express it. I spoke of how highly regarded and eligible this bachelor was, both in Shanghai and in his family. I spoke of his family background, his family connections. I spoke of how responsible a man he was, that he would take the responsibility for his actions and marry her.
By the time I managed to turn her face red and get a nod from her, I felt like I was a 媒婆 matchmaker trying to get a couple to tie the knot. Indeed, a General Manager in China plays more roles than his professional one. I had been a family counselor and now a matchmaker. I would go on to play even more roles in future. It was something that would never ever happen in California.
The dinner was held just a month later, and I was invited to be the 证婚人 (witness). In China, a “witness” is normally an important person in the community. He is normally an official or a judge, or an elder in the village (who is normally also an official or a judge anyway), or else a learned man like a school principal. In my case, the couple was extremely happy to get a foreigner to be their witness. It was something unheard of in those days, but the fact that I was their matchmaker and also the bride’s boss added to the prestige the couple got when they had me as their witness. In China, face is really that important, that any means of adding to face is very, very appreciated.
I decided to add to the prestige of the event by speaking in English, and getting PA Shen to interpret. It was something very novel to the guests, and was the talk of relatives from both sides. I had no idea what really to say, so I tried to talk about how couples should behave, and made a pun of the Chinese word 做人 (literally “make a person”, figuratively “to be a good person” but the pun here is on “making babies”), to great laughter from the guests. I also did my best at this pronouncing of man and wife thing, from what I remembered of the only church wedding I have ever attended in my life.
Chinese wedding dinners are elaborate affairs, especially if the groom or bride’s family is well connected. Lots of food is wasted because the hosts want to show off that they could afford more food than could be eaten. The only thing that must absolutely be finished off is the alcohol, and the hosts always make sure they have enough to make sure nobody complains of the lack of alcohol.
I really hated the
baijiu
but found myself taking a lot of that stuff. The groom put on a big display of gratitude, telling those around him that he could never have married his dream woman were I not to have introduced both of them. Both fathers also grasped my hands and hugged me (only drunk men do that to strange men in China). In my mind I felt more like a pimp than a matchmaker, for I knew very well my introduction was more like a carnal one than anything else. It was a miracle that I did not let slip of anything that night, despite the liberal amount of that fiery stuff I took.
I was already drunk but I knew who was the woman who propped me up, together with the driver, to the van. I knew who was the woman who was with me when I threw up, not once, not twice, but so many times. I knew who was the woman who tried to make me comfortable, when I was feeling terrible in the van from the alcohol I had taken.
I was already drunk but in my subconscious I was very aware of the kiss she gave me to calm me down and make me feel better, when my breath reeked of alcohol and vomit. I was very aware of how she painstakingly removed my vomit-laden clothes and put me to bed. I was very aware of the naked body against me, of the warm inviting pussy that made me feel so good, so good, so good.
I did not think I managed to come (how one can possibly do so when so drunk is really beyond me), but I did remember holding PA Shen and telling her that I really liked her, and wanted her to be with me forever.
She stayed with me in my apartment that night.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
suntzu88
有缘就要珍惜
If circumstances bring you both together and you both like each other, you must treasure the relationship.
Much easier for the protagonist in the story, bro. I am, however, married with kids and have to be more careful. Especially when my wife is really a good woman, who loves me very much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
callmebad
life in China is quite interesting and exciting if you can manage the ‘human politics’ there
most of us here, our brains can only think straight, can only stick to rules, don’t like grey areas, as a result of over 5 decades of MIW rule -this kind of ’training’ makes us hard to survive there
It took me a long time to get it, and even then I can still get caught on the wrong end of company politics. My years here, though, made me understand how the Chinese could have us for lunch, over the Suzhou Industrial Park, and then over the chain of shopping malls in Shanghai. I suspect most Singaporeans are not aware of how NTUC got eaten by the Chinese for lunch in Shanghai in the late 2000s.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
relaxguy
Once I feel they start giving gifts and harboring thoughts of 天长地久， I push them away…
It gets especially sticky also if you give gifts. It seems like a line is crossed when a gift exchange starts, especially if the gifts are something worn (like a necklace). I have seen too many of these in my years here, and have to seriously warn fellow bros to be very careful.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
junior_cannibal
The girls may say they don’t want any title, they don’t need this, they don’t need that. C’mon, love is selfish, who can share his/her love with someone else’s? It’s a matter of time she will demand for more. To be with her on special days, festive season… Can you accomodate, if you have your own family?
Bingo! You have hit the nail hard right now! Too many stories on the media I have read, and too many personal stories I know of.
All expatriates to China always warn newbies of one thing - never allow any single Chinese woman to capture your heart. You can play with them, always declaring up front it’s all play, and have fun with them. Inevitably, though, some of us who are not so careful will allow feelings to creep in and eventually capture us. It is a powerful magic matched only by Filipino and Vietnamese girls in their home ground (or so some other expatriates claimed).
I was lucky in that I was just a young chap, with neither wife nor girlfriend, when I slowly began to feel for Shen Yan. I had called her by name when I woke up beside her that morning, looking at the angel sleeping next to me. Unlike the last few times, she did not wake up earlier than I and leave the apartment, to avoid talk. She was prepared to take the risk of being whispered about, were I not to accept her as someone special to me.
I stroked her hair and she woke up. My lips found hers again as our bodies wrapped themselves against each other again. With much of the alcohol already gone (absorption and clearance of alcohol follows an exponential pattern, believe it or not), I could truly feel the physical pleasure as I proceed to enjoy the body offered up before me.
“Shen Yan…” It was the first time I called her by name, instead of PA Shen.
She just gazed upon me, waiting for me to say the next words.
“做我的女人吧。Be my woman.” The English could not capture adequately what the Chinese conveyed. Within these words in Chinese carry a pledge, a commitment and is the equivalent of “I love you” in Chinese. It is only those who are exposed more to western culture who use 我爱你, as “I love you” is really a weird phrase in Chinese.
She nodded and hugged me closer to her.
I am now a man with a woman attached to him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
cavemanng
Well said! Actually I screwed up personally a few times. China women are so difficult to deal. Haha! If we think we are good, they are as good or a notch higher.
道高一尺魔高一丈！
Quote:
After that I had no choice but to stay away after she try to get too possessive.
You are lucky that she didn’t come after you after you stayed away. I had to deal with one who did, forcing me to leave a previous job. Chinese women are not 省油的灯, and should be dealt with very carefully. Sometimes I really wonder if we men are crazy or suckers, for always thinking with our little brain rather than the big one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
andythai
thanks for the updates bro, how is your arm?
Getting stronger each day, but still need to be on a sling. I can now type more comfortably, but must make sure my arm is rested when I do so. Thank you so much for your concern!