-
A dish with kways with pig innate
-
Chicken juice
Quote:
Didnt expect the twist of event sia
Bro love69: Neither did I… life is full of ironic surpriseS
Quote:
Pretty good story (or rather, real life encounter?),
Bro wallich: I love oxymoronic terms like factual fiction or fictitious fact… it’s like a religion.. but let’s not go there…………
Bro criminalz/ol’coyote/Fatfatt: your praises put me to shame.. a friend (and also bro in this SBF) said… if he was a teacher, he would fail my grammar…… Reading back a couple of posts… I think I need at least 2000 rep pts + a solid proof reader before you can see my paperbook at popular.
Quote:
so wat does > beauty didn’t officially leave the beast for one … and hell.. beauty is a debatable term ?
she is not pretty 2 u ?
she went back 2 eugene later issit ?
Bro Joew2005: It simply meant that at time of misdeed, they weren’t officially over. and.. my late grandma was beautiful but not pretty..
As for Eugene now… I think he is still under the beer dispenser…. enuff said…
I say, today is Saturday and surprisingly I do indeed have great party plans for the evening. I shall return sober or sombre…….. (maybe with a girl I won’t remember) Till then……..
COFFEE TALK
Looney Toons are up against boro… I say, get relegated and win championship next season.. at least that’s a trophy.
I received a few very nice upz message from Bros/Sis when they up me… points or without… thank you again… Very nice try from Bros who requested Ash’s contact… I say… Ash has a VAST OCEAN to choose from……
Too much talk…. on with episode -1.
To all bros/sis, waiting for action I reserve my comments…
Ash: ……
Me: … but what? (stepping harder on the accelerator)
Ash: nevermind.. nothing…
Me: … is anything wrong? (… don’t you just hate it when woman wants to say something and then nothing and expects you to probe… even if it’s probably something you never wanted to hear)
Ash: nevermind… where are you going… (I have no freaking plans, no freaking idea, no freaking gas soon)
Me: pump petrol…
I shall refrain from open a whole pandora box of guilt, anxiety, hysteria, exasperation, none of which was something I would like to add to such an eventful afternoon already.
A pump job later, returning from paying for real petrol + severe taxes, Ash was on samsung with a sign at the pump clearly displaying that mobile usage has the same effect of that of a lighted cigarette… The conversation ended as abruptly as I got to the driver’s seat… Driving off.
Me: Eugene? (genuinely interested)
Ash: of course not (in a tone that spells “are you an idiot!”)
Me: ok… now where are you going? (losing interest as quickly)
Ash: you? where were you going?
Me: was catching up with some friends for a drink…. (was going home to vegetate and see newcastle get whopped again)
Ash: oh.. where.. ?
Me: Hmm… I dunno if I have the mood to now… (if anything… I am blessed with cover-up lines.)… what about you?!
Ash: Meeting a friend … (prison break time)… you wanna come??
Me: I don’t think so… I might wanna check on Eugene through another friend… (he’s called starhub cabletv)
Ash: Don’t bother…he needs time to sink it in… forget about him.. let’s go for a drink….
Me: where are you meeting? (evasion the best defence)
Ash: Marine Parade.. near your place too.
Me: Ok… (it’s only the other side of the island from where we are)
20 minutes of drive + silence, AYE/ECP was a neat road for 120km/h. I was about to drop Ash off Parkway Parade when she told me to head into the car park. I was reluctant to say the least but decided dinner could be solved there. Ash held my hand and we headed into a boutique. Did she have a clue what just transpired just 2 hours earlier and the fact that I was the accomplice… guess not… She browsed 2 minutes and asked which of her two pieces in her hands was better, to which I asked if Man U or Spurs was going to go through F.A dun-remember-which-round later… she got my point.. I told her I was going to get some dinner packed and she could carry waiting for her friend only to receive a you-are-not-a-gentleman look…
I headed to the escalator down to the basement and got my mee siam and left the woman’s haven with $1.90 for a 15 min park + a package of guilt and irritation.
Mee siam tasted as sour as my day… and good thing my cabletv friend kept my thoughts away momentarily. Deciding to take a shower, half hoping guilt can be washed away cleansing myself of evil, I entered my open for all bathroom. 2 minutes into my shower with my shampoo all over my head, I thought I heard my apartment burglarized as the rustling keys turned my door knob and, through the shower curtain, a burglar entered. The thief was none other than the one who forgot to return me the keys earlier… but she wasn’t alone……………………………..
Quote:
Originally Posted by
joew2005
although the “beauty” didn’t “officially” leave the beast for one, but later(TWO) she still initiated the split.
“beauty” is definitely a debatable term. 2 u might be beautiful,but 2 others it’s ugly.
.
Bro Joew2005: I don’t understand my gibberish most times too.. so you are not alone. Pretty to me is the face and beauty should be the whole package.. inside and out. I, for one, am neither.
Last night I came home alone.. dejavu.
Bros or sis who have similar stories be it fictitious or factful pls do not hesitate to hijack once again.
Coffee shop closed in lieu of Vesak Day.
In normal break-in circumstances, I would reach for my towel, wrap around my manhood, unhook the metallic towel rod and run over to pounce and beat the crap out of any intruder/s. This wasn’t a normal circumstance. 1) the translucent shower curtain gave me a clear view of the unexpected pair and vice versa 2) my towel was a distant away and the door was opened way too fast for my reaction.
Me: EXCUSE ME!… (I startled them hoping to do a quid pro quo on them)
Ash: oh… I just dropped by to return the keys
Me: You couldn’t call first? (feeling like a free show.)
Ash: oops sorry … you know Jamie right? (do I know her? You brought somebody to my house unannounced and asked if I know her…..??)
Jamie: Sorry to intrude… (one hand pulling Ash to make an exit first)
Me: Can I have 2 minutes to get into something first??
Door closed…
I think the broke the record for spewing the most expletives within 2 freaking minutes
Door opened…
Me: sorry… I didn’t expect you (gimme my fucking keys)
Jamie: It’s ok. sorry for intruding.
Ash: are you going to invite us in? (is that even a question??)
Me: oh.. sorry… (I opened the door wider….)
I asked if they wanted to drink anything. Ash assumed that my house was a wine cellar. Jamie, of all drinks, had to asked for what I would coin as piss water… i.e. newater. I say, even mineral water are pretentious and personally I can’t tell the freaking difference Pink dolphin or Ice Mountain. Perrier is just false sophistication of bubbled-up piss for gays or caucasians (my British, Aussie, American and French Gay Friends… I will buy you a carton each… PEACE!)
Now Jamie was someone I knew through Ash and certainly someone I would refrain from playing netball, volleyball, football or any kind of physical sport for that matter. She has decent facial features with deep set eyes and nice warm smile, and her hair was always bundled up backwards which I swear she was a candidate for receding hairline. In short, sexual fantasy …. not.
Ash conned or convinced Jaime to take wine which she obliged. As I poured out my $17 vintage on the Ikea glasses…. my bed converted into sofa.
Me: I thought you were going out some drinks…? (BIG HINT)
Ash: yup we dropped by to return you the keys. (Jamie smiled)
I strongly believed that the smile meant more than politeness.
Me: You want me to drop you two off somewhere? (I guess Hint wasn’t big enough)
Ash: it’s ok… (what the hell does
it’s ok
mean?)
Jaime: what about you? you are going to be here alone all night? (how is that gonna happen when you are still comfy cosy on MY sofa?)
Me: yeah, was going to stay up to watch Man U and Spur… (big mistake!)
Jamie went on and on about ManUre (peace to all old trafford faithfuls, I like Ferguson) and how Ronaldo and Rooney rocked and how Berbatov needed time. I figured I just pressed the wrong button of communication. I mean conversation could have been easier to the her bottom lips if her surname was Yeo even if she had a jersey on. Ash was obviously bored, rummaging my magazines by the bed…
Me: What are you looking for? Porn? (partially digressing and fully hoping Ms. Joe Morrison got my drift)
Ash: you have? (stupid question)
Jaime: really? (they sounded as if my prefix was Father)
Ash: you have DVDs too? (What are you people, customs officer or censorship board?)
Me: Yes and No! Yes I have… no I am not showing you…
Ash: show us… come on… (we barely did $8.50 worth of wine)
I was irritated 1) Infringement of my privacy, 2) infringement on my private time, 3) infringement on my private collection.
Me: hey no.. I am tired.. you two should get g….. (before I could finish, Ash cupped Jamie’s covered bosom from behind.)
Ash: do you have any that has this? (Jamie blushed)
Ash sat up and rounded Jamie’s neck slowly. I was in for a long night………….
COFFEE TALK (back to business)
Perhaps it’s vesak day.. I say, there seemed to be more people reading this thread upon the arrival of a fourth cast. Something tells me that 4 headlight + a limp-post attract more caravans and campers..
Another thread from Bro Criminalz highlighted that a lot of TSs write, get Rep pts and do a Mas Selamat in this forum and that Rep points should only be given upon completion of the story… I say, …. how about a dollar each instead??
To Bros who asked about the authenticity of this story… I stress again.. it’s like a religion.. believe it, it’s real… otherwise … it’s just comical perversion.
How many believe that we should never try to fix something that’s not broken? I do… coz I was barred from posting, searching, replying, PMing or doing any other stuff coz I didn’t validate a change in my email… SBF boss must be thinking of writing an idiot proof manual for the likes of me.
Apologies… coffee shop back in business… digression
I wonder how many bros/sisters follow this thread religiously enough to piece some jigsaws of contorted reality together. Some of you might recall that my tryst with Ash was payback to Eugene’s infidelity… with whom may I ask?? Some of you meticulous teachers or linguists might remember at an earlier episode while I am certain the rest are scrambling through the earlier posts to find out what gibberish I am spouting.. Let me help.. does JAMIE ring a bell?
Ash, perhaps totally comfortable with my presence, turned into a serpent and starting licking Jamie, perhaps totally uncomfortable with my presence, at her ears and jawline. Ash audaciously squirmed one hand into Jamie’s tee with another stroking the contours of her neck and collar bone. Jamie was ill at ease. Ms. bashful was certainly conscious of my voyeurism but did little to stop Ash’s attention. After a few gentle moments under her white top, Jamie appeared to lose her inhibitions as she turned around to face Ash returning the sensual favor. Ash’s eyes caught mine and I was half thinking… “yo.. I am here”
While waiting at the wings, I pondered the following possibilities 1) Ash and Jaime wanted to make out at my place involving me 2) Ash and Jamie wanted to make out at my place and it doesn’t involved me 3) Ash and Jamie felt that Joo Chiat 81 was either too sleazy or too expensive 4) Ash and Jamie were hoping I wasn’t home. Pts 2, 3 and 4 were highly probable…. While Pt 1 was obviously the choice selection of new Prime Minister – I mean Member.
Great! One was an exhibitionist and the other didn’t care who saw… The coupled up couple engaged in heavy and wet kisses and soft moans with arms wrapped around each other to an extent of awkwardness which I thought was impossible for most guys unless you graduated from school of kamasutra or you are a yoga master. Jamie parted Ash’s straps sideways and her top dropped enough to reveal her black lace-covered ample bosom. Ash had a thing for laces… and at that point, I had a thing for Ash in laces! Her canal was so deep it was probably enough to drown a sex-starved boy. Ash, in turn, pulled over Jamie’s tee to reveal that she, or perhaps the scene, was sponsored by Nike. Sports bra never really turned me on before unless it was drenched with perspiration and even that, I would prefer some of mine was in the mix. The outline of her sports wear hinted a contour of perky Bs at best, it wasn’t flattering to say the least but I guess… it was the sum of each entity that congregated my blood cells at the pole within my not so short shorts. Ash stretched her hands under the Jamie’s booby cover…. I endorsed Nike’s slogan… (hello….. I am still here………)
Ash glanced at me momentarily while Jamie had her side facing me when she unhooked Ash’s top from the front…. Something told me that it wasn’t their virgin cast together. Ash wasn’t a fan of bra slings obviously when her cups parted displaying the you-would-never-get-enough-of Cs. Hello pink ladies…! Mr. lighting guy, who never got any action so far, had to carefully stretch out of my beanbag to dim the lights and did the extra to reach for the controller to turn on the a/c… My sheets weren’t due for washers and the last thing I want was to sleep in perspiration of others but more importantly, to set the ambience for action. Jamie and Ash fondled each other mammaries and the mutual feel good act brought about soft moans of pleasure… Which bloody director would be yelling cut while filming such a scene … where the hell is my freaking video-cam. I don’t own one. While biting my lips … for a reality check, I felt like a 3 year old for waiting for my turn at the joy ride. (yoo hoo… did you call my number? Yet?)
Jamie decided that Levis, no matter how comfy they were, were in a way, which made me realized that our manhood was always in the way taking out our jeans. To the ladies, jeans came off as if they were wearing silk. Pushing Ash gently down on the sheets, Jamie effortlessly pulled away Ash’s Five O whatever to feature matching black lace. Jamie, on the other hand, featured another Nike product. Jamie was in fine shape… well toned .. contours and color. Both comfortable in their state of semi-dress, Jamie perched on Ash to continue their moment of pleasure… (I feel my surname had already changed to Mr. Glass)
Jamie obviously felt Nike wasn’t that comfortable as well when Ash lifted the apparel over to reveal two-saucers-can-do-the-job bump. However, the 2 buttons were big and dark enough to resemble as toy car remote controllers. I contemplated shifting my armchair to, make a little noise and getting a little attention. Ash eyed me briefly and returned to cupping Jamie’s road hump.
Amidst all the sensation, somewhere inside my human motherboard and processor couldn’t configure the twisted connections of Eugene + Ash, Eugene + Jamie, Me + Ash, Ash + Jamie or the order of the equation… I wasn’t about to be a party pooper…. not right then……………
Coffee Talk
I say, people are quite persistent when they want to get something. One bro asked me via MSN if I can hook him up with Ash, even to the extent of making me a pimp… I am tempted…
Bros/Sisters who upped me without points… and felt sorry that they were not in a position to… I say, I accept nets, credit card or cheque too…
On Sis asked if I am afraid if Eugene/Ash/Jamie turns up in this forum and saw this thread…. I say, my retribution queue is quite long, they have to wait their turn.
Quote:
Kwaychup stuffs
Kwaychup definitions
Bro Kwaychup: for a moment I thought you are revealing the recipe for kway chap… I love it.. got any good recommendation?
Back to story.
Back to my stage set, Jamie and Ash went on with their sensual touches releasing gallons of estrogen in the air. Jamie rest herself down on the bed and made Ash looked like a sashimi platter, licking every inch of Ash’s milk reservoirs. Ash oozed with the welcome attention and pull down Jamie’s hair binder, letting down the latter’s hair in full flow down to her shoulders… hmmm Jamie is woman - and a pretty decent one, afterall. At that moment. I was sure certain lighting would make Jamie desirable unlike most time where darkness would do the job.
Jamie’s momentum at Ash’s happy zones was slow and sensual and soon enough Ash entered her state of coming. No penetration, no hard massages on erroneous zone just plain sensual touches skin on skin. Great! I thought I did a great job on Ash the other night. Jamie and Ash brought the meaning of give-and-take in sex to another level. Perhaps endowed with the same sexual tools, it was Ash’s turn to repay Jamie’s favor in the same way possible. Ash edged herself up, with Jamie lying sideways, and worked her fingers on Jamie’s full body.. every part of it. From the arch of her heels all the way to the head. Ash’s fingers were like a camel passaging through the deserts of contours of Jamie’s body. I shit you not - Ash’s attention to Jamie’s detail makes me wonder if my body space was too much effort for Ash to bother with.
Jamie appreciated the return gesture with soft moans but there was no hint of bodily shake, jerk or shiver of any kind. Both proceeded to remove whatever cloth left on their otherwise naked bodies… I swear to God I was moment away from dirtying my shorts. In a certain angle where I was, I couldn’t see Ash’s neat direction bush, Jamie’s well trimmed-forest actually made her sahara desert an oasis.
In the space of 10 minutes.. Perhaps it was my impatience and partially being upset for the lack of invitation. I decided enough was enough. I stood up with some difficulty from an uncomfortable bulge and did the most valourous thing most full-blooded heterosexual Martians would do - made my way to the door with my wallet, keys and don’t-leave-home-without-it blackberry…
I mindfully concluded that the cast was already set for this scene, only the location was inconclusive. My abrupt movement caught the two by surprise (I wasn’t a furniture after all) and both promptly sat up in their state of undress totally unabashed.
Ash: you’re leaving already? (no… I was going to buy some beer and nuts and return to watch you two finish the act!)
Me: Yup.. I will leave you two alone… (sigh)
Jamie …. (smiling)
Ash: We are not done with you.. (oh really? you don’t say…)
Jamie …. (still smiling - the kind that said… “yup listen to her”)
Ash got up almost immediately with my sheets to tug at my hand pulling me back brushing mr. wiener. I resisted… perhaps it was ego or perhaps reality hit me to realize that this byzantine scenario was beyond me… I rested by the cabinet refusing to budge.
Me: Look I don’t understand this… you two are into this thing and you (eyeing Jamie) slept with Eugene sometime back?
Ash: … I don’t think you would (clutching the sheets to cover whatever was unnecessary)
Jamie: yes… (a matter of factly)… it worked out well…didn’t it….? (eyeing Ash while put on Nike top)
Me: what(…the fuck are you talking about)?
Ash: I told you earlier it’s difficult to understand. I love Eugene but …
Me: but what? (…..)
Ash: Jamie is a better lover (tell me about it.. she just gave you an orgasm without really giving you anything)
Jamie: I initially slept with Eugene to make it easier for Ash to call it off with him… but he refused to let her go.. holding onto her and promising to make it up to her. .. . . . . . . (longest ever sentence I heard from Jamie)
Me: so this is all your sick plan just to get rid of Eugene?? couldn’t you just tell him? (eyes on Ash)
Ash: I tried.. and Eugene refused to believe that I didn’t love him (or guys for that matter)
Me: and..
Jamie: he got drunk one night (hehey that’s news!) and I slept with him, so that Ash could have an excuse to leave him. But it didn’t help. (putting on her Tees as well)
Me: Why has this gotta do with me…(you twisted bitches)?
Ash: coz he refused to believe that there’s no other guy. He has been stalking me many times just like this afternoon. So I decided to prove him right. With you.
Me: I think you two are sick. Eugene is probably not going talk to me ever (didn’t lose much there really) and I am probably gonna have a stinking reputation if he tells on me.
Jamie: I am sorry.. so we thought we have a bit of fun with you tonite and as our way of making you understand and apologize. (I am enjoying myself yeah right!)
Me: How long has it been for you two? (curiosity more than anything else)
Ash: more than a year….. (fuck me!)
Me: No really.. I think Eugene is thick (in every sense of the word) but you two owe him an explanation.
Jamie and Ash looked at each other and smiled…. somehow… I believed the smile meant “bite us!”
I decided I had enough of as-a-bro-puts-it rollercoastering for 8 days (I hope it’s not everyweek) I kept my head down… and made my way out of my own house as if I was intruding as a visitor. What transpired in my apartment thereafter wasn’t known to me… nor did it interest me.. In all honesty, I wasn’t so much concern about how Eugene would have felt… but I just felt I had enough of lesby act, enough of lies, enough of infidelity and certain enough of relationships.
I probably am going to have less friends than I already have. Was it just my luck or do I just look like a sex pawn.. dealing with this just after recovering from another earlier sex screw-up with a femme fatale… well that’s just another story………………….
yours truly,
Prince of Sex Screw-ups
P.S
For bros awaiting ménage à trois, sorry to disappoint!
For the record, Eugene is still drinking (I heard from a friend)
Ash and Jamie are still together…. (I chanced upon them outside once)
I am still alone…..
after credits…
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Of course there were some confrontation thereafter between myself and Eugene but nothing sexual enough to post here….
The one I always eat is at Siglap … the coffee shop just behind Siglap Centre.
Redhill one I know.. teng tao, tau teng, tao pok…. I am hungry…..
I am sure part of you feel sorry for me rather than my story ended. no… ??
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Cora
Haiz.. i feel sad for u… they shouldn’t be called frens.. btw, did u managed to get back ur key??
~Cora
I say, Sister Cora, you have just proven that you are a 100% lady… your attention to details amazes me….. amidst all that crappiness, you still remember my keys.
Yes I got my keys back… but there’s always an uncle with a machine that does magic with metal.
Coffee Talk
Bro Bloopz: Thank you for kind words… I say, your thoughts of upping me is nice enough. Three is a crowd in such a case, four is just too messy.
Bro/Sis Bootyhunter: I can’t just assume that you are a guy just because you are a bootyhunter… but thanks for visiting… I don’t have sexy episodes thereafter.
Bro Sexfrenzy: Many movies like Da Vinci Code or star wars are doing prequels…. I may consider writing one based on my ex.. but speaking of her give me goosebumps… If I do work on it, I will have you read first and you can decide if it’s worth putting up…. the last thing I want is Boss booting me out of here for not keeping with the essence of SBF.
Bro/Sis Buzzing: I just wonder how much more entrenched I would be in that warp mess had I partaken… nah… I can do without… perhaps 1k is worth spending if I am really into it. You have stories from College to share?? Bros/Sis are all ears.. I mean eyes + imagination.
Bro Kwaychup: In Mandarin there’s a phrase that says “thank you for your kind words, and may your words come true. Supposedly a four letter phrase… if only I had paid more attention to ugly Mandarin teacher. As of now, the only talent I have is being involved in sex screw ups.
I promised one bro to highlight a word he correctly used which summarized this saga… PLOT… but no prize for guessing right though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Frankiestine
OMG!
You actually turned your back on those two….bro not even a monk could have kept a damper on his dick…
On the contrary, bro, I found it difficult to get an erection after hearing what I deemed as too much info.
Just a question to throw out to Bro/Sis out there: If I were to write a prequel on another screwed up relationship (sex included), should I continue here? I should have titled this thread… Sex Screw-Ups.